I don't really know how to explain this properly, but over the past month, I've grown to love Jungwon in a way I can't even put into words.
It's not like I didn't admire him before. I always knew he was a reliable leader, especially at such a young age. I knew he was talented, hardworking, and someone the group and fans could lean on. But something about this past month…it changed the way I see him entirely. My respect and adoration for him haven't just grown, they've multiplied in a way that feels overwhelming even to me.
Because now, I'm not just seeing Jungwon as a leader or an idol. I'm seeing him as someone who is trying, desperately, and consistently while carrying so much more than he ever lets on.
It's so painfully obvious that he, along with the other members, is under immense pressure right now and what hurts even more is knowing that they barely had time to process the fans' reactions to everything that happened. Even if they knew about Heeseung's departure beforehand, that doesn't mean they were prepared for the emotional aftermath that followed.
And yet…they still showed up. They still came online, they still spoke to us, they still tried to comfort us when, if anything, they probably needed that comfort themselves. (I genuinely wish belift had given them time to breathe, to process everything before pushing them back into the public eye.)
But even among all of them, Jungwon stood out to me in a way I can't ignore. He's been so present, so consistent, it feels too idk what exact word to use but…intentional maybe?
The number of lives he's done this past month alone says everything. It's like he's trying, again and again, to reach out, to close the distance, to make sure we don't feel alone in all of this and it's not just the lives, it's the little things too.
The way he says he misses us, the way he mentions he's thinking about us, the way he keeps showing up, even when it must be exhausting. How do you not fall for someone like that? How do you not feel your heart ache a little when you realize how much he is giving, even in a time like this?
And maybe that's why it hurt so much to see the hate directed at him because genuinely…how? How can people look at someone who is trying this hard, who is carrying himself with so much responsibility and grace, and still choose to tear him down? The things people say, the way they twist his words to fit their narratives, the judgements they throw around so carelessly, it's honestly astonishing in the worst way possible.
It made me realize something, though, that sometimes, the people who are holding everything together are also the ones quietly breaking under the weight of it all. We just plast the "you are a strong person" tag on their shoulder and leave them to deal with it. And Jungwon…he's holding so much right now.
Which is why, somewhere along the way this past month, I developed such a soft spot for him that it almost scares me, not just admiration, not just respect but something deeper, something protective, something that makes me want to shield him from all of this, even though I know I can't.
I just…love him truly, and deeply (lowkey I don't even think love is the proper word to explain what I am feeling but it's the closest ig), and I hope (more than anything) that he knows he’s loved just as much as he's trying to love everyone else.
Sometimes when I get his weverse notification I quietly mumble "you should rest instead, it's your free time afterall" but then I remember I'm no different, he said a couple days ago (or yesterday, I don't remember clearly) that he couldn't sleep so he is online. I will wish to the water fountain to ease his anxiety and worries so that he will be able to sleep well.
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