Hey, Abbey Rae 🌹

I'm a book with no end. I'm a work in progress.

[smokefalls]

“The way to turn an ex-lover into a friend is to never stop loving them, to know that when one phase of a relationship ends it can transform into something else. It is to acknowledge that love is both a constant and a variable at the same time.”

— Gabrielle Zevin, Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow

[heyabbeyrae]

Bumilang ako mula isa hanggang sampu

Dahil dahil doon na lang ako kumakalma

Kapag maingay ang mundo at hindi ko na kaya.

Hanggang umabot ng trenta at naging singkwenta.

Natakot ako.

Tumigil ako.

Dahil bawat bilang ko papalayo sa sampu

Ay sya namang paglapit ko sa kung sino ka.

Ayokong maalala.

Walang lugar.

Walang dahilan.

Hindi kailangan.

Kaya tumigil ako, itinigil ko.

Hinayaan kong hindi maging mapayapa ang gabi.

Niyakap ko ang kalungkutang dala ng luha.

Kaysa malunod ako sa bilang ng alaala

Na matagal na dapat wala.

[heyabbeyrae]

One day, we will not let our fear hold us back.

One day, we will live the way we deserve.

Carefree, happy, and peaceful.

[heyabbeyrae]

Find You Again

Having the chance to meet and exist with you in the same era I live in was one in a million chance that the stars have blessed me with. My life with you seems like an almost perfectly written love story that people always wish about. All the “I know it’s gotta be you” the moment I saw you and all the glitters and magic that surrounds me whenever you’re around— you were perfectly existing in an imperfect world. But every beautiful flower when picked dies. So just like a beautiful flower that crossed my garden, my beautiful chapter with you came to an end and from that moment on I know I have lost the ability to actually live in this cruel world.

It’s not losing you that’s hard. It’s learning how to wake up every day without seeing your innocent figure that only I am allowed to see. It’s not being able to look at your intoxicating eyes that I always search across the room and it’s not hearing your laughter that makes my heart drop to my feet. Saying goodbye is as hard as always trying to fill the void of emptiness that’s left inside my heart when I decided to let you go. And the saddest part is knowing I will never find you again, ever.

[heyabbeyrae]

#8YearsofICY

[juansendizon]

My mother told me when I was young that there are two types of girls that will love me: 1. The girl who makes me happy but makes me feel unloved. 2. The girl who makes me sad but makes me feel loved. She told me that on rare occasions I’d find both qualities in one girl. But not every boy is lucky to find both qualities in one girl. So if I ever have to choose between the two, she told me, to always choose the girl who makes me happy because that’s what she always wanted for me. Yet I don’t want a girl who makes me happy. I want a girl who makes me feel loved. So if I ever have to choose between the two, I will always choose the girl who makes me sad.

juansen dizon, Confessions of a Wallflower page 113   (via juansendizon)

and if I have to choose between a safe love and the one that hurts but makes me feel alive, I’ll choose pain. 

[heyabbeyrae]

Maybe it’s not him and I’m really not insecure of what he can do or if he’s even better than me. Rather, I was insecure of the things he didn’t do but you still choose him over me even if he’s not trying.

[heyabbeyrae]

Paano tayo lilisan kung takot tayong mamaalam?

Abbey Rae

[wanderingworlds]

I make my pages bleed red so I don’t have to

-WanderingWorlds

[heyabbeyrae]

But making them bleed is suicide already. 

[heyabbeyrae]

Baka kaya ayaw nating bumitaw

Ay dahil minahal na rin natin yung sakit.

[jericosilvers]

[juansendizon]

“Sometimes it takes just 5 minutes to practice being kind. Tell your mother “I love you” just because she deserves to hear those words. Pick up the phone and call your grandmother and ask her how she is feeling nowadays. Make a cup of coffee for your father despite the way he disapproves of the career path you’re taking. Give your dog a belly rub and surprise him with some extra biscuits or simply smile at anyone who looks like they’re having a bad day. Spreading love, warmth, and positivity towards others doesn’t seem to take too much from you so why not make it a lifestyle to make some small ephermal moments that reminds someone that everything is going to be okay.”

— Juansen Dizon, 300 Seconds 

[heyabbeyrae]

Sometimes I think that I see her Face in the strangest of places Down on the underground station Passing by I get a mild sense of danger Feel like my heart couldn't take it 'Cause if we met we'd be strangers You and I

— September Song, JP Cooper

[heyabbeyrae]

Why it’s hard to write.

The fact is, it’s easy to write. 

 What’s hard is allowing yourself embrace those emotions that you’re trying to ignore most of the days. 

 What’s hard is drowning into your own blood while you try to actually finally say what’s going on. 

 It’s hard because you have to endure the pain over and over again— in every word, in every sentences and in every paragraph. 

 It’s dying with your own consent.

[heyabbeyrae]

Maybe the worst is not crying at night, maybe it's waking up next day only to realize it's another day to shed tears.

Abbey Rae

[heyabbeyrae]

Find You Again

Having the chance to meet and exist with you in the same era I live in was one in a million chance that the stars have blessed me with. My life with you seems like an almost perfectly written love story that people always wish about. All the “I know it’s gotta be you” the moment I saw you and all the glitters and magic that surrounds me whenever you’re around— you were perfectly existing in an imperfect world. But every beautiful flower when picked dies. So just like a beautiful flower that crossed my garden, my beautiful chapter with you came to an end and from that moment on I know I have lost the ability to actually live in this cruel world.

It’s not losing you that’s hard. It’s learning how to wake up every day without seeing your innocent figure that only I am allowed to see. It’s not being able to look at your intoxicating eyes that I always search across the room and it’s not hearing your laughter that makes my heart drop to my feet. Saying goodbye is as hard as always trying to fill the void of emptiness that’s left inside my heart when I decided to let you go. And the saddest part is knowing I will never find you again, ever.

[heyabbeyrae]

You ever cry not for the people you've lost but for losing yourself loving the wrong people?

Abbey Rae

[heyabbeyrae]

I Let People Leave

I let people leave.

I know they have their reason that is unknown to me

and even though it hurts,

I know I shouldn't be asking or begging for people to stay.

When I was young I thought people leave when you let them—so, I tried.

I tried my best not to burn bridges.

I did my best so that a conversation wouldn't be cut.

I tried planning trips just so I can still see them once in a while.

I did my best to always let them know that they are being remembered.

Not until one day, I realized that as I continue building bridges, they are burning the bricks on the other side.

Not until one day, I realized that in order for you to stay in someone else's life they have to let you.

It is not a one foot game, it takes YOU and her/him/ them.

If you keep on chasing them and they keep on running, STOP.

Take this in mind:

PEOPLE COME AND GO.

And even if it hurts to see them go, you have to be brave and move on.

I am nobody, I cry when people leave. I cry whenever I think I am not enough to make people stay.

But you know what?

This made me realized the worth of the saying, "People come and go."

You have to let that sink in so you will be careful and mindful of everything you do when someone comes to your life.

When someone comes, note that they will leave one day regardless of form—it may be death or they just want to. But knowing this, what you have to do is make their stay a meaningful one.

Allow yourself to be happy as much as you can, as long as they're still there.

Allow yourself to be the best that you can offer.

Allow yourself to fulfill your role.

Allow yourself to be carefree and happy—enjoy it while it last.

Just allow yourself to do all the things that you have in mind.

So when it's time for them to leave, you will regret nothing.

Rather, you'll be thankful to share that part of you with them— that you have given justice to their stay.

You'll be thankful that once in your life, you met this kind of person and you had fun even if the end was too painful for you to face.

The last thing I want you to feel is the pain of "what ifs" and "what could haves" just because you didn't expect that one day they will leave.

I already told you, they will.

What matters are the memories you will curve in their soul and the mark you will leave in their hearts.

Make this time matters to them.

Now.