sometimes i think about the fact that ryougi’s central conflict is denying herself a normal life because she has horrible ingrained instincts/coping methods
but then she goes to chaldea and theres just literal monsters running around

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@hiddenknife
sometimes i think about the fact that ryougi’s central conflict is denying herself a normal life because she has horrible ingrained instincts/coping methods
but then she goes to chaldea and theres just literal monsters running around
khoihuwi.
The question sends a little jolt of ice through Lena’s chest, settling in splinters beneath her ribs and momentarily stealing her breath.
She blinks, meeting strange grey eyes, her own wide. Words rise on her tongue, almost spilling free only to be cut short, choked by the accusation that she’s something other than human. Her greatest fear and insecurity upon someone else’s lips.
Her voice sounds distant to her own ears, miles away as she responds, “What- what d’you mean? I ain’t pretendin to be nothin.”
slowly, steadily, her grip pulls the blade from its sheath with a soft metallic scraping. she can feel the minimal resistance up her arm; the weight of the weapon beginning to rest in her hand.
“12 seconds left, and cut the shit. It’s written all over your face, yeah? look at yourself. you know exactly what I’m goddamn talkin about.
trouble is, normal gals usually have death in them -- and you don’t have a bit of it in your whole damn body. and i’m not fond of being lied to.”
but she can see death above her chest; blurred and clustered tight in the center, markings pulsing with what lays beyond the seams. a pattern only she can see.
she focuses on it, and its lines sharpen.
“met a dude without death in his form once, and he was real bad news for everyone involved -- think it might be my civic duty to make sure you aren’t the same.
so i’ll ask again -- real slow this time, so you understand me, ok? what the hell are you?”
badsciencebanner:
Do me a favor. Reblog this if you welcome the use of ask memes as icebreakers between characters that have never, or rarely, interacted before.
i think its really important that at the end of kara no kyoukai ryougi and kokutou don’t kiss. neither of them initiate any sort of overly “romantic” physical contact. like neither of them is on the route of a typical romance you see in a lot of shows, they’ve both been on a fucking journey to understand one another and to better understand themselves
their relationship is one that has fluctuated from being enchanted with one another to being friends to both wanting something that they’re almost certain they can’t have
to ryougi committing one of the worst things that she could do
that anyone could do
and when kokutou finds out, he doesn’t abandon her, even though he said he’d never forgive her -- he understands now that not everyone can be saved, not everyone can get a second chance
and he pulls her up, and she’s bleeding from every slash on her body and a hole in her hand and he’s lost an eye, and they’re broken and battered physically and mentally but they’re both alive. they’re both warm and alive and they’re in contact with each other
ryougi lets him sweep her up into a hug, and she doesn’t protest, because even though she seeks to deny herself happiness over and over she thought he was dead but he isn’t, he’s here. and she is finally at a place with herself that she is capable of admitting that she loves him -- not through likening her misunderstood emotions to a desire to kill, not through a misguided and homicidal overprotectiveness, but just... love
she reciprocates. and then she leans her head into his shoulder and for the first time in years,
she cries.
me: ok ryougi have fun! be safe! remember to drink water!
ryougi shiki who starts 10 fights in 48 hours:
“streets aren’t safe for older folk at night.”
nevermind that these words come from a highschooler taking a stroll long after dark, alone, in a city with entirely too many back alleys brimming with entirely too much crime.
she seems wholly unaware of her own circumstances, here -- or rather, she feels perfectly secure in her current situation. her expression is stoic, but her stance is relaxed. confident.
cocky.
hands in her pockets, balled into fists, the tip of one boot resting lightly against the pavement, as if in mid-step. she huffs out a sharp sigh.
“guess i’ve been pressured into doing ‘good deeds’ on my offtime by someone insufferable. ... anyways, want me to escort you home or something, lady? past midnight, who knows what’s gonna happen to a woman like you.”
@laveusa
“hey.”
grasping fingers slide down her back to curl around the handle of the blade hidden in her clothes.
“you feelin’ okay? ...nothin’ wrong with that body of yours?”
a calloused thumb strokes the wrapped hilt of the knife, almost lovingly. with her left arm she reaches out to gesture towards lena, palm held upwards in an obvious invitation for her to respond.
“’cause I’m pretty damn sure you've got something up -- so you’ve got about 20 seconds to spill.
just what the hell are you, walking around and pretending to be human?”
@khoihuwi ❤ for a starter!
‘ weeping is for gods & martyrs, we cannot afford such luxuries. ’
grave suggestion starters. || accepting!
“Ah – so you’re lookin to subject me to a lecture on life, then? Demon.”
an unoccupied hand drifts upwards to rest on the back of her head, scratching roughly, absentmindedly; incomprehensible grumbles pass her lips as her eyes narrow. searching fingers wander through the dense mess of dark hair – as if she could grasp the physical answer from nowhere, using some convenient magic – as her expression slips from a pointed scowl into a tight frown.
then –
“Yeah. Yeah, suppose that’s true.”
with a resigned, self-derisive sigh, she concedes the point.
@solisnumen
hey its high time for your daily reminder that the fact that shiki ryougi repeatedly and intentionally denies herself happiness and pushes herself to do dangerous & immoral things because she teeters on the edge of giving into her destructive impulses she’s too scared to try at a normal life & then fail and repeatedly, self-deprecatingly enforces to herself and others that she’s a murderer despite never having killed a ‘human’ because of what she calls ‘luck’ but what is in fact her controlling her own urges through sheer force of will? what is in fact her trying to be someone better even as she repeatedly denies her capacity to when others say she can be someone better?
that she is someone better than just a bloodthirsty killer?
it hurts! it hurts me!
starter call? 3 cap.
this ask meme is based on the blog gravesuggestion. i’ve divided it up into two categories ( light & dark ) based on the themes. some of these can be somewhat triggering seeing that the darker ones deal with a lot of death mentions. please be cautious before continuing on!!
L I G H T
‘ at night i dream of you. ’ ‘ don’t give up yet. you still have time to fix things. ’ ‘ falling in love with someone else is not a personal attack. ’ ‘ i am still so weak when it comes to you. ’ ‘ i can’t believe i let myself let you down. ’ ‘ i don’t care where we go when we die, as long as i’m with you. ’ ‘ i dream of saying to you all the words i held inside until it was too late. ’ ‘ i feel so warm & safe when you talk to me. maybe i could love you if you’d let me. ’ ‘ i finally let the right people in & i have never felt so loved. ’ ‘ i like the way your nails paint red stripes along my spine days after you’re gone. ’ ‘ i lived in your permafrost for twenty years & then you looked at me & i felt the warmth of spring. ’ ‘ i once wished you’d leave me alone, but i take it back. ’ ‘ i want to be able to love someone else, but you stretch your arms & spread your legs inside my heart so that there is no room for anyone or anything else. ’ ‘ i want to believe that we got it right this time. ’ ‘ i wonder how much longer i can cling to your light before it expires completely. ’ ‘ i would travel across the world to be by your side, because as long as you are with me, anywhere is a perfect place to me. ’ ‘ it took me awhile to realize it myself, but you are not what other people say you are. ’ ‘ it’s not that i really need you, but life would be pretty boring without you around. there’s no one i would rather be with. ’ ‘ i’d like to stay like this for awhile. ’ ‘ life & death don’t have to be so boring, let’s make both an adventure. ’ ‘ life imitates art, they say. i didn’t believe it until i started to notice the way your eyelashes look so much like tiny ink stroke. ’ ‘ live your life so that when you die, souls will come for miles just to hear your historic tales. ’ ‘ make your exes jealous & your past self proud. ’ ‘ maybe you’re what i needed to find in order to move on. ’ ‘ never get caught falling harder. they’ll never let you back up. ’ ‘ please don’t go. ’ ‘ some days it’s easier to just stop fighting it & succumb. ’ ‘ sometimes, you’ll find it hard to keep going, but you always will. ’ ‘ the desire i feel for you is that same itching, insidious hunger that an addict has for their addiction. ’ ‘ the worst thing about you is that you weren’t all bad. ’ ‘ there is absolutely nothing & no one who can stop me. ’ ‘ there is no route of losing you that is without pain. ’ ‘ there’s still room for adventure & there is no one i’d rather have by my side. ’ ‘ things didn’t turn out the way i planned, but i’m alright with that. ’ ‘ we could be really incredible together, you know? ’ ‘ you are beautiful & vibrant & confident. you are light & laughter incarnate & every fiber of your being screams freedom & joy. when i am with you, i am truly happy. ’ ‘ you are starlight incarnate, from the grand way you sway your hips to the wide mysterious way you think. blessed are any to be loved by you. ’ ‘ you are too afraid of the future to let go of a past that was never kind to you. ’ ‘ you call me yours & i have no idea what that even means to you. ’ ‘ you remind me of bubblegum & sweets; soft & pink & warm. you are strong in the gentlest way. you are so stubbornly kind. i wish i could be like that. ’ ‘ you still visit me while i sleep sometimes. your fingers trace my spine & i listen to you breathe. please stop haunting me. ’ ‘ ‘morbid curiosity’ is a wonderful way to describe how i feel about you. ’
D A R K
‘ a thousand empty bottles & fist fights will never return to us what we lost that day. ’ ‘ everyone else has moved on, but i am still here. ’ ‘ everything about you screams danger. ’ ‘ everything is worthless to you & you, in turn, became worthless. ’ ‘ for once in my life i want to be surrounded by people that i don’t feel like i need to impress. ’ ‘ freedom is really hard to get used to. ’ ‘ how could you do this to me? how fucking could you? ’ ‘ i am becoming everything we always dreamed of & i am leaving you behind. ’ ‘ i buried you so well that you might as well have died. ’ ‘ i can rest easy knowing that the person i love is dead & not the monster you became. ’ ‘ i can’t look at you. not now, not ever. ’ ‘ i don’t ask how you’ve been. what’s the point? you’d lie anyways. ’ ‘ i dream of hearing the words i so desperately needed to lay your memory to rest. ’ ‘ i haunted this house first. there is no room for you here. ’ ‘ i have a right to be upset. i loved them too, you know. ’ ‘ i just want it to end. i want it to all go away. i want to go away. ’ ‘ i may be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, but a snake hiding in the skin of a mouse is far more dangerous. ’ ‘ i saw your face today & didn’t feel anything. i am free. ’ ‘ i tried to save you, but you didn’t want to be saved. you just wanted someone to suffer with you. ’ ‘ it’s almost as if you were never here. ’ ‘ it’s unhealthy to do these things, you tell me. you say it’s time to stop smoking, time to stop gambling, & dammit, i f you don’t stop drinking it’ll kill you. i sure hope you’re right, darling. ’ ‘ i’m always pleasantly surprised by how easy it is to kill you in my mind ’ ‘ i’m not really scared to die. i’m more afraid that no one will miss me when i’m gone. ’ ‘ i’m not the person you left behind anymore. there’s no one here to miss. ’ ‘ i’ve been dead far longer than i’ve been alive. ’ ‘ i’ve eaten nothing but flower petals & ivy for weeks because i want to be beautiful inside like you. ’ ‘ i’ve never been completely satisfied. i most likely will still be unsatisfied long after my death. ’ ‘ no motive other than pleasure, my dear. ’ ‘ one day i’ll go or you will. either way, it will be as if i’m losing a piece of myself. ’ ‘ our dreams & promises decay along with you. ’ ‘ the leaves change, but nothing else does. ’ ‘ the only difference between avoiding & leaving is that now i’m not waiting up for you. ’ ‘ there is no such thing as a person who is required to love you. ’ ‘ there’s only so much that can be done to repair old damage. ’ ‘ things aren’t going as i hoped. maybe if i die, i can start over again? better luck next time. ’ ‘ this is not something to be proud of. this is a tragedy. ’ ‘ trying to get rid of me? oh honey, you’ll have to try much harder than that. ’ ‘ trying to get under my skin? you’re nothing more than a pesky itch. ’ ‘ unlike you, i can’t hide my identity when it becomes an inconvenience or a danger. ’ ‘ weeping is for gods & martyrs, we cannot afford such luxuries. ’ ‘ would you even miss me? ’ ‘ you are not important enough to earn an eternal place in my heart. ’ ‘ you complain nonstop about being unloved & alone, i can’t imagine what you’d be like if that were actually true. ’ ‘ you don’t know what it’s like. ’ ‘ you made this so fucking easy for me. ’ ‘ you should see me as a threat. i will tear down everything you know until there is nothing left of you. i am a walking threat. ’ ‘ you think i’m already gone, but i’m still fighting. ’ ‘ you think i’m dead, but i’m just dying. ’ ‘ you were never an addiction, you were a fucking disease. ’ ‘ you wouldn’t dare cross me. i am god & you are the soil beneath my feet. ’ ‘ your existence takes up so much more space in mine that we might as well be one entity. ’ ‘ your fingers are so cold & bruised, but you’re still slamming your fists again the barricade as if it makes a difference. ’ ‘ your hair is tied in a noose & your fingernails are razor blades, your lips are poison & i will gratefully kiss them. ’ ‘ your hatred has a body count & we will not forget. ’ ‘ your loss, not mine. ’ ‘ you’re a sick fuck. you know that? ’ ‘ you’re not gentle with me & i would never ask you to be. ’ ‘ you’ve trapped yourself so thoroughly in your own mind that it’s not even a rut anymore, it’s a pit. ’
I JUST WANT TO REACH LIFE… …and pass through the night
loved by naomi.
psa: uhh, i’m not super into fgo, but i know ryougi’s a servant from the knk event. i have like zero knowledge of its canon past oceanos but i’m willing to do an fgo verse if you’re willing to put up with that.
bio is up & half-complete; link to walloftext on rules page fixed.