When it comes to creating the meaning in our own lives, what happens when it all starts to feel fabricated? By that I mean, sometimes the meaning I've ascribed to events in my life, or even objects, becomes hollow or even feels like a lie I'm telling myself just to quell my fears or to make me feel like I have a greater purpose. It just doesn't feel real, and I end up yearning for the "real" meaning to come. (INFP)
[another anon: I’m an nfj. I don’t know what my purpose in life is and it feels like I’m just drifting. Everything is going well but I feel like I’m missing something. Can you guide me in the right direction to find meaning in life.]
Finding meaning is important for its own sake, so it should not be used merely as a “tool to quell fears”. Doing this basically amounts to using “meaning” as a defense mechanism, very similar to rationalization where you just interpret a situation in whatever angle suits your ego - it is self-deception (see the section on defense mechanisms).
The search for meaning is a difficult lifelong quest. You are under no moral obligation to undertake this quest unless you believe it is a good way to spend your time, but it is the process through which a person comes to know the truth of who they really are in the world. If you are not getting closer to this truth, then you’re doing something else that leads you into inauthentic living, which would be counterproductive to personal growth.
“Meaning” won’t just drop into your lap as you sit there yearning. As an introvert, meaning involves utilizing your extraverted functions; as an extravert, meaning involves utilizing your introverted functions, then you can reconcile the two halves of yourself into a whole. The search for meaning is done by oneself for oneself, nobody can define it for you, nobody can walk the path for you, nobody can hand you meaning like handing a lost traveler a map. To feel impatient means that you care more about the result than the process, failing to understand that the journey is more important than the destination. When you don’t value the process, you are not mindful of your current surroundings/situation, and how then would you reach the right destination? This seems counterintuitive to a lot of people because they want to treat type development like following a map that someone else has already drawn up for them, but actually type development is about drawing your own map in life. The Type Development guide only gives you a rough outline of what to do because the rest is up to you. It can only tell you that you need to find more meaning in your life in order to fulfill your potential, but it cannot give you step-by-step instructions about how to do it, because that would defeat the point as it would prevent you from learning how to draw your own map (introverting) for navigating the world successfully (extraverting).
You search for meaning in life because you love yourself and want to enrich your life, to be the best you can be and live the best life you can live. You shouldn’t search for meaning because you fear being nothing, you fear being inadequate, you fear criticism, you fear wasting time, you fear emptiness, etc. In other words, doing things out of fear is not a good idea. When you only value “meaning” because you imagine it will lead you to some perfect result that eliminates what you fear/dislike (e.g. a state/place where you never have to feel bad about anything anymore), then you won’t be searching for the right thing because you’re living in fantasy and stepping farther away from the full truth of who you are in this world. The full truth of you includes things that you like and dislike.
Everyone is an individual, so each person finds a different way, though your way can resemble others of your type even as the details differ. For example, NFJs often find meaning in life by being of service to others or helping to improve society, and there are a million ways to do it; NFPs often find meaning in life by creating something special that enriches life for themselves and the people around them. Your way is for you to discover. Sometimes you make decisions that lead you in the wrong direction, which is good because you discover something about who you aren’t meant to be. Sometimes you make decisions that lead you in the right direction, which is good because you discover something about who you are meant to be. Both paths are equally important for growth.
