I just wanted to embarrass Peter

Hello! I'm May Parker (34, she/her) 

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

Well I am...a friend of Peter Parker, reporter friend! He talks a lot about you, he talks about how wonderful you are but he never said how beautiful💞

Oh!! You’re too sweet, really! 

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

You single and ready to mingle????

Depends who's asking ; )

[ask-spiderdude]

@ask-j-jonah-jameson needed me for a thing last minute so May’s been waiting outside his office for a bit and JJJ’s new assistant CJ (I think she’s his daughter?) just smashed into her. They’re both freaking out. CJ might be concussed. @heretoembarrassmynephew Now it’s my turn to do the embarassing.

[ghostspider-gwenstacy]

Peter. You do know what this means, right?

[ask-spiderdude]

Fuck. -pp

[ghostspider-gwenstacy]

You must prepare, Peter Parker.

Prepare for the day your boss becomes your grandfather.

[ask-spiderdude]

@heretoembarrassmynephew Please don’t date CJ oh no

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

See, I was planning on just asking her out and keeping it casual but Peter... sweetheart... Now I gotta marry her.

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

Peter's home safe, he should be all fixed up by tomorrow, although I'm not letting him out for the next week.

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

@ghostspider-gwenstacy @ask-scarlet-thompson Have either of you seen Peter? He was supposed to be home a while ago, and he’s not answering his phone. 

[ghostspider-gwenstacy]

He wasn’t at school today… - Gwen

[ask-scarlet-thompson]

Something happen to Parker?

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

@spider-watch Have you seen Spidey anywhere? Peter might be with him. The last post on their blog is worrying me.

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

@ghostspider-gwenstacy @ask-scarlet-thompson Have either of you seen Peter? He was supposed to be home a while ago, and he’s not answering his phone. 

[ask-venomous-eddie]

Everything a chef cooks turns to shit in the end.

Just like Peter’s grades.

- Eddie

[ask-spiderdude]

Wh- What the fuck, man? -pp

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

Is there something you want to tell me about your grades, Pete?

Also, Venom, give me your address, I just want to talk.

[ask-scarlet-thompson]

@heretoembarrassmynephew Hey, uh…. thanks, for, uh,

Jasper hasn’t stopped talking about the “nice pretty lady who helped bro”. Guess you left a good impression.

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

Aw, sweetheart, you're all welcome to come over whenever you want or need to, ok? Take it easy with your hand today, Peter can help you change your bandages. He's got a full first aid kit, if you want to take it.

[ask-scarlet-thompson]

hack successful

[ask-spiderdude]

…. cat???? what the fuck -sm

[ask-scarlet-thompson]

hi sweetie! miss me?

[ask-spiderdude]

sure but uh. is this. appropriate, fr rn, considering like. evrything. -sm

[ask-scarlet-thompson]

look, just tell me how he’s doing, and i’ll be out of your hair

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

He's doing fine, a little delirious from blood loss and the alcohol didn't help, but he'll make it.

[ask-scarlet-thompson]

Fuck i think my wrist broke

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

Honey please please come over, you remember where we live, don't you? Haven't moved since you were last here.

[ask-scarlet-thompson]

You know what sometimws someonr shoves somethign in yojr face and you gotta drink it oe u dIE

[ask-scarlet-thompson]

Ok maybe not die but smth bad will happen if u dony listen

[ask-spiderdude]

Hey man, are you… drunk? Also like… are you ok????? -pp

[ask-scarlet-thompson]

Maybe yr drunk mister Parker

if that is your real name

[ask-spiderdude]

Ah, fuck. Hey uh @heretoembarrassmynephew help?? -pp

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

Oh no. Flash honey do you want to come over to ours for a bit?

[ask-scarlet-thompson]

Hes gonna be mad if I’m not here when he gets back with Livvvvvv

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

When's your dad getting back? If you're still just around the corner I'll pick you up? Just for a bit until you sober up, promise.

[ask-scarlet-thompson]

You know what sometimws someonr shoves somethign in yojr face and you gotta drink it oe u dIE

[ask-scarlet-thompson]

Ok maybe not die but smth bad will happen if u dony listen

[ask-spiderdude]

Hey man, are you… drunk? Also like… are you ok????? -pp

[ask-scarlet-thompson]

Maybe yr drunk mister Parker

if that is your real name

[ask-spiderdude]

Ah, fuck. Hey uh @heretoembarrassmynephew help?? -pp

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

Oh no. Flash honey do you want to come over to ours for a bit?

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

Hey May, uh... If i were to ask Peter out on a date, would you be okay with that?? -Harry

The only thing I’d be upset about is that it didn’t happen sooner ❤️

[ask-harry-goblin-osborn]

hey @ask-spiderdude wanna go out for pizza and a movie sometime??

fUCKING FINALLY HOLY SHIT THANK YOU AUNT MAY -Goblin

[ask-spiderdude]

Wait like on a date? Like a real date? Like a romantic date sorta date??? With me?????? -pp

[ask-harry-goblin-osborn]

yeah, like a real date where i pick you up with flowers and walk you to your door after and everything.

would… would that be okay?

Dear gods I thought we were past this, oF COURSE ITS OKAY, THE BOYS ALMOST AS IN LOVE WITH YOU, AS YOU ARE FOR HIM J E S U S CHRIST. -Done With Their Shit

[ask-spiderdude]

Yes that would totally be ok oh my god I can’t believe you want to date me oh my god -pp

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

Have fun on your date sweetie!

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

hey may, can u be my mom??

Hah, I'm not ready to be anyone's mom... According to Peter, I'm a great Cool Aunt™ though! And you're always welcome to come over if you want.

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

Hey May, uh... If i were to ask Peter out on a date, would you be okay with that?? -Harry

The only thing I'd be upset about is that it didn't happen sooner ❤️

[heretoembarrassmynephew]

HEY MAY WHAT WAS PETER LIKE AS A SMALL CHILD

Oh, he was adorable! He was absolutely crazy about superheroes (still is) and tried to wear one of his costumes to school nearly every day (mostly Thor and Iron-man). Maybe I can try find a few pictures...