Old

I'm nearly 30, tired of life, terrified of the future, trying to recover from a long and deep depression and start fresh.

[helpmeimold]

Today I learned that there's a religious version of FAQs called a catechism.

[helpmeimold]

Today's Connections stumped me for a good 3 mins and when I figured it out it was so rewarding 😍

Things have been on the better side generally but I've delayed starting my next assignment more than I'd like. But I'm proud I submitted the previous one within the deadline of the last extension. Aiming for zero extensions for this new one.

Been meeting some old friends which makes me all warm and happy inside.

Body pain is better but still annoying.

Sleep and appetite are noticeably fucked.

But alcohol cravings are nearing zero compared to 4 months ago.

Been slacking in my cat duties.

But showering and brushing nearly daily, and able to sustain positive attitude.

[helpmeimold]

I hate myself. I'm procrastinating the assignment like my life depends on it. Time keeps running out. Everything sucks

[helpmeimold]

Showered. Weird, grumpy day. Hard to focus

[helpmeimold]

Had a couple of somewhat productive days. Made plans for this weekend. Hope I don't cancel this time. Still need to get started on the assignment. You know what, I was annoyed at myself for not achieving all the goals I set for myself per day but I had forgotten to stop and notice how much better I'm doing than a few months ago, maybe even one month ago. Cleared out my wardrobe, sent a bunch of applications, followed up on a couple of things, went grocery shopping, invented a sandwich, made guacamole, spent time with parents, took out the garbage, fed the cat, took a tiny step towards building a new skill, finally got double sided tape to stick the pen holder up, helped with some troubleshooting, all while reducing vape use. Who can say I haven't been productive? Just need to make sure I shower tomorrow.

[helpmeimold]

WHY DOES TUMBLR TAKE 500000 ATTEMPTS TO SAVE PERSONALIZATION SETTINGS

[helpmeimold]

Headache. Showered but didn't do anything productive. Headache. Dad got angry that I keep eating out. Made me return to my habit of hiding and avoiding until the evening when I decided his reaction is not my responsibility. Still headache. Not the best day overall. Glad it's almost over. Hopefully tomorrow is better.

[caintooth]

you have to love trans women more than you hate transmisogyny, you have to love jews more than you hate antisemitism, you have to love Black people more than you hate white supremacy, you have to love Indigenous people more than you hate colonialism, you have to love the disabled and mentally ill more than you hate ableism, you have to love. you have to love.

[stricatul]

you deserve someone who sees a misunderstanding as an invitation to connect deeper. not a reason to write you off.

[helpmeimold]

Cleaned my whiteboard, added new stuff. But I think I made scratches on it. Committed to a social event this weekend. Feeling hopeful today. But there's a loop stuck in my head trying to figure out what I'll wear Sunday. I don't need to think about this right now. Will decide tomorrow after class. Today need to figure out Microsoft onedrive for my personal account and then look at the material from last week. I don't need to do the assignment today, just need to understand the structure. Told my parents not to talk to me about body, weight, age related things because I don't need the extra anxiety. Told them I'm working on the functional things like strength and energy as that's more important right now. They agreed. Fingers crossed. But even setting that boundary was an important step. I didn't wait to explode and say it emotionally, instead said it calmly, preemptively. Trying to use this post to relax and slow down my brain so I can start the Microsoft one drive thing.

[helpmeimold]

Back home. Bittersweet.

[helpmeimold]

Watching Supernatural as an adult is so entertaining 😂

[helpmeimold]

Just ate a full meal! Took some doing but I did it!

[helpmeimold]

Headache. Not sure if it's hunger or fever. Ate a little, took a panadol, gonna try to nap.

[helpmeimold]

Read a bunch of femdom stuff. Starting to shape my style. Need to practice holding my urge to over explain and not always giving people an out

[helpmeimold]

I've been sick for a few days and just resting at home. Today I reconnected with an old friend which made me happy. But I feel restless like I should be doing something but don't have the energy for it. Life feels ugh.