Dirk Gently's Y/N

This blog fuels my unhealthy belief that I'm hilarious.

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Todd: I once had a haircut I deeply regret

Amanda: is it the one you have now?

Todd: no

Amanda: it should be

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Todd: do you think there really is a God?

Dirk: well, someone is out to get me

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Todd: have you ever considered you might be neurodivergent?

Dirk, actively flapping his hands: no, why?

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Todd, about Amanda and Vogel: they make a cute couple, don't they?

Dirk: they are certainly standing next to each other

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Todd: DIRK, COME HERE RIGHT NOW

Dirk: ooh, someone's in trouble

Dirk: it's me, I don't know why I said that

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Thank you to everyone who got me to 5000 likes!

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Todd: of course I can speak Italian

Amanda: say something then

Todd: spaghetti

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Bart: Ken's chapstick tastes really good

Dirk: wait, you and Ken kissed?

Bart: no I ate it

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Hobbs: Tina, are you high?

Tina: am I what?

Hobbs: high

Tina: hello

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Tina: don't take this the wrong way, but I feel like you've become a lot more fun since I've known you

Farah: thank you. And if I may return the compliment, you've become marginally less irritating

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Todd: where did you go?

Dirk: the future. It's shit, by the way

Amanda: called it!

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Dirk: lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this

Todd: what did you do, Dirk?

Dirk: a mistake

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Farah: Big Bird was obviously a man in a suit but the other ones were too small to contain men. So what the fuck

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Hugo: okay, I'm leaving

Ken: you keep saying that but then you don't leave

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Ken: Bart and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Dirk: *sigh* what did she do?

Ken: she chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Bart: who wants a steering wheel?

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Amanda: I just want you to know I will be mean to Dirk if you want me to be

Todd: oh no no it's fine Amanda

Amanda: it’s really no problem I was already planning on being mean to him

[holistic-quotes]

Dirk: you look mentally ill

Amanda: I am. Let's go