Welcome To My Lair. @hikaridana - Tumblr Blog

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How do you

overcome this feeling of inadequacy

like the kind where you can visibly see everyone surpassing you and yoinking opportunities that you could only dream of

and even though life sucks and and is taking just as many jabs at them as it does you

they still shine he brightest and are rewarded for it?

I feel like I've had much of my happiness smothered by misfortune and the throes of trauma for years now. I haven't had it together for over 4 of them. I've had very little desire to draw and anytime I try I'm met with a mindset instilled into me that it's not productive if it garners no results (because I was told this from a family member). I've wanted art to be my job, but I've been given no opportunity to delve myself into it like I once had. Instead of drawing with my free time, I did nothing because of the amount of unavoidable distractions and borderline evictions living with family.

I wanna draw for myself again. I wanna be HAPPY with my output again. But I am trapped by this urgency to make something of myself and this crippling voice that says it's worthless and pointless and isn't productive and I'm paralyzed into doing nothing as a result.

I'm horrible at making connections because I just

cannot

find ways to make them. I don't watch much for media, I don't play games like I used to because it feels like more of a waste of my time like my drawing has. I just don't know how to talk to people to make connections.

I have just been. Physically. Unable to enjoy myself. Because Everything in my head tells me it's the worst thing I could ever be doing and that I should be ashamed.

And yet I am so undoubtedly burnt out. From what I should be doing. That I can't even muster any amount of positivity to make myself marketable. I can't just ignore it and be happy and whimsical like everyone else. I feel like I can only acknowledge it and feel constant, paralyzing dread. And I simply do not know how to get around it.

I am so very, horrifically, unabashedly unhappy that I have no idea what to do with myself.

I'm jobless, my money's run out, I'm likely to lose my car if I can't pay insurance, and I have been otherwise unsuccessful at being marketable or spreading my advertisements elsewhere to gain any traction. The same thing that happened the last time I faced with near eviction.

I've never wanted to crumple to the ground in a haphazard heap and do nothing more than I do now.

#{Vent}#I'm not ok today I'm sorry))#I'm even worse))#I haven't been able to be the breadwinner I aspire to be))#and it's tearing me up inside))

hikaridana

Soooooo I'm opening up my drawing comms again for a bit!

INFORMATION BELOW

#{Boost}#still taking slots!))#{Artists On Tumblr}

Flat Color Bust for a Discord comm!

Reblogs appreciated!

#art #digital art #werewolf #artists on tumblr #Do Not Kin #DnD #Dungeons and Dragons #fantasy

Soooooo I'm opening up my drawing comms again for a bit!

INFORMATION BELOW

#Drawing Commissions #gotta pay my insurance :') ))#Commissions #Artists On Tumblr

hikaridana

On behalf of my friend, I will be posting their GoFundMe here. I haven't posted art here in a while, I know, but these two are my best friends and mean the world to me, so I will be posting and sharing this everywhere I can.

Both CR and Jack are in terrible abusive living situations with their families. Both face emotional abuse, and in Jack's case, they face physical abuse on a daily basis.

I will not speak for them, as their stories are written in the GoFundMe below. We know that times are hard, especially now, but we would be more than thankful if you could share this around. Even if you cannot give.

Please give the post a read. And be aware that there are heavy mentions of abuse.

It's with great difficulty that we come to write this as we never thought we’d… CR Doe needs your support for Escape Financial Strain and Ab

#{Evening Reblog}#gfm #gofundme #cw abuse #aid

On behalf of my friend, I will be posting their GoFundMe here. I haven't posted art here in a while, I know, but these two are my best friends and mean the world to me, so I will be posting and sharing this everywhere I can.

Both CR and Jack are in terrible abusive living situations with their families. Both face emotional abuse, and in Jack's case, they face physical abuse on a daily basis.

I will not speak for them, as their stories are written in the GoFundMe below. We know that times are hard, especially now, but we would be more than thankful if you could share this around. Even if you cannot give.

Please give the post a read. And be aware that there are heavy mentions of abuse.

It's with great difficulty that we come to write this as we never thought we’d… CR Doe needs your support for Escape Financial Strain and Ab

#{Signal Boost}#cw abuse

I posted this a WHILE ago but I'm reposting because the last link didn't work and this way people can have the link to Youtube but also watch it here lol

Anyway, this animation is abt my boy Malevyks, but at the time when I made this.... two years ago?? I kinda flubbed on formatting his history points kinda-

Either way, I wanna do more animations I swear, it's just that they take time and patience and a lot of my time is taken up by my girl happenings

#{Mun Art}#dragons #2d animation #animation #animation meme #ping #last post also was before the big tumblr editor update so yeah that tells u how old this is lmao))#Youtube

hikaridana

Aaaaand finally getting around to Shade's updated ref :)

this hairless little shit represented by Margaret's mask

Story: A rabbit spirit turned demon via being forced to consume the flesh of a demon Kitsune. She was instructed to kill the goddess of the spiritual grove to turn over her powers to the Kitsune, but Shade chose to take the powers for herself. Un fortunately for Shade, the goddess used her last breath to put a spell on her to lock these powers behind a number of seals to make it as difficult as possible for Shade to regain them should she figure it out.

Now powerless, she was forced to flee the ruined grove from the Kitsune's wrath and across different countries (which also ended up in her being captured by cultists centuries later)

#{Morning Reblog}

hikaridana

Forgot to put the recent ref on here so

I showed Marg on here a while back but I called her Angel back then

But now she's Margaret and Angel no longer applies lmao

For those new: Killer for hire burdened by a demon rooted in her soul by cultists who uses the mask (or Margaret herself) as a medium to speak to others. Said demon is rabbit spirit turned demon by a Kitsune and drunk on power that she's desperately trying to regain again to reclaim godhood

so Margaret has to take on bloody jobs to keep the damn thing sated c: usually also demanding flesh to sustain her

#{Morning Reblog}

Aaaaand finally getting around to Shade's updated ref :)

this hairless little shit represented by Margaret's mask

Story: A rabbit spirit turned demon via being forced to consume the flesh of a demon Kitsune. She was instructed to kill the goddess of the spiritual grove to turn over her powers to the Kitsune, but Shade chose to take the powers for herself. Un fortunately for Shade, the goddess used her last breath to put a spell on her to lock these powers behind a number of seals to make it as difficult as possible for Shade to regain them should she figure it out.

Now powerless, she was forced to flee the ruined grove from the Kitsune's wrath and across different countries (which also ended up in her being captured by cultists centuries later)

#{Mun Art}#demon oc #demon #digital art #2d art #rabbit #bunny #yokai oc

Forgot to put the recent ref on here so

I showed Marg on here a while back but I called her Angel back then

But now she's Margaret and Angel no longer applies lmao

For those new: Killer for hire burdened by a demon rooted in her soul by cultists who uses the mask (or Margaret herself) as a medium to speak to others. Said demon is rabbit spirit turned demon by a Kitsune and drunk on power that she's desperately trying to regain again to reclaim godhood

so Margaret has to take on bloody jobs to keep the damn thing sated c: usually also demanding flesh to sustain her

#{Mun Art}#human oc #original character #oc art #demon host oc #demon oc #digital art #2d art

Hi hello *raises my funny little blorbo to the world*

I originally made this Tyrantrum Ghost/Steel typing for my boyfriend once and then for a Lobotomy Corp Pathfinder 2e campaign (that we were kind of having fun with and making it an AU to the original timeline) with friends I thought it'd be neat to make it the most horrifying thing known to man as a boss

tl;dr of this thing's story: G-Corp Branch science experiment gone wrong and recycled as a cyborg guard dog which then turned on the facility and killed everyone because the original beast's soul was still in there and Not Happy :) (basically an accidental man-made Abnormality)

And then the campaign party killed it and activated its detonation which almost killed the party and sent a party member companion (this experiment's predecessor actually) into a coma ndjfnjsg

#{Mun Art}#tyrantrum #dinosaur #trex #tyrannosaurus rex #pokemon #pathfinder2e #monster art #2d art #project moon #also happy new years everyone!!#{Reblogs Appreciated!}

Drew my funny gal Margaret in a fantasy setting c:

No I could not be bothered to draw her gear in full detail lmao

#{Mun Art}#fantasy #human #demonhost #oc #{Reblogs Appreciated!}

Ngl I'm prob gonna straight up just post art here on mobile rather than my pc cause that is the only way I see myself regularly posting here again-

#this place was so dusty I had two p.orn blogs following me eugh))

sentaijoe

Another one for @hikaridana / @hxnger-unbcund

I had thoughts for this one for a while

And its nice to do a weapon other than a sword or other blade for once.

#{FanArt}#still so rad...))

owlofbarns

lots of text in the image, but TL;DR housing bullshit has kinda fucked me up and in order to help offset the longterm costs of it i’m offering those doodle sketches i do occasionally as 30$ commissions for the foreseeable future.

any help would be appreciated because fuck i just had to shell out 1200$ for a new furnace circuit board yesterday when i really do NOT have the money to do that.

#{Signal Boost}#friendo needs help getting some stuff covered!))

sentaijoe

Another new weapon, for @hikaridana 's Greed.

This one has been on my mind for a while though the shape only solidified when I started the process.

And yes, part of the clever joke of the the design is that most people call debt/tax collectors "bloodsuckers".

#reblogging cause it's super cool))

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Welcome To My Lair.