HixyStix (Inactive)

Susan: Southern. Thirtysomething. Cat magnet. Tea guzzler. Multi-fandom mess. Terrible at tagging, but if you ask I will try! Send asks; I don't bite.

[hixystix]

CW: death

Posted by Lotsodoodles (Salamanda) Friends, I am so terribly sorry to share this news with you. Our friend Susan/Hixy, the owner of this account, passed away yesterday, Wed. May 17, 2023. Please reach out if you need support. You are loved.

[hixystix]

So this is a scale my therapist showed me the other day, to sort of put my feelings in perspective. It showed me that what I consider good days are still a 6 on the scale, and bad days are a 7 or an 8.

I haven't seen this here on tumblr and according to the creator's website, it's okay to share. I thought others might benefit from seeing this, too.

Text below the read more.

1. ⁠I am so happy that I will literally go insane if the happiness is sustained for any length of time. 

2. ⁠I am feeling pretty rad. I vaguely recall times I’ve been unhappy but it feels like distant memories now. Things are looking up. 

3. ⁠It is not the best day of my life… I have stuff on my mind, but I don’t think of suicide, except when that one weird friend brings up stupid hypotheticals. 

4. ⁠Suicide doesn’t occur to me except in moments of frustration or stress. It’s like a weird escape hatch my brain has decided to just go to in an attempt to escape stress. It doesn’t feel serious, it’s almost a joke.

 5. ⁠The joke is getting really stale. Suicidal ideation and other intrusive thoughts keep happening, but I am mostly interested in other things. It’s like a low key death affinity.

 6. ⁠I am thinking about suicide a lot. It has become troubling. I can distract myself if I really try, however if an out of control semi was headed towards me, I might not move. I am passively suicidal.

 7. ⁠I cannot stop thinking about suicide, and unfortunately I cannot distract myself. I might be doing more risky things like driving recklessly or drinking to excess. I have graduated from passively suicidal to having a death wish. I need help. 

8. ⁠I am no longer fighting the thoughts, just sort of indulging in them. I sort of want to make the suicide plan, but I am stopping myself. I am holding on, but barely. It isn’t safe for me to be alone. I am suicidal. 

9. ⁠I am actively making a plan to end my life. I am telling people goodbye, settling accounts, and starting to write THE note. I am actively suicidal. I need to tell someone.

 10. ⁠I am actively trying to kill myself. If I do not get medical attention it is very likely I will die.

[ebonykain]

Number 8 is when it's most dangerous to start someone on anti-depressants. Even though the person might desperately need medical intervention they are not safe to be all alone with no one checking in because one of the things stopping the person from going through with it is the energy to put into the action behind the feelings. And anti-depressants raise a person's energy before it does anything else, which often catapults the person from 8 straight to 10.

Medical intervention is needed long before it gets to 10. But the problem with the mental illnesses that cause suicidal thoughts is that too many people think that once you're given meds you're magically fine, including the person being treated. Which makes many loved ones let their guard down, and the person being treated feel like the fact things aren't getting better immediately is their fault and that getting better is impossible. It can make you feel like you're a failure who will only hurt those you love and so it's better to get out now rather than lead them on with false hope. It's a lie told by our mental illness but it is so very hard to see that it's a lie while trapped inside it.

By the time you get to a 5 you should be seeking professional help. If you're at a 6 with any regularity you should be asking your closest friends and family to help you get that professional help if you haven't already. You should be giving your most reliable and closest (in proximity) friend(s) a copy of your house/apartment key and request they check on you periodically if they don't hear from you more than a few days in a row.

If you are the friend in the number 7 example--close enough to be able to notice and be worried that what you're witnessing is suicidal tendencies or a death wish... That's the time to recruit trusted help and push. No, we often aren't actually able to articulate why we're feeling this way. It's just our brains doing it without our consent. So asking us why won't help... Depending on the person, it could hurt worse. The best way to help is to do our planning for us. Tell us "I'm going to come over tomorrow and bring you soup". Tell us "I'm really worried about you. Do you have a therapist/psychiatrist? Okay, let's sit down, give me your insurance card and we'll find you one".

But if you're our friend and you don't notice... That's not your fault. Our society has been so fucking horrid about mental illness for so many generations that we have been hiding our symptoms and struggles since before we even realized we had any. The stigma against mental illness is so bad that it's been weaponized. Suggesting someone might have a mental illness is seen as an accusation. So it's socially forbidden to imply such things about those we like because our very language villainizes mental illness. So your lizard brain way in that back of your subconscious thinks: "They're not a bad person, so I can't be seeing what I think I'm seeing".

So you don't know how to tell us we need help because society fucked you up about possibly "accusing" us of mental illness. And we've been hiding it all for so long we don't know how to ask for help, to admit we need help... Most of us are experts at hiding--even from ourselves. It's not your fault you didn't notice. It's not your fault we kept it from you--we didn't mean to, honestly. We just didn't know how to do anything else.

These are hard things to talk about... Even just writing into the void of tumblr's social media. It's hard to be the person standing suicide watch. It's hard to be the one struggling with all these thoughts and intrusive images. It's hard to be the one left behind. But not talking about just gets us a lot of funerals.

Talk with your friends and family--the ones that you really trust. Find people worthy of your trust and make friends with them. Set up a safety net among you. Everyone knowing who to call in case of emergency or if you haven't heard from someone in a while. Know who is each of your friends' emergency contacts. Write it down some place safe if you need to. Humans are not designed to exist in isolation. We are social creatures who lean on each other for support. We can't do it all by ourselves.

[esmeswritingblog]

What fanfic writers say vs what they mean. Btw.

[freenarnian]

People not on tumblr will never experience the experience of experiences which is becoming intellectually involved with and emotionally invested in the plot and characters and themes and images and fan art and meta analysis and criticism and ongoing development of a show you've never actually seen but have formed a deep attachment to because your mutuals post about it all the time and the scraps of dialogue intrigue you and the gifsets compel you and the inside jokes make you laugh and you don't even need context at this point because it's already a whole thing in your head and it has shaped you and you love it.

[freenarnian]

They might call this a non-experience but they're wrong.

[ushirominya]

microdosing on being your.friend by liking your posts :)

[freakydude120]

can’t drown my demons they have pool noodle thingies

[ultramonogyny]

she's in a better place now (her bedroom)

[dev-the-dm]

Collection: I Search the Bookcase!

This 3-page collection of ideas for books on your in-game bookshelves should help you figure out what to say when one of your players goes to inspect the mad mage's books. Books are a great way to embed lore into your world and share it with your players. Additionally, some books may have been owned by magical creatures, or a wizard may have left a note or two in the margins, creating a whole new adventure for your players to chase after. Or maybe you'd rather make your own books? These tables will help you decide what it looks like, how it's written and what's so special about your books.

For better, full-page high quality imagery, take a look at the collection "I Search the Bookcase!" at the Homebrewery here!

[ublock-origin]

Ublock origin isn't blocking adverts on youtube videos anymore. Is there something you can do about this?

Yes. You can get a fix for it here.

[hellsalreadyraised]

which one of these "childhood activities" do you not know how to do?

ride a bike

jump/skip rope

hula hoop

whistle

cross the monkey bars

cartwheel

i cant/never did more than one of these (name which in the tags)

i can do all of these

you forgot one (name in the tags)

Voting ended onMay 22, 2023

[createandnarrate]

Know Your Dashes

[concerningwolves]

i have three responses to "how is your writing going"

1) it's not

2) it's going

3) i am ENTHUSED. i have been BLESSED with the POWER of the MUSES. i am an UNSTOPPABLE FORCE OF CREATION i am the MOST ULTIMATE OF ALL WRITERS

[ptork66]

Pie chart showing the proportion of time each answer is used:

[polyglotten]

[chlommunist]

someone from the uk: im in sixth form

me: how many regenerations do you have left

[notkatniss]

[ive-been-mistreated]

#that is the most venomous native lizard in north america

[hickeywiththegoodhair]

so i was compelled to look that up and

A) the most venomous lizard in north america is called the Gila Monster

B) I’m no expert obviously but that boy there sure looks like a Gila Monster

C) from the Gila Monster wikipedia article, here is the funniest doctor that ever lived:

"I have never been called to attend a case of Gila monster bite, and I don't want to be. I think a man who is fool enough to get bitten by a Gila monster ought to die. The creature is so sluggish and slow of movement that the victim of its bite is compelled to help largely in order to get bitten."

–Dr. Ward, Arizona Graphic, September 23, 1899

[knightofleo]

Daisuke Samejima, “Flatball 2019 No.03“

[comingupwurlsisnotmything]

acrylic paint, acrylic resin

[randomitemdrop]

Item: Orb of Suburbia

[fruitandflowercrowns]

babies!!

source

[flagellant]

lord, grant me the courage to not read the comments, the wisdom to not read the comments, and the molotov cocktail just in case i read the comments anyway