not your baby

[123dayzup]

me: god, why did you create humans?

god: 

[louises-belcher]

damn, I sure have expensive taste for someone with only $4

[bpdsnek]

This might come as a shock but I’m Not Feelin too good my dudes

[urbanoutfucks]

you know that mood you get in sometimes where you just fucking are in love with drinking water

[love-personal]

[griffys]

me @ myself: maybe u should try not to depend so much on validation and attention from others because u really let it dictate your mood and it’s so unhealthy

me: huh. interesting. anyway whom here loves me

[stanleykubricky-deactivated2026]

me when i’m in a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation:

[humdrumhootenanny]

Are your nipples sensitive?

Yeah they don’t take criticism well

[suenyito]

me whispering to my dog in the dark: hey.. you still up?

[swarnpert]

[sees a dog] [gentle gasp]

[maderchode-deactivated20240415]

Being 20+ is basically a constant question of “am I doing enough” and the answer always being a solid ‘no’

[destroymylife]

[funnytwittertweets]

[thrtening]

my brain before going through airport security: what if i accidentally have a gun

[deactivated12345678911232-deact]

You ever meet a girl and you’re just like,,, you got way too much chaotic energy to be straight.

[hotdadcalendar-blog]

I literally can’t get myself to sit through movies that don’t have women. I’m like where the fuck are the women? Why are there so many men? This is boring as fuck goodbye

[sir-cockhammer-duke-of-chode]

Even if it’s historically accurate?

[marzipanandminutiae]

as everyone knows, women were invented in 1990

[bodyglitter]

me after starting to impulse clean my room and realize halfway through that im not feeling it anymore so now im sitting in a mess that was worse than when i started