@simping-4-voldemort you did this
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@simping-4-voldemort you did this
Onion Headlines and Harry Potter Characters part 17/?
Onion Headlines and Harry Potter Characters Part 3/?
Tumblr’s Core Product Strategy
Here at Tumblr, we’ve been working hard on reorganizing how we work in a bid to gain more users. A larger user base means a more sustainable company, and means we get to stick around and do this thing with you all a bit longer. What follows is the strategy we're using to accomplish the goal of user growth. The @labs group has published a bit already, but this is bigger. We’re publishing it publicly for the first time, in an effort to work more transparently with all of you in the Tumblr community. This strategy provides guidance amid limited resources, allowing our teams to focus on specific key areas to ensure Tumblr’s future.
The Diagnosis
In order for Tumblr to grow, we need to fix the core experience that makes Tumblr a useful place for users. The underlying problem is that Tumblr is not easy to use. Historically, we have expected users to curate their feeds and lean into curating their experience. But this expectation introduces friction to the user experience and only serves a small portion of our audience.
Tumblr’s competitive advantage lies in its unique content and vibrant communities. As the forerunner of internet culture, Tumblr encompasses a wide range of interests, such as entertainment, art, gaming, fandom, fashion, and music. People come to Tumblr to immerse themselves in this culture, making it essential for us to ensure a seamless connection between people and content.
To guarantee Tumblr’s continued success, we’ve got to prioritize fostering that seamless connection between people and content. This involves attracting and retaining new users and creators, nurturing their growth, and encouraging frequent engagement with the platform.
Our Guiding Principles
To enhance Tumblr’s usability, we must address these core guiding principles.
Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.
Provide high-quality content with every app launch.
Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.
Retain and grow our creator base.
Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.
Improve the platform’s performance, stability, and quality.
Below is a deep dive into each of these principles.
If you change the chronological feed in the name of creators, I'm hunting your dumb asses for sport. This is one of the only websites that isn't actively pumped full of infuriating algorithm bullshit.
This slate of changes is moronically out of touch with how people actually use this website, and what makes it popular.
Users have been telling you idiots what they want out of this website for years. All you have to do is not shoot yourself in the foot while every other major website collapses around you.
I cannot stress this enough: adding an algorithm will make this website LESS friendly to me as content creator. Do not fuck this up.
If you make me look at an algorithmic feed instead of just the blogs I follow; I will find a way to turn that shit off.
“Historically, we have expected users to curate their feeds and lean into curating their experience. But this expectation introduces friction to the user experience and only serves a small portion of our audience.”
No. No no no no no. It does not introduce friction. Curation of my dash is the best thing about tumblr. It’s what you cannot do anywhere else. Please don’t add stuff to clutter up our dashboards. At least let us turn it off, if you do. I’ve got all the “best stuff first” and “your mutual liked this” turned OFF for a reason.
Also! You guys have been gaining a shit-ton more users just by not doing what the other sites are doing! Literally just Do Not!
via gelunnucifer:
Onion Headlines and Harry Potter Characters Part 3/?
Someone: *says something rude about the Hufflepuff*
Slytherin: You talk a lot of shit for someone who's house is so flammable.
Tumblr staff: ten options is enough for polls, right? No one needs more than that on a regular basis. The average tumblr user: Hey guys which element of the periodic table do you think is the most fuckable?
Slytherin: You are interfering in my plans.
Slytherin: You need to go.
Slytherin: Dont bother saying goodbye.
Hufflepuff: *walks in naked with raging erection*
Slytherin:
Hufflepuff: *waggles eyebrows*
Slytherin: *rolls eyes, sighs, starts unhooking bra* Get back in bed and put the handcuffs on. Now.
Fred: It's time I start learning from my mistakes. George, what was the last mistake I made?
George: You smoked all Lee's weed, ate a whole pizza, and fell asleep for six hours in the middle of a Tuesday.
Fred: No... I did that on purpose.
Neville: What's wrong, Gran? Are you picturing my future again?
Xenophilius: [drawing the sign of the Deathly Hallows] Every triangle is a love triangle if you love triangles!
Worst Patronus?
Sea Pig
Botfly
Sand Flea
Chihuhua
Shrub
Barnacle
Japanese hornet
Three-toed Sloth
Flobberworm
Blue-footed Booby
Worst Skiving Snackbox Flavor?
Colon-Cleanse Caramels
Diabetes Drops
HIV-ades
Butt-Boil Bombs
Herpes Slurpees
Syphilis Bliss Supremes
Chancre Scotches
Papilloma Popcorn
Toejam Tasties
Pustule Peppermints
The Stinky Chronicles: Tales of a Deranged Hogwarts House Elf
This time, Stinky courts mayhem, spiking the punch at a post-Quidditch party with an excess of Poopy-Pants Purgative and Unction of Urination. No broom could sweep that mess up.
How would Prof. Longbottom spend his first sabbatical?
“Researching” magical water plants of the Mediterranean in Mallorca
Crossing mandrakes with bubotubers to make magical manboobs
Fuckboi at symposia for the International Society of Herbologists
Seeking the song of the fabled nirnroot in Scandinavia
Indulging a secret life as a Bollywood stunt double
Infiltrating a gillyweed trafficking ring within the Ministry
Hufflepuff: *crying*
Slytherin: Okay, what happened *this* time?
Hufflepuff: *sniffles* Someone told me that my brownies were really dry.
Slytherin:
Hufflepuff: *sniffles*
Slytherin: Well, sounds like someone also doesn’t need teeth anymore…
Everyone: (taking an exam)
Hufflepuff: Oh, *now* I get it - they’re made the acronym O.W.L. because wizards send post by owl!
Hufflepuff: Wow, that is clever.
Hufflepuff: I never would have thought of that.
Hufflepuff:
Hufflepuff: But what’s so special about N.E.W.T.s then?
Hufflepuff: Whoa, maybe there’s a *secret* newt post…