it's funny how i'm the same as the me from 10 years ago
i had a fat crush and interest on the best friend i sought for from 2nd grade until the start of 5th grade
i was chasing after her, she was a sagittarius sun aquarius moon , a russian girl in my class i just moved to in germany , after a while we were always together, mostly because i wanted to be
in 5th grade we switched over from elementary school to GCSE
if i didn't say anything, i would have been in a different class to her
i don't know if i cried about it, i proved i could play an instrument for the music class and got slotted in on orientation day
i remember our goodbye, she twirled me around whilst carrying me in an embrace near my grandma's apartment
within the two years i lived away from the country, i removed her on instagram
two years later, we coincidentally meet again in the playground of the place we both grew up in. i remember being so excited
and then in front of her door i was like... should i come in , or is it okay
she asked in response to my question, do you want to? if you want
going back and forward with the same words i was curious so i eventually said yes, i visited her room again, it was fun
but that was the last time i ever saw her face to face, or talked to her, she was simply in my follow requests, but i left it , not accepting
in 2023 i coincedentally made friends again with the lesbian girl sitting next to me because she's the girlfriend of the friend i made at my job along with my other ally classmate, and she told me that the girl from long ago has a boyfriend now.
she asked me if i'm upset over it after i told them my stories, and i responded that it's already been so long that i couldn't not be over it. i was long over it, in another spiel.
back then i had no words for orientation, i only knew i wanted to be best friends forever, or as she would recite from topmodel books, ABFFIUE, aka Alle Beste Freunde für Immer und Ewig (The bestest of friends for always and ever)
I'm not denying that there was no love on the other side, but it's a different love.
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