#serialchiller.

ind. sel. stephen holder of amc's the killing. written by zoë.

[holdered-blog]

excommune:

they can talk about how holder’s had worse later, if they want - for the moment, marcus is thoroughly distracted and inextricably delighted, eyebrows up, mouth twisting in a smile. ‘ my - my legs for days? must have something special going on if you’ve noticed me despite your own beanstalks. ’ — @holdered, from here.

‘ yeah, i usually gotta look down further to make eye contact. ’ the corner of stephen’s mouth quirks, at best a half-assed attempt to fight back the threat of a smile. ‘ guess i just ain’t used to not havin’ to squint all that way, y’know, most people're all pint-sized. ’

[holdered-blog]

You know, you’re a lot heavier than you look.

‘ says you and your legs for days. ’ it’s not entirely meant to be a compliment, but it’s not not one, either — and in any case, marcus strikes him as the type to take it as one, regardless. ( the leaning for support isn’t necessary, anyway — altercations aren’t unheard of, but rarer and smaller by a long shot than they used to be, now that he’s working the new work. the injury’s minimal at best, and holder nudges marcus off, not so much disgruntled as more simply stubborn. ) ‘ i got this, trust me, ‘ve had worse. ’

meme. // accepting. // excommune

[tesscharas]

SAN JUNIPERO SENTENCE MEME.  feel free to change context / pronouns as applicable. 

gotta love that track!

could you please stop it?

we’ve only got a couple of hours, so let’s use it.

you’re good at this.

i just wanna get my bearings a bit.

see you around?

go along with whatever i say!

okay, you’re just pestering now.

sorry for killing you.

if you don’t already know what _____ is, you probably don’t wanna know.

i’m regarding you.

i feel like i’m being analysed. 

i guess now they’re just kind of a comfort thing.

i figured they were kind of a fashion statement. but then the rest of your outfit is… not.

people try so hard to look how they think they should look.

you’re authentically you.

do you live here?

oh, my god! we have to dance to this!

dance floors aren’t my thing.

oh, let’s not limit ourselves.

why did you run away?

you were like a frightened horse on a frozen lake back there.

i’m kidding! … half kidding.

folks are way less uptight than they used to be.

if they were staring, it’s because i am bodacious.

i’ve never been on a dance floor.

what are you, like, amish? that’s one sheltered existence you’ve got there.

as far as my family’s concerned, i can’t do anything.

no one knows about even half the shit i get up to.

it’s from a place of love, though, right?

just the concept of me enjoying myself would blow their minds.

what would you like to do? that you’ve never done?

why waste time sitting here?

i’m, uh, i’m engaged. i have a fiance.

wanna go to bed with me?

oh… you’re nice.

can you hear me out? please? please.

look, i don’t want some kind of boring romance, okay?

it’s not just sex.

it was just sex.

we made a connection.

waiting for someone?

shall we dance?

can you just make this easy for me?

you never slept with a woman before?

i was in love with him. i really was in love with him.

i really was in love with him… but he chose not to stick around.

she’s worth the shot, right?

i’m sorry, i’m looking for someone.

why are you here?

i was looking for you. where did you go?

how the hell is this your era?

you don’t know who i am! you don’t know what this means!

this is not fun, okay? this is not fun! 

maybe you should feel bad. or at least feel something.

how many of them are dead?

i said i wouldn’t… i don’t know, do feelings. 

i don’t want to like anyone. so you’ve been just totally fucking inconvenient.

i wasn’t prepared for you, for wanting something.

i’m getting married.

you sure you’re going through with that?

i know he pities me. that pisses me off.

without this place, i never would’ve met someone like you.

if we really met– i mean if we really met– you wouldn’t like me.

i’ll give you some privacy. 

you’re ____? holy shit.

let’s go grab a coffee.

wanna marry me instead?

are you sure you’re alright?

you didn’t dress up to see me?

oh, i love it here! i just love it!

be with me.

stay here with me.

can we just enjoy tonight?

who can even make sense of forever?

hey, it’s real! this is real.

come on, you know that was just a gesture.

it’s not so kind to leave.

we got this chance! i just wanna share it with you. 

he could have stayed, but he chose to leave you.

you don’t know what you’re saying.

you should be mad at him, not whipping yourself with guilt!

you can’t know the bond, the commitment, the boredom, the yearning, the laughter, the love of it! the fucking love! you just cannot know!

did you think to ask? did it occur to you to ask?

you think you’re the only person who ever suffered? go fuck yourself.

i wish i could believe he’s with her now, that they’re together, but i don’t. i believe they’re nowhere. gone.

you wanna spend forever somewhere nothing matters?

i’m out! i’m gone! 

all things considered, i guess i’m ready. 

i guess i’m ready for the rest of it. 

[crimsondeath]

'captain america: the winter soldier' starter prompts

❝ On your left. ❞ ❝ Don’t say it. Don’t you say it. ❞ ❝ Need a medic? ❞ ❝ You should be ashamed of yourself. ❞ ❝ It’s your bed, right? ❞ ❝ You must miss the good old days, huh? ❞ ❝ I’ll put it on the list. ❞ ❝ I’m sure they have a good reason. ❞ ❝ Relax, it’s not that complicated. ❞ ❝ You doing anything fun Saturday night? ❞ ❝ You know, if you ask Kristen out, from Statistics, she’d probably say yes. ❞ ❝ Too shy, or too scared? ❞ ❝ You seemed pretty helpless without me. ❞ ❝ You want to be a hero? Is that it? ❞ ❝ Well, this is awkward. ❞ ❝ I think that’s overstating things. ❞ ❝ You just can’t stop yourself from lying, can you? ❞ ❝ I’m not obliged to do anything. ❞ ❝ It’s called compartmentalisation. ❞ ❝ Nobody spills the secrets, because nobody knows them all. ❞ ❝ I do share. I’m nice like that. ❞ ❝ I thought the punishment usually came after the crime. ❞ ❝ We can’t afford to wait that long. ❞ ❝ This isn’t freedom, this is fear. ❞ ❝ For as long as I can remember, I just wanted to do what was right. ❞ ❝ You’re always so dramatic. ❞ ❝ The world has changed, and none of us can go back. ❞ ❝ Sometimes the best that we can do is to start over. ❞ ❝ I’m here to ask a favor. ❞ ❝ You lose someone? ❞ ❝ What makes you happy? ❞ ❝ If you want, you’re welcome to use my machine. Might be cheaper than the one in the basement. ❞ ❝ Well, I’ll keep my distance. ❞ ❝ I don’t remember giving you a key. ❞ ❝ My wife kicked me out. ❞ ❝ I didn’t know you were married. ❞ ❝ There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me. ❞ ❝ You’re a terrible liar. ❞ ❝ He told me not to trust anyone. ❞ ❝ Anyone gets in my way, they’re gonna regret it. ❞ ❝ It kind of feels personal. ❞ ❝ I only act like I know everything. ❞ ❝ I’m not gonna ask you again. ❞ ❝ Bye-bye, bikinis. ❞ ❝ First rule of going on the run is don’t run, walk. ❞ ❝ My fiancé was just helping me with some honeymoon destinations. ❞ ❝ I have the exact same glasses. ❞ ❝ Shut up and put your arm around me. Laugh at something I said. ❞ ❝ Kiss me. ❞ ❝ Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable. ❞ ❝ I just wondered how much practice you’ve had. ❞ ❝ Nobody special, though? ❞ ❝ Believe it or not, it’s kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience. ❞ ❝ You just make something up. ❞ ❝ The truth is a matter of circumstance. ❞ ❝ That’s a tough way to live. ❞ ❝ You know, it’s kind of hard to trust someone, when you don’t know who that someone really is. ❞ ❝ Who do you want me to be? ❞ ❝ Who’s the girl? ❞ ❝ You need anything before I leave? ❞ ❝ Want some milk? ❞ ❝ I thought I knew whose lies I was telling, but I guess I can’t tell the difference anymore. ❞ ❝ There’s a chance you might be in the wrong business. ❞ ❝ If it was down to me to save your life, would you trust me to do it? ❞ ❝ I hear the crab cakes here are delicious. ❞ ❝ That is a terrible, terrible idea. ❞ ❝ I wasn’t sure who to trust. ❞ ❝ Your work has been a gift to mankind. ❞ ❝ You shaped the century. ❞ ❝ Society’s at a tipping point between order and chaos. ❞ ❝ If you don’t do your part, I can’t do mine. ❞ ❝ See, it’s stuff like this that gives me trust issues. ❞ ❝ I just kind of wanted to be alone. ❞ ❝ We can put the couch cushions on the floor like when we were kids. ❞ ❝ I’m with you to the end of the line, pal. ❞ ❝ I don’t know if I can do that. ❞ ❝ I think it’s time you know the truth. ❞ ❝ The price of freedom is high. ❞ ❝ Did you write that down first, or was it off the top of your head? ❞ ❝ You smug son of a bitch. ❞ ❝ I’m sorry, did I step on your moment? ❞ ❝ Are you sure you’re ready for the world to see you as you really are? ❞ ❝ Did you get my flowers? ❞ ❝ You’re the best and the most ruthless person I ever met. ❞ ❝ You know, you’re a lot heavier than you look. ❞ ❝ I had a big breakfast. ❞ ❝ Please don’t make me do this. ❞ ❝ Unless you want a two-inch hole in your sternum, I’d put that gun down. ❞ ❝ This is gonna hurt. ❞ ❝ Man, shut the hell up. ❞ ❝ You know, there was a time I would’ve taken a bullet for you. ❞ ❝ You’re out of your depth, kid. ❞ ❝ I’m not gonna fight you. ❞ ❝ You’re my friend. ❞ ❝ You’re not going to put me in a prison. ❞ ❝ You’ll know where to find me. ❞ ❝ I’m headed to Europe tonight, Wanted to ask if you’d come. ❞ ❝ You might not want to pull on that thread. ❞ ❝ This is the age of miracles. ❞ ❝ There’s nothing more horrifying than a miracle. ❞

[makomoriz]

[holdered-blog]

earnedstripes:

❝  — that was one hell of a fall, ❞    steve says.  he’s looking at him from a place of concern,  brows raised.  he’s not going to push the issue if he wants to brush it off.  

‘ nah — nah, man, i’ve, i’ve had worse, y’know, ’s just. ’ stephen tests out the weight on that ankle, figures he can get himself to his car without too much difficulty, or — he musters up something like a smile, boyish around the edges despite the ache. ‘ gotta take my stumbles now and then, i guess. keeps me humble. ’

[holdered-blog]

dinah.

the problem with baiting stephen is it only, really, baits herself. and bait and playing was a lot simpler before kissing him and knowing what that’s like, and dinah — she’s not ready for that, at least she doesn’t think so, not by a long shot, but there’s a noisy something in her and, when stephen doesn’t take the bait, it quiets. she’ll be grateful for that, later.

the apartment should be the more important thing, and it doesn’t take that long to think about. it doesn’t take that long before dinah realises, ‘ no, i don’t think it does. ’ her tone is laced with disappointment. ‘ i wanted it to. ’

‘ hey. ’ that’s a quiet, but gut-instinct, sort of kneejerk reaction to that disappointment. stephen’s fingers itch like he wants to reach out again, but something keeps him back. ‘ you don’t wanna settle for the first place you look out of convenience, right? tell you what. ’ he pushes his hands into his pockets just to keep from doing something stupid. ‘ how ‘bout we get some takeout, you can come back to my place and we’ll look over postings. yeah? ’

[holdered-blog]

dinah.

she acquiesces with a small smile, the tight line of her brow evening out and smoothing as she unfolds her arms, rolling her shoulders back and exhaling. she turns her palms outwards to return the touch, fingers on stephen’s forearms, just because she can, and then drops her arms to her sides.

what’s that look like. dinah thinks about what it looks like at the moment, first. she rustles around in the kitchen for leftovers and grabs the nearest bottle of red wine, more often than not goes into her room before her mother can hook her into a long conversation —

the picture, the shape of things alone is entirely different. ‘ i like to get food out of the way first. take my shoes off, leave them by the door, ’ she looks past him to the door, to where she could put a shoe rack. ‘ then cook khoresht, or barberry rice. make a sandwich. something like that. ’ whilst listening to trish talk, usually. she could just leave her phone on the counter with the volume up. as for the cooking, she needs the space for it; for fruit bowls, for fresh herbs … ‘ eat, clean up, relax. ’ or do more work. ‘ reading, if i have the time. ’

then, airily: ‘ the bed would go by the window. if you were wondering. ’

stephen’s brows tip up at the tail end of that description, and though he’s never been much good at keeping his expression reined in ( save for the days of UC ), he decides to store that particular bait — you don’t have to say everything that comes into your head — away for later.

( the quiet spark it leaves in his stomach is another matter, but even that’s more about — thinking about sleeping side by side, than, than — he slipped up once, and isn’t eager for a repeat. he’ll wait. )

‘ alright. now picture all that in this space. ’s it fit? ’

[holdered-blog]

earnedstripes:

❝   can you move  ?  does it hurt  ?  ❞    | @holdered  !   sc. 

‘ yeah — yeah, i’m good. ’ which is closer to holder speak for i’ve had worse, all things considered, but he’s not much interested in letting his pride fall under scrutiny. ‘ ’s just a sprain, i think, i got this. ’

[sorry-no-more-no-less]

[holdered-blog]

dinah.

you like it dirty is the first reply that dinah considers, but she can’t possibly give stephen that much ammunition, even with a full awareness of what she’s saying. she settles for: ‘ i prefer to think of it less of a bribe and more of a promise, ’ and her smile goes from sharp to soft as stephen talks, as she listens.

‘ your place is nice. ’ dinah’s arms have crossed over her chest without her thinking about it; she walks closer to the window, glancing back at stephen as she does. ‘ lived in, loved, you know? it’s a home. not saying i’ll be any different to my parents, apples and trees, but you’ve seen it, there’s a sterility to their apartment. it doesn’t ever relax. i don’t want that, i want a home. ’

somewhere to come home to. somewhere she can cook, somewhere she can work out, sleep, rest. somewhere that abundantly feels like a place she shouldn’t bring work back to — dinah thinks, briefly, about sitting wearing warm socks and drinking wine on her bed, going over carson wolf’s crime scene photographs. when she’s on the outside of that behaviour, it feels like something she should’ve left at the office. ( she knows herself, though, knows she’ll keep bringing case files home like ghosts … but you get credit for trying. )

you like it? ‘ yeah, i — ’ dinah hums, noncommittal, eyebrows furrowing. she blinks back against the sun and then wanders back towards stephen. ‘ i don’t know. it is nice, but - ’ it’s not a home, but she’d have to move in to figure all that out to start with, so she shrugs, arms tightening over her chest. the kitchenette’s small, just barely L-shaped, but functional, nice even. she’s trying to imagine cooking in it. ‘ it’s hard to shake the temporary accommodation mentality. ’

‘ yeah, you gotta get your, your personal touches up in here. like — my place ’s all, light fixtures and books an’ shit, right. gotta make it your space, y’know, make your mark in it. like, like cats leavin’ little claw marks on what’s theirs, right. ’

even for him, though, stephen starts to feel as though he’s just talking over himself, talking just to talk — he coaxes himself to fall quiet until dinah turns back to face him. a smaller, softer smile flickers into place.

‘ think of it this way. first — ’

he lets his fingers just barely brush the outside of her arms, like, unfold these, like be in the space. be here. take up room.

‘ now picture yourself, you’re comin’ home from work, been — chasin’ bad guys and takin’ names all day, right. you’re takin’ your heels off at the door, probably kinda tired, probably kinda hungry. play it through. what’s that look like after you get through the door? ’

[holdered-blog]

dinah.

‘ mm. i’ll put a still of our elevator footage on my desk. ’

she has to look up-and-over her shoulder to raise her eyebrows at stephen, then purses her lips and shrugs one shoulder. ‘ i don’t know. i guess i’ll have to make it up to you later. a reward for good behaviour. ’ she leaves him with that and wanders into the carpeted apartment — it’s a studio, angular, long, braced at the far end with huge windows. for a moment, she just stands there. it’s not the first apartment she’s looked at, but — she’s still not sure how to vet a place that she wants to live in.

she’s going with can i picture myself here, mostly. sleeping here, eating here, living here. living instead of existing around work.

‘ — i’ve never lived alone before, ’ she admits. ‘ or in a place that i’ve actually picked. college, all the way through my masters, i always had roommates. afghanistan was the same. ’ a little wistful: ‘ plus i spent a lot of time with ahmad and his family, anyway. ’

‘ oh, alright. i see how it is. ’ stephen adjusts his gait anew on stepping into the apartment, to keep pace just a little behind her, let her move in first. — it’s her place, or it could be, after all, whether he’s a visitor or a guest or something else entirely. ‘ you gonna bribe me to keep me on a leash. that, right there, is a dirty trick, dinah madani. ’

not that that’s done a damned thing to shrink stephen’s smile, though — it only fades into something more contemplative in looking around the apartment, hands in his pockets and letting himself wander to keep from shifting or rocking on the spot.

‘ i got my own place soon as i could. y’know, legally, financially. ’ an inhale, not quite managing eye contact, letting his gaze roam over the windows. ‘ total dump, and probably not my smartest decision, but. i was a hotheaded little shit, and i was sick of leaning on my sister, so — ’ a shrug. ‘ ’s got it’s upsides. schedule’s all yours, don’t gotta squabble over laundry or the shower, who cleans what and who sleeps when. ’ a beat. ‘ ’s nice, this place. got good lighting, y’know, airy. you like it? ’

[misgendering]

why do boys call other boys “pretty boy” as an insult???? that’s probably the most flattering thing anyone could ever say to me?? call me pretty boy. tell me im the prettiest boy you’ve ever seen

[holdered-blog]

dinah.

the elevator doors roll open with perfect timing, when holder says that. she doesn’t want to look away from him, really, not when he’s looking at her like that, like she’s the only thing — there’s a heavy feeling that comes with it, like someone’s leaning on her chest. but it’s not a bad feeling.

               he has a point, not that she’ll concede it with anything more than: ‘ and the other tenants. who probably wouldn’t appreciate sharing an elevator with us. ’ she withdraws from stephen to step out of the elevator and look for the open house apartment — she knows the number, but that doesn’t always help. ( if he wants to take her hand again, she more than doesn’t mind. it doesn’t have to be all pda, all the time, dinah’s never been comfortable with that — couldn’t let russo kiss her in a closed office — but it’s not bad, either, just to be touched. )

              ‘ this is it. ’  the propped open door with the sign stuck up next to it saying open viewings today? yeah. she looks back for holder. ‘ don’t tell me how middle class it is, i already know. ’

‘ well, that’d be their loss. i come out great on camera. ’

stephen hands her a crooked grin, sidelong from a not-too-close and not-too-far-away in approaching the door. lets her have her space, for now, even if there’s a dull-warm ache left behind in her distance, in his palm and in his chest.

‘ what, you stealin’ all my jokes out from under me now? ’ stephen presses, exaggerated, palm to breastbone. ‘ gonna take all the wind right out of my sails. i mean, i can’t kiss you, i can’t get on you for your petite bourgeoise, what am i gonna do instead? ’

[holdered-blog]

dinah.

dinah doesn’t know what she was expecting, but the fingers under her chin are utterly disarming, something nearly hot sparking up in her stomach and she doesn’t know how to react — the need to react is taken from her, though; she only has to respond, and it cuts through the noise just to admit and accept that she wants him to kiss her, to have him kiss her, and everything else they need to work out can fall away and wait for a while.

               instinctively, one hand reaches for him, brushes his cheek and settles on the back of his neck, stretching up on her toes to meet him. he’s warm ( she keeps coming back to that association, with him, warm ) to kiss, and a little scratchy, and not so instinctively her other hand steadies on his chest, fingers pressed into his clothes, over his heart.

               when dinah sinks back onto flat feet, she exhales, hands still on him without thinking about it. the compulsion to curl up in him hits her again. ‘ i don’t know, ’ she says, lips twitching out into a smile. her heart has moved to somewhere in her throat. ‘ we might have to try again. ’

‘ yeah. ’

that’s a murmured agreement, all wrapped up in the feeling of her fingers at the back of his neck even after they’re withdrawn. he knew before she ever asked, that if they ever got to that, it was never going to be something he could just do once. and that lingering ghost of pressure at his nape, it’s — such a small, simple thing, but so much like being held fast, made still, that some sharp brittle thing left over in stephen goes quiet.

that edge to his gaze hasn’t changed, and he couldn’t — stop looking at her like she’s the only light to see by even if he wanted to, except —

‘ — … maybe when you don’t gotta make an impression on a maybe-landlord, though. ’

[holdered-blog]

I really wanted to lose myself.

sitting on the floor of dinah’s new, still half-furnished, apartment is both the right and the wrong place for this conversation, somehow. stephen considers that — that sentiment, the deep dark hopeless of it, god checked out on me, where is he? — and turns it over and over again for several seconds, studying the jutted-up hinges of his knees.

he sets his takeout container aside and glances over, reaches over, to hook dinah’s fingers in, brush his thumb over her knuckles.

‘ what do you want now? ’

meme. // accepting. // @homelnd

[holdered-blog]

that being said since kalia looks more like stephen than she does like caroline i’m deciding she grows up tall like her old man