Little BPD things ✨

Hayden- 20- ♌- Diagnosed BPD + DID

[hi-mynameisbpd]

My boss and I decided to have an unofficial staring contest where we were really close and Gabe just got turned on by it smh

[control-alter-did]

Tips for a healthier system

(We are not professionals, these are just things that we have found help with our specific system. Everyone is different and these may not work for every system.)

-Communication: This might be said a lot, but it’s really important to be able to talk with one other. Have an inner world? Visit one another. Hear each other in the headspace? Talk things over and get to know one another. Can’t communicate at all? Write in notes or journals; anywhere another alter could see. Write letters to one another to work towards communication. You are all living together, you don’t want to not get along. Don’t want to talk to a specific alter? See if someone else will speak to them for you. -Set schedules: This goes with communication, as you have to talk to set schedules. Even if you can’t follow them exactly, it helps if everyone is trying to work together towards when it is safe to switch and when it isn’t. Make sure everyone that wants to front gets some time to come out and be themselves. Schedules are good, however:

-Don’t Force Them: It’s not good to force an alter to not front, as that might cause in-system fighting or mess with any and all communication. Don’t make an alter do something they don’t want to do. Don’t force yourself to be happy. You are an alter too and you all deserve happiness and health. Just do what comes naturally to your system. -Personal Objects: It may help with scared or angry alters if they have something that belongs only to them when they front. If possible: give your littles some toys, get your male alters (if in a female body) some binders, get your female alters (if in a male body) some feminine clothing, get some sketchbooks/notebooks for you all to share things with each other. Just try to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy when fronting to help with everyone’s overall mood.

-Don’t Compare to Other Systems: Every system, every alter, every body; we are all different and unique. Some systems have 2 alters, some have 20, and some have 200. Don’t compare yourselves to others and don’t stress that you can’t communicate as well as other systems. You are allowed to ask for advice, to make your own rules, to do what you think is best for your system and not even follow these tips.

In the end just do what you guys feel is best for you and try to be happy together. Whether your goal is integration, communication, or even just to get by one day at a time. Be who you want to be, do what your system thinks is best for all of you. Take your meds if you need them. Cry if you feel like crying. See a therapist and get professional advice. It’s going to be okay, you’re not alone.

[syspositive]

Nonverbal alters

You are not ‘lesser’ or embarrassing because you don’t speak

You don’t have to speak if it makes you uncomfortable

You are beautiful and amazing just the way you are

Don’t allow people to try to push you into verbal communication

You are just as capable of love and showing kindness without speaking

You are just as worthy of love and respect as anyone else

[snorlax-and-co]

Responses to childhood trauma.

Our therapist mentioned a while back that there are common responses to childhood trauma.  The obvious ones being fight or flight. But she said three others were freeze, submit and attach.

I don’t think I understood at the time but looking at my system now I can see examples of all of these responses in system members.

They’re pretty self explanatory I guess but I just wanted to share this for reference if anyone finds it helpful, like I have.  I think these are even more relevant in dissociative disorders such as DID because there are often conflicting feelings towards abusers - we are often attached to them despite their abuse.  For us that has been one of the most grueling things to admit.

I know freeze is very common, in later trauma/abuse as well as child abuse. It often happens when fight/flight can’t happen and is when a child will become silent and still, anything to avoid drawing the attention of their abuser. It comes with a sense of powerlessness.

If the freeze response doesn’t work, the child can “submit” by going along with whatever the abuser is doing, in the hope that if they comply it will be over quicker/they won’t be punished. This can be seen in animals - they “play dead” and hope for the attacker to leave them. Submit parts often feel a great deal of shame and take on the blame/responsibility for what has happened.

It is apparently common to have alters who represent these trauma responses within the same system. I can now see all of the responses in our system, for example, fight presents in hypervigilant alters such as protectors, flight can be seen in those alters who distance themselves from external people to avoid being hurt, freeze is obvious in very scared/traumatised/often younger alters who can be stuck in the trauma, submit parts can feel shame or appear needy, whereas attached parts have a fear of being abandoned/always try to be better.

I’m not sure if this will help anyone but it helped us to figure out why certain alters act in a particular way/believe particular things.

[hi-mynameisbpd]

I really want to rp with people but no one responds to my starters and I just feel so worthless, like why even bother trying anymore? I gave up on my comic too since no one really cared for that either- my art sucks and I've got a fucked up head and I scare everyone away. I've started to think I deserved the abuse I've dealt with- that's how karma works, right? All that bad shit happened because I royally fucked up somewhere along the line. The only people that message me are guys that want to hook up with me. I'm ace and it's humiliating to just be seen as a booty call. I'm just so exhausted.

[disneyadaptations]

What’s wrong with wanting to feel strong and graceful and beautiful for once in my life? Ice Princess (2005)

[prettyvixenavenue]

[hi-mynameisbpd]

I'm going to delete my tumblr soon. The only people I regularly interacted with aren't active anymore. I'm not doing well emotionally/mentally since my abuser e-mailed me today and I might be pregnant with his child. He's going into rehab for a year and I'm not sure how to cope with all of this. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow but right now I just feel disgusting and ashamed of myself for existing. I hate myself and my body and I feel so wrong and out of place. I just don't want to exist anymore- I wish I never existed to begin with. Nothing I do is right and for years I tried telling myself that I'm a good person but deep down I know that I'm a monster. I know that I'm not human, not in the same way as everyone else. I'm schizophrenic and I scare people around me when my hallucinations get worse and the anti-psychotics I'm taking are only making my delusions feel even more real.

[trapcard]

me: *misses my train by 6 seconds* me: if i didnt stop to look at that bird that one time when i was 10 i would have been 6 second ahead in life and this wouldn’t have happened.

[hi-mynameisbpd]

I actually... I actually think like this too

[naramdil]

third base is when you both discuss your emotional trauma with one another 

[hi-mynameisbpd]

I’m a queer autistic woman

What that means to me: I love making things and sharing with everyone. I don’t handle rejection well. I have a hard time navigating webpages and understanding societal expectations. I don’t read sarcasm well. I put so much passion into everything I do that when someone rejects it I see it as a reflection of them rejecting me as a person. I’m very loving and kind and give everything I have- so much to the fact that my wallet was stolen while I was homeless and eating at a soup kitchen. I get fucked over by men all the time and I’m so tired of it. I’m tired of men dictating my life and my identity. I’m tired of men calling me insane or saying I have mental issues- fuck you. Fuck your internalized trans misogyny, fuck your devaluation of women and their writing, fuck your lack of compassion and kindness. You think you’re strong because you shut off all your emotions- I know I’m strong because I’ve been raped and molested my whole life and yet I still give men the benefit of the doubt. I still listen and give them kindness and understanding and I’m tired of being walked all over. I am Mother Earth. I am love and nature, goodness and truth, creation and beauty. Men- you don’t deserve me. You don’t deserve this planet that you’ve raped and ravaged for your own personal gain. You don’t respect the trees, the wildlife, the constant giving of gifts. If you want my respect you better earn it. I am Gaea and I will not have you disrespect me or my daughters. You would not exist without me, the Heavenly Mother. I have hidden in the shadows, biding my time until I finally snapped. Some call me Medea, others Mary- I am all of them, they are all of me. I am the colors of the rainbow reflecting through the skies. I am the rain and the thunderstorms and the Tempest. I am the fire that rages deep beneath the earth, ready to release my wrath upon this earth. I am Hel. I am the Queen. I am the Omega and I shall become the Alpha. I shall protect all the women that have been cast aside. I shall hold men’s hearts on the scale weighted against a feather and if it weigh more then they shall be cast down to the empty, void, darkness. Many people think Hel is fire and brimstone, but it is the Void, it is emptiness, it is isolation, it is cold and numb and empty. I gave the fruits of my trees to you and instead of replanting the seeds you cut down the trunks and the roots. I, who gives, can take back. I feel no need for compassion upon mankind. They have been unkind to me and my family and unless they repent they shall be cast down. This is my final warning. Repent of your sins or never feel true joy. The Heavenly Father chooses who he forgives, but I, I will forgive whom I will forgive. I will scorch the earth- nature will live on, but will you? Now I ask again, whose side will you choose?

[hi-mynameisbpd]

Me, an autistic trans woman: I enjoy writing do you like my writing?

A male muse: How dare you interact with me how dare you not read my rules that I posted off mobile and didn’t link to directly to on my mobile page.

Me: *blinks* you know what that sounds like a you problem. Not my fault you didn’t make that shit intersectional and not my fault it wasn’t accessible. Bye binch!

[hi-mynameisbpd]

I DONT NEED EXTERNAL VALIDATION TO BE A QUEER WOMAN AND TO EXIST AS A REAL LIFE WITCH. I AM GOOD ENOUGH ALREADY. I AM WORTHY OF LOVE. I DONT NEED MEN. I DONT NEED MEN. I HATE MEN SO MUCH I DONT NEED MEN

[thexfiles]

suicidal people deserve a space to talk about their suicidal feelings without risking hospitalization/institutionalization or being accused of being manipulative or attention seeking

[hanniballecterlicious-blog]

It’s a therapist. The word you’re looking for is a therapist.

[thexfiles]

wrong

[her-eyes-dared-me-with-danger]

The second a therapist thinks you’re even slightly suicidal (ie. Whenever you even say the word suicide) they “pink slip” you, which means you get sent to a mental hospital against your will.

I think about suicide almost every day, but it doesn’t always mean I’m gonna go kill myself.

[coffeeandcomposition-archive]

I just want to say, as someone who has taken courses in ethics and regulations regarding psychology and therapy and has worked at a counseling center for more than five years, THIS SHOULD NOT BE THE CASE. The only time a therapist or other healthcare provider is required to report suicidal or homicidal ideation is if there is a specific plan. I am deeply sorry to anyone who has ever experienced a therapist who acted otherwise. To the person above, I am not sure what your experience has been, but I promise you it is not a typical one, at least not in the area where I live (California). I have never heard of a “pink slip”, and I’ve worked with therapists for 5+ years.  

Going to a therapist changed my life. I was able to open up and say “I think about suicide almost every day”, and for the first time in my life someone said “You don’t have to live like this.” She didn’t have me hospitalized, she didn’t raise any alarms. She gently asked me if I had a specific plan, and when I said no, she said “We are going to help you get better.” 

YOUR THERAPIST ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT HAVE YOU HOSPITALIZED AT THE MERE MENTION OF SUICIDAL IDEATION. 

If you say, “I’m going to kill myself tonight by overdose,” then yes, they are required by law to have you hospitalized. Otherwise it is THEIR JOB to help you process your feelings and find a way to help you function and feel better. 

I cannot be more emphatic about this. Therapists, by and large, are here to help, not to hospitalize. If you have health insurance, contact them today to find out about your mental health coverage. Go to your general care doctor and tell them how you’re feeling so that they can refer you to the right person. If you don’t have health insurance, find a resource for a free/reduced fee clinic near you. Marriage and Family Therapist Interns are a great option, as they often see clients on a sliding fee scale. PLEASE GET HELP.

LISTEN TO ME: YOU CANNOT LEGALLY BE HOSPITALIZED AGAINST YOUR WILL FOR SUICIDAL IDEATION. FEAR OF HOSPITALIZATION SHOULD NOT STOP YOU FROM SEEKING HELP. 

I understand that many people have hospital related trauma, and I understand, and sympathize. Talk to me. Send me a message. I will be happy to find you further information on laws and regulations in your area, referrals to other counseling centers, or even just listen to what you have to say. 

I couldn’t in good conscience scroll past this without saying something. As someone who struggled with depression for much longer than I should have because of fear of seeking treatment, I want to encourage everyone, experiencing any degree of mental illness to get help. I will do anything I can to support those of you going through something like this. I’m here for you. 

[deadpan-snarkeet]

I literally talk to my therapist about suicidal ideation all the time and all she’s ever done is have me clarify that I wasn’t planning on acting on it. I’m tired of tumblr discouraging people from trusting mental health professionals.

[note-a-bear]

I feel this so much

But I think it’s crucial to remember there’s A LOT of vulnerable who have actually had that experience (I was put through a very light version in hs, and I have friends who were like aggressively committed or threatened with being committed).

This is similar to the whole “tell the er what drugs you took!” discourse in that, there are established guidelines and ethics. But those don’t necessarily line up with everyone’s lived experience.

So yes, please talk with your docs if you can!

But also! Stop dismissing people’s fears without an ounce of compassion.

[lilbittydragon-deactivated20241]

This is a really prime example of a topic you could ask a potential therapist about before seeing them for the first time. You can ask a potential clinician what their capacity is to listen to someone talk about suicidal ideation, and at what point they would intervene. If you don’t like the answer, look for a different clinician.

[hi-mynameisbpd]

Oof needed to read this

[hottestaceinthisplace]

If you don’t believe being asexual has any negative affect on people I was told by a psychiatrist that none of my relationships count because we didn’t have sex, and I can’t say I’m gay since I don’t want to have sex with girls.

and I was taken off my antidepressants because they may be lowering the libido I never had in the first place (plus various other reasons, but still immediately, cold turkey, which should NEVER happen unless they’re switching you to something else)

But aphobia doesn’t exist and asexuals are privileged, right?

[bitterqueerandtired]

Sorry to add to this but I wanted to say since I’ve had bad experiences with mental health professionals and biphobia, I usually get asked “but are you sure you are sexually attracted to both sexes, are you sure it’s not just an emotional attraction?!” Like my dude don’t you think I can tell the difference between wanting to date someone and wanting to be friends? Also, due to be gray ace 90% of the time I am not even attracted to anyone but like sure, make me feel guilty that I can’t “prove” my bisexuality.

[lesbianpeachs]

Sorry too but to add on, being aro isn’t much different. I told my therapist and she was immediately concerned that my meds were repressing “all my emotions” and wanted to take me off them. My insurance ran out and I went off them bc of no money before that happened. She also suggested dating someone anyway to “fix” the “issue” and expressed concern that my emotions (romantic feelings) weren’t present because “I’m suspicious and untrusting of everyone and don’t want to try hard enough.”

Having your orientation medicalized and invalidated is bad enough, but its fucking dangerous to have your meds taken away because you’re not performing relationships the way some doctor thinks you’re required to.

[star-anise]

Aaaand this is why we need the bi/pan/ace/aro alliance.

[grandmaestheticc-deactivated201]

this is why we need to recognize more queer experiences and identities than gay and lesbian, through increased awareness, information and representation.

[asexualspectrumspector]

My hand slipped…  (P.S. It’s transparent!)

[hi-def-doritos-deactivated20181]

“theres only 2 genders!1!! if u have a vagina, ur a girl if you have a penis ur a boy xoxo ❤🌸🌷🌹 sorry sweaty I don’t make the rules”

ok but I’m intersex. what do I do

[imsureiforgotsomething]

Live a great life.

[hi-def-doritos-deactivated20181]

I’m getting the most wholesome responses to this post and I love life

[hi-mynameisbpd]

Honestly? I’ve been fighting violent intrusive thoughts all week and still managed to get all my school work done in time, eat regularly, and did laundry. I also set up a meeting to start seeing a DBT therapist because I realized my agoraphobia is out of control. I’m really fucking proud of myself. 

side note: I also did well in League with 2 S+ scores on Tahm Kench and a pentakill with my first main, Jinx