Crone Contemplations

[honesthearthealing]

Goodbye to the Mind-Fuck

July 6-9 2021, my most miraculous intentional Balsamic Moon (Dark Days) experience ever! Nudging MySelf closer to the embrace of darkness, stillness, calm and repose during this past year of freedom continues. I am winning for Me this internal struggle; I and I, one pulling me toward release, the other coaxing me back toward domestication. Wild Me gains ground as the lesser me dies away bit by bit. Creating new fertile ground for nourishing Wild Self.

 A new accomplishment in BEING, allowing MySelf these days and nights to simply BE and FLOW into and out of whatever I want, desire, need. A full and glorious experience,  one shedding light on the realization I kept hidden from MySelf for five decades. These past few days being the first ever in my life (since age 4) where I allow MySelf to experience and live life without continually judging every action or lack of action.

 Since childhood I have conducted a moment-by-moment tally of the “good/bad”, “smart/dumb”, “useful/unfortunate” choices made. A continual data-gathering system in my head evaluating each choice and keeping a running tab so that it might go onto official record – the deciding of whether I might be determined worthy, allowable, sanctioned. I agreed that my whole energy and focus must be dedicated to the proving of my worth. Else I be tossed out as not adequately useful.

 My whole fucking life! – I am just this moment awake to the knowing that in some part my life has been drastically affected by the fact that I’ve been in a total mind-fuck for 55 years! What? Yes!

 I finally realize I don’t need a tally of good deeds done, a stamp of approval from some job or boss, or acceptance from any person or power to prove my worth or value. I am worthy of all good things, I am valid in my existence, I am valuable because I am uniquely ME. I know this MySelf. For MySelf. By MySelf!

[honesthearthealing]

Women Womyn Womben Womxn history Month ends today. Now We write the Present and the Future

A poem for these times-

My arms are fluffy

That’s not where I hold my power.

My heart,

My womb

These are great stores of power.

Reserves unending –

Strength you cannot see –

Fight you cannot know –

Until it hits you –

Pow!

Squarely on your imposing jaw.

Don’t fuck with me

You cannot have my power

Nor know my secrets.

I am not yours to possess.

My loving fluffy arms

Will not embrace your toxic love

Nor coddle the rotting carcass of

Patriarchal oppression.

Give up your dead and lay them to rest.

There is no welcome home,

No holy ground,

No nurturing shelter-

Not until you bow down, lay down your weapons.

Join us in peace.

Or continue your suicide walk as you die by your own hand.

Not I, not We.

Our Love is a cloak,

Magic, warm, powerful, and endless,

Draped across the fluffy arms,

Crone to Crone to Crone…

We are strong,

We will protect our Home.

 By Momo Carole Wilde

[honesthearthealing]

Why not Your Own Release & Stand in Strength and Truth Ceremony?

Happy International Womyn’s Day. 

3/7/21 A magical day. 3 x 7 = 21 😊 All numbers I love! The day began with a feeling of intense Power for Me. I had been at my Altar for much of yesterday working to heal and clear some resurfaced intense feelings of pain and betrayal. We had some serious discussion; I and I and the ancestors.

Last week I was followed by a stranger in my vehicle and he tried to force me to recognize him and give him speak or interaction time. I had no intention. I was terrorized. Events that followed pulled up old injuries of not being seen, believed, witnessed, protected by family of origin. I felt I was reliving the trauma of an horrific experience I had at age 13, where family support was absent.

I am now able to acknowledge that our family of origin is simply our family of origin. Each being arrives here with autonomy and a lifetime of choices. Whichever path we choose we are individually responsible. If we are able to be true to our convictions and what feels right for us, then it doesn’t really matter if others see us or approve us. We must simply approve of Self. We are continually provided opportunities to look within, to understand our shadows and our stories. If we elect to delve in and discover the beginnings of some stories that are not serving us, we may do the healing work that leads to greater self-compassion.

Sometimes people aren’t able to support us in the ways we need. It can be helpful to cultivate our own tribe who will support us on this journey without judgement or criticism.  I am grateful for chosen family and for my children I have nurtured. We see and honor and love one another. We believe one another because we know that we are deeply intuitive and Know what we Know.

I sat with all this pain and betrayal and lack of support. I worked, immersing Self fully into the pain and suffering so that I could understand it, acknowledge it and then be done with it by lovingly, fully uprooting these long-carried trauma injuries. I prayed and held vigil for my Sacred Being and received the guidance needed for putting words to the feelings and experience, and guidance to create a ritual ceremony of “Release & Stand in Strength and Truth”.

My trusted Tribe were with me to witness, assist and agree with the power of releasing generational pain and betrayal. As I spoke all that needed to be said, burning away what weighed me down and caused me to deny Self, speaking Love and Support to my injured child Self, my false self who did what I needed to survive and my True Self who is now here more powerfully, I also acknowledged the pain and struggle of the generations of Womyn who came before me. I am here to live my Truth. I fear nothing, for I am everything!

On this International Womyn’s Day I want to encourage Each to do the work and claim You and the Knowing and Strength that is Yours. If you’re looking for someone to help with Ceremony and Holding Space maybe I’m your Crone. Reach out.

In CommUnity-

Momo the Nurturing Crone

[honesthearthealing]

We Are Creating History in Each Moment that We Live

National Women’s History Month            March 2021

For me this continuous creation of history is partly about what I submit to the world as my perception of the Sacred Nurturing that can help to shape the broader view. I do not see the Sacred Nurturing as the sole responsibility of female-identifying beings. It is available to Each. I choose to show strength, courage, beauty, connection, nurturing, being, honoring, creating, conjuring, supporting, building, evolving, verbing in every way needed for each Moment to be its best. These are the spiralings that come to me, through me – to be expressed visually, orally, or with written words, or movements. This is what fills my Heart and Soul and so what I attempt to Share with Each who desires to Be in CommUnity.

We create history each moment. May we do so for the goodness and love.

[honesthearthealing]

International Daughters (Genderqueer) Day!

September 27, 2020  

Today is International Daughters’ Day! How lovely a day set aside to appreciate the blessing of daughters! This important day originated in India where some cultures view daughters as a burden and families without male children are stigmatized. I feel phenomenally blessed with my three biological children and four children by marriage- and extra blessed to have also six grandchildren. I delight in the gift, beauty, power and insight brought to life by each unique individual. So for me all these specific days are now Non-binary/Genderqueer Celebration Days!

 Much of this past decade of my life I’ve learned that who I am as defined by society has limited my freedom to live. Being defined, and defining Self by gender roles and expectations diminishes our creative right to define our Natural Self. We are often shamed into conformity. I have purposefully invested time and energy into unlearning some of these damaging guidelines and restrictions that cause us to excise parts of ourselves and embrace only what is deemed “appropriate”.

 Exploring the Sacred Feminine and Divine Masculine has broadened my understanding and deepened my connection to Authentic Self, allowing me to become who I Am! Each Soul and being possesses a balance of these exquisite energies; and if left intact these energies help us grow and become individuals who are comfortable with the many qualities that work together to create, vision and build the things that are within us. While I have always identified with the Feminine and hold a deep love for Women and Nature, I also learned that I possess many characteristics assigned to the Masculine. I have come to understand that it is not the Divine Masculine that I hold at distance with loathing and suspicion. It is the destructive macho masculinity that has been hyped by our oppressive patriarchal defining of boys and men.

 This version of masculinity is toxic. It stunts our boys, teaching them they are not permitted to be vulnerable, and only dominance and anger are appropriate feelings with which they should identify and demonstrate. It teaches our girls that they must soften and become mute. Girls are served a steady diet of lies meant to convince them they are not worthy and are without power of their own. It kills any opportunity for individuals to relate as humans who experience the range of feelings and long to share deeply with one another. This destructive patriarchal masculinity is what seeks dominion over all things natural and good – it is killing our Earth and maiming our people.

 We are learning that the binary gender definition subjects us to harsh judgement and denies the rights of each Being to define Self as guided by Spirit and deep Knowing. My heart is lifted whenever I see societal progress toward less judgement and more acceptance. This after all, has been the practice of all great spiritual teachers, why not us?  There really is no need to assign specific roles and traits and characteristics based on some arbitrary biological factor(s).  

 On this occasion of International Daughters Day I say thank you to all beings who have helped me to see the expanded truth and beauty of honoring each as valid and valuable. I no longer feel the need to specify gender of my children, grandchildren, or anyone. I recognize that We, Each and All, are a beautiful blend of the masculine and feminine and how we choose to express Self is completely up to each Being. May we embrace the beauty of one another and support one another in Love, Kindness, Compassion and Peace.

 Reference for origins of this day:

https://nationaldaycalendar.com/international-daughters-day-fourth-sunday-in-september/

[honesthearthealing]

If you find you lack a feeling of safety and belonging you may simply need to practice grounding. Here’s a simple visualization & affirmation to help

Sometimes I feel anxious. Anxiety is often a part of transition. Transition (noun) the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another. (verb) undergo or cause to undergo a process or period of transition. Transit (noun) the carrying of people, goods, or materials from one place to another. (verb) an act of passing through or across a place.

This is a time of much transition. Some of us are physically moving from one location to another. Many of us are feeling the transitioning of a previous state of sedentary contentment to an activated state of awareness and the need to create safer, better, more equitable systems and places. Our desired outcome: a better world for each and all.

It is essential for me, especially during times of transition, that I stay grounded. I have a few minutes each morning to drop into my grounding practice. In recent times I’ve found it helpful and comforting to utilize grounding practices about three times each day.

If you find you lack a feeling of safety and belonging you may simply need to practice grounding. Here’s a simple visualization & affirmation to help:

Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Get comfortable and be still. It helps to close your eyes and feel your presence in your physical body. Now envision roots growing down into Earth Mother from your root chakra, or your feet. With each inhalation feel yourself grounding more securely into Earth Mother.

An affirmation for These Times (say out loud or quietly to Self, and with Intention)

“I am changing, my world is changing. Growth and change are part of living and I choose to be part of this living world. When I feel anxious or fearful, I allow myself these feelings and acknowledge they are true and ok. With each exhalation I release tension and worry. With each inhalation I accept love and nurturing.

I am safe, I am held, I am sustained, I am nurtured by Mother (Earth). This is my Home and I belong. No matter where this journey takes me, I am Home with my Mother. I am here, I am well. I stand deeply rooted and in my power.”

We are here witnessing change and the difficult growing pains that accompany change. We are present in a time and place that feels uncertain. We are here because we belong here. This is the right time and place for us – and we are the right people for this time and place. Be still, Be Confident, Stay Connected.

[honesthearthealing]

It’s National Poetry Month! Here’s one of mine: 

Flower Girl                                                                

 Simple appreciation of beauty

No rules, no restrictions, no judgement.

I loved all the flowers that appeared.

I stood near, or squatted down,

Or laid out in front on my stomach, so I could prop up my head and get a closer look

Of the whole miraculous creation.

The stem, and sepal holding the flower to the stem, the leaves,

The bloom with its vibrant colors, textures, patterns–

Even a solid color flower always had subtle variations.

And the center-

Oh my,

Like a whole world inside there!

The beauty and complexity

Left me inspired and filled with joy and hope!

 I never gave thought to a system of valuing blooms.

I never conceived of the idea;

That some may be unworthy of admiration

Because some appointed-

Or unappointed person decided to call them

Weeds!

The joy that every blossom brought was stored

Within my little girl heart.

And my time shared with these miracles of perfection

Was a stash of secret strength and magic-

A gift given only by flowers.

I rarely felt the need to harvest any flowers.

I knew I’d just return again soon  

To enjoy their fragrant potion and unmatched beauty.

 One day, as I was admiring some growing-taller white flowers with bright yellow centers

I was leaning in to admire the variety of how their petals

Decided to unfold.

Though they were all the same sort,

Each was her own special unique expression.

I was admiring how some leaned toward others and touched petals- holding hands.

Some decided to grow a bit larger and pushed taller, closer to the sun.

All accommodated visiting bees and seemed

Pleased with their royal guests.

And then…. a bubble-burster,

A rainer-upon-parades sidled up next to me,

Saying, “You know those are just weeds, right?”

Oh! the joylessness of the snobbish. They’ll never hear the laughter of flowers.

                                   By Carole Wilde Jackson

[honesthearthealing]

Check out my new blog “Heart not Head” at tumblr.com/blog/honesthearthealing https://www.instagram.com/p/B-7pUuaAaBH/?igshid=3iuerxgc2rth

[honesthearthealing]

Heart not Head

I’ve been receiving this message often. At the altar; communing with the ancestors, connecting with Earth Mother, reconnecting with my Essential Being… this message comes through clearly “heart not head”. I have felt the usefulness of this teaching as I have sought to aid others in their healing work these past months. Heart serves us with truth and tenderness at times when head does not.

 Frequently when we are faced with big decisions, trying times, painful transitions, we are told to make lists of pro and con items related to our perceived “trouble”. We may be facing a choice about staying in a relationship or changing careers or accepting an invitation to participate in an event. We can be sure that our heads will think of many, many items to write down on our lists. Our minds are very busy organs that seem to go into overdrive quickly with the least amount of prompting. Our minds sometimes seem to have a “mind of their own”.

 Thoughtfulness and brain-power are not bad things. There are many times when the gift of intellect and clear reasoning serve us well. We are fortunate to have the powers of reason and problem solving when we find ourselves in situations that require brainstorming options to find the best answer. Our minds hold lots of information that can be useful to ourselves and others. This is a beautiful thing.

 My own experience using the tool of pros and cons has taught me that my head can cause me to reason away anything that my heart may be trying to communicate. When I allowed myself to assign more value and importance to mind-reason than to heart-knowing I tried to feel ok with the choices my head talked me into. Upon reflection I feel and see clearly that these times of “talking my heart out of its knowing” did not serve me in walking my true path, caring for my own needs or honoring the beauty of my Essential Being. I am thankful for the lessons learned and whatever new growth opportunities presented themselves as a result. And growing forward I will make every effort to honor my true self by recognizing Heart is my true connection to discerning what is for Me.

 Using our Heart to guide requires commitment to our Truth and the ability to discern from a stable, neutral place. Connecting with and trusting our intuitive Heart takes time and having a quiet, settled, safe space for getting in touch with our Heart regularly can help. Committed frequent practice will help cultivate clarity and confidence that the heart messages we receive are serving our highest good. A healthy, balanced and clear heart chakra is essential to each person’s well-being. If you feel your heart chakra is closed or wounded, it is advisable to seek support in healing and caring for this chakra. It’s a good idea to have all your chakras checked by a practitioner who can also offer tools for clearing and opening. Honor your Heart and it will serve You well.

[honesthearthealing]

Time is not money...

Time is an idea that has placed limits on freedom, caused us to swallow lies and cost us opportunities to simply Be. I understand the need to sometimes abide by standards imposed by time; if we are doing a job and our audience or clients are expecting us to be there to perform a service of some sort, we should be punctual and oblige. We need an agreed-upon counting of time in order to set schedules for transportation, meetings, and work.

There are problems with time imposed by societal expectations and systems of control and abuse. We are expected and encouraged to accomplish much within strict timeframes. While many people are working more than one full-time job in order to keep their lives afloat, they are afforded less and less time to live their lives outside the workplace. Our western way of getting things done has caused us to believe that multi-tasking is the only way we can win the war against time. These same systems raise us believing that time is a commodity to be utilized to increase our production, therefore our worth. In a capitalist society we continually receive messages that negate the value of an individual, not recognizing they are a unique expression of creation and valid and valuable simply in Being.  

We buy into a system that glorifies “wise” use of time, as in using our time to make money, work hard, pay our bills, “fix” ourselves, get more done. We “spend” our time to “invest” in our future.  But what if our time is a precious gift to offer ourselves, our loved ones, and others? What if time is not money?

Years of multi-tasking and fearing that time will run out have caused many health problems, if not physical, certainly mental and emotional. Impossible schedules cause us to shorten time enjoying activities with children and neglecting rest when we need recovery from our busy lives.

These last few years we’ve heard much about “being in the moment”. Many of us forgot how to do this, we had to travel back to childhood in order to recall moments of living in the now. When I woke to this awareness that all of my thoughts were related to past or future it struck me as very sad. I realized I was missing out on the magic of my family and friends, of places I loved!  I have made efforts to improve living by being present in the moment and being generous with time. A couple years back I began using the phrase “sharing time” and refraining from any phrases that cause time to feel like it belongs to the system of dollars, gains and losses. I feel less stressed and more open to sharing time in different ways without such strict confines.  

Growing forward I will make every effort to steer my mind and body and spirit toward being absolutely present. I do not need to think or project forward or backward. I can trust that all is well. My Self will serve me fine when I arrive at that future moment. I invite you to do the same. Let us live in the now, as it is what we have, and it is truly a gift.