HeyItsHexley

let's revamp this a bit shall we?

[heyitshexley]

Late night, listening to the Halo 3 ODST Soundtrack. What are you all up to?

[heyitshexley]

Boy it has been a looong time since I last posted. Anyways, hello! I'll give a bit of a life update here for ya.

Been playing lots of Fortnite recently. I honestly never knew I'd ever get into it but here I am playing it almost daily lol. It's been great fun. I've started a new playthrough of Elden Ring (modeled a character after my wife). I haven't made it very far yet as I'm kinda taking it slow.

In more important news I am starting a Gofundme for my Top Surgery. My insurance unfortunately denied coverage and now in order for me to get Top Surgery I'm going to have to pay out of pocket and it's estimated around 10-12,000 dollars 😬 I decided to cap the fundraiser at 15,000 to cover bills for when I recover. So far there's been a few donations to which I am deeply appreciative of. But there's still a long ways away before I can chop them off. Even sharing the link around the community would be a huge help. I'll link my Gofundme here for everyone. Thank you from the deepest depths of my being. The Trans community is strong and supportive. With all these anti trans bills being passed I worry for people and myself being able to recieve these kinds of life saving surgeries. https://gofund.me/e7096222

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

Anyway, no-fault divorce, easy access to birth control, and abortion on demand all serve to make families stronger, healthier, happier, and more robust, because they allow family to be a matter of choice rather than a means of social control and violence.

[great-and-small]

I have to say that “warm gentle glow emanating from the shell of a turtle” is without a doubt my favorite genre of lamp

[triple-fisting]

EXCUSE ME

this fucking enderman just stole one of my goddamn pumpkins what an ASS

[thelezord]

mans gotta eat too

[thievinggenius]

PittaKKM

Studio: Mizangwon

Where: Seoul, Korea

[heyitshexley]

I finally did it. I finally beat Elden Ring...

[heyitshexley]

It has been a struggle lately with myself. Coming to terms with who I am and who I want to be. Soul searching and thinking and researching. Talking with others of similar experiences and feelings.

It's been 28years in the making but on August 29th 2023 I will be consulting a doctor to begin HRT.

I am excited and a little nervous if I am being quite honest with myself. I am more excited for what's to come and the changes I will be undergoing. I am excited to feel better and more comfortable in my body. Especially lately where gender dysphoria has entered the forefront of my mind so often. To the point where I now feel very anxious about certain settings where I previously didn't think about it as much.

When I was much younger I had these same feelings. But because of family and society I had to block this part of me out. Now I am in a safe and happy and supportive environment, where I am free to express myself as well as be my own person. I am free to finally be, me.

[heyitshexley]

Today marks one year since my younger sister, told me she didn't want anything to do with me anymore and that we weren't sisters and to fuck off and that she hated me.

I don't hate her... I love her... I want to see her again because I miss her. I am proud of her for all that she has accomplished. I would do anything, give anything for us to be siblings again. I would do anything to laugh with you to give you a hug. I would do anything to have you back in my life. I'm not angry. I am sad and hurt by what you said... but I understand why.

But damn do I miss you...

[heyitshexley]

With the help of two friends.... I DEFEATED MELENIA!!! HOLY SHIT!

What a crazy time! Haha thank you to "M" and "Koralin" for the help! It was a rough battle but we did it

[heyitshexley]

Been a long time!! But I finally jumped back into Elden Ring! Played some co-op with my friend this morning on a new game and then got back into my old character and defeated the GodSkin Duo! Hell yeah! Feeling good!

[heyitshexley]

Many years ago a game was played by fire light. Little did I know the games would secede and the fire would spread.

Now it feels to you, I might as well be dead.

With board and pieces overturned, I was the one who ended up burned.

Sister, I beg and I plead. But you are lost in the darkness, while I was left to bleed.

I'll leave a candle for you. Reset the board and it's pieces too.

I can no longer wait out the hatred you feel.

Just know, our bond and our sisterly love was once real.

Perhaps one day you'll remember.

[acek20]

[heyitshexley]

It's hard to describe this feeling I occasionally get from time to time. I've had it for as long as I can remember. At least in my early teenage years. All this time I had mistaken it for intense arousal. Craving physical touch and sexual pleasure. And sometimes it is just that. But... I've realized that when I had that feeling tonight and after communicating with my partner I came to the realization that I simply needed to be held. They took me into their arms and I laid there across their body facing them while they gently rubbed my back and ran their fingers through my hair. At least 10mins went by and I felt the anxious feeling, which often felt like a strange sensation all over my skin, melt away. I just needed to be held. I needed gentleness and soft kisses.

I'm beginning to think I wasn't held enough as a child. And now I just crave tenderness.

Thank you to my sweet fiance, for showing me so much love and tenderness.

[heyitshexley]

Today marks 15 days without my twitter account. Seriously, fuck twitter support. 😒

[heyitshexley]

I recieved my first chest binder yesterday. I of course tried it on. And at first I was a little skeptical and I wasn't sure how well it was working and then I realized I needed a different shirt to truly see it. And when I did finally see I started trying on several different pieces of clothing I own and was so overwhelmed with happiness I began to tear up a little and would often breathe a little faster. I could finally see myself a little... I could finally see what I have always wanted. A flat chest. I never wanted breasts growing up. I was confused and horrified by it all. It didn't feel right to me. For the first time ever yesterday I felt such gender euphoria. I felt free. I felt confident. I sat up straighter. I stood taller instead of hunched over.

I now know I want top surgery. I knew deep in my heart I would but a chest binder just confirmed what I always knew.

This is why gender affirming care is so important! I have never in my life felt so happy and so comfortable in my body like I did yesterday. Trying on all my favorite shirts and thinking, these would make me feel better, if my chest were flat. My fiance held me and I cried a little. I can see me know. And it's amazing to be able to be seen

[heyitshexley]

I cannot even begin to express the sadness I feel in my heart.

Long story short, I've been friends with my ex boyfriends mom since he and I broke up in high-school. We've talked a lot through the years and although it's gotten less and less. It's only because life has gotten in the way. I still love her and enjoy talking with her. I have always referred to her as Mama.

Today I have been informed (by my ex I haven't spoken to in a long time, but we're not on bad terms) that she has stage 4 lung cancer. It's incurable at this point and the only thing doctors can do at the moment is ease her pain as much as they can.

I am devastated to say the least. This wonderful and caring woman means so much to me. More than she'll ever know. There's a reason why I call her Mama... cause she's been more of a mom to me than my own mother has in a long time. Despite us not talking as much as we used to. We still wished each other well on holidays and birthdays and she has rooted for me every step of the way.

It's only a matter of time now and because of the progression of the stage she's in, I cannot see her in person.

I am truly heartbroken...

I am truly blessed to have known such a wonderful person. It's just awful to know I'll have to say goodbye to her sooner than I had expected. She doesn't deserve this...