[himedei]

le sigh

[croakerverse-lore]

Lore fact: After hours of gruelling research into Colter White’s (@the-muppet-joker) character, I have written what is objectively his most scientifically accurate characterisation in this fanfiction! (Minors DNI for this one!)

Published | Croakerverse

SOLD TO THE MUPPET JOKER X READER 18+ LEMON

“Y/N!” I heard my so called “mother” call me down. I grumbled in frustration and dissapointment. My life really isn’t that easy. Toda

[the-muppet-joker]

YOU WROTE A FANFICTION WHERE I TURN EMO????

[the-muppet-joker]

I have lost everyone around me because I cannot commit myself to a life of normalcy. Why can't I stop acting like a fucking freak all the time? I cannot even commit to a life of freakery, because I cannot rid myself of the shame. My heart is a caged animal, pacing and snarling and wounded. It would never survive outside of captivity. It will never know the sky, except in the taunting glimpses it sees between iron bars.

[coldest-bowl-of-soup]

[the-muppet-joker]

Light Yagami approached the guillotine. So no head? He thought grimly. He walked slowly, eyes trained on his own cuffed hands and the chain between them, which was being yanked unceremoniously by his executioner. When Light had heard that Miss Piggy had requested that she be the one to execute him, he had been startled.

"The Muppet? Why?!" He has asked L.

"You know why," Said L, coldly. He had not met Light's eye then.

This was not the case now. Aside from the pig, two others were allowed to view his execution. The judge that had ruled his fate, and L himself, both as the detective that had found him guilty, and as Light's own wife. And L was staring holes through the back of Light's head- he could feel it. Still, he kept his face turned away from his wife, the father of his children. Guilt clawed at his insides. It wasn't supposed to end like this.

Light had given up using the death note four months before his execution. His shinigami had taunted Light as he hid it away, vowing never to touch it again.

Four months had he resisted.

Four beautiful months, with his wife and his son.

All crumbling away just as his feeble resolve had. He had begun killing again, a fever overtaking him. And for what?

Light knelt before the guillotine.

For what?

"Any last words, Light Yagami?" Came the solemn voice of Judge Batman (it was decided that his case was to be judged by Batman, due to his lack of bias and all-around "cool factor").

"I'm sorry," came Light's croaking voice.

"Sorry doesn't cut it!" Screamed Miss Piggy.

"I never meant to hurt you."

"It doesn't matter what you meant," said Batman.

"Please," Light begged, "Please, one more chance, I'll be different!"

His eyes met L's.

"We're getting a divorce," He whispered.

The blade of the guillotine didn't even register to Light. How could it? You can hardly miss your head when your heart is caving in.

Hell was not what Light expected, but he supposed it was what he deserved.

Instead of fire and brimstone, he saw nothing but debauchery as far as the eye could see.

Infinite pale, clown figures, bent over equally infinite green little muppets, thrusting and chuckling darkly.

Light wept.

The Joker closest to him held his muppet lover ever-tighter, getting out the Jrap On (Joker Strap On,

[the-muppet-joker]

Light Yagami thrusted blindly into his Kermit the Frog plushie.

"Kyaaaa~!" He said.

He had a silk blindfold obscuring his vision, to make the experience kinkier, and also, more mysterious.

But there was one crucial issue:

The blindfold was eliminating his sight, the most powerful of his senses.

Light was a detective. One of the smartest in the world, as L himself (the even more smartest detective in the world) had personally asked him to work on the Kira case (Kira is the name of the anonymous serial killer who was using the death note to kill people. Light is Kira but right now he doesn't remember it because he erased his memory. This is because -- you know what just watch death note and then keep reading).

Without his sight, Light had to rely on his genius mind to deduce the location of Kermit's hole, but as animalistically horny as he was, his deductions were failing him and flailing, his dong met air instead of felt again and again. He shrieked in frustration.

Suddenly, a hand(?!?!?) touched his penis. A skin hand from a man! Blindfolded, Light gasped blushing ,

"Whaat?? W-where is this hand coming from??"

A dark chuckle.

"It sounds like my own voice!' Thought Light.

"It's me, Kira," came the voice that sounded like Evil Light. "I was Kermit and then I turned into Evil You. I was Evil You all along."

"BUT-" Light gasped, "You're Kira and you said you are? Evil me??? I'm not Kira!!"

Kira smirked. "You forgot you who really are. I will not let you forget!" And he stroked him up and down and up and down while Light blushed and bit his lip and gasped

"You're really good as sex," Light gasped.

"You ain't seen nothin yet," said Kira from death note.

Then he got out the Jrap on (

[the-muppet-joker]

Light Yagami was boypreggers. And so was Batman. And so was L from Death Note. And it was all Light's fault.

He didn't know what to do. He'd never gotten pregnant from a muppet before whilst also impregnating two other men. He already had a kid, and now what, three other babies on the way?

He was hyperventilating.

It was raining outside, and Light was sat on the curb of some street. Which street, he wasn't sure. He'd wandered for hours after getting the news, after trying to call Kermit, who didn't respond. Light sat in the darkness, letting the cold of the rain numb his bones.

Maybe I deserve this, he thought.

"Hey," came a kind voice, as a clown-textured hand softly grasped his shoulder, "Don't talk about yourself like that."

It was the Joker.

I didn't realize I said that out loud, thought Light.

Joker chuckled lightheartedly.

"You didn't kid. I'm the Joker of the mind! Everyone has one," He chuckled whimsically.

Oh, thought Light. "Huh," He said.

"I can hear the way you think about yourself. You think it's all your fault," Joker chuckled sadly.

"I cheated on Kermit, and L. My wife! Plus, Batman's pregnant now. All because of me. How's he gonna fight crime and catch murderers!" Light from Death Note wailed.

"So you got Batman pregnant. So what? You think Old Jokey hasn't been there a million times?" He chuckled and winked.

A million?! Thought Light. That's a lot of babies!

"We aborted them." Joker "And anyway, that's not the point. Here's what you're going to do. You're going to pick yourself up, go back home, take a nice hot shower, and make yourself a warm drink. Treat yourself, make yourself feel loved. I know you think you don't deserve it, because of how you were raised, and your father's emotional neglect, but that cycle of self loathing ends with you," He chuckled with a soft smile. "And I have something for you, to help with the self love."

"What is it?" Questioned Light. Joker reached into his pocket.

And then he got out the j

[himedei]

I love that twitter posts tumblr posts and you guys post twitter posts

[melvael]

i have been too scared to admit or even acknowledge this for the longest time but i am the owner the crocheted muppet joker mask from dashcon 2. it lives in my closet, for i fear what its powers may do to me. i may try putting it on later today

[satanfemme]

you've gotta be kind to yourself no matter what

[satanfemme]

this is twice as true in the winter

[satanfemme]

the world isn't ending and you don't need to kill yourself it's literally december. it's december. and you need to be nice to yourself.

[240vo]

this fucking rules

[ghostlygustie]

croaker x kermit fanart!!!!

[xxx-i-live-in-a-housex-xxx]

made something for you my liege

@the-muppet-joker

[himedei]

Am I a Man or Am I a Muppet?

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

I mean this in the most respectful way possible but some people really could use a reminder that if your blorbo isn’t your own original character, you do not own them — and that means there will be people who involve your blorbo in things or ships that you hate. “but it’s incest”, “but it’s adult x minor”, “but it’s rape”, “but it’s abusive”, “but my blorbo would never do that”. well, there is nothing you can do about that.

and as long as no one in real life is being hurt, your call out posts against them and your encouraging other people to harass them will not make you morally superior, it will only make you a bully who values the nonexistent lives of fictional characters more than real living, breathing people.

thought crimes are not real. fantasies are not real. no living thing is being harmed because of someone’s dark fantasies. the fictional characters you try to protect are not real, they don’t have life or feelings. they are just fantasies that people play with.

more often than not, the people you call red flags or predators, for involving fictional characters in dark fantasies, are victims who use dark fantasies, in an environment they can control, to cope and heal from their trauma.

but even if someone was never a victim, they still have the rights to freely express their thoughts through fantasies, be it fanfics or fan art or anything else.

the bottom line is that no one in real life is harmed and no one owes anyone any explanation as to why they create and/or enjoy dark fantasies.

(if, hypothetically, someone lets fiction affect their mind so much to the point that they harm real people in real life, then the issue, the real problem is that person’s inability to separate fiction from reality, not the fiction they consume and/or create that have taboo contents in them — and chances are that they are already troubled and a danger to themself and those around them, with or without the fiction they consume.)

“things that are taboo and morally wrong have no place in fandom” actually what has no place in fandom is fandom police. the point of fandom is for people to have fun. you don’t own the fandom you’re in. you don’t own the fictional characters that you love (unless they’re your own oc). other people have as much rights within fandom space as you do, and that is “as long as you have fun, you can enjoy your favorite fictional characters however you want”.

there are things in fiction that I don’t like, things that make me extremely uncomfortable. what I do is that I ignore, scroll past, mute or block them when I see them and I mind my own business. I don’t harass real people over fiction.

it’s really important to curate your own internet/fandom experiences, protect your own peace of mind and Not Be a Bully. mute/block what you don’t want to see, instead of harassing real people for the sake of fictional characters.

[speculum77]

[livpoid]

rulers of each others hearts