𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕔𝕦𝕥 𝕚𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕕𝕖𝕖𝕡𝕖𝕤𝕥
Read on AO3 Synopsis: After a long day at the lab, Jayce and Viktor decide to unwind with their partner – in more ways than one. What starts off as a sexy night in quickly becomes a nightmare as you are triggered by your past. Pairing: Jayce x Viktor x Fem!Reader Word Count: 12.5k Tags: 18+ MDNI, established relationship, backstory fluff, smut, Soft Dom!Viktor, Switch!Jayce, Sub!Reader, reader has female anatomy and she/her pronouns, self-esteem issues, graphic depictions of a panic attack and date rape, hurt/comfort, no use of y/n means lots of pet names, not beta'd – Please let me know if other tags should be included. Author Note: This is a 'get it out of your system' fic, written because I want some comfort from my comfort characters. The panic attack, triggers, and story of rape are all true to my life experience – please be gentle. All I am hoping is that my own cathartic ramblings may resonate with others. ♡
“Another glass of wine, miláčku?”
“Of course.”
The reply passed your lips without a moment’s hesitation, the headiness of the drink making your body feel light and your thoughts utterly carefree. You had not had anywhere near enough to be considered drunk, but the harsh edges of life had begun to fade away, and you were finally able to relax. Things seemed a little more vibrant, a little more soft, and laughter was much easier to come by.
Perhaps you should be more mindful, given how much you’ve already had… A tiny voice in the back of your mind – one you decidedly chose to ignore – suggested. You know what can happen when you surrender your wits.
If you cared enough to listen, you would have put the glass aside and opted to let your tipsiness fade. But you were having fun and looking forward to seeing where the evening would progress, and Janna be damned if you weren’t determined to have a wonderful time.
You extended your empty glass as you spoke, and Viktor promptly moved to fill it at your response. With a ‘pop,’ the bottle was once again uncorked, and as he tilted it and wine began to flow, his opposite hand gently cupped your own to help steady the glass. His lithe fingers lingered upon the back of your hand, and though it was just a simple touch of affection, it still managed to make your heart race. It was only once you brought the glass to your lips that he pulled away, and you could tell from the look in his eyes that he knew exactly what he was doing. An amused smile graced his features as you took a sip and hummed with contentedness.
“Good?” he asked, clearly already knowing the answer to his question.
“Oh yes, delicious,” you replied, settling against your other companion for the evening, Jayce, with a sigh of complete comfort as Viktor returned the bottle to the nearby side table.
About an hour prior, the three of you had collapsed onto the couch of your shared apartment. It was unanimously deemed a taxing day at the lab, the greater part of it having been spent quite unsuccessfully delving into the countless future capabilities of Hextech. And after many, many debunked hypotheses and unsolved equations – not to mention a short-circuited prototype that nearly set fire to a stack of priceless blueprints – it was Jayce’s defeated suggestion of going home to crack open a bottle of sweet red that finally made you throw in the towel and concede that it would be best to unwind.
It had been almost a year since you all had become lab partners. Jayce and Viktor were the Academy’s genius brains behind the science of Hextech, and their reputations had already greatly preceded them by the time your paths crossed. It was only through Heimerdinger’s recommendation that you were given the opportunity to show them the importance of your skills – to see if you could add the ‘much-needed art of design’ to their work, as the professor had put it.
Revolutionary as their inventions were, the initial prototypes were nothing short of impossible for laypeople to understand – let alone actually use. It would take a user manual an inch thick and several years of schooling to even begin to understand the mechanics of their most straightforward designs. By those metrics, if their goal was to help everyday people, they had spectacularly failed. There was no way their products would ever have gone to market, being so technical and convoluted to control.
That first day, the dean had hurriedly rushed you into their lab, clearly unannounced. If only to appease the insistent yordle, you were begrudgingly handed one of their designs as a test… a test the boys were confident you would fail, no doubt. To be fair, you were also entirely unsure of if you could make sense enough of their work to address the accessibility issues – and Jayce and Viktor’s ungrateful expressions that screamed ‘I know more than you’ weren’t exactly helping as they monitored your every move.
But with some on-the-fly tinkering and delicately suggested redesigns – which you only dared to make once you had managed to enlighten them to the glaring flaws they somehow seemed blind to – you were able to make their prototype infinitely more elegant, user-friendly, and appealing. All within a few short hours.
Despite their initial trepidation, and admittedly rude behavior, they couldn’t deny your nimble work was something they both were massively impressed by and, ultimately, grateful for. Thanks to you, funding was no longer a moonshot goal… it could actually be within their reach!
That revelation had led to a great, big bear hug from Jayce – the first of many to come.
“Brilliant work; you should be proud,” Viktor’s praise shortly followed – likewise the first compliment of many.
It didn’t take long for you to be seen as part of their team – not only by Viktor and Jayce, but also by the University at large. If they were known as the brains and the brawn, you were quickly deemed the grace. Others may have said the boys deeply admired your vision and skills, but you would never accept such blatant fawning – at least, not without blushing. After all, you had always admired Jayce and Viktor. You wouldn’t have accepted Heimerdinger’s proposal if you hadn’t.
It had only been a handful of months, however, since that partnership had openly grown into something more. Lingering glances, excuses for contact, gentle gestures of love and care… and eventually, confessions. What had begun as mere collegiate respect amongst peers had gradually evolved into a passionate romance within the group, and the three of you were all too happy to follow where your heartstrings led. As of just last week, you officially moved into the apartment Jayce and Viktor already shared.
Everything was so new, yet so effortless – as if each of you were an open book that was your lovers’ favorite read. Each page revealed something new and exciting and important, and you all couldn’t wait to learn more. While it didn’t take grand gestures to make your partners feel fulfilled, were they to ask, you would bend over backward to please them – and you knew they would do the same. But their affection was not so complicated, and it warmed your heart to know that maybe, sometimes, love really was unconditional.
Only sometimes – never be so sure. They haven’t read every chapter of your so-called book… What if they despise what they find? The voice returned, which you once again pushed to the back of your mind. Is letting your guard down really a wise choice? The last time you shared a bottle of wine with a man… You know where that led.
Feeling you lean into him as you sipped your wine, Jayce wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you in even closer. He discarded his own glass on the table, clearly having plans other than drinking in mind, which you were all too excited to discover. A grin spread across his face as he reached out with his now-free hand, gently cupping under your chin to redirect your gaze to his own.
“Is it, really?” He asked teasingly, softly brushing his thumb against your bottom lip while his golden eyes gazed into yours.
Slowly, he leaned in for a kiss. It started off hesitantly – all his kisses did, as this whole situation was new, and boundaries were still being laid with care. But as you eagerly returned his gesture, that pretense of hesitancy quickly dropped. He confidently swiped out his tongue, seeking permission to deepen the kiss – and, oh, how easy it was for you to oblige.
As soon as you parted your lips, his tongue asserted dominance, pushing into your mouth and taking control of the kiss. You could taste the wine upon his tongue, the fruity sweetness of its flavor making the experience of his lips upon your own all the more intoxicating. His hand moved to the back of your head, fingers lacing into your hair – and as he pulled a moan from your lips, he took the opportunity to push his tongue even deeper. It took all of your effort not to spill your drink on the couch as the intensity of the kiss made your head spin.
Once you were both left gasping for air, Jayce pulled away with a mischievous grin.
“Yes, quite delicious,” he said, panting, the grin easily forming into a smirk as he locked his lust-blown eyes with Viktor’s from over your shoulder.
Before you could even begin to catch your breath or try to respond, Viktor’s arms snaked around you from behind, pulling you firmly against his chest. One bold hand’s teasing fingers lightly danced along the front of your waistband, making your breath hitch.
Be careful. You harshly kick that little voice back once again. They aren’t him; they’re good men. You deserve to enjoy this.
Ever so slowly, his soft lips left a gentle trail of kisses down the column of your neck, from the edge of your jawline to the base of your throat. Soft moans tumbled from your lips, the feeling of his mouth hot against your skin so sensual you couldn’t bring yourself to complain about the agonizing speed at which he moved. As he finally reached your shoulder, he playfully bit down without warning – leaving a faintly reddening reminder of his teeth upon your flesh. Your surprised gasp clearly delighted him, and a soothing swipe of his tongue swiftly followed his quiet chuckle against your skin.
“More than one sweet thing tonight is enticing us to have a taste, it would seem,” Viktor purred, leaning over to grab your glass and finally set it aside with the long-forgotten others.
He took the opportunity to admire the flush upon your cheeks, obviously proud to have put it there. His burning gaze then flicked up to Jayce’s.
“Care to share some dessert?”
With one swift motion as he stood, you were scooped up into a princess carry by Jayce’s strong arms. Still a little lightheaded, you couldn’t help but giggle at being picked up so effortlessly. He looked down at you, eyes clearly roving your body with desire – and yet, he couldn’t help but smile at your laugh. He loved the sound more than anything, and he made it his life’s mission to hear it as often as he could.
“What do you say, sweetness? How about a little treat?”
He punctuated the question with a kiss atop your head, earning him another coveted giggle. Viktor was likewise sporting a lopsided smile, the sight of his lovers so genuinely happy together making him equally happy in turn.
“You know, I do have a bit of a sweet tooth,” you say coyly. “Why shouldn’t we indulge?”
That quip was all it took for Jayce to carry you off to the bedroom, gently laying you atop the bed’s soft sheets as if you were the most precious thing in all of Runeterra. With one quick kiss upon the lips and a commanding, “I’ll be right back, don’t you move,” he disappeared out the door.
Moments later, he returned with Viktor arm-in-arm. As they crossed the doorway's threshold, Viktor grabbed Jayce by the loosely hanging tie about his neck and pulled him into a soft yet passionate kiss – the kind of kiss that says, ‘I love you,’ with the devilish promise of something more.
“Why don’t we get a bit more comfortable, hm?”
“You always have the best ideas, V… Let me help you?”
The question from Jayce was endearingly genuine, golden eyes shining with earnestness. He always sought approval from those around him, to make everyone as happy as possible – most of all his partners. His fingers traced down the front of Viktor’s vest with thinly held restraint.
“Always so good to me, Jayce… Yes, you may help me,” Viktor said softly, knowing his praise was what his lover truly craved.
Jayce's sigh of relief only confirmed that need. With a satisfied smile, he began to remove his partner’s clothing piece by piece, placing little kisses upon each new area exposed.
He knelt down, gingerly unbolting and removing Viktor’s brace from his leg with the utmost care. His slacks and underwear were the next to be removed, and Jayce took the opportunity to place another tender kiss upon Viktor’s body, tantalizingly close to his hardening length. A hum of satisfaction left Viktor’s lips, very much enjoying the doting attention from his partner.
Once everything was off his body, Jayce began to softly massage where the brace had provided support, the necessary rigidity of the device sadly leaving a pattern of perpetual bruises upon Viktor’s tender flesh – a disheartening watercolor of angry reds, deep bluish-purples, and sickly yellows and greens painting the majority of his weaker leg. With practiced ease, Jayce navigated around the more painful sections, knowing by heart what areas would be aided by his soothing caress. The relief Viktor felt was palpable as he let out a satisfied groan, leaning to steady himself upon Jayce’s shoulders as the gentle pressure of his fingers melted his surface aches away.
“Thank you, zlatíčko,” Viktor’s accent was thick with lust, the sight of Jayce on his knees before him making his cock twitch. “You truly are a wonder.”
Jayce groaned at his words, looking up at Viktor with satisfaction as the distinct outline of his own arousal clearly pressed tight against his pants; the confirmation that Jayce was equally enjoying this moment brought Viktor the same level of heady satisfaction. Jayce leaned in, giving Viktor’s hip a soft kiss before pulling away.
Viktor took Jayce’s hand in his own, helping him rise back onto his feet. “The true wonder here is you, Viktor,” Jayce said reverently, looking at him with pure adoration.
That comment earned him another kiss – one that was a little less gentle this time, a little more passionate.
For now, you were content to follow Jayce’s request to stay put and watch your lovers from your place on the bed. The tenderness of the moment reminded you of all the reasons you fell for them to begin with: their attentive care, their knowledge of what the other needed, their willingness to provide... While the moment certainly was erotic, it was also deeply sweet. And, frankly, seeing how turned on they were for each other was fueling your own desire, making you want them all the more. It took all of your self-control not to leave the bed to join them. But you didn’t dare to interrupt for fear of ruining the scene unfolding before you – and you knew your patience would pay off in due time.
“Let me help you too,” Viktor whispered against Jayce’s lips, agile fingers beginning to open his shirt as he continued the kiss.
His hands made quick work of the buttons, and he pushed the offending fabric off of Jayce’s shoulders as if it were a crime to have been there in the first place. He then broke away from his partner’s lips, trailing kisses down his neck in the same deliberate manner he had done with you mere minutes ago. When he reached the same spot on Jayce’s shoulder, he bit down again – marking both of his lovers as his own with the gentle bruise of his teeth.
Jayce moaned, reveling in the feeling of being claimed. Viktor’s fingers trailed downward, moving to unbutton Jayce’s pants with the same dexterous ease as his shirt. Lithe fingers hooked below the waistline, catching the band of Jayce’s underwear. In one motion, Viktor pushed both garments down past Jayce’s hips to mercifully free his aching cock.
Far less mercifully, Viktor lightly traced a single finger up the length of Jayce’s hard shaft with a playful smirk. A whimper left Jayce’s lips, and he bucked his hips to try to chase the feeling – prompting Viktor to pull away with a teasing chuckle. Oh, how he loved being in control, to have his lovers willingly surrender themselves to his desire. Power freely given and happily taken. Bringing the Man of Progress to his knees was exhilarating.
“Patience, zlatíčko. We still have someone very important to attend to.”
Two hungry pairs of golden eyes turned to you, the intensity of their gazes effectively breaking you from your voyeuristic spell. The attention sparked a burning heat deep within your core – it was finally time for your patience to pay off, and you were more than ready for your reward.
“You two made your request pretty hard to follow, Jayce,” you replied with a cheeky pout upon your lips, the arousal within you as evident as it was in your partners. “Care to help me too?”
At your question, Jayce and Viktor made their way to the bed, comfortably propping you up on pillows between them as they joined you on the soft sheets. Your lovers were warm, and the strong scent of coffee and cinnamon, with a hint of forge fire and axle grease, captivated your senses as they moved in close.
Viktor took your hand in his own and brought it to his lips, softly kissing your knuckles as if he were a charming prince on the cover of a romance novel.
“Mmh, now, how could we possibly deny our good girl’s request?” His praise sent a shiver down your spine – you were just as weak to Viktor’s honeyed words as Jayce. “We simply must oblige.”
His fingers moved to your blouse, tantalizingly undoing each button one by one. He maintained steady eye contact as he did so, building your anticipation with every passing moment. Each button revealed more skin, smooth and soft and oh-so enticing. Jayce seemed utterly transfixed as he watched, as if Viktor was unwrapping a present just for him.
“Jayce, you are staring…” Viktor teased as he reached the final button, making the larger man blush.
“Sorry, I was just…” Jayce placed a strong hand upon your shoulder, gently brushing it down the curve of your arm to push the fabric fully off your body – watching as more of you was uncovered like a man spellbound. “She’s so beautiful.”
His golden eyes met your own, shimmering with earnestness. “You’re so beautiful.”
Lies. You are a broken toy. This time, the voice gets to you. Hurts you before you can swat it away. They’re simply pandering to get what they really want. Just like the last one.
A deeply uncomfortable blush painted your cheeks, eyes timidly darting away from his intense gaze. You were used to hearing their praise in several respects, and you would be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy it. They had always been extremely clear about their admiration for you: your passionate nature, your humor and wit, your artful cleverness – they could go on.
But your body? You had a rocky relationship with it on the best of days. And these types of compliments from your lovers were still so new and so foreign to you that they always caught you by surprise. Thanks to the little voice, which had been amplified tenfold by the alcohol that evening, Jayce’s words rang extremely hollow.
Your shoulders slumped a little, the smile upon your lips faltering ever so slightly. “Jayce, you don’t need to flatter me. You already have me in your bed…”
You said it as playfully as you could muster, attempting to brush off his words in a lighthearted tone – but the joke was admittedly sad. A sorry sort of confusion flashed across Jayce’s features as he tried to process your dispirited response.
“Don’t you dare say that,” Viktor scolded, gently for your sake, but his outrage was blatant and his words were stern. “Flattery? Do you really think we would lie to you? It baffles me how you could even remotely consider this.”
You cringed a little at the confrontation, wishing you hadn’t let your mask of confidence slip.
Noticing your shift in demeanor, Viktor came to a sad realization. Your dismissal of Jayce had come not from a place of mistrust, but rather a deep-rooted insecurity. His tone softened, not wanting to push you away.
“Miláčku… Of this fact, Jayce and I are certain: you are beautiful. Maddeningly so. There is no flattery behind our words.” He cupped your face, encouraging you to come out of your self-conscious shell.
There wasn’t a hint of sarcasm or deceit in his voice; that much was clear. He sounded totally sincere, his conviction enough for you to consider that both he and Jayce really did mean what they said, unlikely as it seemed. When you finally looked back at him, he smiled.
“Besides, it doesn’t take a genius to know that Jayce is incapable of lying about something this convincingly,” he joked with an exaggerated eye roll, hoping to steer you away from your harsh thoughts. You couldn’t help but laugh.
And as silly as his comment was, it was also entirely true; his teasing jab acted as the logical nail in the coffin that put your doubts about their intentions to rest. You very much had no choice but to accept Jayce’s words, and by extension Viktor’s, as honest.
How dare you make me doubt them, you angrily scold your inner demon. Just because you were right this time doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Give it time…
Jayce’s offended ‘hey!’ partnered with his pout and puppy-dog eyes were enough for you to relent, a smile returning to your features. “I’m sorry, Jayce. Viktor’s right, you’re a pretty horrendous liar.”
You gave him a sweet kiss upon his pouted lips, far too innocent given the state of undress you all were in.
“So, thank you. For seeing me that way, and for telling me… I may have a hard time accepting it, but it seems you’ll just have to continue with the compliments, and I’ll have no choice but to believe you.”
Jayce’s emotions flipped from kicked puppy to cheerful lapdog at your concession, and had he sprouted a tail at that moment, it would have been wagging at their small victory.
“I’m happy to start right now, gorgeous.”
Another blush reddened your cheeks, this time not of embarrassment but of romantic bashfulness.
“Ohh, I think she might be learning to like it already, V,” Jayce lilted, amused at discovering a whole new way to unravel his lover.
“It would certainly seem,” Viktor said with an equal amount of teasing glee.
The men were, first and foremost, proud scientists, after all. They lived for the pursuit of discovery, and at the top of their list, as of late, had been finding every way they could please you – whether that meant memorizing your coffee order or every single thing that drove you wild in bed, they were going to maximize every tiny bit of knowledge they uncovered.
“Tell me, my pretty little darling…” Viktor leaned in close, breath tickling against your skin as he whispered in your ear. “Do you enjoy hearing our praise?”
You let out a shaky breath at his question, the arousal within you heightening because their words were, indeed, having an effect. Now that you could accept their admiration as real, it affected you in a way you hadn’t experienced before. It made you feel wanted, desired… needed. The self-pity was gone, and you were eager for more. You nod, feeling the heat of your blush intensify.
“Good girl,” he said, and you could feel the smile on his lips as he placed a kiss upon your cheek. “You deserve it all.”
“He’s so right,” Jayce said softly. His warm hands were once again on your body, caressing your curves reverently. He reached behind you to unclasp your bra and remove it, tossing it to the side without a second thought.
“You deserve to know how ravishing you are.”
His lips were suddenly upon you, trailing kisses from your collarbone down your chest with a desire as intense as a man who has just found a sparkling oasis in the desert.
When he reached your nipple, he swiped out his tongue, circling it teasingly before taking it into his mouth. He began to suck the sensitive bud, every so often teasing it with licks of his tongue and nips of his teeth. A needy moan escaped your lips as pleasure coursed through you, encouraging him to reach up a hand and caress your other breast. He gently massaged it for some moments before taking your nipple between his fingers and giving it a pinch. That earned him a delightful little gasp of surprise.
As Jayce focused on your chest, Viktor moved to sit behind you, propping himself against the bed’s headboard and placing you between his legs. “Good boy, Jayce… You’re making her feel so good,” he purred as he settled down, making the larger man moan.
He began to delicately trail his hands down your sides, stopping once he got to your waist to trace along the band of your skirt. ”May I, lásko?”
“Y-yes,” you reply breathily, wantonly.
His fingers pushed beneath your waistband, but torturously took their time dancing around the place you wanted them most. Jayce may have had little patience when pleasure was involved, but Viktor seemed to have an infinite well – and, oh, how he loved to use it. When you just about couldn’t take it anymore, you let out a frustrated whimper.
“Please, Viktor…”
At your plea, a finger mercifully dipped between your folds. “Is this what you want, darling?”
He gently swiped the pad of his finger from your entrance to your clit, gathering your slick upon the tip. Before you could even finish letting out a grateful moan, Viktor swiftly retracted his mercy and pulled away. You whimpered again, a little more desperate this time.
“So wet for us… Do you taste as delicious as you look, I wonder?” he whispered in your ear, bringing his finger to his tongue and licking it with an obscene moan so that, even out of your view, you knew exactly what he was doing. A jolt of arousal ran through you, making your heart race and pussy drip.
“Mmh, you certainly do.”
His finger returned to your core, resuming its tortuous back-and-forth path from your entrance to your clit – making your hips squirm with unfulfilled need. Each time his fingertip brushed your clit, your breath hitched, increasingly becoming a little more labored at every fleeting touch. Viktor was very much enjoying the view, his hard cock giving another jump as he watched you become desperate for his contact.
Once he was fully satisfied by the effects of his teasing, he focused his ministrations solely upon the sensitive little bud, tracing feather-light circles around it that made you loudly moan.
“Oh, gods above, Viktor!”
Viktor hummed with amusement at your reaction before addressing your other partner, who was still focusing his attention on your breasts. “Jayce, zlatíčko, would you like me to prepare her for you?” His free hand moved to the top of Jayce’s head, giving it a loving pet.
Jayce paused his efforts to lean into Viktor’s touch, basking in the affectionate contact. No longer preoccupied, he looked up to see the fruits of their labor clear upon your face. Your cheeks were a deep red, eyes blown with lust, breath ragged with desire. The way your chest heaved and hips squirmed was almost hypnotic. It was only then that he registered the way Viktor had been toying with you, hand beneath your panties, teasing your clit and making you oh so needy. His cock twitched at the sight – you looked so sexy like this.
“Please, V… I… I have to have her.”
“Do you want us inside you, darling?” Viktor asked, finger now paused, hovering over your entrance and driving you mad as he waited for your consent. “I want to hear you say it for me. For us.”
“Yes, Viktor. Yes! I want you. I want Jayce. I want my partners to fuck me! Please…”
“Good girl.”
Viktor’s finger plunged deep into you with one swift motion, and you couldn’t stop the moan that left your lips, loud and obscene. If you were to have had your eyes open, you would have seen your lovers smirking at your reaction with utter satisfaction. After a moment of allowing you to adjust, he began to move, slowly pumping his digit in and out of you, coating it in your wetness. More needy little moans and whimpers tumbled from your lips – a symphony of sweet, sweet music to your lovers’ ears.
He soon added a second finger, gently working it in and pulling another loud, lewd moan from your lips. With a calculated crook of his long fingers, he hit a spot deep inside you that made your eyes roll back with a shock of pleasure.
“Oh, Viktor!”
He chuckled as you moaned his name, reveling in his ability to bring you physical bliss. You let your head fall back against his shoulder as his fingers continued to hit the sensitive spot within you over and over, the sensation relentless and overwhelming in the best kind of way.
Suddenly, Jayce’s lips were upon your own as he pulled you into a sloppy kiss that was nothing but passion – tongues and teeth and spit mixed with raw desire. The polar opposite of Viktor, though no less exciting in his wanton urgency.
One of his hands moved up to lace its fingers within your hair and deepen the kiss impossibly further – while the other moved lower, slipping beneath your panties to join Viktor’s. As if they had perfectly planned the timing in advance, the moment Jayce began to play with your clit, Viktor pushed a third finger into you.
“Oh, fuck!” you keened, loud and vulgar, into Jayce’s kiss at the intense added stimulation. He growled back a guttural sort of moan as he thrived off your pleasure, thrusting his tongue back deep into your mouth as he continued circling his fingers on your clit.
Viktor’s fingers began thrusting harder, faster, deeper – he was reveling in watching you become undone. His voice was laced with lust as he spoke, desire at the forefront of his words.
“You’re doing so well for us, miláčku.”
He spread his fingers, stretching you further. Another salacious moan left your lips, an excited shiver running down your spine at his words. “So, so well… Do you think you’re ready for him?”
You somehow found the strength to pull away from the intense kiss, trying your best to catch your breath. “Y-yes.”
You lock your eyes onto Jayce’s as you answer Viktor’s question, unable to look away from his needy gaze. Right now, he was looking at you like nothing else in the world mattered, and you were doubly returning the favor with your expression. “I want you.”
Viktor gently removed his fingers from your core, making you whimper at the empty feeling. He softly kissed your cheek, wrapping his other arm around you and pulling you close against his chest – allowing you to comfortably lay upon him for what was coming next. With his slick-covered fingers, he began to stroke Jayce’s hard cock.
“Oh, gods, V… That feels so good…” he moaned through kiss-bruised lips.
“I would like to wager our gorgeous partner feels even better, zlatíčko,” Viktor responded with a devilish smirk.
Jayce hummed in reply – partially agreeing with his partner and partially enjoying his touch too much to form any other proper response.
Once his member was sufficiently coated in your wetness, Jayce moved between your legs. With little pretense of patience, he finally removed the last piece of clothing that was maintaining your modesty, lustfully admiring how thoroughly soaked through your panties were before tossing them aside. What he admired more, however, was the sight of you – all of you – before him. He swore to every god above that he would never get tired of this view. “Beautiful…” he whispered to himself in reverent awe.
He met your eyes and said the same heartfelt words as before. “You’re so beautiful.”
This time, you had no choice but to believe him. For a split second, meeting his earnest gaze, you may have actually been inclined to think that way about yourself, too. And while your face was already red, a new distinct layer of blush formed upon your cheeks.
“Thank you, love.”
He took this moment of tenderness to give you a sweet kiss upon your lips, gentle to match his gentle words, as he lined up the tip of his throbbing, leaking cock with your entrance. “Ready, sweetness?”
With your nod, he very slowly thrust his hips forward, pushing inside you. “J-Jayce!” You gasped his name like a desperate, breathless prayer.
With every inch, he allowed ample time for you to adjust to his size – he was big, and he knew it. Hurting you was the last thing he wanted, and he was extremely mindful of avoiding it. Viktor gently peppered your neck and shoulders with kisses as Jayce filled you, whispering sweet praises against your skin.
“You’re taking him so well, darling. I’m so proud of you.”
As he finally bottomed out, you gasped, followed by a loud, dirty moan. Oh, he felt amazing – and if his accompanying moan was anything to go off of, you did, too. After a moment of getting used to his full size, you nodded, and he began to move – slow, rhythmic thrusts that had you both moaning in absolute bliss. The way he stretched and filled you was nothing short of divine.
“Oh, Jayce…” you moaned, voice thick with obscene need.
“More?”
He looked to you for permission, and with another desperate nod, he began to move faster – grabbing onto your hips and shifting to thrust into you harder and deeper. The new angle was intense, filling you with shockwaves of pleasure each time his hips thrust forward, each jolt bringing you closer and closer to the edge. His moans transformed into animalistic grunts, your loud cries of pleasure fueling his passion.
“Oh fuck, yes, Jayce!”
Sweat began to form on his brow from the effort his demanding pace required. As he shifted his angle to look at Viktor behind you, a bead dripped down from his forehead onto your face. A flash of a memory clouded your thoughts as it happened, but you scrunched your face and quickly willed it away. To your lovers, it was nothing more than a simple reaction to the sweat itself.
You’re playing with fire here, whore. His sweat drenched you, too. Your inner voice, which had been ominously quiet since you last kicked it away, hissed. No – you wanted to enjoy this. Ignore, ignore, ignore!
Viktor’s hands moved along your body, a soft contrast to Jayce’s motions. One moved upwards, tracing feather-light along your collarbone until it circled around your throat – squeezing with just enough pressure to assert control, which you happily surrendered. The other moved downward to where you and Jayce were joined to start rubbing your clit, matching Jayce’s rhythm. He could tell from Jayce’s movements that he was close, from your pitched moans that you were too. He wanted nothing more than to see both his lovers come undone before him.
“You have no idea how badly I needed this,” Jayce growled into your ear.
And though he was very much referring to the shitty day you all had endured at the lab, those words stung and reverberated in your skull like the echoes of a nightmare.
The wine. The sweat. Those words. That man.
“I needed this,” another voice, greedy and sinister, growled in your memory.
I told you I was right. I always am.
Suddenly, your consciousness of the moment was broken. In an instant, as if a switch had flipped, you had traveled back in time – back to the horrific night it happened.
The night you were raped.
Your eyes glazed over as your vision faded away – you were no longer with your lovers, but with a beast.
All you could do was see him.
Hear him.
Feel him.
Smell him.
Taste him.
Fear him.
It was all-consuming, all-encompassing, and all-destroying.
You ignored me. You deserve this.
At first, your body went limp, numb to the flashbacks as they overwhelmed your psyche. But then, adrenaline kicked in. Your whole body froze with anticipation, the knowledge of what had happened and what was yet to come in your memory’s vicious playback tensing your whole being to the core. A nervous whimper was the only sound you could make in the throes of fear.
With Viktor lying behind you and Jayce’s face pressed into the crook of your neck, it was only in this moment that your partners registered something was wrong. Very, very wrong. Both of them immediately stopped what they were doing, and Jayce pulled back to look at you. In that instant, his stomach became a pit of dread – and though he couldn’t see your face, Viktor was equally as concerned.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Jayce asked, worry rising in his voice.
But by that point, it was too late. You were far, far away.
Bile rose in your throat as your unfocused, thousand-yard stare started to prickle at the edges with tears. There was nothing you could do, powerless to the memory that plagued your mind. Flashes of phantom pain ripped through you, another whimper bubbling up from your throat as a grimace painted your features.
“S-sweetheart?” he tried again, a little more insistent.
Still not getting a response, Jayce looked to Viktor with eyes pleading for help. Unfortunately, he was equally as startled by what was happening – his thick brows were knitted in concern as he instinctively pulled you into a hug from where he lay behind you. All he wanted to do was provide some comfort, even if he did not understand what was happening.
It hurt his heart to see you so distressed. It hurt him even more not knowing how to fix it.
The invasive, restraining feeling of hands upon your bare skin made your heart rate spike, the palpitations overwhelmingly loud in your ears and making it impossible to hear anything but your own disjointed thoughts. Then, as if your lungs were in a race against your heart, your breathing rushed to the point of hyperventilation.
Full. Blown. Panic.
Eyes going wide, Jayce hurried off of you, trying to give you space to breathe. Viktor likewise removed his hands from your body – not fully moving you off him for fear of making the overstimulation worse. He was much better at hiding the fear in his voice than Jayce, though it was no easy feat.
“Breathe, drahoušku, breathe…” he tried his best to soothe.
“We’re here, honey,” Jayce said, still a little shakily but trying to follow Viktor’s lead. “Just focus on us.”
Their words were finally starting to come through, but like being underwater, everything was muddy, and what they had to say barely registered. You still couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. Couldn’t remove yourself from the moment. You grasp at the sheets tightly, knuckles turning white at the sheer force of your grip. Spots danced at the edge of your vision as your frantic, gasping breaths made you feel as though you were choking – drowning in fear from a threat that was long, long gone.
You clawed your way through your psyche back to the present, trying with all you could muster to ground yourself through your panic. You locked fearful eyes with Jayce, pleading with him through your expression to help as you struggled to breathe.
For a moment, Jayce froze, devastated by the sight before him. The terror shining in your frantic eyes was truly one of the most haunting things he had ever seen. It was only the sound of your next ragged, desperate breath that snapped him out of it, and he dutifully sprang into action.
“Okay, yes, look at me, honey. Deep breaths, deep breaths… Follow me, okay?” He began to breathe slowly, deeply, helping to ground you and give you a guide.
Behind you, you could feel Viktor following the same measured pattern, encouraging you to follow Jayce’s instructions as best he could without overwhelming you.
Trying your best to mimic their slow breathing, you worked as hard as you could to force every other thought from your mind and focus solely on their guidance – and through several painfully long moments full of sputtering breaths and coughing fits, you came down from your hyperventilation.
After what felt like hours – though, realistically, was only a handful of minutes from the moment it all began – the entirety of your panic faded away. Replacing it, however, was an overwhelming, burning sense of shame. Shame at what had happened back then, and shame at what had happened just now. You honestly couldn’t say which feeling was worse.
You’re a goddamn embarrassment. A disappointment. A poor excuse for a lover and an even worse fuck. Used. Broken. Disgusting.
You skittishly shifted away from your partners and curled up into a tight ball by the edge of the bed, bringing your knees up to your chest as you buried your head into your legs. Your face burned and sweat soaked your body, intense shakes running through you as the little voice in your head rattled off insult after insult.
And now, after it was all over… now, you finally had the sense to cry. Cry hard, with sobs wracking your body as the guilt flowed through you.
You ruined their evening and think you have the right to cry about it? Pathetic.
A gentle hand reached out to touch your shoulder, and you flinched on instinct, curling further into yourself and away from those who wanted nothing more than to comfort you.
The reaction filled you with even more shame. Your first words since the panic began left your lips, tumbling out in a stammered mess broken by sobs.
“I-I’m-I’m s-sorry, I’m-I’m s-so s-sor-sorry…” you pleaded, over and over again through the tears, until the words all ran together. You weren’t sure who you were apologizing to – your partners, or to the voice that plagued your thoughts.
If you had even an ounce of energy left at that moment, you would have run. Janna knows how badly you wanted to, childish as that reaction may be. To lock yourself away in some other room and hide in shame, to avoid the inevitable damning questions to come – it seemed infinitely preferable to actually confronting the elephant in the room. But you were spent, and once your well of tears dried up, you could do nothing but sit there with ragged breath, trying with all your might to disappear into nothingness. Hoping that maybe, if you didn’t say anything, Jayce and Viktor wouldn’t either.
The silence was deafening.
“Why in the world would you be sorry, miláčku?” Viktor finally asked, spoken so softly it was clear he thought you were fragile enough that a single word too harsh or loud would break you.
To his credit, he was right.
“Because… I ruined everything,” you swallowed thickly, finding it hard to speak. “We were all having a great time, and I… I ruined it. Made you two deal with my mess. You must be so let down… I’m just so, so sorry to be a disappointment.”
You refused to look up, to see your lovers’ faces. You were confident that whatever expression they held would feel like a shot to the heart. Disgust? Anger? Pity? All of them plausible reactions in your scattered mind, and none of them good.
“Disappointment?” Viktor replied incredulously. “Surely you cannot be serious, drahý.”
You tightened your arms around yourself, not wanting to answer the question.
“What he means is that there’s no universe in which we could see you as a disappointment,” Jayce, ever the diplomat, softly followed up. “To hell with sex; what matters most to us is your happiness, your safety. The thought of you being a disappointment never even crossed our minds. If you truly see yourself that way because things needed to stop, well, someone pretty damn selfish must have lied to you. We would never be let down by you for needing our help. So, please… don’t apologize.”
Do you believe this crap? You desperately wanted to. You desperately wanted a different voice in your head – a kinder one.
This time, when Jayce reached out to touch your shoulder, you didn’t flinch. Rather, you leaned into his touch, the warmth of his palm soothing and grounding you. The simple gesture of sympathy, a soft attempt at reconnection, was effective enough for you to finally lift your head from your knees.
“How are you feeling?” Jayce gently asked, studying your features in an attempt to get a read on what was going through your mind. “Can we get you anything?”
What you saw etched upon Jayce and Viktor’s faces was – for better or for worse – none of the things that you had feared. It wasn’t disgust, anger, or pity that furrowed their brows and clouded their expressions. No, what you saw was something that somehow managed to make your heart ache even more: it was concern. To think that your stupid, little outburst caused them distress…
“Please stop looking at me like that… I promise I’m fine.” You gave them a shaky smile that, try as you might, you couldn’t manage to make reach your eyes.
Viktor quirked up an eyebrow.
“You just went through the most intense panic attack I have ever witnessed, drahý. I sincerely doubt you’re ‘fine.’” He said this with no judgment; it was simply a gentle rebuttal to your obvious lie. “It’s okay to not be okay right now.”
You searched his face for any reason to doubt his words, but all that emanated from him was a deep and genuine sense of care. It was overwhelmingly intense in its purity – he wanted you to be honest so that he could help. You dropped your feeble attempt at putting on a brave face.
“O-okay.”
Honestly, their doting reactions were something you had a hard time wrapping your head around. Yes, you all said you love one another – your affection and happiness always came so easily. But this? This wasn’t easy. Sex wasn’t easy. Trauma wasn’t easy. You were half expecting them to push you away with displeasure the moment a problem like this reared its ugly head. And yet neither he nor Jayce seemed to waver in their love for you for even a second.
Jayce reassuringly squeezed your shoulder. “How about we all get a little more comfortable? Soft pajamas, a pot of tea, and – if you want – some cuddles?”
He smiled softly at you, and the smallest quirk of a genuine smile graced your lips in return. That all sounded amazing, surprisingly even the physical contact – you desperately needed a reset, and his suggestions seemed so comforting.
“And then, we can talk.” You cringed at the thought of what that conversation would entail, and he quickly amended, “When you feel up to it.”
You nod, and he gives your shoulder another gentle squeeze before standing up to leave the bed. He made his way to your wardrobe and riffled through things for a moment before he pulled out your favorite pair of pajamas, placing them beside you so that you wouldn’t need to waste your energy doing so. It was a small but incredibly thoughtful action.
He and Viktor then got dressed themselves, likewise putting on their coziest sleepwear.
“We’ll be right back, miláčku,” Viktor said. “You just make yourself comfortable, and we’ll make us some tea.”
He gingerly took your hand in his own and gave it a little loving squeeze before grabbing his cane and leaving with Jayce to put the kettle on.
Once alone, you let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding. Slowly, body wracked with exhaustion, you put on the pajamas Jayce had laid out for you. Once again clothed, you felt far less exposed, far less vulnerable. It was indeed a wonder how much better a piece of fabric could make you feel. You still had a deep pit gnawing at your stomach, but your discomfort was no longer debilitating.
You then pulled back the plush blankets of the bed and crawled your way beneath them, cocooning yourself in their warmth as though they provided some form of protection from the storm that lived within you, threatening to sweep you away. From all angles, you looked like the most pathetically comfortable person in all of Runeterra.
They’re talking about you, you know. You knew, but your brain was – for once – too fried to start with any anxious speculation.
In a matter of minutes, Jayce and Viktor returned with three cups of what you could instantly tell was your favorite tea – another simple, thoughtful gesture of care that didn’t go unappreciated. They joined you beneath the covers, one on either side, and handed you a cup.
“Careful, love, it’s still hot,” Viktor warned as the drink passed from his hands to yours, noticing there was still a slight shakiness to your fingers.
You held the cup with both hands, the warmth of the drink radiating into your palms and providing you some comfort. As you took a sip, you felt yourself relax a little, the tension in your shoulders easing ever so slightly as you allowed yourself to enjoy this simple pleasure.
“Thank you. Both of you. For the tea,” you said a bit awkwardly, but very much genuinely.
“Of course, honey,” Jayce said. “Anything for you.”
For some peaceful moments, you all sat quietly and drank your tea, tenderly leaning against one another in contented silence. Words weren’t what you needed right now – no, all you wanted at this moment was to have the two people you loved most by your side, their presence alone more comforting than any tea or distracting small talk could ever be. If you allowed yourself to divorce the moment from all its surrounding circumstances, it was the perfect end to an evening.
You took your time, and once you all had emptied your cups and placed them to the side, you laid down, snuggling close together under the blankets. You leaned into Viktor, nuzzling your face against his chest as you wrapped your arms around him, hugging him close like a child clutching their teddy – contact he immediately returned with an almost desperate need to impart comfort. Jayce closed the distance and snuggled up against your back, spooning you while he rubbed little circles against your arm with his thumb.
You all lay like this for a while, simply holding one another. It was a soft, gentle moment that brought you some much-needed peace. Their warmth, their embrace, was so incredibly soothing. You could feel their love and care radiating off them, enveloping you in your own personal bubble of security. And it hits you now like it has never hit you before: with Viktor and Jayce, you feel safe. Wholly, entirely safe.
Every little thing your self-loathing and anxiety had told you – all those horrible sentiments that the voice you try to kick away has screamed and insisted are right – your partners have, time and again, proven wrong.
Jayce was right; someone pretty damn selfish did lie to you. Yourself.
Because as much as you hated the voice in your head, hated how mean and vicious it could be, hated how it would preach falsehoods and convince you they were true – it was your coping mechanism, your way of keeping yourself safe. Keeping you out of bad situations, pushing away things that had even the slightest potential of hurting you as you were hurt before. You selfishly assumed that everyone had their own dark agendas. And by doing so, you always ended up pushing them away.
That wasn’t safety – that was isolation.
Would you ever really heal if you refused to see a world kind enough in which you even could? How many times must Viktor and Jayce prove you wrong before you accept that you are worthy of their love? Did you really want to push them away, too?
You bask in the feeling of the moment again, taking in the warmth and safety you felt as your partners held you. It was so much better than your own cold, lonely farce of being ‘safe.’ One you desperately wanted to keep.
You resolved yourself: you weren’t going to let that voice have control over you anymore. Not when it came to Viktor and Jayce. There simply wasn’t a world in which you could live with pushing them away.
You won’t get rid of me that easily. Maybe so, but it was worth trying.
“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” Jayce finally asked, breaking the gentle silence.
“Better. Much better.”
“Do you feel open to talking a little?”
You took in a deep breath. If you really wanted to banish this demon from your mind, you knew you needed to open up. Fully, candidly, with no strings attached. It was scary, almost impossible, to do. But for the first time ever, you wanted to. You shakily let out the breath as your heart hammered in your chest.
“Yes… I think.”
Jayce and Viktor each gave you a little parting squeeze of reassurance before you all sat up against the headboard. You stared down at your lap, nervously fidgeting with the blanket in your hands. It was clear you had no idea where to begin – everything was overwhelming to think about, let alone say out loud.
Viktor took one of your anxious hands into his own, soothing the back of it with his thumb. “We’re here for you, drahý. For as long as you need and more.”
You tightened your grip on his hand, nerves heightening despite his understanding words. “I know. I… I just don’t know where to begin. What to say… or how to say it.”
“That’s okay. We’ll talk it through together.” He matched the strength of your grip – a silent signal saying you could hold as tight as you needed to get through this. “Your panic… It didn’t come from nothing.” He paused for a moment, considering the weight of his next words. He dreaded the answer to this question, but they needed to know. “Did we hurt you?”
“What?” you blurted out in response, astonished that they could have considered such a thought. “No, no. You didn’t,” you reassured emphatically, but the looks of relief on their faces were sadly short-lived.
Jayce swallowed thickly. “Did… someone else?”
Your grip on Viktor’s hand tightened to an almost painful degree. You promised yourself that you would be open. You had to be brave. You had to tell the truth.
“Y-yes,” you answered, barely above a whisper. “He…” the words caught in your throat, tears coming to your eyes.
Did you really have to do this? Confess the disgusting sins of your past? Couldn’t you just do what you’ve always done – ignore it all and pretend it never happened?
Your stomach turned. While Viktor and Jayce would insist otherwise, you knew, deep down, you had to say the next part out loud, too. It was a herculean task, but you knew you must face the ugly truth if you ever wanted to heal. You steeled yourself, pushing the words past the knot in your throat.
“He raped me.”
As soon as the words left your lips, the tension in your body strangely disappeared – the moment you had been dreading, those three haunting words finally being out in the open, was finally over with. You weren’t sure if you were full of relief or regret, but either way, there was no turning back.
Viktor and Jayce were smart men – you knew, deep down, that they already suspected what had happened. Still, your confirmation of their darkest dread hit them like an emotional gut punch.
Jayce balled his hands into fists on instinct, brow furrowing with rage as the thought of anyone daring to lay a finger on you filled him with a burning, righteous fury. He wanted to find this man, to hunt him down and bring upon him ten times the pain and anguish as he did to you. Stillwater was far too kind a place for the retribution he had in mind. He wanted to make this son of a bitch pay.
Before he could fully work himself up, Viktor shot him a pointed look that instantly conveyed, ‘I’m angry for her too, but you’re not helping.’ Sheepishly, Jayce let his anger go – for the time being, at least. He unclenched his fists and gently took your unoccupied hand in his own. Viktor was right; you were scared, and anger was the least helpful thing in the world right now.
Your heart started racing as your tears silently fell, the wetness staining your cheeks like rain trailing down a foggy windowpane. You had never said it out loud before – let alone told other people. It was like a second wave of shock ran through your system, as though you had to accept what happened all over again. Suddenly, it felt so real. You could no longer pretend it was just some nightmare in your head – it was a concrete fact. In no uncertain terms, you were taken advantage of. You were raped. And now your lovers knew.
That was a terrifying feeling to reckon with.
What if they thought you were weak? Pathetic? Unclean? You certainly felt that way.
If they did as well, it would kill you.
“You are so brave,” Viktor said softly, breaking you from your spiraling thoughts with the last thing you ever expected to hear.
At your puzzled look, he continued. “What you said… That was no small feat to share. I feel honored that you hold enough trust in us to tell us, drahý.”
He reached up with both hands, cradling your face as he delicately wiped away your tears with his thumbs.
Your silent tears transformed into sobs. Brave? The fact Viktor saw you this way was baffling. The number of times you had to skirt around mirrors because you couldn’t bear the sight of yourself; the number of showers where you scrubbed your skin raw because you never felt clean; the number of times you stayed up late to avoid the dreams that would wake you in a cold sweat – they were uncountable. How could he and Jayce see someone like that in a positive light?
“You… don’t think less of me?” Your cries came even harder, tears once again dampening the cheeks Viktor had just dried. “I… I know I do. I feel… weak. I feel… disgusting.”
You were suddenly scooped into two strong sets of arms, pressed between your lovers in the firmest yet tenderest embrace. It was as if Viktor and Jayce were desperately attempting to permeate their love, by physical proximity alone, so deeply within you that it would shield you from your self-loathing.
“Absolutely not!” Viktor exclaimed insistently. “We love you, now and forever, miláčku. There’s a lot we need to talk about, yes. But nothing could ever make us think less of you, certainly not something such as this.” He protectively tightened his embrace as a little bit of the outrage he was trying to keep at bay broke free. “No, the only disgusting person in this equation is the bastard who hurt you.”
Much like Jayce, a fire burned within him – a seething hatred directed toward this unknown monster that grew hotter with each passing second he saw your anguish. And yet he also felt a profound, consuming sadness on your behalf. He suddenly had a profound understanding as to why his and Jayce’s praise was so hard for you to accept, why it was a conscious effort for you to feel positive about your body – this man held so much power over you it was heartbreaking.
“You also aren’t weak at all, sweetheart – you are so incredibly strong,” Jayce followed, heartfelt sincerity permeating each word. “For you to shoulder this hurt, and in spite of it, choose to continue trusting and loving those around you – to decide to share your heart with us so authentically, well… that requires so much resilience, so much strength. You’re amazing.”
He placed a soft kiss atop your head, holding you close as he allowed you time to dry your tears and take in what he and Viktor had to say. The way they looked at things, their perspective… it reframed your mindset in a way you never thought possible. Brave, and strong, and amazing were far kinder attributes than the ones you’ve assigned yourself. And while it would take time and patience, you desperately wanted to see yourself the same way they did.
After a few beats of silence, Jayce gently broached the next question that was plaguing his and Viktor’s minds. “Do we know him?”
“Probably not.” You bit your lip, chewing on it anxiously. Even though he wasn’t here, his intimidating presence loomed. “He was a gig musician at a dive bar in the Undercity. Hardly notable.”
You could tell the mention of the Undercity surprised them; you had been with the boys at the lab in Piltover for over a year now. Jayce couldn’t stop himself from asking, “When…?” But he trailed off, not having it in him to finish the question.
“About three years ago.” Shame darkened your features, and you slipped back into your depressing comfort zone of self-deprecation. “I… I know, it’s pathetic. I should be over it by now.”
“Don’t you ever say that, honey. It’s not pathetic.” Just as Viktor did moments before, Jayce protectively held you closer. “There’s no time limit for trauma, for grief. We obviously don’t ever want to see you sad, or scared, or hurt – but that doesn’t mean we judge you for feeling that way. Your emotions, and your reactions to them, are valid.”
“Please, know we aren’t asking any of these questions to judge or upset you,” Viktor said softly, shifting so that you were face to face. “You are free to tell us as much or as little as you feel comfortable doing. We are only trying to learn more about what happened because the more we know, the easier it will be for us to avoid triggering your panic again in the future.”
You nodded in understanding, and he placed a soothing kiss upon your cheek. “What caused it tonight, drahoušku?”
“It was a buildup of things…” You took a deep breath, slowly exhaling as you attempted to gather your disorganized thoughts. “Little things that I could normally brush off, but together… They were just too much.”
You grimaced at what you were about to say – everything within you was telling you not to do it. But you persisted. “I… I think I would need to tell you what happened… that night… for it to make sense.”
You forced yourself to sit up from the comfort of your partners’ resting embraces, knowing that you would need to get a hell of a lot off of your chest at this moment, and the only way to do so would be to focus. Jayce and Viktor followed your motion to sit up, gently taking your hands once again in their own as a show of solidarity. You half-smiled at them, incredibly grateful for their support.
“I just need to ask one favor,” you said awkwardly, knowing they had already done so much for you that evening. “Please don’t say anything until I’m done? I… I want to do this, I want to tell you, but… I don’t think I can unless you let me do it as quickly as possible.”
“Of course, anything you need, sweetheart,” Jayce tenderly responded. Both he and Viktor looked at you with quiet encouragement as you began to spill your heart out. They were happy to do anything you requested if it meant lessening your burden.
You allowed yourself to take one last deep breath, grounding yourself as being in the present and totally safe with your partners, before you spoke.
“The night it happened… It’s a bit of a blur, if I’m being honest. Me and him… We had been flirting for a few weeks before he asked me for a proper date. He seemed… nice, if a little too forward. Constantly complimenting my looks – he probably didn’t mean any of it, but it felt nice to be wanted. So when he offered to cook us some dinner, I agreed. I… I met him at his place, which, in retrospect, was a terrible idea – but I was far less cautious back then.
“A-anyway, over the course of the meal, we ended up sharing a bottle of wine. He kept refilling my glass while we talked – it never got empty, so gods only know how much I really had, but it was much more than I thought. All I really know is that I wasn’t sober by the time we finished eating.”
“I… I thought we were just going to continue our talk, get to know more about each other… But before I knew what was happening, he… he kissed me. I was shocked. It’s not like I was expecting it… but it wasn’t exactly terrible, and I hate confrontation, so I didn’t cause a fuss. I just told him I didn’t want anything to go further than that. Which he… he seemed to be okay with. For a while, we did sit and talk.”
“But out of-out of nowhere, he-he’s pushing me down an-and groping me – all over me like a… like a man depraved. I panicked. I froze. I just… I couldn’t do anything to stop him. I was too drunk, too scared to push him off or-or run away. Even if I did, I didn’t know the neighborhood at all well enough to get to somewhere safe. I was in his home, his domain. I… I had no control.”
“And-and then he’s pulling off my clothes, and he’s… he’s inside me. And I-I shut down, then. Just told myself it was s-safer to let it happen. Gods only knew what he would have done if I fought back… So I just let it happen and prayed to every deity I knew for the moment to end as soon as possible.”
“I honestly don’t remember a lot after that. The sensations, those were vivid. I can still see him, above me. Hear him, feel him, smell him, taste him… The pain, the blood… Everything was a blur, and I tried to forget it as best I could. But those sensory feelings I will never forget.”
“There are only three things I remember in detail. Three little specific flashes of memory.”
“One… One was his sweat. He was so, so worked up that he was dripping with sweat. Drenched in it. And some of it fell from his face onto my own. Right into my eyes. It… It burned like hell. I didn’t allow myself to cry while everything was happening, didn’t want to give him the satisfaction – but that, the salt, that was what actually made my eyes tear up.”
“The other two flashes were things he said to me. The first… When he first… en-entered me – when he finally got what he wanted – he-he told me, ‘It’s been so long; I needed this…’ As if that justified everything he was doing; as if that somehow made it okay… To him, I was just a cheap reward.”
“And the second… that was when he… when he finished. He looked at me so smugly, and just to make everything he did feel a little bit worse, he mocked me. ‘So much for telling me no, hm?’ With a little laugh, too. Like what he did was… some kind of joke. Like I was a joke. There’s a lot I’ve been able to forget, but I… I don’t think I’ll ever forget that...”
By the time you were done spilling your heart out, all three of you were openly crying, holding tightly onto one another’s hands as if they were lifelines connecting you to safety while a tempest raged at sea. Your lovers’ faces were nothing short of open books; Jayce and Viktor’s eyes brimmed with overwhelming emotion, and their lips quivered with ill-maintained composure – they clearly had so much they wanted to say, and yet they weren’t able to find the right words.
“So… What caused my panic tonight?” You paused to take another deep breath, reminding yourself of why you had told them all this.
“The wine put me in a cautious mindset from the start. I know I probably should have said something, but I really enjoyed sharing a nice drink with you, and I genuinely was looking forward to having some intimate time together. So, I pushed down my nervousness and allowed myself to enjoy the moment – but the little blip of anxiety never fully went away.”
“Next, the sweat… Well, that’s bound to happen during sex. I wasn’t going to kick up a fuss about that either. But when I felt it on my face, it didn’t help with what I was already trying to ignore. It wasn’t enough to fully trigger me, though – it was only enough to put me a little more on edge. I just kept reminding myself that I was with you, that I was safe, and that I was allowed to enjoy it.”
“But… Jayce,” you looked at him remorsefully, already knowing that what you were about to say would break his heart. You could see his muscles tense, his body stiffening with terrible anticipation as he readied himself for whatever you needed to share. “What you said, when you told me that you ‘needed this’ – that’s what sent me into a panic.”
Jayce immediately pulled you into a panicked hug of apology, burying his face into your hair and holding you slightly too tight as he cradled your head against his chest. You couldn’t tell whether the embrace was needed more by you or by him – Jayce’s life mission, it seemed, was to make everyone around him happy. To protect them. Knowing he failed so greatly with one of the people he treasured above all else… it tore him apart.
“I am so, so sorry, sweetheart…” His voice cracked as a sob bubbled up from his throat. “I never would have… If I knew, I wouldn’t have… I’m-I’m so sorry…”
You reached up to soothingly cup his cheek, shifting your body so you could look him in the eyes. “You didn’t do anything wrong, love. You had no idea.” You wiped away his distraught tears with a gentle swipe of your thumb. “Please don’t beat yourself up. Like Viktor said, I’m just telling you so we can make sure something like this doesn’t happen again, right?”
He nodded, cradling your hand in his own as he pressed a kiss into your palm. “Right.”
While Jayce’s mind was reeling over being an unintentional catalyst to your fear, Viktor’s mind had been hung up on a different aspect of your story. Something that filled him with an unmitigated rage the likes of which he had rarely experienced. This man – no, this monster – after the utter hell he put you through, the irreparable damage he caused… this egomaniacal bastard thought it would be funny to laugh at your expense? To make you question for the rest of your life if anyone would ever take your boundaries seriously? It made his blood boil.
But he swallowed his anger; now wasn’t the time or place to spew vitriol. No, right now was the moment to heal, to pick up the pieces and attempt to rebuild what was broken.
“Darling,” he began as soon as you had calmed Jayce’s worries, wiping away the remnants of your tears in the same tender manner you had just done for Jayce. “It breaks my heart to know you’ve endured such pain. You… you never should have experienced something like that. Never. Without a doubt, you truly are the bravest, strongest person we know. Thank you for sharing your story; for telling us what you went through – it is safe with us.”
“Most importantly, I need you to understand something,” he continued, his honeyed eyes shimmering with a purposeful sincerity. He took your hand and brought it to his chest, holding it over his heart with his own as he made a solemn pledge. “There is nothing more important to Jayce and I than your wellbeing – your safety, your comfort, your happiness, your consent – it is all critically important to me, to us. I do not want you to ever question that. Your authority, your autonomy… We will never take that away from you. Tell us no, tell us to stop. We will respect you.”
You pulled him into a tight hug at his heartfelt promise, tears brimming and yet again threatening to fall from your eyes. It was unfortunate that laying down such a simple baseline of respect had such a profound impact on you, but hearing it said out loud… You never realized just how much you needed to be reassured, to be told in no uncertain terms that you matter.
“Thank you.”
“Of course, miláčku.” He smiled softly, returning the hug in equal measure. “Now, the door is always, always open if you want to discuss anything. Whether that be about three years ago, this evening, or anything in the future. But is there anything else we should talk about tonight?”
You took a second to mull things over, not wanting to brush things off just because it would be easier. But for the first time – what felt like the hundredth ‘first’ of the evening – you couldn’t think of anything else that needed to be said. You were open, you were honest – and you had noticed, crucially, that the snide little voice in your head had been nowhere to be found.
While there would certainly be more conversations in the future – healthy talks about trauma and boundaries and safeguards, likes and dislikes, and learning to get comfortable saying the word ‘no’ – you felt at ease. You felt secure. You felt loved.
“Not tonight,” you said, a contented smile forming across your features.
You pulled Viktor into a chaste, gentle kiss upon the lips, followed by the same with Jayce. “Thank you both. For helping, for caring, for understanding... It means more to me than I could ever express.”
“Don’t thank us, sweetness,” Jayce said, smile matching yours and Viktor’s as he pulled the both of you into his warm embrace. “We are proud to be your partners, proud to stay by your side through thick and thin. We love you.”
“I love you too.”
