honeyedskies

[honeyedskies]

how are you?

hello, it's been a while. to be honest, this isn't the first time i've logged on here. now and then, i would check tumblr on my phone on nights i can't sleep and i think tiktok has taken too much of my time. i'd scroll through posts and like poetry and pictures, only to disappear again.

so i turned thirty last week, which isn't really old. at least for me. in fact i feel really good! this is the youngest i'll ever be and the oldest i've ever been.

i started my tumblr account when i was fifteen years old. it was during one summer where i was skimming through a magazine my mama used to sell in our hometown and i ended up on a page that listed these cool websites to get into, and so i created this account, which used to be lovelydaydreamer but i had to change it to a different name a few times (summerlullabies stuck the most) and now, here we are on a different name again.

anyway, it just feels so nostalgic to still be on here, after all this time. i can't believe i used to treat tumblr like my public diary when i was younger. i yapped so much about summers back home, school, love, heartbreak (a whole lot of that) and so on. just seeing my old posts—most of them are now hidden away in my drafts or privates—brings back so many memories. god the second-hand embarrassment i feel for myself for being so stupidly in love and silly back then is killing me now. but at the same time, i can't help but laugh at myself now because look at me, still alive! i'd like to think i'm smarter now. i've grown up, and i've made better decisions and choices. hopefully.

what i don't like about where i am now though is that compared to before, i've become extremely busier and preoccupied with adult shit, leading to having less time for reading books, watching films, working out, and unfortunately, writing - things that i used to love doing.

but then as if the universe knew i turned a year older, i randomly watched this video on tiktok recently about the meaning of being in our 30s - which is to go back to things we used to love when we were kids.

so far for me, that means rewatching my favorite cartoons, playing video games from my childhood, falling back in love with badminton, my family's sport, taking long naps without feeling guilty, and finally, logging back into tumblr.

if you're still here too, or just like me, you check on your account once in a while, i'm so glad some things never changed for us. here's to braving adulthood together. i'll see you around!

[anxietyproblem]

[honeyedskies]

me right now

[honeyedskies]

i'm still here. 15 years later and i don't think i ever really left.

[stuckinapril]

when you’re on your period you’re like am I just on my period or am I feeling all the loneliness and pain I’ve been feeling since i turned 12

[kosmogrl]

[jb-blunk]

in this terrifying world you continuously have the power to offer someone else a little relief . why would you withhold that. do you remember what a little relief feels like? it feels like a lot

[honeyedskies]

history repeats itself. and that is how i ruin relationships. it was never anyone else’s fault but my own. and no matter what happens, it will always linger in the back of my mind.

[schuylerpeck]

I’m tired and I know I need rest and I miss the space we had for this, when these breaks for life were mapped out for us – a spring break of two weeks, three months off for summer, all of that in between time for Christmas and New Years. because I know there were years I didn’t feel awful for sitting down, for sleeping a little longer, for letting myself not write or think a thing. Everything could be picked up back where I left it. 

I know I am lucky to be in charge of my own life, but there is a great strain in keeping my nose down, in carving out free time like I’m trying to get all my daily vegetables, in watching for any shift of shoulders if I ask for time off; if I’m not feeling as well as I thought I might. it’s not just that my allergies are awful or my ankle hasn’t quite recovered, but maybe life at its baseline is feeling that terrifying sort of way right now and if I could take a little time I know I could come back to me. where I left me. wherever it is I put me down last. 

[luthienne]

Olena Kalytiak Davis, from Shattered Sonnets, Love Cards, and Other Off and Back Handed Importunities; "in the clear long after"

[whimsykey]

IF THE ROUTINE NO LONGER SERVES, YOU MUST ALTER THE PATTERN, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?? YOUR LIFE STARTS WITH YOU

[mothercain-deactivated20231124]

it wasn’t pretty like the movies

[metamorphesque]

Sonnet XLIII, Edna St. Vincent Millay

[luthienne]

Anna Akhmatova (tr. Jane Kenyon), Twenty Poems of Anna Akhmatova

[netflixandnudez]

No one warned me that coming into your own also includes grieving the life you were conditioned to believe you wanted.

[flowerytale]

Gillian Flynn ― Gone Girl

[fox-and-sparrow]

Just want a little farmhouse with an orchard where I can grow apples and plums and pears and make jam to go with the fresh bread I’ll bake every week

[oldfarmhousefallfeatures]

https://www.instagram/farmhousediaries