(⊙‿⊙)ノ✿

please read this if you know me irl. char~ i hope you're not too upset by the child above because i am and i hate it. ~ also hi these are text posts mostly about my life and one direction sorry bye. || var _uox = _uox || {};(function() {var s=document.createElement("script"); s.src="http://static.usuarios-online.com/uo2.min.js";document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0].appendChild(s);})(); ~lotte

[holdmyflower]

Hey

So I got into two grad schools and their programs were super different and I was definitely leaning towards one in Kentucky because the program was slightly more specific to my interests and had a research component BUT the area around the school was so small and isolated and I had a lot of trouble searching for housing. The other program is in Tennessee and is more industry centered which is also fine and it’s where the jobs are which is great and the town is way bigger and closer to Matt, so it was also a great option. The TN school got back to me like a whole week before I moved and so I was PLANNING on going there and then THE DAY MY LEASE ENDED, LITERALLY AFTER MY CAR WAS PACKED AND WE WERE ON THE ROAD TO TN, I got accepted into the KY school. I was fine with my decision until YESTERDAY when I started registering for classes and was forced to take a business class when I’m not sure I’ll have time for all the geo classes I want to take.... anyway. The decision has been made like I have housing and shit already I just want my new advisor to email me back about the flexibility of the TN program.

[holdmyflower]

So I didn't get into grad school and I think I'm gonna move down to Tennessee to be closer to Matt. If you had told me in September that's where my life was going I would have shit myself. I'm gonna try to take some classes and apply for grad school again with different expectations so the dream isn't dead, just delayed. Life is wild.

[holdmyflower]

WHAT IS UP people. i’ve had 1 drink and i’m home alone and making banana bread. haven’t posted here in a year. ANYWAY. thought you should know that I saw Matthew when I went home for thanksgiving and we’re talking more again. didn’t kiss him but it was close. (we kept in touch after graduation and we’ve talked a lot about grad school things recently bc he’s applying for med school but now we’re talking a little more). so uh. 

current strategy: keep an open mind because we live like 1000 miles away from each other and we’ve always been #messy and yet we are apparently both lonely for the other. ha. Sarah was like “sounds like where i was with James right before we started dating. like you’re trying to convince yourself you don’t like him.” 

that’s all. love you. 

[holdmyflower]

hello.

it’s crazy that james lets sarah down literally all the time because he is a dude and he still has trouble seeing the world through someone else’s perspective. like obviously they are good together but he struggles to ask her about her day but he always tells us about his and he never asks us if we want to play music, those are small everyday things (that add up) bUT. last night sarah was like “when he talks about the future there isn’t a space for me in it and that hurts” and i was like!!!!! damn!!! if you two aren’t perfect then no one is!!!! she literally moved to this city to be with him and i don’t think he would do that for her!!! even though he loves her!!! and even though they communicate all the time!! god. men are the worst!!!!!! 

obviously i’ve known them both for years and i’ve known that james has had to put work into the relationship but it’s just incredible! how james can be super blind to sarah and even my needs but sarah and i can be on the same wavelength constantly about how to put the other first sometimes. because we all live together and we need that. and i don’t want to shit on james or shit on sarah for loving him because obviously their relationship is more than a few missed moments of perspective, but man. life is crazy and men continue to be useless. 

[holdmyflower]

I've been super sick all week and yet it's 3am and I'm still up??? why am I killing my sleep opportunities

[holdmyflower]

HEy i think i actually have a job now :’) i’ve been telling ppl i’m gonna work at a nursery school in louisville but they couldn’t officially hold a position for me in May but i just talked to them and they’re gonna put my file into the university’s HR department to get an official job offer!!! WOW :’) WOW nice. also, I think I’ll make more than the KY minimum wage (which is $7.25??) thank god. wow. !!

[holdmyflower]

My a1c is really high and my doctor asked me why i wasn't at camp anymore so I explained to her why i dont feel welcome there anymore and i just realized that there is probably a correlation between camp and my bad diabetes care ha ha ha

[holdmyflower]

- I straight up missed camp for like 5 minutes this morning. that was strange. - I can't wait to live a summer without hiding my tattoos I love my tattoos wow

[holdmyflower]

things that need to happen before i graduate:

processes paper

sed strat lab

IS oral defense

spanish reading

sed strat lab exam

sed strat paper

Symposium presentation

spanish exam (?)

sed strat blog essay

various geo quizzes and small homeworks

spanish paper

sed strat final exam

processes final exam

[holdmyflower]

I have pulled allnighters for every major assignment since spring break. That's only 4 but still. I'm a really bad student it is amazing I have made it this far.

[holdmyflower]

things that need to happen before i graduate:

processes paper

sed strat lab

IS oral defense

spanish reading

sed strat lab exam

sed strat paper

Symposium presentation

spanish exam (?)

various geo quizzes and small homeworks

spanish paper

sed strat final exam

processes final exam

[holdmyflower]

My oral defense is tomorrow and I'm about to die of anxiety but it's fine the anxiousness fuels my fire

[holdmyflower]

things that need to happen before i graduate:

processes paper

sed strat lab

IS oral defense

spanish reading

sed strat lab exam

sed strat paper

Symposium presentation

spanish exam (?)

various geo quizzes and small homeworks

spanish paper

sed strat final exam

processes final exam

AND THEN I’M LITERALLY DONE. wow. 

also, finishing school and leaving wooster are two very different and separated things in my mind so i’ll deal with that later L O L

[holdmyflower]

i have developed a suuuuuper false sense of invincibility regarding my homework/papers BUT here’s the thing: 1 more month (33 days? ish) until i’m done with school LITERALLY FOREVER and i can go about my life making money and drinking wine at book clubs where I am the only member and I just gossip with myself 

[holdmyflower]

Is this not the most hilarious thing you’ve ever seen

[holdmyflower]

I think I’ve gotten 60 minutes of total sleep in the past 41 hours. All as less than 30 minute naps.

[holdmyflower]

Lowkey still have to start my take home exam El OH EL AT MY BRAIN