hell hole!!!!

hi i'm caz & this is my mental illness blog i guess (self dx bpd, depression) (personal posts ok for rb unless stated)

[folkloregirlfriend]

yes girl you are so [if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more] [hands are unbearably beautiful] [i'll take care of you it's rotten work not to me not if it's you] [if you are intolerable let me be the one to tolerate you] [i could recognise him by touch alone] [i love you i want us both to eat well] [on purpose i love you on purpose] [whatever our souls are made of his and mine are the same] [i am half agony half hope] [you have bewitched me body and soul and i love love love you] [he is half of my soul as the poets say] [i'm sick of people saying that love is all a woman is fit for but i'm so lonely] [i love you most ardently] [let me stay tender hearted despite despite despite] [someone has to leave first this is a very old story there is no other version of this story] [mostly i want to be kind] [tell me how all this and love too will ruin us] [you said i killed you haunt me then] [someone somewhere can you understand me a little love me a little] [i will love you as misfortune loves orphans as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong] [sorry about the blood in your mouth i wish it was mine] [who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me] can we kiss now

[sleaterkinnie-deactivated202412]

why is wanting and needing things so humiliating like yes i do need a hug so what whatever die kys dont look at me i hope you blow up youre nothing leave me alone

[dumbusahana]

i love when people have their roots showing and fading hair dye n messy haircuts their friends or partners cut for them i love chipped nail polish i love stick n poke tattoos i love scars n wrinkles i love signs that a body is lived in

[boeing747]

all media and art is especially good when its very horny and there is a lot of fake blood. this works from paintings to opera to rock n roll concerts to movies btw

[squidsoupofficial]

I love seeing people adopt phrases I say like yes say my words boy

[heyitsbpd]

haven't felt this alone in so long

[thyrell]

they dont make bombs that are a big black ball with a string sticking out of it anymore

[kuroshika]

boys need to be bloody and pathetic more often . they need to be whiny and whimpery and desperate i think.

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

love the red on this one. real

[heyitsbpd]

personally it feels criminal to have someone 3 years younger as your fp

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

[art-mybeloved]

i sit in the sun. i drink tea. i recieve a message from my friend. i read a book. i take a walk. i fall in love with life a little bit.

[roastedveggie]

Girls will be like “you just had to be there” about an event they watched occur through their computer screen

[aletheyass]

i looooove piracy. it’s like click click this is mine now lmaoooo

[angelbabymikaa]

its fine, i don’t care (i care very much) (it’s eating me alive)

[hyrude]

is the world really such a terrible place? yesterday i asked if oat milk was extra and the barista said yes so i said ok just regular milk then and when she gave me my chai latte she whispered “i used oat milk ;)” doesnt that make u want to live another day?

[hyrude]

here is my life philosophy: next week there might be someone ahead of you in line at the store who’s short a quarter and you have a quarter and you can give it to them. if you weren’t there, they’d have to put something back. the week after that you could be getting lunch and the waiter might ask if you want some pancakes someone else ordered and never picked up. you could find someone’s lost cat. you could watch someone’s bag while they go to the restroom. there are so many ways you are going to touch other people’s lives and they are going to touch yours and there’s no way to know when it’s going to happen. so you have to keep living!!! i wouldn’t want to die knowing that tomorrow the barista will give me free oat milk just to be nice. 

[elaninrecovery]

When I was 11 years old - we went to Sea World for my birthday. This was to avoid the realization I had no friends, and no one to come to a birthday party and probably because someone gave my mother free tickets at work. It was kinda a shitty day despite being at a theme park full of cute animals. There was a new roller coaster there that had just opened so we decided to go on. I was nervous. I’d never been on a roller coaster.

A group of 6 college kids were ahead of us in line and started chatting with me. Full on just having a fun conversation with someone literally going through the beginning of a very awkward middle school period. I was so shocked they wanted to talk to me. I think my mom mentioned it was my birthday. They were very nice about it. When we got on the ride they told us to go ahead of them so we could sit at the front of the car since it held 8 people.

Now the ride (called Journey to Atlantis - I believe it is sadly no longer there) started with a slow ride of beautiful visuals of dolphins and oceans and computerized images of this imaginary Atlantis before going up the hill to the beginning of the coaster, where it paused for about 30 seconds, and then the ride started. The college kids must have known there would be a pause. Maybe they’d ridden it before I’m not sure.

But as we sat there on that peak, 6 people I’ve never known, and will never know again, sang a very very lonely 11 year old happy birthday. Loudly. And with gusto. They were happy and laughing and joyful. And it made me feel less alone in the world.

I am 29 years old this year, and I still remember them. I still remember that kindness. It is so important. It doesn’t go into a vacuum. It exists beside me in my daily life. And I love the idea that I have been that person to someone else too.

It’s stunningly lovely to be human when we’re kind to each other.

[lymmea]

OH THIS CAN’T BE LEFT IN THE NOTES

[heyitsbpd]

genuinely hit my limit and i hope i die