i have no idea how to process this. itâs not unfathomable and itâs something iâve thought about many times but i donât actually know how to process it. what do you mean he was such an integral part of me growing up and he did some fucked up things in part bc of the fucked up environment he grew up in and now heâs DEAD and canât do anything to try and make amends. what do u mean the boys now means harry louis liam niall zayn. what do you mean he left behind a child less than 10 years old. what the fuck do you mean
i think part of it is just that i didnât know him. he was in my phone and in my laptop singing in my ears for a decade but i didnât know him. i never met him. i never spoke to him. how the hell am i supposed to grieve for someone so intangible when he will continue to be in my phone and in my laptop and continue to sing in my ears.
