Going into 2015 I decided to keep my 2014 resolution going, that was “the write down on a piece of paper anything that makes you happy/smile throughout the year and then read it on the last day”. I had no clue that I would be adding resolutions as the year went on.
In January I visited the Deep Creek Hot Springs, a couple hours outside of LA. I made my first new resolution. I would visit a new place every month, no matter how busy my life got or how lazy I felt. I succeeded, mostly, I missed a two months cause of work. I did things like going back to New York to new things like going to Comic Con in San Diego to a quick trip to Vegas to several different hikes. When I lived in New York I was so concerned with getting a job, and then once I got one I was so concerned with booking the next gig. I didn't enjoy New York partly because I never wanted to move there in the first place and partly because I didn't try to really see what it had to offer. When I moved to California I promised it would be different and it has.
My next resolution came in February when I decided I need to stop eating such shitty food and start to learn how to cook. Not to impress anyone but for myself. My mother sent me a whole bunch of her recipes and basic supplies I needed and I got to work. Things get hectic from time to time when I’m working, and they have food on set so I still eat crappy sometimes. But Ive mastered some recipes and Ive found cooking to be very relaxing for me as well. So that’s a bonus.
In March I made sure I kept writing as much as I did the first 6 months I moved to LA and I picked up something I hadnt in over a year. A book. I used to love reading just for fun. I have a bookshelf full of books that I love and I found a list of good books and decided this year I would start crossing some off. No matter what, I would be able to say I was either in the middle of the book or just finished one and was about to get ready to pick up my next one. I forgot how relaxing reading is to me and Im glad to have found that part of me again. Books are magical and Im elated to have crossed several books off of my list.
One of the most amazing things I got to experience this year was my sisters wedding. I still can't really form words to explain how incredible it was. There are some things you know you’ll remember your entire life as soon as they happen and this was one of them. I’ll never forget witnessing their first look towards each other by the dumbo carousel, Ill never forget them having their close friends stand up and each reading a verse from a poem, I’ll never forget their vows to each other, and I’ll never forget looking around the room and seeing everyone in tears, myself included. It was simply put, unforgettable.
Unfortunately, not everything can be rainbows and butterflies. With the good comes the bad. The Orlando film family lost one of its strongest influences in April. My film professor and mentor, Ralph Clemente, unexpectedly passed away. I have a significant amount of feelings and thoughts on this but Ill keep most of those to myself. My thoughts are still with his family and loved ones and all the students he taught. The Valencia Film Program will never be the same. With this passing away I actually had to do something that I hope very few people have to do in their lives, but Im sure everyone will at some point. I had to call several people, that I know don't go on social media, and tell them someone important to them had died. And then. It happened again six months later. Our other mentor in the program, Travis Bell, unexpectedly passed away. And when that happened, I talked to several different students and we just...had no words. It’s like a black cloud has been following the Valencia Program this year and we can't shake it....
But with the bad comes the good again (hopefully). I already posted my thoughts on equal marriage in an earlier post on this blog. So I won't be redundant. But it’s certainly one of the best memories from the year. I can now say Im not getting married because I don't want to, not because I can't ;-)
I stopped worrying about work and started enjoying my life. I felt like work would eventually come and stopped losing sleep over it. I finally got on unemployment which is something I regretted not doing when I was unemployed the first 8 months when moving to New York. Back then I thought going on unemployment meant you were a failure and I have learnt since then that couldn't be further from the truth. Moving to a new state is hard. It’s even harder when you work in the entertainment industry and move during dead season with virtually no contacts. So to avoid what happened two years prior, me crying myself to sleep every night in a new city, I got on unemployment and it was one of the smarter decisions I’ve made.
But unemployment ran out and work picked up. One of the movies I worked on this year was just the crappiest. That being said it made me have a lot of realizations and some good came from it. One realization included- Wow, Im really not the youngest on set anymore. I remember the first movie I worked on, I was 19. I was like the second youngest on set. The actors didnt even believe me until I showed them my drivers license. It’s five years later, I’m 24, and Im still exactly where I was then. Im working with people who are fresh out of college now. I know Im not old, but I feel like it. I also posted a blog this year about my difficult with work and being stuck. Im still working on it. Im still figuring it out. I don't want to PA anymore but I still like being in some aspect of the business and being able to pay for a roof over my head. But Im not a fan of working at least 14 hour days and still barely being able to pay all my bills. There are times, many times, where I feel like I wasted the last five years of my life. Im still stuck and feel useless from time to time. I’m hoping when it becomes 2016 that Ill have an overnight revelation and know wtf to do about my career. (I know that won't happen)) Another good thing that came from this gig was friends. I met some really good people this year. And not only were they good people, they are inspiring people.
And these inspiring people have helped me a lot socially. A friend made a comment a couple months ago about how she invited me someplace and was actually shocked I agreed to come. See, if this was me at the beginning of the year, or any year prior really, I wouldn't have come. Im not sure what happened, but I had friends make me less anxious about going out and I stopped looking for excuses for why I couldn't go someplace. I still prefer being home on my couch most of the time, but I’ve learnt life is short and to spend it with the people you love when you can. I couldn’t be anymore thankful for the new friends who’ve showed me how to enjoy people. You know who you are.
Honestly, I wrote most of this review back in April. How you ask? Because I reviewed what I had done up until March and then I looked ahead at what I hoped to accomplish this year and I wrote it. I didn’t write big things that I hope happen in my future. Like selling a screenplay to a production company, or network picking up a tv show I wrote, or even meeting someone new and falling in love. I know things like that will eventually happen in my life but those are huge moments that you can't plan. You can hope that they happen by a certain time but if it doesn't then it doesn't. For me it will....eventually. I realized I had been so focused on trying got make the big moments happen that I missed a lot of the small happy moments that actually happened. And finally recognizing that was my greatest accomplishment in 2015.
