Horizon: Forbidden West Shitpost Predictions

Join us as we terribly predict what will happen in Horizon: Forbidden West. Disclaimer: this is entirely a joke and meant to be taken as such. Enjoy!

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #44

Amadis uses a smoke bomb to make yet another dramatic entrance.

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Nope, but we did get to rescue him from a big machine so that was nice.

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #42

Aloy has a sexy, shirtless heart-to-heart scene in a cave with her love interest.

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Still....waiting.....

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #39

The climbing system is exactly the same, yellow handholds all over the West.

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Improved but still somehow awful.

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #36

All of the men in the west wear armored bikinis.

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Still holding out hope for this one.

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #32

Every character whose hair we didn’t see in HZD is bald. All of them. 

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THIS WAS PROVED FALSE AND IT WAS SO GOOD

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #27

Aloy’s hair gets even bigger because of all the secrets she keeps to herself. 

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It did get longer so

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #12

Aloy gets eaten by Megalodon while avoiding snapmaws in the Pacific Ocean.

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No megalodon sighted yet sadly 😔

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #11

Nil is given a focus and cyber bullies Sylens.

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I fucking WISH, IT WAS SO CLOSE

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #4

Aloy finds a tribe of people who worship Spongebob.

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Nope, she found a tribe whose cultural basis is military propaganda.

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #1

Aloy will swim across the Pacific Ocean and fight clone Hitler in Japan.

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Didn't happen but it sounds like the quen emperor could use a good old fashioned coup.

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #44

Amadis uses a smoke bomb to make yet another dramatic entrance.

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #43

Finding an old bottle of L’Oreal, Aloy tries it and promptly loses all of her hair to the degraded chemicals.

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #42

Aloy has a sexy, shirtless heart-to-heart scene in a cave with her love interest.

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #41

Aloy’s pet clawstrider doesn’t know it’s own strength and accidentally gives her a badass scar on her face.

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #40

Erend dies via suffocation from all of the paperwork Avad gives him.

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #39

The climbing system is exactly the same, yellow handholds all over the West.

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HFW Shitpost Prediction #38

Aloy stumbles upon a Utaru orgy and that’s how Horizon: Forbidden West begins.