It was my birthday when I first saw you. You were busy dancing. In an empty dance hall. You were strong, graceful, and beautiful. I was there, like stunned. I was captivated by you. By your skill, by your charm. I didn't know at first, but I fell in love with you. The same day that I was born is the day that I fell in love with you and I guess that was the best gift I ever had.
I remember one time, pinasayaw isa-isa ang mga lalaki sa hiphop class, nahihiya pa ako nun kasi nandoon ka. You were watching. I was intimidated by your presence. Hindi sa pagmamayabang, pero para sa 'yo nagmamayabang ako, pero I was good at hiphop. But habang sumasayaw, palagi kong nalilimutan ang sunod na steps. Kasi nandoon ka. Kasi nakatitig ka. Kasi nakangiti ka.
Hindi sa akin pero sa katabi ko. Kay Migy. That time may gusto ka kay Migy. How did I know that? Because everytime na lalapit ako sa kumpulan ng girls, pag water break, pinapalibutan ka ng circle of girl friends mo, inaasar ka nila pag lalapit ako. Ako na palaging kasama si Migy. Ako na matalik na kaibigan ng lalaking gusto mo.
Gusto ko sanang mainis kay Migy. Pero hindi ko magawa. Kaibigan ko siya. I should be happy for him. I should be happy. But hindi ko magawang maging masaya.
"Bro, remember 'yung sinasabi kong stalker ko?" Sabi ni Migy pagkapasok nya sa boys room.
I looked at him. He was holding a, I think A4-sized paper.
"Ah, 'yung palaging nag-iiwan ng paintings sa locker mo?" I said casually.
"Oo 'yun nga. Nagbigay na naman sya." Problemadong sabi ni Migy. He sat beside me. Inayos ko ang leg supporter ko. "Sa 'yo na lang bro. Di naman ako mahilig diyan." Dagdag nya habang itinapat sa mukha ko 'yung papel.
"O sige akin na lang." Sagot ko pabalik.
Migy knew that I'm into paintings or everything related sa drawings kaya 'yung mga paintings na natatanggap nya ay binibigay nya sa akin.
At first hindi ko alam kung kanino nanggagaling ang mga paintings na 'yun. The paintings are all about environment. Sometimes sunset sa dagat. Sometimes calm river. All of the paintings were beautiful. Every detail ay pino. Iba iba ang paint nya. Minsan acrylic, minsan water color. I was curioused dahil sa continous na pagpapadala ng taong iyon kay Migy. Migy hates painting, he's more of Marvel merch or whatsoever na related sa superheroes. Everybody knows that.
10 paintings na ang binibigay sa akin ni Migy. And all of that ay sobrang ganda. One time I refused to accept it kay Migy. Sabi ko i-try nyang i-display sa kwarto nya. Pero ayaw nya. He insisted na akin na lang daw talaga kasi masisira ang superheroes stuff streak nya sa kwarto nya.
Kaya I decided na hulihin kung sino ang naglalagay ng mga iyon.
After class noon. Halos wala nang tao sa school maliban sa mga sumasayaw pa para sa gaganaping evaluation ng ballet sa bawat dance hall. I was waiting for someone na lalapit sa lockers ng mga boys. I waited for almost 2 hours. I even made Migy go home without me. He was my dorm mate. 3 hours had passed. I almost lost my patience until you came.
Yes you. You came. You were holding a A4-sized paper. I was shook. Hindi ko alam na ikaw ang nagbibigay ng paintings na iyon kay Migy. Nagtago ako sa gilid ng mga bakal na lockers. Sinisilip kita. Mukha akong tangang nakasilip mula sa gilid ng lockers. Kinakabahan ako na baka may makakita sa akin sa ganoong posisyon. Nakakahiya kung sakali. 'Di maalis ang tingin ko sa 'yo, pawisan ka. Siguro'y kagagaling mo lang noon sa jazz class mo. I even know your schedule. I was that crazy for you.
Hindi mo ako napansin, umalis ka agad pagkapasok mo ng papel na iyon sa locker ni Migy. It was 5 pm when you left yet your class was supposed to be 4:45 pm. You were late I know. Kaya ka siguro nagmamadali. I was angry sa 'yo that time kasi you even sacrificed your time just to slip that paper for Migy. That time may girlfriend si Migy. Hindi ko masabi sa 'yo kasi I was in no place to do that. Hinayaan na lang kita.
Hinintay kong mawala ka ng tuluyan bago ako lumabas sa pinagtataguan ko.
Naiinis ako nung time na 'yon. Naiinis ako. Hindi sa ito o kay Migy. Ngunit sa akin. I was frustrated with myself that time. Kasi hindi ko magaling. Magaling na katulad kay Migy. Hindi ako kasing charming ni Migy. Yung charm na mapapansin mo ako katulad ng pagbibigay mo ng paintings kay Migy.
I left after that. I was so down. Pagkauwi ko sa dorm ay pumasok agad ako ng kwarto ko. I even snobbed Migy when he reached for me.
"Bro, kain na. May pinadala si mama na food. Share na tayo."
I ignored him. Tuloy tuloy lang ako sa pagpapasok sa kwarto ko.
"Hinintay kita bro. Tagal mo eh. Tara share na tayo dito." Pag-aalok nya.
Still, tuloy tuloy lang ako. Nilampasan ko na sya. I locked myself in. I feel so bad that time. Nakatulog ako mabigat ang loob. I don't know. I think nagseselos ako.
But after that, next morning, realization came to me.
I woke up, I saw paintings at the wall of my room. Oo. Lahat ng paintings na inaabot sa akin ni Migy na galing sa 'yo ay iniipon ko at dinidisplay ko sa kwarto ko. Kasama ng mga gawa ko at binili kong paintings.
I though that time, "those paintings were from you. So might as well keep it."
Yes, I was crazy. Pero ganoon talaga. Hindi ko mapigilang hindi mahulog sa 'yo.
"Hey, could you please bring that towel to me."
"A-ah s-sure." I stammered saka parang tangang nagmadaling abutin yung towel mo sa likuran ko.
Nanginginig ang kamay kong inabot ito sa 'yo. I was feeling sick having in front you inches away from me.
But ikaw. Ang calm lang ng itsura mo. That time, pawis na pawis ako although airconditioned ang dance hall, pero tagaktak talaga ang pawis ko.
"You were shaking." You said.
"... And stammering." Dagdag mo pa.
I was going to defend myseld na "Namamalikmata ka lang siguro. Hindi ah." But teacher Alex called in. Hiyang hiya ako nun sa 'yo, lalo lang ako nawala sa focus dahil sa nangyari.
After that. Walang nangyari. Months and months had passed, walang improvement na naganap. Tila hindi mo ako napapansin. Do I even exist? Ayan ang palaging laman ng isip ko.
On those span of time, you made 7 paintings. Lahat ng iyon ay sa akin napupunta. Somehow I was happy. But I can't be like that forever. I can't pretend na ako ang inspirasyon mo sa pag gawa ng regalo mo hence si Migy.
Until one day. I was having a hard practicing my spin sa ballet. That time, weakshit ako sa ballet, na palagi mong pang asar sa akin.
Nagpaiwan ako sa studio 3 para mag practice. Sa lugar na iyon lang ang free studio na pwedeng pagpractican, lahat occupied. But that's okay.
I think 2 hours na akong paulit-ulit nag spin. But all the same, palaging tumba. I even start from the basics para maayos ang foundation ko but still walang progress. I was weak in ballet, I admit it. Hip Hop's my move. I prefered it over ballet.
Until someone came in. I can see myself standing in the middle of the studio from the large mirror in front of me. You came in. Yes. You.
I didn't know what to do. Pawisan ako. Probably amoy pawis pa.
"Oh! Sorry." Agad mong sabi nang oras na nakita mo ako.
"N-no no!" I shouted bago mo isara ang pinto. "Okay lang, pasok ka." Dagdag ko.
Dahan dahan mo ulit binuksan ang pinto at mabagal kang pumasok. You still look calm, but mukha kang nahihiya. My heart that time was beating harder. I didn't know what to do.
Humarap na ako sa salamin para ayusin ang posisyon ko. But I was lost, nakatitig lang ako sa 'yo mula sa salamin ng studio. You were preparing for your, prolly ballet din.
Sa ballet ka malakas. Sa lahat magaling ka. Alam ko.
"Sige lang mag practice ka lang." Sabi mo nang mapansin mo akong nakatigil lang.
"Hindi na. Actually tapos na 'ko mag practice." Sagot ko.
"Mukhang hindi eh." Tumawa ka nang mahina. Ang sarap talagang pakinggan ng tawa mo.
"H-huh?" Tangi kong nasagot sa gitna ng tawa mo.
"Hirap ka sa spin." Sagot mo nang tumigil ka sa pag tawa. Pa'no mo nalaman.
I didn't answer. I don't know how to. So I just nod.
"I saw you kase kanina. Pinapagalitan ka ni teacher." Sabi mo.
"Talaga? Nakita mo 'yon... Nakakahiya." Sabi ko. Pabulong na ang last na word.
"You shouldn't be. Alam kong kaka-take mo lang ng ballet class. So it should be normal." Habang sinasabi mo 'yan, lumalapit ka sa akin.
I want to step back. Gusto kong lumayo sa 'yo. Amoy pawis na ako. I know I looked like a mess that time. Pero the other side of me, gustong mag stay. So I did.
"Show me your spin." You said. You looked serious so I did my preparation pose.
"No. Mali ka kase eh." Sabi mo.
I was scared by your face that time but was happy at the same time. I was with you in the same room, alone. We were alone together. That time we shared the same air to breathe.
"Look at me." Sabi mo. I was going to say 'no need' kasi kanina pa kita tinititigan. "This is how you should do that."
I was watching you. You were graceful. Mabilis mo syang ginawa at sobrang perfect. Lalo akong nahiya pero mas naexcite.
Tumango ka. "Gawin mo naman." Sabi mo.
I gulped. Naghanda ako. Pose. Straighten my body. Then I jumped.
Pero habang nasa ere. You shouted. "No no. Sa plié mo kukunin ang strenth ng pagtalon mo."
"I did my plié." I answered.
Umiling ka. "For me hindi. I wouldn't call that plié. You did it wrong." Sabi mo pa. I felt slapped sa words mo. Ang pranka. Pero ayos lang.
"Pag magp-plié ka, long neck. Relax the arms. Strong legs then jump." Sabi mo habang dine-demo. You were sweating. You looked more beautiful and hot.
We stayed like that that time. We didn't even got hold of the time. Neither did we know na naka apat na oras tayong nagp-practice.
So far so good. Tumatawa ka na. Hindi na ako awkward. We laughed together like a good friend. And we were.
Days and days passed again. Medyo nagpapansinan tayo. You were waving to me, you were smiling to me. And pag may time, sinasamahan mo akong mag practice sa studio 3. We did that for like always. Until I got used to it. Pero mas magaling ka pa din talaga sa akin.
We bond. We even had a drink with your girl friends. Medyo hindi ka na nagpapadala ng paintings kay Migy. Pansin ko ding hindi ka na masyadong baliw kay Migy. I don't know. Sa perspective ko ganoon. We built memories. Feelings were shared. You fixed my heart just to break it. I hate it but I love you.
Now. In this present time. All of the memories, all the feelings back then are all gone now. I don't know what happened.
Hindi na kita nakakasama. I am here. I am still waiting for you. I am waiting for the time na magkasama ulit tayo. I am hoping for that to happen again.
But I guess hindi na 'yon mangyayari. You left. You left me. Here. Alone and sad. Sad and still hoping for you to come back.
Where are you now? Do you still remember me? Do you still remember what we have been through? Do you still remember the feelings we have for each other? I want to find you. I want us to go back to where we were. Please. Please come back to me. Comeback. Kasi nandito pa din ako, same place and same time. I am stuck. I want to move with you. I will wait for you. So please. Please.
Please, Comeback. by heyitsjanray 2018
PS. Tamad pa ako mag edit haha. Hayaan nyo na grammar ko. Di uunlad ang pilipinas sa kaka-correct ng grammar. Okeh? Okeh!
