I just started reading your blog and so far I love it. I just have some questions and I hope this doesn’t come off as mean spirited but I’m not very good with words and I don’t know any other way to say it: How do you cope with knowing that you may never have a friend group or a significant other because of your strong believes? Do you plan to live a hermet lifestyle or plan to pray for god to send you someone? Do you believe that we are meant to live a solatary lifestyle or that god would want us to commune with others who share the same believes or at least some of the same believes? How do you know? Could you tell me what qualities you think are good to look for in a friend? I didn’t have any friends in school and my Gran would always ridicule me as if it was my fault when I really did want friends but no one liked me because I was quiet and weird. She would say that humans are social creatures and too much loneliness makes you sick. She’s a single Christian lady with no friends herself if that matters. I never believed her because I thought I would be miserable either way. Until last year I made a friend with this girl in my physical therapy group (I shattered my leg skating) and we’ve been on many friend dates and FaceTime almost everyday to talk about everything and anything. We only known each other for a 8 months but I now finally believe what my Gran meant by humans are social and do better with companionship. I don’t know how to explain it but I feel so free, happy and loved around her. I feel like god answered me after years of wishing for a real friend. I won’t get into details but she really came into my life at a time where I almost lost all hope for myself. The only thing is before we were friends she used to have a boyfriend in high school for several years. We’ve never talked about boys or sexual things besides that I’m a virgin and she isn’t and ofc the boyfriend. After reading your blog I feel like maybe I’m wrong for being friends with her. Do you think I should ask her if she plans on getting another relationship or just wait and see? I heard her mom mention something once but she said she’s focusing on herself which I am too. I tried praying to god about it but I feel like it’s just radio silence. I erased a lot of my message because it was just rambling and oversharing but I hope this is enough for you to give me some advice. Thank you!
Hello, thank you for your question.
God doesn’t need coping mechanisms, but if an individual needs a coping mechanism, God will allow them to depend on it.
God is a friend of all, but if nobody wants to be friends with God, that makes no difference to her to perfection.
God loves and is loved by all, but if nobody loves God, God is the same with or without their emotions.
God is the community, but God is also the lack of a community.
God doesn’t need anybody to believe anything, but if an individual wants to believe something is true, God will allow them to have that belief.
God allows all free will, even if that individual wills to become a slave.
God doesn’t need prayer. God is omniscient and already knows what you want and will give it to you exactly when you need it.
God doesn’t beg for a person to come into her life, the person who wants to be in God's life will make the effort to do so.
I'm not trying to be a socially acceptable human being, I'm becoming God.
I don't plan anything. The ego “plans” for a false sense of control.
If you believe that humans are social creatures, then it's true. If you want friends, a significant other and community, you're free to embark on that journey.
If you believe that being alone makes you sick, you can believe that as well.
Everything you believe communicates your state of consciousness, but there is no scientific evidence for anybody's “belief systems being true.” What is factual is irrefutable because it happens in real time. In other words, there's nothing to discuss about reality, let alone opinions to hold.
God gave you a friend, which is what you asked for. And you're asking me this question because you've become afraid of losing her, or you're thinking, “now what?” My following response will be in this context:
God typically gives somebody a reason to keep God alive in their hearts. You have a frame of reference on how to achieve the feeling of happiness, but if you depend on the material world for that happiness, it will become fleeting and a source of pain. What you feel with your friend is what I feel with God, except it's everlasting. I don't have to worry about God leaving me like a friend, family member or community would, and that has removed every burden from my life and resolved all of my deficiencies.
Your grandmother was right about what she said about loneliness, but are you sure she was “single” and “had no friends”? Do you think she was referring to God in these aspects? Most lonely people are married and have a large circle of friends. Most people that I've met who were dealing with depression and a lack of motivation got the world they wanted and plenty of support, yet they couldn't do anything notable with what they had.
One's loneliness is 100% dependent on their relationship, or lack thereof, with God. Period. I don't consider myself single and without friends, but an ego would. I consider myself experiencing life.
You should remain present with your friend. If you really feel the need to ask about her situation with her boyfriend, you can ask. Don't get attached to the outcome of this question, but if you keep this question burning within you, your health will pay for that as well. Now your state of happiness is at her will.
God is waiting for you to return your attention to the present moment. God is only right here, right now. If you pray with something else on your mind, God will stand to the side and allow you to pray to that thing. The nasty part is you genuinely believe you are praying to God, but you've made a material item (including people) your god. You're praying for that thing to centre in your life instead of praying for God, who is omnipotent, to become the centre of your life.
Once you start sincerely praying to God because you genuinely see God as a friend instead of someone to ask things for, then God will talk to you. This may take months, years, decades, lifetimes, depending on how long it takes you to realize that nothing in the world will give you lasting happiness. God is generous and forgiving, but shy.
If somebody only talked to you when they wanted something, but they never felt free and happy around you, would you be excited to talk to them? You would just give that person what they asked for and go back to placing your attention on people who adore you. Most people treat God like a shopkeeper, so that's the relationship they will have.
If God wishes to place friendship, a significant other or community in my life, I will accept it and when they dissolve, I will accept that as well. I strongly prefer solitude right now because I want to place my attention on becoming a perfect meditator.
For the average person to feel good about herself, she needs to hold the idea in her mind that she is valuable because she has followed society's rules. When an individual can live completely and totally in the present moment without intrusive thoughts from the past, or how life "should be," she has attained consistent inner calmness and becomes soul-conscious.
It's impossible to be happy when you're not at least soul-conscious because the ego always has a new desire which will cause you to, define yourself by the outcome of those desires. This leads to an unstable sense of self, and many people are diagnosed with this ego-condition (such as BPD, narcissism, psychopathy, etc) when this state of mind becomes severe.
You know how some people are codependent and require somebody attached at their hip to feel secure? People who have always had their ego stroked everywhere they go in life? I've experienced the polar opposite of that. I've never felt close to anybody, nor have I wanted to. This blog is primarily for those people, as few as they are.
One time, while I was in a "friend group" I tried to communicate my feelings and a chick I wasn't talking to started yelling at me about “You know what I do when I feel left out?! I put in my fucking earphones” and she demonstrated her putting in her earphones in an exaggerated manner while berating me and foaming at the mouth. She hated my guts for whatever reason. There was another time I went to dinner with this group. Everything was fine until the same chick started yelling at me over of people's food about something random. Nobody cared. I told a dude who was also abused by this chick about the situation, and he couldn't believe that nobody said anything to her and said that they were all fake and enjoyed it. He was right. Anyway, it's my responsibility to leave when somebody shows red flags, so I did. Guess who the bystanders came running to when they became targets? Guess who didn't give a fuck?
I had another friend group make a separate group chat just to talk shit about me, even though I was the glue of the group. I went to each person's home to pick them up and dropped them off to maintain the relationship. The last time I engaged in free labor was when one of my friends was an hour late to walk out of her front door. I told her I waited forever, and she shrugged her shoulders and said called me her chauffeur. Couldn't even offer a pity apology.
My desire for a social life is at an absolute zero.
I have people in relationships ask me how I achieved emotional stability, yet they're all in relationships... Shouldn't they be the pinnacle of health? They tell me about their sadness, loneliness, their infections, etc, and I have nothing to say to that because when I tell the truth, I'm told I'm living life wrong and that I'm unhealthy. Now I'm keeping my unhealthiness to myself.
Since I live in the present moment, if somebody isn't right in front of me communicating with me, they're out of sight, out of mind. I don't feel any sort of emptiness or desperation to gain anything because nobody has anything I want. I don't feel the need to control others either, so their opinions don't matter.
Furthermore, I've never received validation, other than surface stuff. I don't see a purpose in having friends/a community; this is based on the constitution of my life path. Most may say it's unfortunate, but I got social liberation. I regret ever trying. I would've been so much farther along spiritually, but it is what it is.
The lifestyle you're living right now is what God wants for you because you want it for yourself.
Everybody is precisely where they should be.
God doesn't make mistakes.
I don’t have any coping mechanisms because I’ve cleared my Karma. I’m in a constant state of happiness/calmness. It's impossible for the Ego to find happiness. The Ego likes to overcomplicate life, trying to have his cake and eat it too. The day you realize you can't have the world and God, and live accordingly, is when the Ego dies.
Coping mechanisms are preferable to the Ego because he can still gain validation from the world while feigning a connection with God. Women’s collective Karma is being social slaves. I’ve transcended that. I do not gain what other people gain from relationships. Relatability, connection, and the like are what I constantly receive from God. Now I’m only interested in gaining complete control over the body and realizing the Truth.
In person, I'm friendly and agreeable because it's easy to be that. Resistance brings conflict and problems, I don't care to deal with. Most people mistake this for friendship when I'm indifferent to them. Even if somebody agreed with me… so? This level of freedom is intimidating to people because they're used to their egos being worshipped and ooh'd and ahh'd at.
Whether they’re nice or mean, both friends and enemies pretending to be friends have placed me further to the Truth, so I'm thankful for all of my experiences. They have murdered every false desire within me, and now I'm free. I don’t pray for egos to come into my life, I don't hate myself anymore.
I have God and Guru and that’s more than enough.
If you are doubting your friendship with this person, there’s a lesson incoming. Somebody who is satisfied with materials and worldliness wouldn’t read spirituality blogs, so your soul already knows you will not achieve everlasting happiness with this friendship or any other future relationship. The key word here is "lasting." Temporary ego-boosts are highs, but you will hit a low and that usually results in fallout within the relationship, which you will compromise to maintain. You probably won't understand this now, but you will when the time comes.
When you are ego-conscious, you’re a slave to vanity. You want your life to look a certain way so that you feel like you’re socially acceptable, but this is non-presence. Instead of thinking about your happiness, you’re thinking about how well you fit in. Having doubts about a relationship is a sign of fickleness. If you think this friend will abandon you because of her boyfriend, there is likely some type of discussion going on between your friend and her boyfriend that you’ve picked up on.
Everybody has their own karmic path. You can either find a way to live where you achieve permanent happiness or continue on the rollercoaster of fear, doubt, and uncertainty.
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