Itโs six thirty, I have been sitting in the library for the last two hours, pretending to be studying.
I anxiously look around me, the same way Iโve been doing for the last two hours, at one point, at five or so I saw Micolash make his way to the door in the back of the library; the door to the offices.
He said to not be late, itโs basically impossible that I be late when Iโm right here. I have everything calculated, so five minutes before seven I gather my things and make my way to his office.
The way he spoke to me, how he was looking at meโฆ god it made something inside me go feral.
His dark eyes were looking at me like I was the sweetest fruit, his hand, the one holding my neckโฆ it was so cold it left goosebumps where he touched.
I sigh closing my eyes, reliving the moment, whenever I do, I feel my stomach do weird things. He attracts me in a way no other man has achieved before. He wouldnโt be considered attractive by many other women, but to meโฆ his bored eyes, slender and cold hands, tall stature, soft curly dark brown hair enveloping his pale face, green eyes scanning me every chance he gets.
Itโs intoxicating, his attention is addictingโฆ โand I am a damn addict to itโ I think, shame leaving my body at the thought of his hands on me, his lips so close to my skin.
I find myself thinking of the dream too, usually I forget about what I have dreamt of in a couple of hours, but not his timeโฆ no, I remember everything as if it had happened the night before.
And gosh how much I wish I could experience something remotely similar.
What punishment will he give me? Probably help with some papers, or write down something a hundred timesโฆ although that one feels too childish.
I look down at my almost finished calculus paper, itโs due in a week, but I would already have finished it if it weren't for the recurrent memories that cloud my mind constantly.
I want it to be seven oโclock already, but I donโt wanโt to at the same time. Shame comes back and ten times stronger โheโs your professor for fucks sakeโฆ I mean itโs not strictly prohibited to get involved with your professors in college but still, people talkโ I look around me, there are only a few other students working on their own papers and classes, somehow I feel like they know what is crossing my mind.
Thoughts so scandalous about my astrophysics professor, which happens to be the youngest in the college.
The one that doesnโt really care about his students outside of the lectures.
He exudes an aura if respect, which he earned of course, head high looking down a little to his students, carefree posture, like what he is teaching is the alphabet and not the hardest level of physics; and of course his easy smiles, low chuckles and his damn hands.
I almost roll my eyes at the thought of his hands alone, the way his slender fingers hold on to the white chalk, other hand in his pant pocket, itโs so, so attractive.
I whine and hide my head in my arms, I am so fucked itโs not even funny anymore.
I take a deep breath and look up at the big clock on the entrance of the library โFUCKโ the word comes out of my mouth before I can stop it, a few heads shot up from the other tables โsorry, sorryโ I say gathering all my things as fast as I can.
Fuck, fuck, fuck itโs already seven oโclock โI canโt fucking believe it, how does it always happen to me? It literally never did before changing roomsโ.
I run to the back door, some students laughing at me picking up on what is happening. Another student late to a meeting with their professor, funny, if it weren't for the predicament Iโm in, which is that I want my astrophysics professor to rail me so bad I canโt take it anymore. And said professor is only fueling my delusion with his actions, wether they are intentional or not.
I find the door to Micolashโs office and knock, I donโt even bother to compose myself after sprinting here โcome inโ I hear his voice from inside, I close my eyes and take another deep breath, my stomach doing funny things again.
I step inside โProfessor I-โ โclose the doorโ my mouth is left agape, but I close the door behind me. I stay in front of the door, hands in front of me, I am very clearly dying of nervousness here, and the only thing he does is look at my from his desk, up and down with hooded eyes; he is resting his face in his left hand.
After a while of me looking anywhere but at him and trying to cam myself, he tilts his head up a little bit, nose pointing at me โcomeโ his tone is commanding, my body moves before I can process his words, I stop when I reach his desk, now Iโm standing in front of him but in the opposite side of his desk โsitโ his hand signals one of the two chairs in front of the desk, they have a green velvet coverture.
I sit, still holding my hands, my eyes are stuck on his right hand, he is holding a cigar that I didnโt see before โlook at me y/nโ I think I like it better when he calls my name than my surname, I bite my bottom lip and look up to him, my head still slightly tilted forward.
Micolash sighs and leans back โfuckโ his comment is said so quietly I almost miss it, his eyes are still fixed to mine, my cheeks feel like two damn suns from how warm they are โdo you remember why I told you to come?โ I nod at him, he takes a puff of his cigar and lets the smoke out โI want words y/nโ I swallow hard โyou said I deserved to be punished, sir?โ.
The hand holding the cigars slams his desk, the abrupt noise makes mi flinch a bit โwhat did i say about calling me sir?โ โSorry si- professor I- I didnโt mean toโ I say shaking my head in embarrassment.
Micolash lets out a short chuckle โI know you didnโt mean to, darling, like you never meant to be late to my lectures butโฆโ his voice is barely above a whisper. He leans his body forward again, elbows on top of the desk and his head inclined slightly forward, to look at me with those damn hooded eyes.
I gulp โbut here you areโฆ late, againโ he says nothing for a few minutes, neither do I, we simply look into each otherโs eyes โexplain it to me then, what is it that makes you late to every single one of my classes?โ he takes another puff of his cigar and throw the ash on the ashtray to his right โbecause Iโve been talking to Willem and Ghermanโฆ and they say you re always punctual, so, tell meโ
โWell, I- I moved to a different roomโฆ in a building nearing the faculty of lawโ I wet my lips, unaware oh how his jaw tenses โsoโฆ the walk here is longer, but, uhmโ โis he going to be staring at me like this the whole time? I canโt even form normal sentences for fucks sakeโ โbut what miss y/s?โ oh his tone sounds mocking โis he laughing at me? Is this the punishment? To be embarrassed to death by the professor you are so desperately horny for?โ
โBut, no matter how hard I tryโฆ I seem to have misplaced my ability to calculate the time I need to- to, uhm, you know-โ Micolash scoffs, well there goes my opportunity to explain correctly my situation to him โI- I moved there about a month and a half ago, thatโs when I started to have problems, si-โ I clear my throat before I call him โsirโ by accident, again โright, and it coincidentally happened when you began to attend MY classes, correct?โ.
I sight, defeated โcoincidentally, yesโฆโ saying it like this it really sounds like Iโm doing it on purpose.
I lift my hand to the side of my neck, his eyes following my every move โprofessor, this- this meetingโฆโ I let my hand slide down โyou know, about my punishment for everythingโฆโ finally Micolash finishes his cigar, after crashing it in the ashtray he stands up from his chair.
I tilt my head back to look at him โtell me y/n, how are you feeling?โ He makes his way to the edge of the desk that is closer to me and sits there, hands on his lap.
Iโm looking at his slim fingers, pale skin, and coldโฆ I know damn well they are as cold as they look like. His right hand waves in front of me โy/n, come back, loveโ his tone completely different from the one he was using to interrogate me, now he sounds soft, tender.
โSorryโฆ uhm, honestly I donโt feel too good, professorโ I grimace, he nods at my words โI think you have been punished enough thenโ I look up surprised โthis was the punishment? This is it?โ
โI have to evaluate some first year papersโ he is standing up again, I already miss his presence so close to mine. Out of instinct I lean my body closer to his leaving one, subtly.
โFucking delusional idiot, look at you, yearning for him so badโ I bite the inside of my cheek, angry at my own thoughts โof course he just wanted to give you a lesson, so you learn your place, embarrass you a littleโ I lean back, my demeanor has completely changed now, the rage from having been toyed with evident in my face.
Micolash mustโve sensed it, because he freezes in his seat, looking me up and down โsomething bothering you, y/n?โ I shake my head, looking out the window. His office is in the third floor, the view is beautiful; the lake, surrounded by the mountains, covered in some snow. I purse my lips โnothing to worry about, sirโ I say, on purpose this time. I lock my eyes with his, he is looking at me like he wants to rip me apart โyeah keep looking at me like thatโ I feel the corners of my lips twitch, he simply sighs, and chuckles mischievously.
โI think you came here expecting something different, am I wrong?โ I shake my shoulders โI didnโt have any expectations, sirโ I lie, Micolash closes his eyes for a brief moment, I notice his right fist is tightly holding the armrest of his chair.
โAs i was saying, I need to go over the papers of my first year studentsโ his eyes point at the direction of a massive pile of papers on the side of the desk, on the ground โsince you are close to graduating, andโ His eyes travel back to mine โyou are my very best studentโฆ I thought you could help me with the taskโ I raise my eyebrows โBut sir, Iโm not a professorโ โyou will be working under my direct supervision y/n, donโt worry your little pretty head over thatโ I blush at his comment โso, spending the evening with him? In his office? Oh Iโm about to suffer for realโ.
โOkay, what do I do?โ Micolash smirks and points at the empty space next to him, I frown, not understanding โmove your chair hereโ.
โAh, right, on top of everything, I have to sit inches away from himโฆโ
I nod silently and do as told โyou can take your coat off y/n, arenโt you hot?โ his question comes out innocent, but my mind is running too fast โoh, I AM hot, very, hotโ โoh, yeahโ I say instead under my breath.
After moving my chair and leaving my coat in the hanger behind the door, I take my seat.
โOkay, I asked them to do a research paper about thermodynamicsโ he is leaning on the table, showing me one of the many papers, I lean too, I donโt realize how close we are until he turns his head to look at me.
Accidentally our noses almost, almost, touch. As if he was made out of fire I lean back โsorryโฆโ I mutter, now leaning a little bit more on my left side, putting more space between us โdonโt beโ.
โThis should be easy for you, read it, mark anything you feel is incorrect or needs to be looked over in more detailโ he lends me a pen and red ink โwrite everything down with this, it will help me to grade them, Iโll be able to go over everything fasterโ I nod and take the pen from his hand, our fingers touching in the process.
Like I remember, his hands are freezing cold, I say nothing about it.
I start reading over the papers, some are very well researched and presented, othersโฆ well, letโs say theyโd do well studying something else.
___________________________________
After god knows ho long, I start to have problems seeing. I straighten my back, cracking it in the process and realize the sun has already almost completely set.
โWas that your back?โ Micolash looks from above a pair of glasses I just now realize he is wearing โoh, yes, I guess Iโve been leaning forward longer than I shouldโveโ he nods humming โI guess you are right, itโs been almost two hours since we startedโ he takes his glasses off and rubs his forehead.
โChrist, everything this man does turns me on, what the fuck?โ
โYou are dismissed y/nโ he says, putting on his glasses back.
โWhat?โ
โWhat?โ I say incredulous. Thatโs it? After the way he spoke to me, the things he said, and the way he was looking at meโฆ he just sends me away?.
โDo you prefer to stay? You are welcome to keep helping me grade, which you have been doing phenomenally by the wayโ bastard, I have been thinking all day about his hand grabbing my jaw, about his lips so close to mineโฆ was this a game to him? No way, he is a respectable professor here, he wouldnโtโฆ right?.
Heโs not even looking at me while addressing me, which only fuels the anger inside.
With a lump in my throat, feeling like a fool I grab my bag and storm out of his office without saying a word.
โI get it now, this whole thing was my punishment. Making me believe he is on the same page as me, telling me to come to his office, edging me like thatโฆ to then simply make me work for him and treat me like a damn nobodyโ
I laugh in disbelief, the grounds are thankfully devoid of students. It would be way to embarrassing for anyone to see the way I walk away so angrily, like a little girl that couldnโt get her favorite candy.
A chilly wind makes me shiver, โfuck, my coatโ right, in the heat of the moment I forgot I had hanged it behind the door.
โArg!โ I bring my fist to my mouth and bite hard in my knuckle, how fucking embarrassing.
I open the door to my shared room, Amelia is there, already on her pajamas and reading a book.
โHey y/n, how was your rendezvous with prof Micolash?โ She asks putting her book down, with a genuine smile on her face.
โHow do you know I was with him?โ
โMarรญa told me, I asked her where you were this evening because youโre usually here by six oโclockโ I take a deep breath, that bitchโฆ
โShe really canโt keep her mouth shut, huh?โ I roll my eyes, Amelia simply chuckles โDonโt worry, I didnโt tell anyone, you got enough on your plate as it is, right?โ.
I look at he confused โwhat?โ She nods once โyou knowโฆ everyone is talking about how he has a slight preference for you over the rest of his studentsโ I widen my eyes โpff, pleaseโ I say elongating the โpleaseโ โthatโs bullshit, heโs not making me any favors, I still have to pass the same tests and hand the same papers as everyone elseโ.
Amelia shakes her head with a smile โno, I think I didnโt explain myself here. I mean to say that everyone thinks he likes youโฆ more than a professor should like a studentโ.
โMore than a professor should like a student? Right, that was fucking clear when he used me to grade papersโ
โHonestlyโฆ I didnโt know gossip was such a thing in a college as prestigious as Byrgenwerth, to be honestโ Amelia chuckles at my comment โyou know, by the things people are sayingโฆ I would believe he actually likes you a lotโ she finishes by pursing her lips and raising her eyebrows.
I finish changing into my pajamas โnow you have to tell me everything youโve heard, you know that right?โ I say siting in my own bed.
Amelia closes her book, after marking the page, and turns to look directly at me โwith pleasure y/nโ.
_______________________________
Itโs Tuesday, I have class with Micolash, I havenโt seen him since my little after class meeting with him, neither have I seen Marรญa.
I enter the lecture room, a few students already sitting down, Marรญa is amongst them. She is waving at the empty seat next to her. Itโs at the back of the room.
โYou didnโt come on Friday to the pub, what happened with mister charming?โ She elbows me with a smirk.
I sigh, and take my things out โIโd rather not talk about itโ โah, I get it, you guys fucked in his officeโ I turn my head like a flash and look at her with my mouth hanging open.
โWhat the actual fuck is wrong with you, Marรญa?โ I say whisper-screaming โcan you not fucking scream these things? I donโt want people to hear you and start more false rumorsโ I say evidently upset.
Marรญa simply raises her hands in defeat โsorry, sorry, I take it backโ she says looking around โby the way, you are awfully early today, couldnโt sleep?โ I nod once โyeah, I had an awful night actuallyโ she hums โyou were nervous huh?โ I roll my eyes, not looking at her โand why would I be? I told you, nothing happened last Fridayโ โoh come o-โ the sound of the door closing interrupts her.
Micolash is here, I look at the blackboard, trying to avoid him at all costs. No more daydreaming about him, so, no more looking at him.
โI see everyone is hereโฆโ his voice sounds raspier than usual, I bite my bottom lip rolling my neck and straightening my back, like I did in his office โletโs begin thenโ.
After about twenty minutes of staring at the blackboard and listening to Micolash talk, I move my eyes to his figure, he is writing in the board.
His right hand holding the white chalk expertly, the robes he usually wears are in their normal place, making him look more imposing. I catch myself checking him from feet to head, but I canโt stop. I reach his face through lidded eyes, I quietly gasp and slightly widen my eyes when I realize his eyes are already fixed on me.
I feel my cheeks warm up, I try to hold my eyes in place, but his eyes are way too intense. With furrowed brows I look down to my notes. Sighing I subtly look at Marรญa, who is covering her mouth with her left hand and looking at me with wide eyes. I just purse my lips. She caught me.
__________________________________
The lecture is finally over, and Iโm putting my things in my bag as fast as I can, I want to get out of this room as soon as possible.
Marรญa on the other handโฆ she is taking her sweet time โhey Iโm heading out, okay?โ She looks up at me with an offended look โhey, I always wait for youโ I exhale a deep breath and roll my neck again, trying to crack it to release some tension โalright, we can go now, damnโ.
We are nearing the door when someone calls my name โmiss y/s!โ I turn to see professor Micolash walking towards us with something in his hands, fuck, my coat โYou left this in my office, I wish I couldโve given it to you earlier butโฆ I couldnโt find you in any of the common areas of the schoolโ I open my mouth but nothing comes out, I close it and take my coat โthank you, professorโ he shakes his head, small smile on his face โitโs nothing. By the way, thank you for your help with the papers, you helped me tremendouslyโ I nod and give him small smile in return โIt was nothingโ I watch Marรญa from the corner of my eye, sheโs trying to act nonchalant, โreadingโ something from the news board.
โI wish I could always have someone like you helping me with my paperworkโ again, I am left speechless, our eyes scanning the other, no one wants to break the connection. Itโs like a competition to see who lasts longer staring.
โOh! A cake competition in two weeks? That sounds cool!โ Marรญaโs voice is the one that pops the bubble we are in, I take a deep breath and look at the side, where Marรญa is still acting as if she didnโt see anything โthank you again, professor, see you on the next classโ I say to him.
I try to leave but a hand stops me, I look down at my wrist in surprise. His cold hand is holding me with so much care โyou came early today, I honestly didnโt expect that, but, Iโm glad to see you are getting back on trackโ from the action of holding my wrist, we are standing even closer now, I have to tilt my head back a little to look at his face โI had a rough night, actuallyโ I swallow saliva and wet my lips, his eyes move to my lips and stay there while he talks โI hopeโฆ nothing bothered you on Friday, if it did, please let me know. I wouldnโt wish for my favorite student to feel like she canโt confide on meโ my eyes are still wide and lips pursed a little, I shake my head โdonโt worry professor, everything is alrightโ.
He smirks nodding โgood, goodโฆโ he says barely above a whisper. The hand thatโs holding my wrist moves my own and his free hand covers it too โsee you tonight, then, y/nโ bringing his hands to his face, he kisses the back of his own hand, my own still inside his hold.
He didnโt kiss my hand directly and stillโฆ I felt goosebumps through my entire body.
Finally, he releases me.
My hand feels cold, colder than his skin felt against mine.
Once outside Marรญa forces me to turn around โalright, I canโt keep acting like I believe everything you say. I saw it you know? Tell me whatโs going onโ I move her hand away from my shoulder and continue walking โtell you? So you can run your mouth?โ Marรญa groans behind me โhey I only told Rom, and besides, there where more people. This time it was only meโ.
I sigh, stoping in front of the railing that separates the lake from the campus โokayโ โreally?โ She sounds surprised โbut not hereโ Marรญa nods โcome to my room, Jane should be working right nowโ I nod, following her.
__________________________________
After getting to her room and preparing some tea, I tell her everything, including Fridayโs little reunion.
โMotherfucker, I wouldโve never expected him to be a player like that, ha!โ Marรญa is shaking her head in disbelief โso, do you think Iโm in the wrong for feeling like I feel?โ I ask, sipping on my cup.
โHell no! Holy shit, I didnโt know about your little mischievous eyeing each other games in the pubโ she offers me a biscuit, but I decline โyou said that after your dream, the next day, he touched you and brought up your scent, like he did in the dreamโ I nod โhe also mentioned something that stuck with me. When he grabbed my neck, he said that he knew that thatโs where I like itโ I blush, looking away, Marรญa chuckles โdonโt be embarrassed with me y/n, to be honest, all this information is changing the way I view prof Micโ.
I swallow saliva โhe always looks at me so intensely, I swear I can feel him looking straight through meโ Marรญa hums nodding, left hand grabbing her chin in a thoughtful manner.
โI get why you would be upset after he simply made you work for himโ I scoff, lifting my hands on either side of my head and shaking it with a roll of my eyes โdonโt remind me, pleaseโ.
I look down, where my cup is resting next to my knee, then I remember something โthe last time I went to the pub, you know, last Tuesdayโ she nods โbasically the only time youโve comeโ I agree with her โI talked with Ludwig, he noticed Iโs and Micolashโs intense game of staringโ Marรญaโs eyebrows shot up โoh, continueโ โhe warned me, he said Micolash is not a good man. That he only cares about his job and that he wouldnโt do me any goodโ.
โOh wow, he really said that?โ Her face is of incredulity, I nod pursing my lips โyeah, I didnโt expect that either, he seemed almost angry that I was paying attention at Micolash and less at himโ.
โUnderstandable, specially if he was talking to youโ โyeah, I knowโฆโ I whisper.
โSo, he asked if he would see you tonight at the pub?โ I sip again from my cup shaking my head โhe didnโt ask, he just sad heโd see me thereโ I say playing with my nails, scrunching my nose a little bit.
โOh, you are so going, definitelyโ Marรญa stands up clapping her hands โIโm lending you a dress of mine too, AND Iโm doing your makeup and hairโ I let my mouth hang, hands up again โhey, hey, hey, slow down, I never said I was goingโ.
โUgh, donโt be stupid y/n, he wants to see you tonight. Maybe you can take the chance and act your dreamโ act my dreamโฆ as inโฆ luring him outside and see what happens? Fucking hell, I donโt think I have the bravery to do that in real life.
โWhat if he ignores me? That would be embarrassingโ Marรญa lets out a loud laugh โafter witnessing what happened today, I assure you he wonโtโ sheโs looking through her clothes in the wardrobe โI donโt know what got to him last Friday, but my instinct says he is down bad for youโฆ yes, this one!โ.
Marรญa takes out a black and red dress, itโs gorgeous. The skirt falls elegantly down to the ankles; a little bit shorter maybe. It has subtle red decoration that starts in the part where the skirt and the corset are sewed, they are really small roses that cascade until disappearing down the skirt.
The corset is gorgeous too, black leather, with red details here and there. The sleeves are long but loose, with the same pattern in them as the skirt.
The red is dark, like blood, which makes the decor even more subtle.
I stand from the bed with eyes widen ad mouth agape โmy god Marรญa, this dress is stunningโ I grab it with my hands to feel the texture, itโs soft, no doubt expensive โI canโt wear this, itโs too goodโ she rolls her eyes โtake it, wear it and drive him crazy, it will look good with your high black boots too, andโฆโ she goes back to the wardrobe โthisโ she takes out a small cape, black all the way.
I sigh โthank you, I hope this worksโ she winks at me โohoho it will work, honey, trust meโ
____________________________________
We have been siting in the same table as the other day for about thirty minutes. This time I sit facing the entrance and the damn round table.
The pub is crowded, and the music is loud. Marรญa is siting in front of me, Ludwig to her side. Matilda is here too and so are Amelia and Luca, he is a friend of Ludwig.
Iโm siping from my drink when I see out of the corner of my eye the front door opening.
Gherman walks in first, to what I raise my eyebrows at Marรญa. She blushes and waves at Gherman who is already smiling at her. I bite my smiling lips, but soon my eyes clash with two green ones.
Micolash is walking behind Lawrence, he nods at me with a small smile, out of nowhere he winks at me.
The action takes me so by surprise that I choke a little on my drink. I have to cover my mouth with my hand to avoid splashing everywhere.
โDamn, y/n, you okay? Breatheโ Luca is half worried half amused.
โIโm okay, Iโm okayโ I clear my throat โit just went on the wrong sideโ I say wiping my mouth with a napkin. Marรญa is laughing hard in front of me, thatโs karma for making her blush I guess.
I subtly look back at the professors, they are talking amongst themselves, Micolash has an amused look on his face, but heโs not looking at me.
Someone elbows my side, I turn my head and see Matilda, who signals me to get closer to her โhey, so, I meant to talk to you earlier but I couldnโt find you anywhere. Itโs about what the entire college is saying about you and prof Micolashโ my breath catches on my throat, but I tell her to continue talking โI heard some girls from first year say that someone saw you exiting his office late at night last Fridayโ I purse my lips an take a deep breath. Nodding I roll my hand, in a clear signal for her to keep going โapparently Micolash exited behind you in a rush, but you had gotten out of the building by that timeโ.
I straighten my back and look at her with concern โwho told you that? Who saw that? I was there because I was helping with the grading of some first years, nothing weird happened if thatโs what you are implyingโ I realize I sound defensive, but this whole mess is starting to bother me.
Matilda shakes her head and places her hand on my forearm โIโm not implying anything y/n, Iโm just telling you what I heard. I heard these girls in the dining hall last night. And about who saw you? It was one of the girlsโ I sigh, itโs always the kids, they come to Byrgenwerth and keep acting like brats โfrom what I heard, she had a meeting with professor Carryll, and upon exiting she saw everything unfoldโ.
โThank you Mati, I appreciate you telling me that. Iโm starting to feel a little bit overwhelmed though, Iโm going to take some fresh airโ she smiles sweetly and nods โno problemโ.
I stand up, my chair making enough noise for the table to turn their heads at me โwhere are you going?โ asks Marรญa โjust to get some fresh airโ her face changes into one of understanding and she simply winks at me โah, some fresh air, yeah take your timeโ she says chuckling into her own drink and turning to continue talking to Luca.
Making my way out someone grabs my wrist โare you feeling okay?โ Ludwig is looking at me with worried eyes, I hold the hand that is grabbing me and smile down at him โeverything is perfect, donโt worryโ he nods and lets go of me โdo you need me to go with you?โ I shake my head immediately โfuck no, no, please I donโt need anyone to come with me nowโ.
โDonโt worry, seriously, Iโm just feeling a bit overwhelmed here. You know Iโm not used to these placesโ โokay, yes youโre rightโ finally I make my way out, not looking at the round table in the corner of the pub, I donโt need to though, because I can feel a pair of eyes following me.
Once outside I take a deep breath, thereโs no-one, today is colder than last week, everyone is inside.
I make my way to the side of he building, the front porch extended to the sides too, so I can hide there. Placing my hands there and dropping my head for a moment.
โThis is the defining moment, Iโm at his mercy, if he wants anything to do with meโฆ hell come. If he doesnโtโฆ well, Iโll have enjoyed a few minutes of this cloudless, full moon nightโ
I raise my head and look at the silhouette of the cathedral, siting at the very top of the city. The big moon is behind it, casting enough light into the city to perfectly see the streets.
Lost in my own thoughts, admiring the view, I donโt hear the front door of the pub opening and someone walking towards me. Until I feel a pair of arms lay on either side of my own in the railing.
My eyes widen at the sudden appearance of the pair of arms, breath once again catching in my throat.
โItโs chilly tonight, why are you here alone?โ Micolash talks from behind me. I can feel the heat from his body in my back, his voice closer to my right ear than I anticipated.
Itโs the same feeling as the dream, but amplified by a thousand.
โI needed some fresh air, thatโs allโฆ what about you? Why are you out here? Itโs a chilly night after allโ Micolash chuckles softly behind me.
โYou needed some fresh air, thatโs why Iโm outsideโ his voice sounds closer, in a whisper.
I swallow hard, my heart is racing, and my mind spiraling. I look at my sides to make sure no-one sees us.
โThereโs no-one, love, donโt worryโ his thumbs are brushing against the outer side of my hands.
His voice, low and firm, is making my knees weak, itโs insane how easily he has me at his mercy, how willing I am to do what he tells me to do. But I canโt take it any longer, I need to know.
โWhy are you doing this?โ I ask, equally whispering, he makes a confused sound behind me โyou talk to me like this, you look at me like I am an oasis on the desert, but thenโฆ you pushed me away, you treated me like any other of your studentsโ I take a deep breath, his hands have gone still โdo you know how embarrassed I felt? You tell me to meet you, alone, in you office, after touching me the way you did and talking to me so softly and intimatelyโ I shake my head โI donโt get itโ.
โY/nโฆ Iโฆ Iโm your professorโ I roll my eyes at his words, so what? โOkay, and? Do you feel ashamed by what you want to do to me? Is that it? I know itโs indecent, but there are no written rules that forbid students and professor from, you knowโฆโ my voice goes quiet at the end of the sentence, I donโt want to say everything I want to say.
His hands quickly move to my waist, and his body crushes mine against the railing. The movement is so sudden that I let out a whine of surprise, his lips are hovering over my right ear, brushing lightly the shell of it โfrom what? From fucking? Is that what you want? I can give it to you, but if I doโฆ things must change between us, do you understand that, darling?โ I almost roll my eyes at the way heโs so aggressively talking in my ear.
โYesโ I manage to moan. His hands on my waist have rendered me weak, my mind blank.
I feel his arms wrap around me, now hugging me lazily, I put my own hands on top of his forearms. His lips are still brushing against the shell of my ear, slowly they trace down, until they reach the skin under my ear. There, he leaves a soft kiss.
My eyes close, my heart leaping and my breath ragged โpleaseโ I exhale, I feel hot in my core.
โItโs either tonight or neverโ
Micolash purrs in my ear โplease what? Come on tell me with wordsโ I can almost hear the playful smile in his words.
My head falls back, on his shoulder, his lips donโt take long to start brushing the skin of my neck.
The contact makes me hum.
โPlease, fuck meโฆโ I drag my words, but I guess itโs enough for him because his arms wrap tighter around me and his teeth bite softly in the place where my neck and my shoulder connect.
โFuck, darling, Iโve been waiting so long to hear you say those wordsโ his nose graces my skin, and he takes a deep breath โyou smell divine, this lavender perfume has been driving me insane since I first smelled it on you, did you know that? Did you know how fucking crazy Iโve been for you since the first time you came late to my lecture?โ.
Like he did in the dream, he moves his left hand to wrap it around my neck โI pushed you away that day because if I didnโt, I wouldโve bent you over my desk and fucked you silly. Thatโs why?โ.
I moan at his indecent words โyeah? You like that thought?โ I nod, biting my lip.
His hand puts some pressure on my neck. The sensation makes my mouth hang open slightly.
His eyes are scanning my face โthe light of the moon does make you look like an angelโฆโ.
With my head still on his shoulder, tilted slightly to the right, and his head leaning down, we are face to face.
His eyes move from my eyes to my lips, on pure instinct I we them with my tongue, parting them slightly.
He shakes his head, his thumbs brushing softly on the skin behind my ear โfuck, I need to kiss you, y/nโ the corners of my lips twitch โso do it, Micolashโ.
After so long, at last, his lips and mine clash. I need to take a breath from my nose, the force with which he has taken my lips captive of his own, makes me lose my valance a little. But his firm hand on my neck and his arm around my waist hold me still.
Our mouths move in an almost erratic way, deep, passionate. My right hand lifts to the back of his head, finally tangling my fingers in his soft curls. I push his head deeper to mine. Our lips dance on top of the other, deep breaths, and soft bites everywhere.
When I pull his hair softly his hand tightens around my neck even more and we swallow each others moans.
Groaning, Micolash bites hard into my bottom lip.
Through hooded eyes we look at one another. I am breathing hard and fast, and so is he. Our lips are barely touching.
Then a realize, his scent, as intoxicating as usual. Sandalwood, with some fresh tints of citrus and cardamom. I move my face closer to his neck, where the scent is stronger and without a second thought I run my Tonge along the side of his neck.
โOh f-fuckโ his words come out shaken, when I move my head back I see his face, itโs contorted in pure bliss. Eyes closed, mouth agape and cheeks pink.
โHe looks so pretty like thisโ
โI need you so badโฆโ heโs back on my neck and cheeks, kissing and licking everywhere.
โTake what you need. I canโt keep my hands to myself anymore either. And I canโt- donโt, want you to stopโ scratching his head with my hand, I earn a low hum from his part.
โComeโ he untangles himself from around me and grabs my hand โwaitโ turning to me he sends me a confused look โmy purse is still insideโ I say getting closer to him.
He groans but still lets me go โbe quick, beautifulโ he says giving me a soft kiss in the cheek.
Once inside I reach my table, I take my purse under the inquisitive look of everyone. I walk up to Marรญa and crouch to whisper in her ear.
โDone. Go get dicked down by Gherman tooโ I give her cheek a little peck, and I wink at her shocked face.
โIโm leaving, I need to work on a project for Henryckโs class, see you on Fridayโ I wave and turn before anyone can protest.
Once outside, I see Micolash at the feet of the porchโs stairs, he extends his hand to me when he sees me, I take it and we start walking โtook you long enoughโ he says under his breath, smirking at me โI was only gone for a minute max, did you miss me that much?โ I ask playfully โyesโ.
His honesty makes my stomach flip, I smile and look down embarrassed. He runs his thumb across the back of my hand โwhere are you taking me?โ We turn to a narrow street before walking up a set of stairs into a wider street, I recognize this place, itโs a nice neighborhood here in central Yharnam โmy house, of courseโ.
We reach the entrance to a two store house, it has a nice small front garden with a short path to the entrance. Once inside he closes the door behind me, his hands grab my face and bring it to his instantly, kissing me wildly. My back crashes with the door.
I try to grab onto him but his hands hold them on top of my head, his fingers interwind with mine in a tender demonstration of affection.
โIf this keeps going my heart will actually leave my chestโ
Our lips separate with a wet sound, his forehead leans on mine โare you a hundred percent sure, my love?โ I melt at the names he chooses for me. I nod โyes, thereโs no doubt in my mind, I want thisโ I breath his scent in again โI want youโ I whisper before I catch his lips again, this time I can wrap my arms around his neck.
Without missing a beat his hands move to the back side of my legs, with a short tap of his hands there he lets me know he wants me to jump slightly. I do and immediately he holds me, wrapping my legs around his hips. One of his hands rests on the small of my back, the other on my bum.
We keep kissing, separating only when he needs to look around to avoid hitting us. After some movement I feel him slowly lowering my body on top of something soft. His bed, itโs so soft and comfortable.
โI donโt think I told you how stunning you look in this dress, did I?โ I shake my head โwell, just so you know, if you wore that to my lectures I donโt thin I would be able to finish it from the damn hard on itโs giving meโ
โIโll have to wear it more often thenโ I gasp when I feel his hand move up my leg under my skirt, until reaches my groin โas much as I like it, itโs starting to be on the wayโ without saying another word, I start to untie the corset, my eyes fixed on his all the time. While I do so, he takes my boots off of me lovingly.
After discarding my dress I am left wearing only my underwear. His body hovers over mine, my hands try to untie his own jacket and shirt, but my urgency makes my movements less accurate. His hands softly take over โlet me do this, loveโ.
Finally he discards his clothes too, leaving him only in his underwear. His body is exactly like I imagined, skinny, a bit lanky but surprisingly with enough muscle to show a little bit. Not like Ludwig or Gherman of course, but the surprise makes me salivate.
His hands are roaming my entire body โyou have no idea how absolutely gorgeous you areโฆ youโre literally perfectโ his lips trail kisses from my bellybutton to my lips, leaving cool traces of his saliva. With his lips over mine, his hand finally covers my core. The contact makes me close my eyes I delight and throw my head back โfinallyโ, his other hand grabs the side of my face โopen your eyes, angelโ.
I do as he says, of course I do, and when I do he kisses the tip of my nose, making me chuckle.
The hand cupping my core starts to move, rubbing on top of my underwear. Soft moans scape my lips and my hands move to touch his abdomen and pectorals.
After a while I decide I need more, so I move his hand to the inside of my panties. There I can feel his cold hand even more, fingers expertly rubbing and pinching on my sensitive clit.
Moans and whines fill the bedroom โyeah? Like this, baby?โ my hips move on their own, searching for his fingers โdonโt worry, I got youโ he laughs on my ear. One of his fingers moves down to my entrance and slowly makes its way in. A loud moan slips past my lips, which is caught by his own, coming down to kiss me again.
His tongue snakes past my lips and finds mine, the kiss is wet, filthy and sensual. I can barely keep up with the way a second finger is already inside curling and stroking me. The heel of his palm hits my clit every time he moves his fingers in and out of my warm and wetter entrance.
โMi-Micolash, oh my godโ my legs are starting to close involuntarily, Iโm close to my orgasm. But suddenly his fingers disappear from my pussy. I pant and whine at the loss โshhh, donโt worry, Iโm going to give it to you, just waitโ I use my elbows to accommodate myself and take my bra off.
Micolashโs eyes fly to my breasts, then to my eyes, and then back to my breasts. Then he chuckles softly and finishes taking his underwear off.
Now, this does surprise me. Itโs not huge, itโs not super long; but itโs the right size, pretty color and shape too. Maybe Iโm being biased, but it genuinely is pretty.
Heโs hovering back on top of me, and before he can do anything, my hand reaches down and grabs his full length. A soft moan scapes his lips and I swear itโs the hottest thing Iโve ever heard.
I start stroking slowly, until his hips move, giving me the clue that he wants more; so I give him more, faster and sloppier too.
His moans are low and hoarse, his face is hidden in the crook of my neck, where he is kissing me hard.
โIโll have hickeys tomorrow, oh well Iโll deal with it thenโ
His breath becomes more erratic, and his hand holds mine, stoping my movements โfuck, fuck, stop. Stop or Iโll come right nowโ I chuckle and lay back down, he is looking down at me with soft, loving eyes. I smile, and he smile back at me before kissing me again โtouch me more Micolashโ I mutter between kisses โyes maโamโ. His hands are now on my breasts, pinching and twirling my buds. The sole feeling of my nipples being played with sends fire to my pussy.
His mouth takes one of my nipples inside, his teeth gracing softly and his tongue swiping on it. I become a mess of moans again.
My pussyโs literally twitching. With my hands I grab his face and move it to be in front of mine. His cheeks are pink and his lips swollen. I surely donโt look much better โ fuck me already, please, pleaseโ his face changes to one of pleasure and smiles softly at me โsince you asked so nicelyโฆโ he gives me one more kiss before positioning himself between my legs.
I part my legs wide enough for him to move comfortably โgod, you are absolutely etherealโ I then feel the tip of his cock brushing my entrance, he is guiding himself with one hand, the other grabbing the sheets next to my head, I grab his forearm as I feel him pressing inside.
Once he is completely inside, he moves his hand to the top of my head, forearm resting on the bed as his fingers grab onto my hair. His hips start to move and almost immediately pleasure runs through my entire body. Our moans mixed with the filthy wet sound of him going in and out of my entrance engulfs us, not caring if someone on the street hears.
I have his neck in front of me, so if attach my mouth there. His scent mixed with the expert movement of his hips, his hands on my hair and his moans on top of me will make me cum soon.
Then Micolash stands up, exiting me. I groan again at his loss โturn around, in all fours, nowโ heโs impatient, but so am I, I turn and in no time he is inside of me again. It feels so much deeper like this. Grabbing at my hips, Micolash retakes a brutal pace. My voice grows louder and my moans become almost screams.
His left hand covers my mouth while the other travels to my clit. The new position has me craning my head back โfuck baby, youโre so loudโฆ you like it donโt you? You like how I fuck you huh?โ I canโt answer but the roll of my eyes is all the answer he needs to know.
His thrusts begin to feel less rhythmic and more erratic โheโs close tooโ I hear his moans grow with each thrust. The hand covering my mouth moves and now his arm is around my neck in a headlock, his other hand is still stimulating my clit; and Iโm so close, so, so close.
The new position is like a vertical spoon, and I can feel everything, my hands grab at whatever they reach, mostly him. The clapping sound grows faster and faster until I cum hard in his hand with a cry โyes, baby, just like thatโ he grunts in my ear, his hand stays still in my pussy but the one that has me in a headlock tightens, bringing my face closer to his, without choking me.
After a few more thrusts, Micolash cums inside of me hard, with a loud grunt.
We are sweating, breathing fast and a mess. But the high is so good we need to stay still for a few seconds โoh my godโ Iโm the first one to break the silence, his arms are loose around my body now. But I can feel him kiss my shoulders from behind โthat was majestic, darlingโ finally, he slips out of me.
I fall flat on the bed, still taking my breath. Micolash appears on my side with a wet cloth โwhen did he get it?โ He cleans me with it, with tender and loving movements, and occasional kisses here and there.
After we are cleaned, he lays next to me. His arms bring my body closer to his and cuddles me.
Hands brushing and caressing each other.
โYou said things would have to change between us if we did thisโ my voice comes out sleepy. I yawn, he follows behind โI canโt pretend like nothing happened here y/n, as hard as I tried to shake these feelings offโฆ I just couldnโtโ I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his fingers on my skin โI could use the help of someone skilled and knowledgeable in my subject to help me grade students every Wednesday and Thursdayโฆโ I let a quiet laugh โI think I know the perfect person for thatโ I say barely awake, Micolashโs arms tighten around me.
Ever since I got changed into a different room Iโve had the worst of luck, always leaving late for the lectures and other rendezvous. Amelia, my new roommate, already warned me that the distance to the lectures building and main halls was longer than one may think, I wish I had taken that seriously because now I canโt seem to get it right no matter how much I try.
I havenโt had any problems so far making it to the lectures just in time, of course running like a dog to get there, but I make it; however for the last two weeks I havenโt been able to do it for my new subject with professor Micolash which isnโt ideal, not giving a good impression.
Micolash is one of the youngest professors in Byrgenwerth, he teaches physics and astrophysics, he is rather mysterious, he knows so much and it is a genuine pleasure to attend his lectures; he is so good with words, capable of making a two hour lecture feel like fifteen minutes.
He dresses like the rest of professors, but I think he looks way better, it simply suits him best; he has brunette medium to short wavy hair, pale skin and greyish eyes that always look bored. There is something about him that makes me nervous any time he looks at me or answers one of my questions, he is capable of making one feel like they are the center of his entire universe by simply looking at them and listening at what they are saying.
He is firm and and his words never waver, and to finish it allโฆ his walks around the room, with a hand in his pants pocket and the other holding either chalk for the blackboard or a book. Those hands, they are as pale as the rest of him, long fingers always capable of holding a big book in one if them, they look so elegant with red knuckles due to the cold.
That is all I can think about anytime I know I have a lecture with him, hell, I simply canโt stop fucking thinking about him, the fact that he is older but not too old makes him soo appealing for some reason; if I had to guess I would say he is around thirty-six years old.
Iโm running, again, to my lecture which happens to have been moved to a different class even further away than usual. I look into my pocket clock and swallow โshit, shit they mustโve closed the door alreadyโ I finally get there and try to compose myself before knocking on the door.
I hear a soft โcome inโ and I do so, as soon as I am inside all eyes are on me, I am dying inside this is so embarrassing โIโm sorry professor I didnโt know the room had been changedโ Iโm still standing at the door at this point โwell you are only three minutes late, take your seat and do not disturbโ Micolash was looking at the clock hanged above the door, right in top of me, then his eyes slowly made their way to me and held it there for a minute slightly tilting his head to the side, gods my heart is pounding so fast I think he can hear it โyes, I-Iโm sorryโ I say barely above a whisper and go to my seat which is usually located in the middle section of the room, today I have to sit at the very top.
The first forty minutes of the lecture go by without any issues, with myself simply listening to Micolashโs voice and accidentally looking way too much at his hands; I am completely lost in his hands and his face that I momentarily stop paying attention to what he is saying.
His grey eyes are scanning the entire room and then finally they land on me again, they make me nervous immediately, but I like his attention I want him to look at me like this more often, his lips are moving but his eyes are still on me, then I can see some heads turn to my direction, wait, wait, wait I immediately snap out of it and realise he is talking to me, asking me a question to be more exact โu-uh, Iโm sorry could you repeat please?โ I put one of my hands in front of muy mouth in an attempt to cover myself without making it too obvious due to the huge embarrassment I am living again, I have never been the center of attention in the lectures, I always go unnoticed; but today seems that the great ones have decided to make me suffer.
โI asked if you could tell me in what theory is the concept of dilation of time first introduced?โ his hand is in his pocket and the other is holding the chalk, head tilts again and I swear I can see one side of his lips slightly move, is he smirking? At me?
I open my mouth to say something but I close it quickly โshit, I think I read it somewhere not too long ago, but I am no too sure now, and him looking at me like this is not helping at allโ I finally gather the courage after taking a quick look around, Marรญa whom I finally notice is sitting at the very front is giggling at me โit was first introduced in the theory of special relativity? Sirโ I ask rather than answer โSir?โ Micolash laughs a little โplease donโt call me that y/s, I prefer professorโ he is still smirking at me, meanwhile I know I look like a ripe tomato, I look down at my other hand that is resting on top of the long table โsorry si- professorโ
He chuckles again โvery well miss y/s, it is in the theory of special relativity where the concept of dilation of time is first introduced to the rest of the worldโ he says looking back at the rest of the students, the attention is back on him โgood jobโ he says briefly looking towards me again, I canโt help the little smile that creeps in my face, that felt good.
His attention feels good, I look back at Maria and she winks at me to what I simply scoff and smile wider.
Finally the lecture is over and we all stand to leave, after gathering my things I walk to Maria โletโs go already, Iโve had enough for todayโ I say after sighing heavenly next to her โI bet you have, first you come late and then you are caught fawning over the professor, thank god you are a bookworm and knew the answerโ I pout a little at the nickname โIโm not a bookworm Maria, I simply try to study everyday so I donโt have to stay up late during exams worrying because I didnโt study beforeโ I raise my eyebrow at her when she acts ofended โexcuse me, but I get to enjoy college life and on top of that I am passing all my classes, yes I get a bit overwhelmed during exams but so what?โ She is now in defensive mode, still funny โitโs only a couple of years, after college we will have to work or keep researching for the rest of our lives, I want to enjoy the moment ok?โ We are making our way out of the class โyou should let go a little bit more y/n, you study too much, you even go far and beyond sometimesโ
โMiss y/s has a brilliant memory and understanding capacitiesโ Micolash says behind us โplease miss Vileblood do not try to divert miss y/s from learningโ now heโs looking at me again โyou are one of my best students y/s, keep the good jobโ he says with his usual smirk
โWill do sirโ his sudden compliments have left me out of words.
His smirk grows upon hearing me call him โsirโ again โsee you on the next lecture girlsโ and then simply leaves.
Maria and I look at each other, she has a big frown on her face โwhat was that all about? He never talks to us unless we talk to him firstโ she is right, professor Micolash never engages in conversations with students unless itโs the same students going to him for information or help โy/n you look like a tomato again, do you like the professor or something?โ I look at her with a half faked shock, how could she say that? I mean kind of yes, but still โwhat? Absolutely not, he is my professor Mariaโ I start walking again leaving the lecture room behind us and making our way into the busy halls and corridors of Byrgenwerth โalso, he just complimented mi abilities and capacities, I think that is something worth getting shy and humble about, especially when he is the one saying itโ it is still pouring outside โand why especially if HE says it?โ I look at her incredulous โbecause he is one of our professors? And he is super intelligent and charming, not to mention that he earned his place here at a very young age, which makes him super-โ
โSuper hot, you think it makes him super hotโ my mouth hangs open โoh my god Maria donโt say thatโ i quickly cover her mouth with my hand and pull her outside.
We use our hoods to not get wet โif youโre going to act like this constantly then I can start saying the same about you and your crush on Gherman right?โ
Itโs the turn of her mouth to hang open โdonโt you dare say anything y/n, I told you that as a secret because you are my best friendโ her finger is now pointing at me, I canโt help but laugh โhey I havenโt told anyone and I donโt plan on doing so, that doesnโt mean that youโd still want him so badly I that I never stop hearing about itโ
At my words Maria scoffs and gives me a fake disgusted look โIโm going to my room now, I suppose I wonโt see you tonight at Johnnyโsโ
โThe pub? I donโt think soโ I say apologetically.
โAs usual, well if you decide to come itโs at seven on the dot ok?โ I roll my eyes at that โby the way mister charming is usually there too with the other professorsโ what? โAh I knew that would catch your attention nowโ sheโs laughing at me โdonโt be lateโ
she waves at me and goes.
I sigh and roll my eyes again, I really donโt want to go, itโs not the kind of place I tend to frequentโฆ but after all I am very advanced in my studies, I guess I could let go once in a while.
_________________________
Itโs already half past six and Iโm looking at myself in the mirror, itโs the first time in a while I make myself so presentable for a night at the pub, there is a lingering feeling in my stomach, like nervousness; I donโt want to admit it but in already know what or rather who is the cause of it. Itโs stupid, he is my professor, but his words earlier as well as the way he looked at me made something inside of me ignite and now I really, truly canโt stop thinking about him.
If Maria saw me now I would never hear the end of it, thankfully Amelia is also going to the pub so at least I wonโt be going alone.
โAre you ready? we still have some walking to doโ Amelia is already by the front door of our shared room waiting for me.
I grab my coat and some coins and head outside โyeah letโs goโ the rain stopped a couple of hours ago thankfully, even then I chose to wear my high heel boots, they are black and go up to my knee, I really like them they go well with the forest green dress and my black coat, I tied my hair up messily leaving a few strands to cup my face which I painted with a dark red lipstick, very natural blush and some eyeshadow to accentuate my eye color, not too exaggerated but pretty enough.
Amelia is looking gorgeous too, her dark blue dress makes her fair skin and blonde hair look so elegant and fairylike.
It takes approximately twenty minutes to get there, the music is loud even from the outside, the little lanterns illuminate the front porch were some people are already having some drinks and smoking cigars.
โY/n what a surprise! I never thought I would be seeing you hereโ Rom is a year older than me, she has always been very friendly with everyone and has friends all over the school and even Yharnam โyou look gorgeous, and so do you Ameliaโ Amelia thanks her and gives us a wave to leave with her friends
โThank you Rom you too look beautiful tonight, when did you arrive?โ She already has a half empty jug of what I assume is beer and behind her some of her friends are standing around a big barrel with more empty jugs and glasses.
โUhm about half an hour ago, when things were still calmโ she chuckles
โThatโs nice, Iโm looking for Maria, is she here?โ I ask near her ear, the music got louder when someone opened the front door.
Her face suddenly lightens up and her eyes shine with mischief โsheโs inside, and so is mister charmingโ I whine at her words which only makes her laugh more โdonโt worry, everyone is talking about the little incident this morning, they are all saying that professor Micolash caught you looking at him with heart eyesโ
โOh great ones, are you serious? Iโm sure he has already heard about it, this is so embarrassingโ I put my hands in my face and I fake sob into them โalso I didnโt have hearts in my eyesโ
โSure thing love, anyways I then asked Maria about it and she simply said that after class he said that you are in general very intelligent and that you got all worked upโ Rom takes a sip of her jug โdonโt let me distract you any longer, go inside and have funโ she then goes back to her place around the barrel with a wink.
Everything is getting worse and worse, I take a deep breath and open the door, I instantly seen Mariaโs white hair in the distance.
โOh! Finally, I thought you werenโt going to come!โ Maria is screaming over the loud band โcome sit here, we reserved a place for youโ I sit and soon after I have a glass of red wine in my hands, I join the conversation, they are mainly hunters, friends of Maria and some other students from our same year.
Matilda who sits behind me in our usual class signals me to get closer to her โI have noticed a certain someone looking at you nonstop since you entered the pubโ I lean back and look at her with confusion, she giggles and signals for me to lean to her again โif only mister charmingโs eyes could kill trust me Ludwig would be seven feet underground by nowโ no way, Micolash? Being like that towards someone like Ludwig? Still smiling with excitement Matilda subtly ushers me to look behind me, I do so carefully not to be too obvious.
And there it is, without any shame Micolash is looking straight into my eyes, in the furthest corner, where a round table is usually covered with burgundy courtains, only this time they are opened.
He is siting in the forest green sofa that rounds part of the table, between professor Willem and his apprentice Lawrence, his right arm is resting on top of the sofa and his left hand is playing with the glass, of what seems to be whisky, on top of the table.
He looks so good, out of his usual robes, the handkerchief around his neck seemingly already a bit loose.
He looks so, so good, I bite my lower lip unconsciously, which he seems to notice and smirk as he takes the glass off te table and chug a bit.
I canโt take it anymore and I turn my face to the conversation happening next to me, no one seems to know what just happened, except probably Matilda.
I want to look back, but I donโt want him to see me like this, so desperate for his attention; I simply rejoice in the memory of him looking so sure of himself and so good, his hand playing with the glass of whisky and his grey eyes darker thanks to the bad lighting of the pub staring me so intensely.
I close my legs hard when I start to notice a deep throb between them โoh no oh no, am I really getting turned on so easily?โ This is mortifying, one look from my professor and Iโm already falling apart, and the most alarming part is just how much I am enjoying every second of it.
I drink half of my glass of wine at once and focus on what Luwig is saying, I want to talk to him and see what happens.
Shamelessly I put my hand in Ludwigs arm and nod at whatever story he is telling, he notice straight away and gives me a warm smile โare you enjoying coming here? We donโt usually see you aroundโ we are now having our own private conversation, very close to each other to properly hear us โactually yes, I canโt believe a never came before, donโt tell Maria I said that thoughโ he laughed louder than I expected and looked behind my shoulder briefly, I was turning my head to look what was behind me but he grabbed my face softly and turned it back to him, I have to admit, that made me feel like a teenager again, he is always very soft with me and knows that I do not do well with violence and roughness โdonโt bother, just some drunk idiot making a showโ he says still holding my face and smiling, I nod and smile back at him pursing my lips a little.
โHow often do you come here? And how come the professors also join? I never thought they would engage with us like thisโ I ask curiously
โWe come every Tuesday and Friday, usually the professors only come on Fridays but lately they have been coming more often, they actually are really good companyโ Ludwig looks over my shoulder again and this time I am quick enough to look behind me, my eyes move directly towards that table, there I immediately notice that Micolash has changed his demeanour, he is now leaning forward and his arms are on top of the table, one holding a new glass and the other is stroking his lips softly, but what catches my attention is his eyes, where before they were amused and charming, of course, now they were harsh, crude and his face was showing he was not happy at all.
I can feel Ludwig try to grab my face softly again, but I am still looking at Micolash, what happened to him? Did it really work? Did it bother him that much that I am talking to Ludwig?
โY/n donโt pay attention to others, they donโt deserve it, they are simply drunk and making a showโ and it is true, between our table and the professorโs table were many students dancing and drinking โhe isnโt worth it y/nโ
I turn my face at him and scowl โhow do you know that?โ I ask very seriously, his hand falls from where it was in my face, now we are both on the same boat โdo you know him?โ I arch one of my brows, maybe I am being to harsh here, maybe.
โHe is your professor y/n that should be enough, but alas, he is older than you, he is completely devoted to his career and is not a good manโ I relax my face a little โwhat do you mean he is not a good man?โ
Ludwig sighs in exasperation โwhat Iโm saying is, I have worked with him, he only cares about himself and his work, thatโs itโ I make a move to turn my head, but I simply end up looking at my hands in my lap.
โI apreciare your concern and your intentions Ludwig, but even if I kind of like him, there are no reasons why you should worryโ I assure him with a smile and holding his hands tightly โitโs imposible that something could ever happen between him and Iโ liar that is a lie, the only thing I want in this very exact moment is for my astrophysics professor to take me and claim me.
Ludwig smiles and nods โokayโ
__________________________
Iโm reaching the entrance to the lecture building when I see the door closed with a paper note that says it is under maintenance โI cannot fucking believe thisโ now I have to get through the back door which is at least five minutes away and then walk to my lecture, so two additional minutes if I run, Iโm not going to make it on time, I was already pressed without this inconvenience. Now Iโm running to get there before Micolash closes the door.
When I finally see my class from the distance I notice that the door is still open โshit is he late? Canโt be heโs never lateโ as I get closer I can hear his voice โof course he is thereโ once I reach the door I take a deep breath and slowly look inside to make sure I am allowed in, everyone turns their attention to me and so does Micolash โah miss y/s, finally you have made itโ he is now looking at me and giving his back to the others โI apologise si- professorโ I correct myself, but I see his lips twitch โthe front door was under maintenance so I had to use the back doorโ I explain as good as I can out of breath, he simple shakes his head โdonโt worry, take your sitโ and he uses his free arm to lead the way to my empty seat next to Maria who is already looking down at her paper holding her smirk. Once I sit I hit her with my leg ripping a little sound from her.
The lecture continues as usual, except I canโt stop thinking of what happened in the pub, how the professor standing in front of me, talking about the dilation of time was looking at me like a hunter to their prey, yes, that is a good analogy.
Again I get lost in his hand, how he holds the chalk and writes something on the blackboard, or how carefree he looks with his other hand in his pocket; his eyes scanning the class when he is explaining something and how they stay connected to mine for a little longer than they should. It is driving me crazy how badly I need him, it is wrong and almost sinful.
Iโm watching him walk around us, I close my legs and take a deep breath when he walks right by my side, he smells fresh, but not fresh like a spring morning in the lake; fresh like a meadow filled with flowers and dark stormy skies, the minutes before the rain starts to fall and thunder roars, that kind of fresh; and itโs so intoxicating.
It makes me wonder if I make people feel that way, I try to be presentable and smell good at all times.
When the lecture is over it takes me longer than usual to get my things, Maria is waiting for me outside and I am the last person to leave without counting Micolash.
I stand up and start walking to the exit.
โY/nโ I hear Micolash call mi actual name.
โYes?โ My answer comes far to quickly and far to hopeful
โMake sure you wake up at least five minutes earlier this Fridayโ heโs already walking my way to leave the room, but stops right in front of me, he has to look down to meet my eyes โdonโt want to make me wait again donโt you?โ He almost whispers and I shake my head no, I look like a fool with my lips slightly parted looking up at his beautiful eyes, Micolash then smiles softly โgoodโ
My eyes involuntarily follow him until he turns left at the end of the long corridor, I snap out of it when I see a hand snapping their fingers in front of me.
โCome on y/n come back to me, I canโt lose you this earlyโ
I hit the hand and make an annoyed sound โugh stop it Maria, youโre not losing anythingโ
โDidnโt see that though, so what did he tell you?โ
โWhat do you mean?โ I walk faster trying to avoid her questions.
โDonโt act dumb y/n, I looked inside when you were taking your sweet time and I saw you two inches apart talkingโ she raised her eyebrows and pressed her lips together โso, tell meโ
I roll my eyes but tell her the truth โnothing weird happened if thatโs what youโre asking, he simply told me to try to wake up at least five minutes earlier this fridayโ
โOh he doesnโt want to miss your pretty face for even a minuteโ
โSee this is why I donโt like telling you this thingsโ I say exasperated but joking โIโm sure he simply doesnโt want his lectures to be interrupted, and I completely understand itโ I look at the lake on our left side, today we can see the sun after several days of nonstop rain and thunder โIโll try to come earlier this Fridayโ
โAw but then I wonโt get to see him look out the door anxiously waiting for you, and you getting all worked up and and-โ I shake my head and roll my eyes in her direction motioning her to shut it โokay okay sorryโ she chuckles โbut itโs true though, this morning he left the door open for you, he never lets the door openโ
โThatโs true I was surprised to see it open too, for a minute I even thought he was late too, but that is imposible, he is never lateโ
โYes, well, our paths divert here, Iโll see you this Friday night at the pub? Donโt ditch me he will be thereโ sheโs screaming as she walks away backwards.
โDonโt shout Maria, and weโll see about Fridayโ
________________________
I am siting next to Rom and I front of Ludwig and Maria at the pub, I have a a glass of wine in my hands and the music is loud.
I am looking around every minute or so, hoping to โaccidentallyโ cross glances with a certain someone.
I sigh and wait for another minute or two, but hen I hear the entrance door open and finally the professors are here, I donโt shy away and keep looking until my eyes meet his, my stomach turns in excitement and I think itโs visible on my face, my cheeks feel hot, he is already giving me a cheeky little smile, I take courage and bite my lip slowly, I can see his eyes open slightly and very very gently shake his head in amusement; I think I got him.
They are siting at the same table, only this time Micolash is siting in one of the edges. I have an idea, and if it works Iโm having the night of my life.
โIโm going out to get some fresh air, aloneโ I say to the group.
โTake your time little devilโ Maria winks at me and I stand up.
I make sure he watches me leave the pub, today there is no one outside in the porch, perfect for me, I make my way to the furthest side, where the lanterns barely illuminate and simply wait.
After a while of looking out at the empty street I see two hands hold the wooden railing at each side of me and a body behind me โyour friends are waiting for youโ his voice against my nape makes me tense a little bit โare you waiting for someone?โ
โYesโ I say taking a shaky breath
โMhm is he late?โ He shoves his face in my neck and takes a deep breath
โHeโs already here actuallyโ his body presses against my back caging me against the railing, his hands move closer to mine โhe came just as I expectedโ I whisper.
I can feel his lips move along my neck, I move my head to make his access easier, with eyes closed I simply let him do whatever he pleases, his lips feel like they are barely there, like feathers that give soft kisses here and there โyou smell deliciouslyโ he whispers against my ear โviolets?โ With my eyes still closed I swallow โyesโฆโ I can feel him smile and give a proper kiss right under my jaw, I stop breathing for a second and he chuckles โgood girlโ his kisses continue and I think Iโm going insane, he is incredibly soft and careful with his touch, treating me as if I was made of expensive porcelain, his arms wrap around my waist and tighten as he hides his face fully in the crook of my neck, taking another deep breath there โare you trying to drive me insane y/n?โ I put my hands over his โthat was never my intention sirโ his right hand grabs my face and turns it so he can look at my eyes, mi neck is slightly leaned back and the moonlight is hitting me on the face โyou look ethereal like thisโ his eyes are moving everywhere, trying to capture every eyelash, every beauty mark, my cheeks flush at his words โthe light of the moon suits you perfectly y/n, almost as if the moon existed simply to illuminate you and only youโ his face starts to get closer to mine, I look at his lips, they are parted just like mine, my heart starts to beat even faster and then his lips are gracing mine; the same hand holding mi face moves to my neck and caresses the space between my jaw and shoulder, his thumb tracing circles on my cheek โwake upโ
I furrow my eyebrows โwhat?โ
I open my eyes startled.
โWake up y/nโ itโs Amelia โyouโre going to be late againโ Iโm in my room, it was a dream.
โShitโ I rub my eyes with the heel of my hands and stand up, I look to the clock on the wall and realise I have exactly twenty minutes until the lecture starts, Iโm going to be late again for fucks sake โwhy didnโt I hear the bells? Did they not ring this morning?โ I ask Amelia who is also speeding to get ready.
โNo, I donโt know why but no one heard themโ I pay attention and I realise I can hear the other roomโs door slam shut and people running down the hallway โwell at least we are not the only ones who are lateโ I say putting on my boots, I grab my coat and my books.
โYeah well, still, I have an exam in about fifteen minutes so I have to fly y/n, not run, flyโ Amelia is out the door when I finish putting my hair up, Iโm about to follow behind when I remember something.
โMy perfumeโ I grab it, violets โwill he really like it as much?โ It was only a dream, produced by my subconsciousness so I shouldnโt base my decisions on it, but sill, it felt so real and so fucking good.
I put on a good amount of it and sprint out, closing the door behind me. As I arrive to the lecture building I can see Micolash entering, I still have time, I get to the class at almost the same time as him, when he is about to close the door I appear in front of him โsorry sir, please let me in, the bells did not ring this morning and no one woke up on timeโ I explain out of breath, he looks behind him and sees everyone already sitting or getting to their seats, he looks back at me โeveryone is already here, come in but I consider it as you being late, again, missโ he reprimands lowly only for me to hear, I canโt even feel bad about it when he is looking at me like that, looking only at me, I look up at him โforgive me, sir, it wonโt happen againโ his eyes close briefly and he sighs โI told you not to call me that y/s, go sitโ I nod and enter the room. When I sit and look up I see Micolash taking a deep breath and almost needing to compose himself, I smile a little โmaybe he does in fact like my perfume?โ
The lecture goes on smoothly, nothing new, Micolash showing us why he was chosen to be professor so young and me completely lost in his voice and his hands, and his hair, and his eyes.
When the lecture is over I am getting ready to leave but when I walk past his desk I hear him call for me โy/s, please stay behind I would like to talk to youโ he turns his head to Maria who has stopped next to me โin privateโ
โOh, absolutelyโ she says and leaves the room, now itโs only Micolash and me, fuck Iโm not so brave anymore, with people around and in my dreams I am more shameless, now my legs are shaking.
โIs anything the matter professor?โ I ask innocently
โNow she calls me professorโ I can barely hear him whisper โactually yes, many things to be honestโ heโs walking around his desk to stop at least one foot away from me, I can smell him again, if I didnโt have any self control I would roll my eyes in pure bliss โI told you to come in timeโ Iโm opening my mouth to explain again but he shushes me by placing his hand in front of my face โI havenโt finished missโ โsorryโ he nods โI reckon you deserve a little punishment for this, like a little kidโ I arch one of my brows and turn my face to roll my eyes but he notices, his hand is now holding my jaw softly but firmly, his face inches away from mine, I canโt help the shock on my face and to comically open my eyes โdonโt roll your eyes at me darling, see this is why I think you should receive a little punishment; first you always come late to my lectures, second you roll your eyes at me and third you dare wear that damn perfumeโ I can hear my heartbeat on my ears, my breath is getting faster.
So, does that mean he likes my perfume? His hand is now at the side of my neck, just like in the dream โI know you like it hereโ he whispers, his eyes are hooded and heโs looking at me like I am a glass of water in the middle of the desert โprofessorโฆโ I physically canโt elevate my tone of voice, he is making me so nervous I could throw up any minute.
He moves his head to the side, as if inspecting my face, neck and shoulders โhas anyone ever told you that you have beautiful skin?โ I arch my eyebrows and flutter my eyes in bewilderment, I didnโt expect that compliment but it is very much well received โnoโ I manage to say โpurple and blue would really stand out in your skin toneโ his eyes travel back to mine as he says that. I am feeling dizzy, what is happening to me? His sole presence is driving me to the limit.
โCome to my office at sevenโ he smiles and gives me a peck to the cheek โdonโt be lateโ he whispers this last words in my ear.
And like that he leaves me alone, with my fingers tracing where he kissed me.
This evening at seven in his office, I wonโt be able to go to the pub tonight it seems.
The dance competition is approaching and the choreography is gradually coming together. The changes the coach is making are working well and, in general, the atmosphere has returned to being rather pleasant, compared to the annoying and worrying one of a few days ago.
Things have returned to normal, as far as possible. When eight o'clock came around, you had to rush off to the auditorium where you had that damn dance performance. The boys from the volleyball team couldn't come to see you because the coach kept them back at the last minute.ย
Ushijima and you sat talking for a while longer until you had to leave. You almost dragged him with you when you ran out because you forgot that your hands were intertwined, which was a little awkward.
Luckily, the performance went well, you were able to fill in for the poor first year, and now you only have to worry about the next serious competition.
โA little higher and... that's it, very good.โ Right now, you are going over the choreography one last time before wrapping up training. The coach has made you repeat it until you dream about the choreography. It's crazy how determined she is to make you memorize it.
โIf I hear her irritating voice one more time, I'll kill myself in front of you allโฆ" Maki whispers behind you. You hide the smile that threatens to escape your lips and continue with the choreography. ยทBy the way, you still haven't told us what happened after the match.โ You're dancing around the room, but Maki always finds a way to yap. โYou disappeared and didn't say anything.โ
You keep dancing as if nothing happened, taking advantage of the fact that you are both in the back, you reply, โYou know, I needed to be alone for a while.โ A turn here, an arm movement there. โI was watching the horse riding training.โ
โFrom what I understand, you weren't exactly alone.โ Sana interrupts you abruptly when she appears in front of you. โThat's what the horse riding team is saying,โ and as quickly as she arrived, she leaves again.
Maki doesn't have time to say anything because you're already moving to different parts of the formation, about to finish the choreography, but you can feel her eyes following you and her inquisitive gaze.
Just what you needed, another rumor. You're not stupid, you know perfectly well that sheโs referring to Ushijima.
You finally finish the choreography, but beyond feeling accomplished for not having made any mistakes, you begin to notice the familiar feeling of worry and adrenaline that anxiety produces in you.ย
โWho were you with?โ
Maki seems to have materialized next to you out of nowhere. โDamn it, Maki, you scared me,โ you say, putting your hand to your chest, your breathing ragged from exhaustion and your heart now beating faster than is considered healthy from the shock and anxiety that has been consuming you since the other day.
โThey say you were sitting very close together, they even saw you laughing.โ You look at Sana with knives in your eyes, you're not in the mood for this today... not today, not yesterday, not the day before yesterday in fact. โRumi told me she was speechless, apparently Ushiwaka has a very pretty smile when it's genuine.โ
โI CAN'T BELIEVE IT!โ Maki raises her arms in complete frustration. โSo you run off without telling us anything, you don't answer our messages or calls, you don't talk to us until today, and on top of that, you were with Ushiwaka and you didn't tell us? Bitch!โย
You look at Maki with a frown at such a gratuitous insult. โHeyโโย
โNo โheyโ or anything, you deserve it and you know it.โ
You sigh, trying to find the words to redirect the conversation, but you can't, and you just look at your feet with your arms folded on either side.
โThat's right, be ashamed andโโ
โOkay, enough, leave the poor girl alone, won't you? She's had enough with the stupid posh kids.โ
Rika places her hands on your shoulders in support, and you nod towards her in gratitude.
โI'm just trying to make her understand that she can't shut herself off from the world, or from us, every time something goes wrong.โ Sana looks at Maki, annoyed by her harsh words. โWhat? It's true, we were worried and she couldn't even send a single message to let us know she was okay.โ
โI know, and I'm sorry, okay? The situation completely overwhelmed me, and I didn't want to hear from anyone... I'm really sorry.โ
Maki grabs your wrists and looks up at you. โI'm upset, and I want you to understand that even though the others aren't saying it,โ she says, looking at the others who are standing next to us but avoiding her gaze, โwe were all worried.โ
โYou know perfectly well that we're here for whatever you need... if you want to talk, just say so, if you need space, we'll understand, but let us know, okay?โ
You nod like a puppy feeling scolded by its owners.ย
Sana is right, you should know by now that the girls will always have your back, just as you would have theirs.
Yahiko finally arrives and after showering and changing in the changing rooms, you all go to your bedrooms.
โSo, Ushiwaka and you back at the scene of the crime?โย
Maki is in your room, lying on the bed playing with a soft toy you won at a fair a while ago.ย
The question bothers you a little. You can't say why, but it makes something in your stomach churn a little, and you don't like that feeling.
โI don't know why he came looking for me, but he came and... I wasn't going to ignore him.โ
You look at Maki from your desk chair, which you gently swivel from side to side.
โCome on, don't give me that mysterious tone now, not when you've been drooling over him for almost two years.โ You roll your eyes, but she's right, you've had a crush on him for a long time; it doesn't mean that at that moment, when you were so... vulnerable, you were in the mood to put up with anyone, but apparently you were with him. โBy the way, when is your next tutoring?โ
You take a breath through your nose and let it out, closing your eyes. โTomorrowโฆ"ย
โHey, why do you seem so reluctant?โ Maki sounds annoyed, almost offended.
โI'm not-, well, maybe a little... I thinkโฆ" you wave your arms in the air โthis whole situation, you know, still affects me a little.โ
Maki gets up from the bed, sitting on the edge and forgetting the stuffed animal on your cushion. โListen... I can't say I understand you, because I've never been through anything like this, but it's also difficult for us to be around you when your mind is constantly elsewhere and your so out of it in general.โ
You snort and nod your head. You're not stupid. You know that your mood and energy are at rock bottom. You're so caught up in your own head that you've even had trouble concentrating on your studies, leaving some things undone, which has caused you some problems with your teachers.
โI'll try to be in a better mood, I promise... but I need time.โ You glance sideways at Maki, who is staring thoughtfully at the floor. โI admit it was a slap in the face and I didn't take it the best way.โ
โNo... you're right, I think I'm the one who's asking you to move on too quickly,โ she scoffs, crossing her arms. "How about we try to forget about it for now? Sana told me you had a bad day in Japanese Literature.โ
You snort in annoyance, remembering today. How embarrassing. The teacher must have been having a bad day too, because you almost started crying right there out of frustration.
โI'd rather not talk about it.โ
Sana and you study together for a while, manage to finish your overdue exercises, and when she goes to her room, you manage to sleep a little more peacefully.
_________________________________
The gym door is ajar, and you can hear the sneakers squeaking against the floor and the volleyball bouncing.
This time, you don't wait for Ushijima on the steps by the door, but on a bench further away. Even though you had a better day, the looks from the other students at lunchtime turned your stomach so much that you've been feeling sick all day.
Dance practice went normally, although you're concerned about how your mind unintentionally began to compare you to the other girls in the club.
How their long, shiny black hair glistens effortlessly under the spotlights, how their slender bodies move so elegantly, their round, adorable faces reminding you once again that you're not like them.
You wouldn't dream of telling Sana that you're having those intrusive thoughts again. She's already dealing with too much with all the drama from the weekend and your pessimism to confuse her with this again.
It's chilly outside, and the jumper you've put on over your uniform manages to warm you up a little, but you're nervous. Something is stressing you out, and it's your poor nails that are suffering the consequences. The skin around your nails only gets a break when you manage to hurt yourself enough to make it sting and bleed a little.
You look at your nails. They're not the nails of a girl who takes care of herself. You don't think any boy would find something like this attractive, not even you do.
You are so absorbed in your own thoughts that you don't realize that the gym has emptied and a figure is approaching the bench where you are sitting.
โY/nโ
You gasp, clutching your chest with your hand. You look towards the source of the voice. Ushijima approaches with his usual calm, freshly showered with his hair still slightly damp.
You get up and grab your backpack, the feeling of dread intensifying by being next to him, but not because of himโฆ rather because of you and your fucked up head, filled with insecurities and anxiety.
โHey, how was training?โ
You start walking together towards the study room on the second floor, just like last time.
โIt went well, as usual,โ he says, you keep walking looking at the floor, if Ushijima notices, he doesnโt mention it. โShirabu might be able to take Semi's place as the starting setter.โ His neutral tone is very soothing, as if he were slowly turning the whirlwind in your stomach into a calm breeze.
โThat's greatโฆ"ย
โI guess you mean for Shirabu, not Semi.โ
You look at him for a second before continuing to walk. โUm... yes, of course.โ
You feel Ushijima stop in the middle of the stairs, between the first and second floors. When you turn around, you see him looking at you intently, his brow furrowed and his lips forming a thin line.
โWhat's wrong? Have you forgotten something?โ you ask, puzzled.
โWhat's wrong with you, y/n?โ
You raise your eyebrows in surprise, your mouth opening for a moment but quickly closing again.
โI know we haven't talked much, but... I notice that your tone is much more bored, different from other times, almost like being here is a taskโ
Your heart skips a beat and your stomach twists at his words. โAm I being rude? Do I speak in a bored tone?โ
โNo... I didn't mean to, Ushijima. I'm sorry if that's how you felt.โ
Ushijima shakes his head, clearly annoyed. โI told you to call me Wakatoshi... I don't like you calling me by my surname, it's too formal.โ
You sigh. It's true that he told you that on the bleachers on Saturday.
โI'm sorry, I'm fine, just tired.โ
You don't want to dwell on the matter, so you simply turn around and continue up the stairs, but you don't get far because his hand firmly grabs yours, making you turn your head in surprise.
โYou're lying to me.โ His tone is serious, so much so that it almost offends you, as if he were a father scolding his child. โIs it because of Saturday? I thought you'd be better by now. Have they said anything to you again?โ
You quickly cut Ushi-Wakatoshi off with your free hand. โStop, stop, stop.โ You take a deep breath, letting it out with your head down. You look at Wakatoshi through your eyelashes. โThey haven't said anything else to me, not directly at least, and... yes, I admit I'm still a little affected by what happened on Saturday.โย
You swallow hard before continuing. His hand is still holding your wrist, but not as tightly, and his thumb moves very, very gently over your pulse, he mustโve noticed by now how fast is going. โThe girls have already given me a hard time about it. I know I have to get over it, okay? I'm trying, I swear.โ
Wakatoshi shakes his head, grabbing your hand with his other one, enveloping it between his two large, warm hands. โI understand why it affects you, it's just that... for a moment I thought you were upset with me for what happened at the bleachers.โ
You frown. โUpset? Why?โ
He shrugs his shoulders, not quite sure himself. โI don't know... I was hoping to ask you if you'd like to... um... wellโฆ" You can't quite process it. Is he stuttering? Is that a blush you see? โOn Friday, after the tutoring, would you like to go for a coffee in Sendai?โ
You are speechless, he has undoubtedly taken away your ability to speak, and the air from your chest. A date? Is that what he's asking you? A date, him and you? Without studies or anything in between.
โI thought about asking you after Saturday, but I haven't seen you anywhere and... well, I like you and I like being with you, so I thought it would be logical to ask you out on a date?โ
He says it as if it were a question, his confidence leaving his body with every word, your stunned gaze becoming a weight on his shoulders.
โIf you don't want to, I understand. I hope I haven't crossed any lines or made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that on Saturday, in the bleachers, I felt like I could talk openly with you and relax, which is very difficult for me with practically everyone else, I felt so confortableโฆ I knew I had to take a step further.โ
He ends by taking a deep breath, looking back at you expectantly for your response.ย
โOf course, damn it.โ
Your voice comes out a little muffled, from holding your breath without realizing it. You still can't believe it, a date with Wakatoshi. You can already feel your knees shaking.
But what almost makes you fall to the floor is his smile, the way the corners of his eyes narrow and his fangs peek out, as his olive eyes stare at you so intensely that you have no doubt he can read your thoughts.
โDamnโฆ"
โWhat was that?โ
โNothing, nothing.โ
Wakatoshi resumes walking to the classroom, gently pulling your wrist, which he continues to hold softly.
With your heart beating a mile a minute and your cheeks redder than a tomato, you follow him, trying to hide the stupid smile on your lips.
___________________________________
โOMG OMG OMGโ
You dodge several slaps and elbows that almost make contact with your face. Maki and Sana are in your room; you told them you had something to tell them and they came running. Rika and Yhiko seem to be MIA.
โThis is going to go down in history... what's the date today?โ Mika gets up to look at the calendar hanging behind your door, Sana just laughs and looks at you with excitement; you just hide your red and very, very hot face from embarrassment.
โHow are you feeling? I'm sure you must be freaking out inside, I would beโฆ" Sana squeezes your knee a little.
โIt's a miracle she didnโt piss herself with excitement, do you know how long she's been drooling over that boy? Over a year now.โ
You roll your eyes, Maki and her pretty words always cheering you up...
โI can't believe it, honestly... he told me he wanted to ask me since Saturday.โ The girls make a strange high-pitched noise, but when you look at them, with pursed lips they relax. โHe told me he felt very calm talking to me and that he was able to open up without feeling uncomfortable.โย
โRumi said it... Rumi said it.โ Sana wags her finger in your face.
โWhat else? Was that before or after the tutoring?โ Mika swats Sana's finger away and brings her face close to yours, too close.
โThe tutoring went well, nothing out of the ordinary happenedโฆ" You purse your lips as you think, but actually something did happen that made your panties a little wet. โWell, something did happen.โ You look away, remembering the scene, and the girls put their hands over their mouths.
โY/n... sex in the second-floor toilets.โ
You punch Mika's shoulder and stare at him with wide eyes.
โWhat are you talking about? Of course not, you bloody idiot.โ Now, thanks to his comment, you have a mental image of what Wakatoshi would look like in the act and... yes, that's not good for your poor heart.
โYou're an idiot, girl.โ Sana pushes Mika on the other shoulder, but unlike you, she laughs with her. โCome on, tell us what happened.โย
Well...
โDo you think you can do this exercise? That way we can look over the phrasal verbs, even if only briefly.โ
Wakatoshi nods as he reaches out to take the pencil, but it slips out of his hand, falling just under your chair.
โOh, wait, I'll get it,โ but Wakatoshi is already halfway down, the pencil has fallen a little awkwardly and he has to twist a little to reach it. โA little further back... there, yesโฆ"
The air catches in your chest and the words in your throat when you feel his large hand on your thigh, leaning on it to avoid tipping over from the chair; you have to press your lips tightly together to avoid letting out some obscene noise that threatens to escape. The sudden heat in the classroom and your heart about to come out of your mouth make you sweat a little.
โGot it,โ Wakatoshi squeezes your thigh a little as he tries to sit back down in his chair. He didn't do it on purpose, but it sends you spiraling.
When he straightens up again, he looks me up and down and then at his exercise sheet.
โI'm dead here.โ
โBullshit... this is worthy of a romance novel, do you even know how lucky you are?โ Sana is biting her lip, smiling as if she were the one in your situation.
โI would have pounced on him, but I understand that you have more self-control than I do.โ Mika crosses her arms.
โYeah, and more decency too.โ
She acts offended by my comment but says nothing more.
โWhen is the date? Where are you going? We need to know so we can help you choose a proper outfit and make-up.โย
Sana gets up from your bed and opens the wardrobe, browsing through the clothes inside.
โOn Friday after tutoring, he says he wants to go for coffee, the usual thing on a first date, I guess.โ
โMhm, I see... How about something cute but casual? What do you think, Maki?โย
Maki thinks for a moment before getting up and joining Sana, looking inside your wardrobe. โSee that brown skirt with the burgundy jumper? It's autumn, I think it would be a good combination.โ
You sigh, resting your head on the headboard of your bed, crossing your arms while the girls take out the clothes and show them to you.
โAnd jeans with this blouse? Oh, and look at these boots, they're so pretty... I didn't know you had so many nice clothes, I always see you in sweatshirts.โ Sana takes out the boots and inspects them with eyes that scream, โI want to take them and at least Iโll wear them.โ
โI don't usually have a reason to dress like thisโฆ"
โLuckily, from now on you will.โ Sana winks at you and continues looking.
You roll your eyes, smiling, and look away, gazing at the trees surrounding the dormitory building. Indeed, it is the middle of autumn, and the waves of trees that have not yet fallen form a beautiful palette of cozy orange colours.
'I hope the date goes well. I don't want to make a bad impression or say something that will make Wakatoshi lose interest in meโฆ I wouldโve liked to express myself better when he asked me out, but I genuinely couldnโt bring myself to do it, I donโt want to keep it inside for much longerโ
Author note: Iโm sorry for the delay, Iโve experience a wild writers block and I couldnโt bring myself to write more than a few words each time I opened my laptop.
This is a shorter chapter but I hope you like it. Iโll try to update my Reiner x OC ff soon too, okay love ya bye ๐๐ฉต
โ Aesthetic collage of Maria and Eloiseโs time with Albert and Greta in their small but cozy cottage/farm โ
From my *Reiner x f! OC* fanfic
You can find the link in my pined post.
The place is described as smaller than Narcisaโs farm, there are fewer animals and they arenโt really used for profit unlike in the other farm.
Here Maria and Eloise simply helped the old couple with their daily tasks and made them company.
In Mariaโs eyes itโs like heaven.
Small reminder that Eloise loves baking and anything sweet, and that Maria was studying some nursing under the tutoring of Greta, a retired nurse and the occasional help of Grisha. They also had a horse called princess.
Henvidt (which is a fictional village) is small and very rustic, with very few areas for socialising.
Shiganshina in the other hand is a very colourful and lively city, filled with people and good vibes. Nothing like the dark and dull immensity of the underground city.
Heeeey how are you all??? Hope youโre having a great week so far ๐ฉท
Iโm doing real good myself! Iโm aware I havenโt posted anything in a while and Iโm sorry for that ๐ฉ but Iโm currently visiting family abroad, so I have little to no free time for myself haha.
Anyways, just here to tell you all that Iโll try to post the fourth chapter of โAfter class tutoringโ sometime this week.
Again, feel free to ask me any questions or request, Iโll be happy to answer them โค๏ธโ๐ฅ
Thatโs all, have a lovely rest of the week and stay healthy ๐บ
โTomorrowโ arrives with the same annoyance with which you went to bed. You spent the whole night mulling over the situation, and as a result, you could hardly sleep.
Do you regret not saying anything? Of course.
Does that mean you're going to pluck up the courage to talk to him? Absolutely not.
Shame consumes your entire body; the mere thought of talking to him after how upset he left you there last night makes you feel unworthy of even looking at him.
You screwed up, big time.
Today is Saturday, so breakfast lasts until ten in the morning, plenty of time to clear your head with a shower and go eat breakfast without fear of running into him and his friends.
Without much enthusiasm for anything, you put on a loose white T-shirt with a sweatshirt a couple of sizes too big and some tracksuit bottoms with trainers.
You put your hair up in a comfortable bun, add a little mascara, and head out to the dining room.
The cold morning air wakes you up completely, a slap of icy air, colder than the weather app predicted.
With your hands in your pockets and half your face hidden under your hoodie, you walk quickly towards the building.
Once inside, you take a quick look around. There are quite a few people having breakfast, as you would expect on a Saturday. You spot some familiar hair at one of the tables by the windows, so with your tray in your hands, you walk towards them.
Still staring at them, out of the corner of your eye a table catches your attention. Before you turn your head completely to look, your subconscious has already processed that a redhead is sitting at that table: Tendou.
Too late, you're already looking in that direction. And you don't like what you see.
Your stomach lurches when your gaze falls directly on a certain tall boy with olive hair and deep eyes. He is looking at you so intensely that you can feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end.
You're so caught off guard that you don't see the poor first-year girl crossing your path, and in a matter of seconds you've bumped into her, causing a commotion and your tray to fall completely on top of your clothes.
You gasp, frozen for a moment, and the girl seems to freeze too. You're holding the tray tightly against your chest, afraid to let go and see the dreadful result of stains and spills.
Silence has invaded the dining hall section around you, and you can feel your face burning, but not in a good way. The bad kind, the very bad kind.
You want to sink into a hole and never come out again. With a quick glance around, you realise that people are laughing at you, some are even taking photos with their phones.
The girls are watching the scene with concern from their table, Maki is halfway up when some students with a reputation for being troublemakers start directing their unfunny jokes at you.
"What's up, foreigner? If you hate tofu with mushrooms so much, you should have thrown it away."
"Spilling it on herself is the same as throwing it in the trash, her clothes are worthless anyway. Haven't you seen how she's dressed? She looks like a tramp."
A chorus of laughter and other comments makes it almost impossible to hear Maki's insults towards people.
"How pathetic."
"Hey, apologise to the girl in front of you, won't you? It's not her fault, and you've stained her arm with kimchi. Foreigners are so rude."
You swallow hard, looking down at your tray, which reveals the mess you've made by walking without paying attention.
You pick up your tray as best you can, helping to clean the girl's arm as she tries to assure you that it's okay, and without looking back, you run out of the dining room.
Once outside, you can finally let the tears fall freely; it was hard work holding them back for so long.
You hear the dining room door open and close again, but you've already started running towards your dorm.
"Y/n!"
"Y/n, please wait!"
You slow down a little before reaching the dorm doors, and with trembling hands you try to wipe away the tears that have turned your eyes into fountains.
"Y/n, hey, are you okay? My God, those jerks... I'd smash their faces in, I swear."
Maki comes up beside you. With a weak smile, you nod in her direction, but your teary eyes and red nose speak for themselves.
"N-don't worry, 'hiccup', I'm fine."
Maki shakes her head sadly and hugs you tightly, not caring if she gets her clothes dirty too.
"I'm so sorry, y/n, you don't deserve that." You hug her back, surrendering a little to her warmth. "We have to report this to the school management."
"No."
Maki looks at you strangely. "What do you mean, no? That was bullying, plain and simple. We have to report it, y/n."
You shake your head. "Leave it, I don't want any more trouble. I don't want them to hate me even more if I get them in trouble with the headmaster."
Maki takes a deep breath, clearly annoyed. "It's been a long time since they said anything to you. I thought they had finally stopped bothering you..."
You grimace and shrug your shoulders. "You saw it. All it took was one little slip-up for them to have the green light to pick on me."
You clear your throat a little and sigh. "I've made a fool of myself in front of practically the whole school."
"Hey, come on, it wasn't the whole school."
You look at her with a 'don't mess with me' expression and Maki shuts up immediately.
You resume your walk back to the dorms in silence.
Before entering, you can see from a distance how the group that was messing with you is leaving the dining hall, making a racket and reenacting the scene with mockery.
You roll your eyes and Maki gently pushes you inside. "Don't pay any attention to them, they're a lost cause."
You scoff, smiling without much joy.
"The girls will be here in a little while, they stayed in the dining hall. They didn't want to bother you, so I came alone."
"They could never bother me... but thanks anyway," you look at Maki sincerely, new tears forming in the corners of your eyes, "for coming to see how I was doing."
Maki frowns. "Of course, I wasn't going to let you go alone afterโฆ after that," she says, finally rolling her eyes.
You go into your room and quickly look for a new sweatshirt. Luckily, your trousers weren't stained, and the thick fabric of the sweatshirt prevented the sauce from seeping through and staining your T-shirt.
As you choose a new sweatshirt, you hear Maki gasp violently.
You turn around, concerned.
"What's wrong?"
She just looks at you with a mixture of excitement and shock. You, frowning, shake your head in clear confusion.
"Reon has texted me."
"Oh."
You turn away again, not really caring about her conversation with her boyfriend.
"Hey, hey, hey; this is interesting, y/n."
You turn back around, holding a new black sweatshirt, a couple of sizes larger like the previous one.
"What's going on?"
โHe just told me that after you and I left the dining room, the idiots kept making fun of you and that Ushijima suddenly told them to shut up, very angryly." Maki looks at you with wide eyes, and you just look at her with one eyebrow raised. She looks back at her conversation on the phone. "He says he called them pathetic and then got up and left."
You look at each other in surprise, at a loss for words, simply making faces of surprise and uncertainty.
You burst out laughing when you don't know what else to do.
"Seriously, what's going on?" Maki puts her hands to her head and snorts, "What happened in the tutoring yesterday to make him react like that? I still can't believe that Ushiwaka said and did that."
Your smile disappears from your lips with bitterness, and you remember the events of the previous night with regret.
"Well... it was going well, until I screwed it up."
"What? What do you mean you screwed up? Oh, y/n, no... what did you do?" Maki sounds disappointed.
You explain how the tutoring session went, in great detail. From how adorable he looked trying to come up with English phrases to how attractive and masculine he became the moment he became the tutor. How you were mesmerised staring at his muscular arms and chest when he took off his jacket, excluding the part where you had to go to the bathroom to clear your head from how badly you were managing your feelings and emotions.
"It sounds like it went well, I don't understand how you ruined it."
You take a breath and look at her, pursing your lips.
"He insisted on walking me to the dorm door." Maki makes a strange noise of excitement, but quickly covers her mouth with her hands, urging you to continue talking. "Then he asked me if I would go see him, no, to cheer them on at today's game."
"And you said yes, didn't you?"
At your lack of response, her face grows increasingly serious. "It can't be... you said no? You're stupid!"
You were about to protest when someone knocks on your door.
Maki quickly gets up and opens it, as if it were her room. When she opens the door, Sana, Rika and Yahiko greet you somewhat awkwardly from the hallway.
"Come in," you say naturally, and they visibly exhale the air they were holding.
"Are you feeling better?" Sana is the first to approach, sitting on the edge of your bed and taking your hands in hers.
You nod with a small smile, "Yes, don't worry, I'm fine."
Rika throws herself into a big hug, which you return gratefully.
"If I find those bastards, I swear I'll rip out their extensions and nails... although I admit they style them very well, you canโt even notice..." Yahiko starts rambling and you just let her be.
"So, are you sure you're feeling better? Is there anything we can do to make your day better?"
You laugh softly and shake your head. "Seriously, I'm feeling better now. Thanks for coming, by the way."
"Don't mention it, we weren't going to leave you alone, at least not for much longer."
Sana strokes the back of your hand with her thumb, getting your attention. "Has Maki told you about the scene your boyfriend caused?"
You roll your eyes, pulling away from her grip. Sana snorts.
"You won't believe it, but before you arrived, she was about to tell me why she ruined everything with Ushiwaka yesterday." Maki is sitting in your study chair.
The girls look at you in disbelief.
"What do you mean, ruin everything with Ushiwaka?"
"Y/n, what have you done?"
You raise your hands to silence them.
"Come on! A little order, please." They all fall silent and look at you slowly. "After the tutoring session, which went very well, by the way," you say, looking at Maki, who looks back at you with a raised eyebrow, "he walked me here..."
"HE WALKED YOU TO YOUR ROOM!?" Rika's voice probably carried all the way to Paris. Yahiko hits her on the head and tells her to be quiet.
"No, Rika, not to my room... as I was saying, he walked me to the dorm entrance and asked me if I wanted to go cheer them on at today's game." You take a breath before continuing. "And I asked him if they didn't have cheerleaders for that."
Maki covers her face with her hands, Rika and Sana simply look away in obvious embarrassment, and Yahiko lets out a groan of exasperation.
"Yes, yes, I know; I screwed up."
"But how can you be like that? I can't, I can't..." Maki is already giving you a hard time.
"Let's see... it's bad, could you have said a thousand better things at that moment? Yes. Now, within the bad, I don't understand why he would take it so badly... I would think you're joking."
You scratch your temple. Sana is right, but she's missing an important detail... the fact that you had a minor mental breakdown related to your own insecurities, and that influenced your mood and how you responded to him. The fact that in your own attempt at self-sabotage, you pushed him away scared, to avoid future disappointment.
"I probably didn't say it in the best tone."
They all look at you with the same expression: 'How can you be so stupid?'.
No idea.
"Did something put you in a bad mood?"
"Maybe that was it, and you took it out on him without meaning to?"
You remain silent, not wanting to get deep and sentimental, much less end up crying again.
Maki, thank God, is able to read your body language.
"It's obvious she doesn't want to talk about it," she says sharply. "Now, if I may speak..."
"No, you're not allowed to."
"Yahiko, will you shut up?" Yahiko chuckles and Maki rolls her eyes and continues, "As I was saying, it's obvious that someone who is angry or who wants nothing to do with you wouldn't defend you like he did in the dining room."
The others nod in agreement with her.
"I think you should go to the match, cheer him on, and if you're lucky, talk to him."
"Yes! I'll leave you a small team flag." Rika gets up enthusiastically.
You, on the other hand, feel your stomach churning. "Mhmm..."
The girls stop talking excitedly about their plans for the afternoon. Sana crosses her arms and looks at you like an exasperated mother. "Speak up."
"I don't know... I don't know if I dare go... after this morning and everything."
"Hey, we're not going to leave you alone, okay? And if anyone dares to say anything, we'll kick their ass."
"That's right, Yahi and I will be your Superman by day and your Batman by night."
You laugh as you watch Rika imitate the flapping of a bat. "Okay, okay; I'll go to the game."
____________________________________
You look at the white and purple mini flag in your hand. You're waiting at the gym doors to go in.
You can't help feeling a little paranoid. You feel like everyone around you is staring at you, that the murmuring is nothing more than people talking about you, remembering the embarrassing moment from this morning.
You feel it in your stomach, as if it were falling without brakes and without bottom.
You try to make yourself small, to hide among your friends, but it's a bit futile considering that you're almost a head taller than all of them.
"Well, shall we go in now? We have to make sure we get the seats closest to the stage."
Everyone agrees with Sana. She comes up beside you, linking her slender arm through yours and smiling sweetly, "You'll see, we'll have a great time."
You nod, trying to ignore the people around you.
People who, without you being aware of it, are already pointing at you and watching the video that is already circulating throughout Shiratorizawa.
Once seated, you rest your arms on the railing in front of you, resting your chin on them and gently swaying the flag to the beat of the school band.
Not long after, the players from both schools are announced. It will be a practice match between Shiratorizawa and Aoba Johsai.
Both captains shake hands, and the screams of the fans of both captains are immediate.
Some first-year girls sitting behind you scream so high-pitched and loud that your ears ring.
You follow Ushijima's every move with your eyes; it's hypnotic. When he enters the court, it's as if a monumental weight has been lifted off of him, and suddenly he moves with fluidity and elegance.
The uniform fits him perfectly, hugging every curve of every muscle perfectly, the shorts revealing his muscular legs. You take a breath and look up, taking the liberty of Staring shamelessly at his bum, because from a distance he won't notice, right?
Wrong. After drooling over his toned back and neck, you reach his face: slightly parted lips, adorably rosy cheeks, and olive eyes staring... at YOU!?
As if you'd been shot with a taser, your body tenses up and you hide behind the railing.
"What the hell are you doing?" Maki whisper-yells, grabbing you by the hood of your sweatshirt, pulling you back down to sit.
"I can't," you say, mortified, covering your face with the flag.
"Come on, don't mess with me, get up," you sit back down, but this time you slide down in your seat so you're lower and less noticeable. Your arms are crossed and half your face is hidden behind the collar of your hoodie.
"What a spectacle," Sana rubs her eyes with her hand, incredulous.
Honestly, you don't even recognise yourself. The day is too stressful and you've been through enough shit already to not go a little crazy.
"Who is he looking at?"
"Me! Who else?"
"What are you talking about, he's obviously looking at me!"
You turn your head, looking irritably out of the corner of your eye at the girls sitting behind you.
"Oh no! He's looking at the third-year foreigner, look, she's sitting right in front of us."
"Haha! No wonder, he must be thinking how ridiculous she is... who does she think she is, coming after that show and sitting in the front row?"
"She's stealing our spot, we should be there, we're Ushijimaโs biggest fans."
Unable to take it anymore, you put on your hood and try to ignore the stupid girls.
Your friends look at you with pity, Maki simply places a hand on your thigh in a gesture of support. Although it quickly disappears when she sees Reon on the court.
"GO REON! MAKE A GOOD SERVE!"
Her scream attracts so much attention that the entire team and the opposing team are looking at you.
You just try to make yourself smaller in your seat, covering your face a little more with your hood.
"Hey, isn't that the tofu girl?"
"Who?"
"The American girl who spilled her breakfast all over herself, there's a video, look."
People quickly start whisperingโฆ โnow Iโm the โAmerican girlโ, not the foreigner?'
You feel the blood boiling in your veins, this is getting out of hand, you don't want to continue being the centre of attention, especially when the attention is so negative.
"Y/n, don't pay any attention to them, okay? Focus on Ushijima."
Before you can respond, the girls sitting behind you go crazy; they had been listening to your conversation.
"Ha! The tofu girl likes Ushijima."
"Good luck with that, foreigner. Ushijima likes girls who are small, pretty, and more feminine. You... don't fit into any of those categories."
"Forget about him, tofu girl."
Maki stands up angrily.
"Don't you have anything better to do? Who do you think you are, talking to your senior like that?"
You grab her forearm, trying to sit her down. People's attention has shifted from the game on the court to the stands. Even the referee is looking a little surprised and annoyed. The boys have stopped the game to see what all the commotion is about.
"Enough, Maki, we're causing a scene, let them go."
"No! It's not fair, they're treating you worse than shit!"
You look around again, people pointing and mocking, the referee talking to the coaches and the players waiting for the match to continue.
The same feeling of embarrassment and anxiety you felt at breakfast takes hold of you, and before you can process it, you get up and run down the stands to the rear emergency exit.
Only a few people notice your departure, as Maki and the others are still arguing with the girls by the time you have one foot out of the gym.
You run and run and run until you reach an area of the campus where you know no one will bother you.
From a corner of the riding arena, you sit on the top step of the bleachers and watch the training. No one bothers you, and all you hear is the sound of horses trotting and neighing.
From time to time, you take out your phone to check the time or play a game you've downloaded. But you're comfortable, and finally, after a horrible day, you can relax.
More hours pass and the training ends, but you don't move. Even though the heat of the sun disappears behind the horizon, you remain seated in your little corner, your legs tucked up to your chest, hugging them and hiding your face in your knees. You haven't even wanted to take off your hood.
It's so peaceful... you think you could fall asleep right there.
"I finally found you."
Surprised, you look up, and there, at the foot of the steps, is the last person you expected to see today.
Almost cautiously, you undo the cocoon you had created with your body and take off your hood, out of mere courtesy.
"Ushijima..."
Your voice is no louder than a whisper, but it's more than enough for him.
Without waiting a second longer, he starts climbing the steps until he reaches your side. He tilts his head back, looking at you from the ground.
"What are you doing here?"
He doesn't answer, he just sits down next to you, so close that you can feel his body heat, which you appreciate because, no matter how comfortable you were, you were getting cold.
"I was looking for you."
His usual monotone, serious tone has disappeared, and instead he is speaking softly, as if he were dealing with a frightened stray cat.
"We won the match."
You smile genuinely. "I'm very happy, congratulations."
"I would have liked to celebrate with you there."
You take a breath and let it out, looking at your feet. "It wouldn't have been the best idea... no one wanted me there."
"I did."
You move your eyes to look at him through your eyelashes. He is sitting relaxed, his back and head leaning against the wall, his legs bent and his arms folded on his knees. He is looking at the remnants of what was once the sun.
"I wanted you to be there, that's why I invited you."
"But..." Ushijima turns his head slightly to look at you. "Aren't you angry with me?"
He scoffs, that's new.
"I admit I was upset last night." His eyes scan your form, from your feet to your hair, to your hands resting on either side of your body on the floor of the step you are sitting on. "I didn't understand why you responded that way, I didn't know how to handle the rejection and I left. Forgive me if I upset you, it wasn't my intention."
You frown in disbelief. "You're apologising? You have no reason to, Ushijima-san. I was the one who behaved like a bitch."
Ushijima snorts in annoyance and turns his body slightly to face you. "Don't call yourself that." You swallow hard at his authoritative tone. "After what happened today... I wasn't aware of what people were saying about you, to be honest... How long has it been...?"
"Since I arrived, but after the first year they stopped quite a bit." I roll my neck, trying to get rid of the tension in it. "I couldn't make friends the first year, partly because of that and partly because no one wanted to be friends with the foreigner who couldnโt speak the language well..."
"That was two years ago, you speak almost perfect Japanese, you should be proud."
The corner of your lip twitches, trying to turn up into a smile, but you don't let it.
You turn your gaze back to Ushijima, who continues to stare at you with a serene and calm expression.
"But despite everything... it bothered me even more to see them treat you so badly."
Out of the corner of your eye, you see Ushijima's hand resting on the floor too, just millimetres from yours. His little finger barely touching yours.
You could swear that in that slight touch you felt a small electric current.
"I don't want any more trouble."
"I figured as much, you're not a confrontational person."
You remain silent, watching as the sky changes colour from a warm orange to a darker, colder blue.
"Luckily, you have good friends. They've been defending you with fangs and claws."
You chuckle softly, "Yes... I'm lucky." You look at him to ask a question, but it gets stuck in your throat when you see the most beautiful smile you've ever seen in your life.
He looks at you with soft eyes, a genuine smile, one that doesn't seem to hurt his face like the fake ones heโs used before. It's his smile, the one that practically no one can see, and you are one of the few lucky people who can witness it.
"U-uhm, and then... the-the..." The sound of his soft laughter cuts you off abruptly.
You stare dumbfounded as his Adam's apple moves when he laughs, the small wrinkles at the corners of his eyes and the surprisingly sharp fangs that are visible now that his lips have revealed them.
You are aware that you are staring at him open-mouthed, that if it weren't for the fact that you are parched from not having drunk any water in the last few hours, you would probably be drooling.
"Don't laugh at me..." you say with feigned sadness, the small smile on your face betraying you.
"I'm sorry, I just thought you looked very adorable."
You lower your head in embarrassment. How can he say such things so calmly?
"For God's sake, Ushijima-san..."
"Don't use honourifics with me, we're the same age, and I'd like you to call me by my name."
"Your name?" You look at him in surprise.
"Yes, please call me Wakatoshi. I'd like you to call me by my name."
His hand dares to take yours, and in a moment you find it wrapped in his, which is much larger and warmer.
The sudden movement makes your poor heart race wildly, but without wasting any time, you intertwine your fingers with his. It seems clichรฉ, but they genuinely fit together perfectly.
"I want only you to call me Wakatoshi."
You look at him again, mesmerised, and nod your head.
"Okay."
The traces of his dazzling, perfect smile reappear as soon as he hears your barely audible response.
Iโm honestly surprised by how well the two chapters of the Ushijima ff are doing lmao.
I wrote the first one thinking it would be a one shot but since so many people asked por a second part I did it.
I working on the third part btw.
The reason behind why I wrote it is because (as I mentioned in a previous post) itโs imposible to find a Ushijima ff where he is portrayed as a normal person, I hate it when people write him like a robot, a child or simply a very mean and honestly kind of unlikeable character.
Letโs remember he is just a fictional character from an anime where everyone is written to be a little bit exagerated in their mannerisms and personalities, for the sake of entertainment.
But the momment someone decides to write a ff where the main character (be it y/n or an OC) are portrayed as a realistic person, but then the rest of the characters are kept as childish anime boysโฆ it makes it feel weird in my opinion.
I know no one cares about this but I wanted to let it all out lmao.
And donโt take it the wrong way, I enjoy a more silly and childish written ff, but my style is a little bit different.
If youโve read any of my posts on Bloodborne youโll notice.
Btw if you like AOT feel free to check my ff on ao3. The link is in my bio BYE ๐โโ๏ธ๐ฉท
I've noticed it for a while, but I didn't want to give it much importance. After all, it's hard not to feel something inside you transforming, breaking, freezing when you're surrounded by this endless hell.
I never wanted to get involved, I was never interested, but they don't care. You're a pawn, insignificant, inadequate and malleable to their liking. If they want you to live, you'll live; if they want you to die, you'll die.
It's a simple concept to understand, unfair from any point of view. It doesn't adhere to justice or morality, it's cruel and ruthless, and if it catches you in the middle, there's no way to escape.
When I was little, I had the protection of those who cared for me and isolated me from reality. They wouldn't let me look out the window or press my ear to the door to hear what was happening outside. The curtains were always closed, and the fireplace was always lit, providing warmth on those cold nights.
Not all of us are made for hunting. I am always afraid that my prey will be stronger than me. So I never wanted to join the hunt, despite the insults and disgusted looks from others.
I don't want to die, I don't want to become one of them. I want to live in peace, free and calm in a world without beasts, without blood transfusions, without corrupt churches, without grandiose beings who only seek to subjugate us.
Dad and Mum were subjugated, they took several neighbours from the village with them on their way until a hunter finished them off, I think.
I find it hard to remember them, their faces growing more and more blurred in my memories as time goes by. My memory is becoming increasingly clumsy and diffuse, my whole body itches, could it be scabies? I don't know, today I woke up in a sweat, scared, I don't know of what.
Every day my joints hurt more, the food at home is rotting and there are hardly any reserves left. How long has it been since I ate something fresh? An apple? A tomato? Just bread, spoiled meat and water of dubious quality.
I'm thinner, my hair is falling out more often, and my nails are breaking more easily every day too.
I don't want to go out. How long have I been locked up here? How long since the sun last rose? When will I be able to go out again without the putrid smell of blood and guts invading my senses?
This is hell, I'll die locked up here.
Because I was afraid, and I am afraid.
But they won't make me give in to them, no... I won't become one of them.
A little story that came to me while I was cooking.
A different perspective on the hunt and its implications for innocent people who wanted nothing to do with it.
