Hello everyone. I need your help.
I am currently trying to make it through a life-threatening crisis and I am in danger of dying.
Please consider donating to help keep me indoors, in care, and alive. My paypal is [email protected].
I will be straightforward with you. I have realized that I can’t make it out of this alone. I am asking you, whoever is reading this, to please, please donate to me if you can. Reblog this is you can. Please, please help me. I am so afraid, with everything that’s been going on, that I will not survive this.
Here is why things have gone to from desperate to extremely dire for me in the past few weeks, and why I am asking for anyone who can to donate, reblog this, or even just send me a note with a joke or a weird text symbol in it, because I think laughing is preferable to crying and I have been crying a lot lately.
Three weeks ago I had a severe, almost fatal reaction from a doubling of the dose of my Zoloft. I have now been taken off most of my medications over the course of less than a week in an attempt to help me stabilize. I am now suffering from very nasty withdrawal, which can read about here (symptom descriptions) and here (the scientific data).
I have been mentally ill my entire adult life and dealing with chronic pain and physical health issues for almost as long, and this is the closest I’ve come to dying. I feel seriously shaken. I cannot work, I am almost out of money, and I have reached out to all my remaining relatives only to have them tell me that they can’t or won’t help me.
I am a seriously disabled and chronically ill adult, and I’ve been through so much upheaval in the past year that it has finally overwhelmed my ability to cope. I have had to move twice, I’ve suffered abuse at the hands of my loved ones and the loss of most of my close relationships. I found out that my parents who tortured me when I was a child and abused me through my entire life until I told them never to contact or come near me again almost two years ago, sent a private investigator to find me after I moved the second time (I suspect they’ve been watching my house), and now, after all this, my mental and physical health is in shambles and I’m about to run completely out of money. After that I will be homeless, unmedicated and unable to access medical care, and if I am being completely honest with you, unless something changes, I will probably be dead before this coming November.
This is all very hard for me to post about. I am not speaking figuratively when I say that my parents tortured and brainwashed me as a child deliberately to make sure I would never ask for help.
I am one of only a handful adult survivors that I’ve been able to find of a scientifically-unfounded, medically dangerous form of pseudo-therapy called Attachment Therapy. Let me say that again: I can find records of many more people who were killed by their caregivers due to AT techniques than I can find people who survived AT to live on to adulthood.
As a result of going through this I now have severe C-PTSD, the worst nightmares any of my clinicians have ever heard of (I laugh at horror games and struggle with insomnia regularly) and all sorts of other baggage that I very much need to see a therapist and doctor regularly to manage. Knowing that the people who hurt me and who I thought I had finally escaped from are probably stalking me, literally watching me through the windows of my apartment is horrible in a way I cannot fully describe, and I’ve started to be unable to even go to my appointments. Not that I will be able to afford them for much longer.
The care I can access is not always great, and is definitely limited because the resources at the local medical clinic for homeless and at-risk kids are always stretched thin. I’ve been put on and taken off over a dozen medications now and never been able to see a psychiatrist. I finally was able to find a therapist who’s been helping me a lot, but it costs $60 a session to see her. She’s willing to give me one more session on credit, and then I won’t be able to afford care at all anymore.
I need to be able to pay rent and my phone bill and the cost of therapy this week. Then I need to get together enough energy to start a WeCaring campaign in order to raise the funds I need to stay housed and stable for the next three months while I weather this medical crisis. I need $800 I do not have.
Please consider donating any amount you can to help keep me indoors, in care, and alive, my paypal is [email protected].
If you want to know more about me, you can check out my professional website at CATHOLTZ.COM, or my most recent art project that I did with Twinhead (which got us featured in outlets from Hyperallergic, Art F City, Fusion, and Motherboard). I am a recently graduated artist and before I had the reaction this summer, I was on track to get a decent job and support myself while I write, make art, and seek the destruction of the White Supremacist Capitalist Heteropatriarchy in every way that I can. Please help me get back on my feet and back on track to being able to take care of myself so that I can get past this without it destroying my life and killing me. I miss having the energy to make art.
So friends, one last time:
Please consider donating any amount at all to help keep me indoors, in care, and alive. My paypal is [email protected].
Thank you for reading. I know most of us are struggling right now and whoever you are, wherever you are, I am wishing you luck, safety, and peace.
vaporwave
blakekathryn
jbbartram-illu
areudirty
