there is no lie in her fire @honoredhecate - Tumblr Blog

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There had been no trigger that she could think of, but there she was, crying again. Hayley’d found herself crying without warning more times than she’d like to admit in the last day or so. Time had gone a little fuzzy - she wasn’t sure what day of the week it was, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was getitng the tears off her face and under control. She wiped her face, taking a deep breath. Strong, she breathed into her hands. She would be strong. She had to be strong.

#untoldstarter #mainly for peyton and kelsey but all y'all can jump on the sadness train

Alone Again (Naturally) || Selfpara

It didn’t hit her until she woke up the next morning. The entire night had felt surreal, her mind rejecting the truth. The next morning, though- that was when her world collapsed. She couldn’t catch her breath, the heavy weight of silent sobs keeping her pinned to her bed. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t see. She ignored Camden’s frantic knocking on her locked door - some part of her brain had known this was coming and had prepared for the worst when she’d stumbled into her room the night before - and it wasn’t until the tears stopped and her throat was raw that she’d emerged, splotchy and puffy-eyed, from the safety of bed.

She should’ve expected it. That’s all that she could think about. She should’ve known it was too good to be true, she should’ve seen history repeating itself. The boys were made to run, she knew that, but she thought they’d found solid ground here. You were made for running, too, the voice in the back of her head piped up. You were made for chasing and hunting and you could c r u s h them. She’d pushed it down - it was times like these, the weak spots, when she could feel herself slipping, knew she was wavering between mortal and god. She had to stay in control of herself, for her own wellbeing and that of others. God only knows what would happen if she let the mortal go.

Hayley had stared at the white-washed ceiling trying to squash the scream that rose like bile in the back of her throat. The thought of them left a sharp taste in her mouth, the acidic upheaval of the bad resting in the pit of her stomach. Of course he’d pick Cy over her - she knew that, it was inevitable. He loved her, but he loved his brother more.

It should have been good news- Cyrus had gotten a job, Pax had done so well in his last tour that he’d qualified for another. It should have been happy - they’d both be set, careers booming, life finally going their way. It should have been nice, but then she heard the specifics. Cy was moving out west, and Pax’s tour would take him that way. Cy would get settled, they’d have a place to stay when he was done competing. It had sounded fine until that point, until he told her the truth: they wouldn’t be coming back. He didn’t know how long Cy’s job would hold him, whether it’d be something temporary or if he’d be taken on. It didn’t matter where Pax was training so long as he could, and the brothers were never separated for long. Hayley had tried to add herself to the plans, but Pax refused. He knew how much New York meant to her, he wouldn’t have her leave it all behind for him. History repeats itself, that she knew. Somehow she thought she’d be exempt, but here she was, abandoned again by the boys who always ran, the boys who could have had stability but chose their own path instead. That was their nature, to find their own way. Nothing would change that. It was foolish of her to believe otherwise.

They’ll all leave in the end. The voice spoke again, the recesses of her brain personified, bringing musty familiarity and age-old feelings to the forefront. They’ll be gone and you’ll be alone, and things will be right. Its tone was soothing, calming the hurt in her chest that she coughed out in jagged sobs. It made it seem like the words it said were good, were true, were everything Hayley needed to listen to. He told you he loved you and then he left you. Argonaut; what would you have done when he knew? It is better to leave now than to struggle later. You are meant to be alone, you are solitude. You are powerful, you do not need them. It drew her in, numbed her. It pushed aside her jumbled thoughts, cleared her conscious of thoughts of him. You were meant to be alone. We were built for loneliness.

I am alone, Hayley thought.

It was the truth, and it was the worst thing she’d ever known.

#selfpara #alone again (naturally)

nate-harker-deactivated20161222

He stared at her, his face visibly shocked, his lips curved into a frown. His book held far too much information for general knowledge, and he had foolishly brought it with him. There was familiarity, the way she spoke about it all would have sent warning signs to his head. But it will come later, when the damage has been done and he’ll understand the outcome of this situation. Without thinking, he spoke, “I’m not biased, I see them as they are,” Realizing what he had done, he cursed inwardly. “I mean–I just–” He faltered, unable to find the right words. Instead, he said the first thing that came to mind. “You remember. Don’t you?”