Enklings

I am a Husband, soon-to-be former member of the US Army, Pastor, attempted theologian, and hopefully someday I will be a dad. I am a writer, and aiming to get my first book published in 2013--then I will be a writer.

[holymessenger]

Trust

John 20:29 "...Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe."

My wife and I have been foster parents for about five years now. In that time, we have fostered five children. We took placement of our most recent child in December 2021, an 11-year-old boy.

One of the biggest challenges in foster care is centered on trust. For the first month or so with our new foster son, trust was hard to come by. He resisted listening to any instruction we gave him, and traditional parenting was met with defiance and anger. This is a typical response from foster kids--as we get to know each other, he is trying to control anything in his life that he can. As parents, we try to provide a safe, loving, and caring home. Sometimes those two goals butt heads with each other.

Almost two months into this journey, he is beginning to trust. There are still times when he simply refuses; as seen this week, when he stated firmly to me, "I am not going to school today, and you can't make me!"

Trust is easy for some people. Trust can be impossible for others. Life is sometimes a harsh teacher, and a person trusted who then betrays can inflict a wound not easily forgotten. Often this passage in scripture is coupled with the context--Thomas was a doubter, he wouldn't believe Jesus was resurrected without touching him. Jesus responds knowing that he would not be around "in the flesh" for people a hundred generations later. We are those "who have not seen and yet believe."

The damage my foster son has felt from trust betrayed is real. Many of us have felt this. Jesus' promise to the disciples is this: I will never betray your trust. I am the one to put your full trust in--others will fail you in a way I cannot. May we take this message from Jesus to heart.

[holymessenger]

Winter

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.  

-Dylan Thomas*

Winter is a time of contradictions. In my unofficial, non-regulated, personal survey, most folks I talk to do not like winter. In fact, many people I ask say they hate it. Especially here in West Michigan; we don't have the worst winters imaginable but we know the slog and weariness that comes with bitter cold, long nights, and lake effect snow. We ache for the coming of spring and we "rage against the dying of the light."

I am of the minority. I love the winter. The cold and snow call to me and invigorate me. There are many reasons for this. Perhaps I am just built differently. Perhaps, my body tolerates cold better than most. Or perhaps, my soul is laughing at the chaos of winter--I see the cold as a force trying to conquer and I will not let it.

This poem by Dylan Thomas is screaming and raging against the darkness and finality of death. There are poems that force their way into my heart, that invigorate me. This poem does for me what winter does; it fills me with a desire to live ferociously.

Winter is a time of death. Plants decay in autumn and die in winter. In our work with elders, we are often surrounded by death. Over the past two years I have seen too much death. I have worked at Resthaven for almost five months now. Long enough build relationships with elders that I love and have died.

This poem reminds me that on the one hand, death is an end. On the other hand, death is a beginning. We see this reality every year. In winter, we see death, at once an end and a beginning. Let us remember that we can choose. Do we die along with the winter? Or do we "rage against the dying of the light," knowing that light is just over the horizon?

*https://poets.org/poem/do-not-go-gentle-good-night

[holymessenger]

What a year.

This year has been crazy. -Became a foster parent. -projectile vomiting. Excessive poop. -Wrote a book (wait, that was 2015. Whatever) -ate pizza -chronic migraines. Joined a research study. Many many less migrainings. -extreme challenges in ministry, including being "restructured" out of a job. Still think God is the best. -get to see a broken family be reunited. Hard for us, but worth every second. -ate a lot of pizza -fought occasional depression and anxiety. Not sure if I won or just got a respite. Still wanna fight. -ate more pizza Best part? -spent another year with the love of my life and my best friend, Jamie. This has probably been the hardest of my thirty-two years on this planet, and I wouldn't want to be doing it with anyone else. Here's to another ten years of doing the hard stuff together.

[holymessenger]

Elisha, the Baldhead

Stick with me on this one:

You know how we (that is, Christians) see all sorts of behavior in the Bible? Some good, some bad? Some holy, some sinful?

And you know how God often will let us make sinful choices, not just to learn from them, but to see that he will not interrupt our choices?

Well, in 2 Kings, there is this weird, two verse story where Elisha is on his way to Bethel. Elisha was a prophet of God, and therefore had a connection with God that was a bit deeper than the average God-follower. In my estimation, that means the his sins could also be deeper than the average God-follower. Anyway, this large group of youths (most likely young men, given the words used in the Hebrew) started hollering at Elisha, saying, "Go up, you baldhead!" Traditionally, this has been translated as a mockery of his office as prophet, and therefore a direct blasphemy of God and God’s power.

Elisha looks at the youths, curses them in the name of YHWH, and a couple of bears come out of the woods and tear apart 42 of them. 42! Which means that this was a large group there, because the implication is that there were many more than 42 young people assembled to holler at Elisha to follow Elijah into the heavens (when the say "go up" it is generally recognized that they were mocking Elisha, telling him to do the thing that Elijah had just done, "go up" into heaven).

So, traditionally, it is said that God’s actions in this story were not murderous, but lawful, because as an instrument of God, Elisha was reacting in a holy way to a group of young people who were despising the Lord’s prophet. This is an accepted and valid understanding of this passage. But what if Elisha was being sinful? What if, in his anger at being insulted, in his fear of a large group of people who were mocking him, Elisha used his holy gift sinfully? What if God allowed Elisha to curse these young people and God allowed a Bear to kill them because God wanted Elisha to understand the gravity of using his prophetic power unwisely? In short, what if Elisha had the power to kill people unjustly? That is a lot of what ifs. None of them need to be true, but one thing remains--the moment we assume that scripture has nothing to teach us, we have lost our way. This “what if” popped into my head as I was driving to work this morning, and I can only believe it is yet another sign post on my path of discovery in wondering how a just and holy God could allow evil and injustice to exist in this world. I can only hope that, at the least, God wants me to be thinking differently, and he wants us all to keep asking the “what ifs.”

[holymessenger]

I’m Back (For the third time? Fourth time? Twenty-second time?)

I have returned. I will be chronicling my writing journey as I attempt to cut out watching Amazon Prime and publish a freaking book instead. As such, I intend to post some juicy tidbits here on a semi-regular basis as I edit my first draft into a marginally readable second draft. So, without further ado, here is today’s juicy tidbit. “Sifra was a person of introspection. She found that the solution to so many of life’s problems came from her inward gaze—searching her own depths for slivers of realization and understanding. It was no surprise, then, when she jumped as the computer chirped repeatedly that its analysis was complete.

She travelled with a spectacular contingent of scientists on one of humanity’s most amazing scientific achievements—Caelestis. It was a beautiful space vessel; built to look like it was slicing it’s way through the heavens. Sleek and refined, it was also built on practicality. Caelestis had the most advanced scientific equipment that humanity had ever created, and with it they hoped to leave their solar system and explore worlds beyond their own—worlds to which their people could go to expand their reach into the stars.

Sifra looked out a small porthole in her office, staring intently at the small reddish-yellow dot gleaming brightly through the thick glass. Enteriax was a beautiful sight, but in the week since they had left it’s landscape became increasingly less rugged and focused, now just a bright spot behind them.”

[holymessenger]

70 Years (Part 2)

70 years ago, just after 11 AM, an atomic bomb detonated over the Japanese city of Nagasaki, killing 70,000 people. A few days ago, I wrote a blog post about a similar event that happened on August 6th, 1945. This follow up is to clarify a couple things. There exists a prevailing opinion that using nuclear weapons against Japan was a life saving, not a life-taking decision. I want to make one thing very clear about this, because it is important.  Using nuclear weapons didn’t save lives, it took lives.  Let me clarify--this “life-saving” opinion is based on some analysis that the Allied forces were facing a costly and deadly land war in Japan. This was a very real concern, given the engagements the Allied forces had had with Japan previously. So in light of this predicament, the choice was made to use nuclear weapons--in hopes that it would break the resolve of the Japanese forces and the would surrender unconditionally. The problem is, the U.S. had absolutely no idea if this gamble would work. Hindsight tells us it did, but it could have easily had the opposite effect--the bombings could have strengthened Japanese resolve, and we could have faced a costlier and deadlier land war than if we had refrained from using nuclear weapons. But here’s the thing, we use the effect of nuclear weapons to justify an outcome. We say, “See, we avoided that costly land war because of nuclear weapons. It was the right choice!” Just because a desired outcome has been achieved does not mean it was the right choice. That’s important, I'm going to say it again:

Just because a desired outcome has been achieved does not mean it was the right choice.

MAybe I was clear in my previous post(I’ll work on that), but the WHOLE ENTIRE POINT of my first post was this: the U.S. had another option (Japan’s conditional surrender), but they were unwilling to negotiate. Instead, they used nuclear weapons. Please remember, history is an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to hope that given mistakes made in the past, we can make better decisions in the future. I do not blame my ancestors for making a decision that they thought was right--but I do not have to agree with them. I do not have to think their choice was the best one to make, and I do not have to be silent. I wasn't going to write this response to my earlier post, but I think it is important for people to know what I believe about struggling desperately to right wrongs in the world without resorting to violence. It is a call from God that I have received, and I will not be silent because it gets uncomfortable. In the end, my hope is this: We can learn

We can do better

So let’s remember.

[holymessenger]

70 Years

70 years ago, at 8:15 AM, an atomic bomb detonated over the Japanese city of Hiroshima, killing 140,000 people. 5 years ago, I graduated from seminary because of writing a paper that chronicled my development as a human being attempting to live for the cause of peace. Instrumental in this paper was research from a book, “The Irreversible Decision,” by Robert C. Batchelder. In his book, Batchelder talks about the race for nuclear weapons, and the decision to use them to end the Pacific conflict of World War II. There is a portion of our history in the U.S.A. that I never knew until reading Batchelder’s book. You see, in the latter portion of 1944 and into 1945, Japan was desperately trying to find a way to honorably end their involvement in the war. Japan is a culture with deeply rooted beliefs in honor and shame which dictated much of their behavior (at least the time-I’m not sure if it is still so). They were looking for a way to honorably end the war, and in so doing, attempted to negotiate terms of mutual understanding to end the conflict. Let me say this clearly, because it is very important: 

Japan wanted to negotiate surrender months before the U.S.A. dropped atomic bombs on them. 

They wanted to surrender. They wanted the war to be over. But here’s the rub. At the time, U.S. foreign policy dictated one thing: there would be no negotiation. The only acceptable surrender was unconditional. No diplomacy. Unconditional surrender. On July 12, 1945, this message sent to Moscow by Japan was decoded by U.S. intelligence as President Truman made his way to the Potsdam Conference: 

“ . . . Convey His Majesty’s strong desire to secure a termination of the war . . . Unconditional surrender is the only obstacle to peace . . . “

You see, the problem was, Japan wanted to negotiate, and the U.S.A. refused to negotiate. I know we have this whole “hindsight” benefit to be able to even talk about this, but, that is EXACTLY why I am talking about this. Just five years ago, I learned about Japan’s desire to surrender and end World War II BEFORE atomic weapons were used. Only five short years ago. FIVE! A full 65 years after Hiroshima and Nagasaki burned in nuclear fire, and the only place I had read any comprehensive information was 

From one book, 

By one Author,

Out of print,

Nearly forgotten. Please, I am begging you, do not forget. We have the opportunity to be people who look for other options. We have the choice to be the kind of people who don’t destroy others because it can be the easier path. We have the choice to be people who diligently and fervently struggle for peace without using violence, without killing our brothers and sisters, and without using weapons that kill hundreds of thousands of people in one, horrible explosion. We can learn.

We can do better.

So let’s remember

*Note: I have citations for the info cited here, if you want to know more. I recommend purchasing or finding Batchelder’s book. He wrote it as a PhD Dissertation at Yale, but it is a beautifully written, objective account of the race to build and use nuclear weapons during WWII.

[holymessenger]

Uh-huh, it’s happening.

It’s been . . . a year? several years? several months? (am I going back in time?) I have been busy. Haven’t written. I have had some ideas, but they are only that--ideas. I have, however, started editing again. 

My Goal? To get through the first draft and into the second before 2016. Ambitious, I know, but in order to publish a book while simultaneously having a full time job, I’m gonna need to work at it. So, there it is. 45 down, 239 to go.

[humansofnewyork]

ATTENTION: HONY For The Holidays is an annual tradition where we match up people who have nowhere to go for Christmas with people who have an extra place, or five extra places, at their table. As someone who moved to this city without knowing anybody—- I know that holidays are the ABSOLUTE WORST. I think I spent my first Christmas Eve in New York at a 24 hour diner, because I didn’t have the money to go home. If you think you’re heading for a similar situation this Christmas, get in touch, and we’ll set you up with some great food and good company. (Don’t be shy— this doesn’t mean you don’t have any friends. It just means that circumstances have conspired against you for the holidays.) And if you already have a happy holiday planned, please consider making room for one extra person. HONY For The Holidays is very carefully screened and organized by my girlfriend Erin. (God bless her angelic, senior-dog-rescuing soul.) She works very hard to match people up, and makes sure that everyone is acquainted beforehand so there are no surprises. It’s a lot of work every year, so to make it easier on her, please only reply if you’ve given it some thought and are serious about participating. Please email: [email protected] If you’d like a place at a table, write GUEST in the subject line If you have a place at the table, write HOST in the subject line Include your approximate location and a little bit about yourself! If you can host, let us know how many people you can accommodate. Unfortunately, we are only able to match people in NYC. (Or close by.) Thanks everyone! Last year we had almost 100 matches and nobody had a bad experience. So take a chance and let’s make it even more awesome this year.

[holymessenger]

This is just great. This makes me love humans a lot.

[captainbittch]

[heylilyhilily]

I WILL NEVER NOT REBLOG THIS.

[holymessenger]

Hahahahahah, they are great!

[womenwhokickass]

BREAKING: Malala Yousafzai Wins Nobel Peace Prize

Malala, now 17, was shot in the head by a Taliban gunman two years ago in her home country of Pakistan after coming to prominence for her campaigning for education for girls.

She won for what the Nobel committee called her “heroic struggle” for girls’ right to an education.

She is the youngest ever winner of the prize. (x)

[holymessenger]

I'm so happy.

[texasmothafuckathatswhereistay]

[holymessenger]

One of the most misquoted passages in the bible. Money is not the root of all evil, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil.

[sizvideos]

Watch it in video

Follow our Tumblr - Like us on Facebook

[holymessenger]

Such a good idea.

[heytinafey]

[awkwardefflorescence]

I literally felt like I did not have a choice.

[wearealljustrunaways-blog]

Robin Williams says reblog, you reblog. 

[0hmykaty-deactivated20130301]

…okay.

[teamaequitas-blog]

did i even really have a choice?

[sexceptionul]

okay robin williams

i hesitated for a second and then considered the repercussions

[saffron-not-so-joy]

just gonna reblog…

[ograes]

okk

[holymessenger]

Who are we, really?

I often wonder how I came to be where I am today. I'm nearly thirty years old, working as children/youth director at a church in Ann Arbor, MI. I am a former Army officer who left the military because I couldn't abide their violence. I have chosen to follow the teachings of Jesus regarding peace, and that just doesn't jive with being in the military.

I grew up in a Christian home, went to church services my whole life, went to a predominately evangelical Christian school for 13 years, and I believe that Yahweh is the creator of the universe; his son Jesus made the only possible ultimate sacrifice by dying on a cross and coming back to life. But at times, I feel alone. So many of the people I grew up with, those who grew up in Christian homes, those who went to Christian churches, and those who went to Christian schools have left. They have left their Christian homes, they have left Christian churches, and they have left the Christian world in which they grew up. They have become the ever-increasing "others," those who find no place in the church or in Christian community. There are many reasons:

"I don't see God as loving"

"God might care about me, but his people certainly don't."

"Can a loving God really cause so much hurt and pain in the world?"

"I can't believe in a God who only wants to see people fail."

"God doesn't love me. He just wants to watch the world burn."

I don't know why I am where I am today. I don't know why these thoughts from "others" didn't bring me to the same place where they are. The "others" feel like the church has nothing to offer them, and from the inside looking out, I can't help but agree with them. More often than not we in the church are more concerned about "getting the young ones" before they are too old to know better, and then hoping to keep hold of them when they have a faith crisis.  Let me tell you a secret: it doesn't work. 

It.Doesn't.Work.

We can't entertain "others" and hope that we can hold their attention; Hollywood has the market cornered there. We can't tell "others" that God loves them, but do nothing to actually show them what love looks like. We can't tell "others" that if they simply start coming to our church services, they'll come around eventually.

"You'll learn to love it!" We say. "We've changed since you were around last! We're more hip! We're following the trends of the day! It will be like nothing you've seen before! It'll be fun!"

The "others" have seen it, and we're not convincing them.

It's not going to work.

I guess the trouble is, I don't know what "others" need, but I know what I need.

I need a church that is going to be truthful. I need a church that is okay with being messy. I need a church that doesn't care that i'm struggling with something. I need a church where it is safe to doubt.  I need a church that is more concerned about reaching the lost with the love of Jesus than it is about making a political statement.

I need a church that looks at injustice and says, "no more!" I need a church that recognizes the church was never about an establishment,

a building,

or programs. The church is people. 

The church is us.

I need a church that remembers, the church is us.

Without us, the church ceases to exist.

The church is the "others." It's those who have, it's those who don't. It's the rich, the poor, the broken, the whole. The married, the widowed, the divorced. Gay, straight, questioning.

Murderers.

Rapists.

Pedophiles.

We are the church. The church is us.

And I think until the church starts realizing that all those questioners, all those doubters--all those sinners--that those people are the church, well, we're going to keep on failing. The "others" will keep on leaving. And people like me will become fewer,

and fewer,

until eventually,

*poof*

[textsfromtng]

[holymessenger]

I love me some TNG

[dreamasthoughyoullneverdie]

[youre-killing-me-love]

-Elizabeth

[greedygods]

Srs. I think I’m in love with this Peter Pan guy

[hiyamins-deactivated20210207]

I NEED TO MEET HIM

[girlyshippings]

PETER PAN FOR PRESIDENT

[sideburnsandamustache]

WELP this is fantastic.

[sinfulthinkingz]

):

[holymessenger]

I don't know if it's true, but I love Peter Pan just the same.