Dysphoria caught the best of me again. Itâs been a really rough patch, but Iâm getting back to normal. This second year of hrt has tested my strengths. I thought this would get easier over time, but it doesnât. Sometimes you feel so stagnant and it just tears you down. You watch your friends going through transition, moving on to the point of getting surgeries, while youâre left behind dreaming of the day you can even afford 1, and knowing itâs only one tiny thing that will help out of the many you want/need. It doesnât help when youâre the tall one in the group, or the âfatâ one (I know Iâm not exactly fat, but I hang out with tiny skinny bitches lol). I wasnât dealt the passing card that I desire like my friends were, I canât compete with them. And there in lies the problem or solution. This isnât a competition. I am not my friends in any way shape or form. I am only me, and I need to work with myself and not with what my friends have. I canât drop 6 inches. My feet wonât shrink 2 sizes smaller. 115 lbs is not a healthy possibility for me. Iâm the 5â11, 175 lb, size 12 shoe, hockey player and motocross rider. Iâm the strong one that they ask for help. Iâm the one that will protect them when a situation gets bad. And you know what... thatâs perfectly okay. Itâs time to stop looking in the mirror and tearing myself down for not being like them, and to start building nip for being me. Obviously you cant control dysphoria, but you can choose not to help it along. Welcome back, and hopefully this time I will be stronger đ
