thought bin

Tay, 27, she/her, queer. random rambles, thoughtless thoughts, fuck jkr and anti ai all the way current obsession is: The Pitt and Heated Rivalry minors DNI please

[heyitstaylore]

Currently having a blast to All The Things She Said and damn I can see them right in front of me so clearly.

[heyitstaylore]

So, I am alive. I started working at my company's summer place. Living with strangers, working with strangers, shift managing strangers... nightmare.

[generic-enthusiast]

i'm sure i'm the first person to ever think this but has anyone noticed periods are pretty inconvenient

[rylandsgrace]

#Joke asides, this is actually important

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

[heyitstaylore]

One way or another this exam season is over for me. Thank fuck. One more week and I would have hang myself from the ceiling.

[heyitstaylore]

Currently studying for my upcoming US history exams and a lot of my unasked question got answered while doing so. And I cried a total of three times while reading about slavery.

I am going to fail these exams, because two days are not nearly enough to learn everything but damn, this is fucked up.

[heyitstaylore]

So yeah I passed that stressful exam. With a 4. (Our scales go from 1 to 5, with 5 being the best and 1 meaning "you failed you absolute buffoon") I had some troubles with the oral part but the professors were nice enough to not confuse my competence with my performance. At one point I blurted out, staring at the desk "I am not a moron, I am just anxious" and then continued with my exam task. May any deities bless them for keeping a straight face while I fumbled with words such as "furniture" and "property".

[heyitstaylore]

I have a meeting at 6 am. I am currently on my second bottle of something. But I just played a really nice match against really nice enemies and now i have a really nice victory crown.

[heyitstaylore]

things that i am afraid/scared of in no particular order (this is not a complete list):

men

the train/bus/anything public transport door not opening when its my stop to get off and i end up in somewhere foreign where i dont have cell service and also actually my phone died and my powerbank also died and the streets are empty so i just end up stranded in a random ass place

dropping out of uni... AGAIN (i mean technically i quit, but anyway)

accidentally firing myself from work (no, i dont know how would i even do that but still, i am terrified of this happening)

an empty word document

skincancer (i am so white that actually that reflective material they use on visibility vests is made out of my skin)

[heyitstaylore]

Today I am wearing a tank top which shows my self-harm scars and also my fat upper arms. And at the same time I am wearing shorts with visible body hair. Pray for me.

[heyitstaylore]

My current uni does not pay for Microsoft Office programs. And my old uni account has been disabled as of now.

We had a nice run considering I dropped out in 2021 😂

[heyitstaylore]

Okay I am not done apparently.

This is just one part of the fucking four hour long exam.

I am also probably shit at everything else!!!!! Should I just quit now? To spare myself from the disappointment?

But actions, consequences. I have not touched any material during the semester so I shouldn't be surprised now.

If I had studied, I would not be so behind on everything.

That is a conditional. Or at least I think it is. I wouldn't know.

[heyitstaylore]

The more time I spend at uni the less I understand. I thought my English was okay. Good, even.

Turns out that my English - checks notes - is awful.

What a nice surprise right before exam season.

I honestly do not want to rip my hair out. No, I do not, really.

I am struggling with conditionals. Fucking "would were have had did done gone been" is currently above my understanding of this fuckass stupid language and I just keep on waiting and waiting for it to 'click' but it just never does and I am slowly but surely going insane over here.

I am fucking stupid. Fucking 'wouldhavehadgonedone' will be the death of me. I will drop out of university because of this shit.

I am so angry at myself, I could jump out of the window right fucking now. I am livid. Fuuuuuuuuuuck.

[heyitstaylore]

I never thought, that two of my interests would ever collide this way, but it happened folks.

For those of you who are unaware of this, I am an avid Fortnine fan and I am also part of the Heated Rivalry fandom.

500 v-bucks well spent.

[heyitstaylore]

Im currently in line waiting at the store buying alcohol. I am almost 28 so no worries. But I have been asked for my ID five times in the past week. And I don't have it on me right now. Thoughts and prayers for me and my bottle of wine.

[heyitstaylore]

Tiktok keeps showing me club music. The local club closes at 3am. Its currently 2.45am. Stop taunting me.