"I DON'T HATE YOU" ── c. san┆sibling's best friend!reader .
── ۶ৎ when you have a small crush every action feels too big
content: awkward conversation ?), silly teen crush, small blurb
wc: 1.6k
a/n: another small little thing, just slice of life Sanie
part 1 ┆ MASTERLIST ┆tag list
When your mother had sent you to buy a few items she had forgotten from the store down the street you hadn’t imagined that you would run into San there. If you had known, you wouldn't have been wearing such a worn outfit and you definitely would have done more than just washing your face before going outside. To be fair he hadn't been exactly at the store. He had actually been on the other side of the street., catching your attention when he had just been a blurry figure in the distance, unrecognizable to anyone that hadn’t spent hours of their life trying to commit every minute detail of his appearance to memory.
He was resting against the bus stop, arms folded over his chest and mercilessly stretching the fabric of his white compression shirt. A black backpack dangled from his wide shoulder. Of course, gym time. He had been waiting for the bus with his gaze lost somewhere. Lost on you, it seemed for a moment, before you looked away immediately.
You calculated you must have looked at him for approximately five seconds longer than normal before you confirmed it had been him, head cranking back as you rode by in your bike. You parked it in front of the store, almost tripping by getting down from it so quickly, hurrying inside with your heart hammering on your chest. Had he recognized you? Maybe he would realize now how often you looked at him. How embarrassingly long it took you every time. He knew. There’s no way he didn’t. After all, no matter how quickly you tried to look away he always seemed to catch you just in time, his sharp eyes unreadable.
Maybe he found it funny.
Maybe he thought you were an idiot.
Maybe he just pitied you.
That's why he was always so kind to you, because he felt bad about your borderline childish crush he couldn't reciprocate.
It didn’t really matter to you what brand of groceries you were buying, trying to hurry and finish as soon as possible so you could... what? See him again? Did you hope he was gone to save you the embarrassment, or did you wish he was still there? Was it worth to suffer through it again if it meant that you could see him for just one second longer, no matter how humiliating?
“Keep the change” you replied to the cashier. You might as well have been short of money, you hadn’t really been listening to her.
You took your things and walked through the door, arm already extended to hang the plastic bag on the handle of your bike when you stopped. Your bike wasn’t there. Cold heat washed over you, for sure draining all color from your face as you stood there in shock. You turned around, then back forward as if it would just materialize in front of you like a bad dream. You looked inside of the store as if anyone would be able to help you. Then it was pure heat rising from your face to your ears, and you suddenly felt dizzy.
“Are you looking for this?”
You might have been losing your mind, you thought. Staring at San from afar was one thing, daydreaming about him stealing a kiss from you in your friend's bedroom while she was in the bathroom was another, but hallucinating him in a moment of crisis? That was a bit far. He almost seemed real, the way he was standing in front of you, hands holding the handle of your bike and dragging it from behind the corner of the store with a sheepish smile.
“Oh, I'm sorry. Did I scare you bad?”
The mischievous gleam in his eyes disappeared when he took in your reaction. All you did was sigh with a pathetic wine, relief washing over you. You’d have time to worry about embarrssing yourself in front of San later. For now you were content with not having had your bike stolen.
“I-I’m sorry. I crossed because I saw you from the bus stop...” his voice trailed off as if he was reconsidering what he was saying “I saw you hadn’t chained your bike so I thought I might give you a scare” He explained the last part with a nervous smile, his eyes scanning your face quickly as if assessing how well he had actually achieved his goal “It’s an important life lesson. Anyone could have taken it. Like me just now” he gave you a hesitant smile.
Your breathing was more even now. Well, as even as it always was in front of San, which could have been described as “concerning” by any medical professional. All you could do was stare at him. His sunkissed skin glowing under the golden hour, his hair that was getting way too long, swayed by the soft late summer breeze. His smile, so sweet you were sure it was a trap, only existing to make it even harder for you to stop staring at his lips. Just like you were doing, distracting you so you wouldn’t relaize how you hadn’t said a single word yet.
“I guess this is why you don't like me very much”
“What?”
Your eyes shot up to his, finally. His brow was slightly furrowed, his thumb absentmindedly caressing the rubber handle of your bike that was starting to dry and crumble. He chuckled nervously.
“I mean, I get it. I almost gave you a heart attack” he pushed the bike towards you, your hand almost too slow to grab onto the handle before it wobbled a bit and fell on the ground “Shit. Can you, like, not make it look like I’m bullying you in the middle of the day?”
"It's not far from the truth" you muttered, a poor attempt at a joke. A poor attempt to match his energy, as if that would make you closer to him. As if that would make him like you. You couldn't even stop to think about how this was the first time you'd ever heard him swear.
You grabbed your bike and lifted it up, his hand dangerously close to yours as he also held onto it to help you out. He had been joking, but he did sound somewhat upset. It kind of made you want to cry. That would for sure not help. That would make it worse. Not that it ever went well, did it? Positive interactions with San meant him not catching you as you stared. Negative interactions were... well, whatever this had been.
“I don’t hate you”
Your voice had been quiet, but he had heard you. You could tell by the way his grip stiffened slightly over the opposite handle.
“I didn’t say you do” San retorted “I said you don’t like me much”
You looked into his eyes and quickly looked away, enough to remind yourself of how gentle yet intense they actually were. That was the hardest part, you thought, when you were trying to picture his face before you went to sleep every night. You never got the perfect shade of brown, as if your mind couldn't conjure up such a deep yet gentle color. There was his voice as well, you could never get the right tone, the inflexion, the cadence.
“I don’t dislike you either”
“Yeah? So you like me?"
The casual, teasing tone you were familiar with broke with the slightest shaking of his voice, but you were too shocked to notice. You tried to push a chuckle, but it tore drily at your throat.
“What are you talking about, San?”
He faltered for a second when he heard you say his name. If you had been looking at him you might have noticed, but you never did. That was the problem. You never did. No, you were always too busy thinking about how he definitely knew. He knew and he thought it was funny, that's why he was taunting you like this.
“You never talk to me much. No matter how hard I try”
A shrudder ran down your spine. Try? You couldn't let him know how badly that simple sentence had affected you.
“So... you decided to steal my bike?”
That got a laugh out of him.
“What other choice does a boy have?” his voice came out softer, eyes slowly looking you up and down before setting on your eyes again.
You felt your face flush, the fight or flight instinct that always came over you when his presence became too overwhelming begging you to make a choice. Pretend he didn't bother you or simply push away and save yourself further humilliation.
“I’m going to tell your sister”
“Please don’t” he pleaded, then his tone turned a bit more serious “Really, don’t tell her about this. Please”
A strange moment passed, silence stretching between you two as he simply... stared at you. And for once you stared back.
“Sure. No problem”
He then took in a short breath, his broad chest rising before he spoke.
“So--” then his eyes looked past you, right over your head “Shit!” And then he was running towards the bus that was taking off at the other side of the street. San stopped and turned towards you. Whatever he was going to say he never said it, eyes closed tightly before he announced “Fuck!” before running again.
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