Public Diary

This, right here, is my space. The place where my thoughts are written down, and my heart is wide open, just like a book. this is my public diary... Welcome to my thoughts.

[herr-wordss]

“I just feel like a bunch of attempts that didn't come to fruition in the end; I never believed in myself enough.”

-@sempiturno

[herr-wordss]

"I gave you my hours and advice just tryna fix you

And all your daddy issues

But now, I don't even miss you anymore"

-Lauren Spencer-Smith

[herr-wordss]

Irreplaceable

RMV May 24, 2019

I remember how once I told you that I would no longer write about people

people that in some way or another

ended up hurting me

hurting me to the point of making me cry

cry with pain and grief

Regrettably

those people become important

I see them all the time

I talk to them

and slowly they are part of my routine

of my day to day

I get used to seeing them

to the sound of their voices

their sense of humor

their laugh

even their habits are coupled to be like them

I felt so good around them

so calm

so happy

so alive

when I was with with them

after a while

I realized how important they are

I tell them

they say that they are the same

forge a close friendship

that you feel that if they are not there

you would break

you would feel lonely

they become irreplaceable

it happened to me like that recently

I did not think so much about that person

and unfortunately

things did not worked out

and honestly, I fucked up everything

I know

but now that he left

I feel alone

abandoned

sad

with terrible desire to scream

the worst of all

he is not affected

he look the same

without any sign of you need

that hurts even more

I made him part of my day to day

one more column of my life

column that keeps everything standing

firm

stable

at the end of the day I saw

what is given is returned

what you receive, you give back

you were attentive

and I instead of returning it

I just became selfish

I wanted more

More

and more

I’m so sorry

things will not be the same

I’m aware of it

I just hope that in the future

someday

when you look back

you see me

and know that it was not my intention

and I, in that moment

I will be different.

another person

[herr-wordss]

Him

When she met him

She was broken

Alone

In despair

He smiled

He hugged

He cared

She trusted him

His words

His promises

She believed him

Every single thing he said

Was true

It was her bible

His smile

Was a miracle

His kisses

Her oxygen

He disguised himself

As a prince for her

She was a damsel in distress

What she didn’t notice

What she didn’t see

Was the string

Tied around his ears

Showing to the world

It was a mask

By the time she saw

It was late

She was broken

And him

He was wearing a brand new mask

And had a newly broken heart

Added to his collection.

-RMV

Mar 23, 2019

[herr-wordss]

It’s crazy how I have given my all, expecting to receive at least half… and that’s the problem. I expect to much from people who were not willing to give anything at all to begin with.

[herr-wordss]

Some days I miss you.

I miss you so bad, my heart can’t simply take it.

So bad that my chest hurts from holding the screams and words that want to come out.

Words that were never given the chance to be said… and sadly…

it’s haunts me…

but as I said…

it’s just some days.

[herr-wordss]

Maybe I deserve all the heartache that I'm feeling.

@sempiturno

[herr-wordss]

I'm trying to save you, even if it means that I will lose myself in the process.

Sempiturno

[herr-wordss]

We became very distant, but despite the time and the events I could still feel you; and when the day came when you finally left completely I didn't have the courage to ask you to stay, even though I wanted to.

-Alex Garcia

[herr-wordss]

Old Self

March 17, 2019

When I saw you

I fell in love

But you did not

I tried to change for you

So you could love me

I changed my attitude

I changed my hair

I changed my clothes

I changed my manners

I changed my routine

I changed my favorite things

My words and thoughts

I changed myself

For you

When I approached you

With my new self

You were surprised

You didn’t recognize me

Then I realized

I changed

But you

Unconsciously

You loved my old self

But it was too late

To change myself again

[herr-wordss]

Reminder

December 12, 2018

Be Honest

Be Understanding

Be Loyal

Be Truthful

Be Open-Minded

Be Thoughtful

Be Considerate

Be Reliable

Be Mature

Be Kind

Be Friendly

Be Happy

Be Unselfish

Be Cheerful

Be Broad-Minded

Be Tactful

Be Appreciative

Be Respectful

Be Grateful

Be Observant

Be Lively

Be Creative

But most important

Be yourself

[herr-wordss]

One Of Those Nights

December 12, 2018

Today is one of those nights when everything loses its meaning. One of those in which I look at the ceiling trying to find reasons or justifications. One of those in which the heart simply beats, but time stops. One of those in which I only cry in silence keeping my words as my eyes close…

[herr-wordss]

Missing

Sometimes is good to close your eyes and think about the people who we know are not here anymore, and who aren't coming back. It gives us this warm feeling that they are there, with you, watching over you, taking care of you, knowing how much you love them and how much you still miss them. Even though you can't see them anymore, in your heart, all memories are kept within the love for them.

[herr-wordss]

The Red Ribbon

There is and old Chinese legend that says how and old woman used to tie a red ribbon in our pinky and that at the very end of it, your designated person is there, also tied by the red ribbon on their pinky.

I wonder who's tied at to mine.

What kind of person it is?

[herr-wordss]

A Kind Of Person

I'm the kind of person who likes to make the best out of the smallest things. From words to paragraphs, from a dot to a whole picture. I just love to find the meaning of everything, but it drives me crazy when I can't figure the way out of being heartbroken. I see people easily move on from breakups, illusions and one-sided loves. I can't do that, once I like someone, once I'm hurt by someone, I get stucked on it. Like running in circles or like a hamster on a running wheel. I just keep crying over spilled milk... I need to learn how to move on... I need to stop focusing on little things and be a different kind of person.