I had to make this I’m sorry

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taylor price
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Claire Keane
Peter Solarz
trying on a metaphor
will byers stan first human second

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blake kathryn
ojovivo

oozey mess
One Nice Bug Per Day
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
🪼

Kaledo Art
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

@theartofmadeline
wallacepolsom
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seen from United States
seen from Morocco

seen from Morocco
seen from Morocco

seen from United Kingdom
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seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
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seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Iraq
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seen from Italy
@hey-its-tommy
I had to make this I’m sorry
DM: “The dog tears into your arm as you reach out.”
Warrior: “I would like to try and pet it with my other hand.”
>insert portrait of my doggo Sky
whew I haven’t done a color pencil portrait like this in years! I made one of my other dog a long time ago, so I can finally check two pups off the list… one to go…
You will literally, actually die
I’m going to try this
Your dick gonna fall off the pain and rawness will be unbearable
An Impromptu Lesson in Dragonborn Anatomy that was Neither Wanted nor Needed
“Now, moving on to the gentleman across the room. He’s very tall, very blue, very naked, and sporting not one, not three, but TWO bright red rockets.”
The Shark Cult!
(Context: I am running a 5th edition campgain set in the Critical Role Universe. The Players are on a 3 month voyage to a new land. They encountered a heavy storm, after which the Half Orc barbarian started violently throwing up and helped chum the waters for sharks. The Gnome Cleric wanted to help the Faerie-Chosen Wood Elf Druid, long story, learn how to transform into shark. And sorry, this is kinda a long one.)
Cleric: I wanna get a Shark so the druid can learn how to transform into it.
DM (me): (Rolls to see if the shark is smart enough to play dead. Nat 20!) Yea sure go ahead.
Cleric: I;m gonna take it to the Druids room, set it down somewhere, put a bow onto it, and leave a note saying Have fun studying.
Me: Alright, you do so and leave the unconscious druid alone. With a freshly caught shark. So druid, you wake up and notice a shark on the floor.
Druid: Um, okay? (Was currently unconscious during the storm.)
Me: It starts violently thrashing about. What do you do?
Druid: (In a panic) um I dunno! I dunno, uh I cast Speak with Animals.
Me: It is gasping for water and is still thrashing about. All you hear is it suffocating.
Druid: Um crap. Uh, I cast Animal Friendship so it won’t bite me!
Me: Alright, you do so. What now?
Druid: I’m going to tell it to calm down, I’m going to help it, and I use Polymorph to turn it into a chicken.
Everyone Else: *Stares at Druid*
Me: Alright. You do so. It is no longer suffocating, but now running about screaming a single question. “WHAT AM I?!”
Everyone Else: *Losing it*
Druid: Okay, so I’m gonna try to calm it down and tell it to just trust me.
Me: (Rolls to see if it does so.) Alright, it looks at you and shakingly says okay.
Druid: I’m gonna pick him up, take him to the porthole, and chuck him outside, ending the polymorph spell.
Me: As it flies through the air, it’s immediate knee jerk is to try to flap his wings. The transformation hits and he turns back, falling into the drink. He pokes his head and a calls up “Thank you merciful God!”
Everyone: *Collectively loses their crap*
TL;DR: Druid is now a god among a group of 32 sharks.
I will fight you
Me tryna flirt
Me: damn that thing huge
Girl: this ass? 😏
Me: nah ya forehead
[Inside a huge candy shop in a city]
Fighter: Do you have any blue gummy sharks?
Shopkeep: Why yes!! They’re 1 gp a pound!
Fighter: *Double checking their gold* I’ll buy 864 pounds then
well now that you mentioned it,
is this a threat
You better believe it motherfucker!
take me to art museums and make out with me
But they said to not touch the masterpieces
Well somebody’s gotta pin the artwork to the wall
This is Johnson, those idiots are fucking in the east wing again.
dungeons and dragons
expectations: lord of the rings, elder scrolls, game of thrones, etc
reality: It’s Always Sunny in The Forgotten Realms
The Gang Fucks Up The DM’s Carefully Plotted Tale Of Political Intrigue