16
Today is my first school day. I’m really nervous. My family is going home after they’ve dropped me off at school. I don’t want them to leave. I don’t know if I can handle it. I will miss them so much, but I need to be brave. I’m so so so afraid.
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@helloanonymousblogfan-blog
16
Today is my first school day. I’m really nervous. My family is going home after they’ve dropped me off at school. I don’t want them to leave. I don’t know if I can handle it. I will miss them so much, but I need to be brave. I’m so so so afraid.
15
“You can't control it, that's the thing," I said. "Life is not something you wield, you know?”
- John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
14
I finished packing a couple of hours ago. I’m leaving tomorrow. I’m really scared. I cry if I think about it too much. I just want to be happy. Why is it so hard?
I’ve been talking to my father for a while. I can see the concern in his eyes, but he tries to hide it. I have a strong bond with my father. I always go to him if I’m worried and need to calm down. I think I’m going to miss him the most. We’ve spent the last hour just laughing at silly stuff. It’ll be so hard not seeing him every day. I love him so much.
I love my mother too, of course. But I got my anxiousness from her. She gets stressed so fast. I need someone calm. Someone to reassure me that everything is going to be okay. My mother kept saying «are you sure you wanna leave?» in a pleading tone. No, mom, but I need you to be sure. I need you to be positive so that I don’t get lost in the negative. I need to be brave, and I need both my parents to be brave with me.
13
“I guess at some point, you realize that whoever takes care of you is just a person, and that they have no superpowers and can't actually protect you from getting hurt.”
- John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
12
I love my parents. Of course, we have disagreed a lot on different topics, and I have hurt them as well as they have hurt me, but I still love them. I’m safe with them. I won’t have them with me when I move. I have to take care of myself. Protect myself. I will miss them, but they can be a bit controlling. I probably will feel freer after I’ve moved, but also more lonely. My parents have protected me my whole life, or at least tried their best. They’ve been there every step on the way. It’s time for me to grow up.
I will manage. I will meet new people. Get friends. Do great in school. I will take care of myself, because no one else will. This will be a good thing for me. I need to learn how to be independent, and I will. I have to tell myself these things so that I still can hope. Because where there’s hope, there’s life.
11
"You feeling scared?"
"Kinda."
"Of what?"
"It's not like that. The sentence doesn't have, like, an object. I'm just scared."
- John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
10
I’m trying to sleep, but I can’t. I don’t really want to tbh. Time moves so fast when I’m asleep, and I need it to slow down. I’m moving out soon. My parents are just as worried as I am. They try to hide it. Well, my mother don’t, but my father does. I know they’re really concerend that I will sit all day alone at home. I kinda look forward to trying something new, but I also dread the day we’re packing my stuff in the car and leave home. I’m not sure I’m ready. But I have to be, right?
I’m sorry for being like this. It’s just who I am.
9
“The worst part of being truly alone is you think about all the times you wished that everyone would just leave you be. Then they do, and you are left being, and you turn out to be terrible company.”
- John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
8
I post too much, I know. But I also know that no one reads this, so who cares how much I post?
I will tell you something about me. I’ve prevoiusly written that I have one friend. But in do not have one single good friend. I might have 3 to 5 people who’s more than aqquaintences, but not really friends. Some people joke about having no friends, but I literally have none. I have my family, that’s all. And I love them, but I need someone else. Some people joke about staying home all the time, but I literally always stay home. I go to the store sometimes, or vistit family, but that’s it. You might find that sad and misreable. I surley do. But that’s my life. It sucks. I hope things will get better when I move.
Sorry.
7
“There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t.”
- John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
6
I’m moving next week. I’ve lived in a small town my whole life. Now I’m moving to a city. I’m abandoning my family and friend (yes, friend. Singular) so that I can go to the school I want to. Needless to say, I’m scared. Really scared. But I’m also filled with hope. I wish that I fit in and get many friends (this time plural).
The sad thing is that I always think about all those things that can go wrong. My mind is never quiet. I sometimes hate myself for thinking like this. I really hope that I can change. I can start over in the city. Decide who I am. But all those demons from the past will still haunt me.
Why do I feel like this?
5
”You are as real as anyone, and your doubts make you more real, not less.”
- John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
4
I’m an anxious person. I always expect the worst to happen. It’s hard to be positive. I’m usually pretty negative. Unless those around me are negative. Then I’m suddenly the most positive person in the world. I don’t like to see people sad. I always have this urge to cheer people up. I have no idea why. I think I have been like this since the start. I’m weird, you know?
I’m actually a type 6w5. If anyone knows what that means.
3
“Actually, the problem is that I can't lose my mind,” I said. “It's inescapable.”
- John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
2
I actually read ”turtles all the way down” by John Green when I decided that I would start a blog. One character in the book has one. His blog is sort of anonymous. Even though the main character finds the blog and knows that it's him. That's my biggest fear atm. I might write something personal that those who know me shouldn't read.
”Turtles all the way down” was a really good book btw. Have any of you read it? It’s about a girl who has obsessive thoughts. And I don't have obsessive thoughts, but I still related to her. She focuses mostly on her self because of her problems, and I feel like I do that too.
Do you understand what I mean?
1
Hey.
I’m starting this anonymous blog so that I can write my feelings and thoughts. I was trying many different websites, but none of them worked for me. And then I found Tumblr. I have heard about it before, but never tried it. So here I am!