trying to recover, but I also want waffles

Bee/infp/recovery/vent blog 

[thatsbelievable]

[kosmogrl]

[the-rat12]

youre not nothingburger in fact you are everything bagel

[hella1975]

I <3 MY BED #mybed

[naamahdarling]

Brb replacing "I should" with "I have the option/opportunity to" in my internal monologue re: beating myself up over shit that needs doing. Let's see if that works.

[naamahdarling]

It actually really did help and I did the laundry and cat boxes. Guess I'll keep trying that one.

[naamahdarling]

THE UNEXPECTED SEQUEL:

"I should go do something useful."

The flat statement offers no direction; it does not lead to action, only self-recrimination.

The implied judgment of yourself as not currently being "useful" is toxic. It tells you that you are being bad and lazy.

My mom died in 2006, but sometimes it's like I hear her voice.....

"Useful" is ill-defined and an easily-moved goalpost.

The idea of people needing to be "useful" is the voice of oppression. Lots of -isms hide there. Including (Tim Curry voice) capitalism.

No really, literally this is the voice of everyone who has ever guilt-tripped or browbeaten you for not meeting their standards. Every parent, every boss, every teacher, every gatekeeper. It is the voice that harmed them so much they had to pass it on rather than reckon with it.

"What could I do to help myself out later?"

Is a dialogue you can engage with. Open-ended.

Properly frames any action as being helpful to yourself. It is a kindness. Kindness is important.

Sets you up to appreciate what you did later on when you say "Dang, that folded towel was real nice, made me feel real good pulling it out of the laundry closet. Thanks, past me!" Reinforcement!!!

Doesn't put you on the spot right now. You could just as easily ask "What can I do an hour from now to help myself out later?" as "What can I do now?" You can give yourself that beautiful airlock time to mentally prepare.

Being helpful, even slightly, even to no-one but yourself, is better for the spirit than being "useful". Capitalism doesn't give a shit about helpful. It wants to use you, and it teaches you that if you are not being useful, you are by necessity, useless. Our culture, based on capitalism, implants this toxic mindset in us in myriad ways, and we carry it into our private lives where it does not belong and we weaponize it against ourselves. Never think that your value is determined by usefulness. Even when you can't do anything, you aren't useless. The concept of usefulness/uselessness is an idea that means a lot when applied to objects. It has zero meaning when applied to human beings. Expunge it from your vocabulary. Do not use it for yourself, or for others. Ever.

Fuck capitalism. Be a comrade to yourself.

Don't be my mom. (Dead but also a bitch.)

[naamahdarling]

Third revelation:

"I have to [blank]."

Not as good as:

"It is important that I [blank]."

"I have the opportunity to [blank]" sometimes isn't enough for tasks I truly hate and WILL avoid. How to overcome that? Certainly not by making it seem even worse by turning it into something I don't have a choice about!

I don't like scooping the cat litter or taking out the trash or brushing my teeth, but it is important that I do. "Have to" is not as helpful to me because it just says I have an obligation. Even if that is true, which it often is, I hate that phrase. "Have to." Ugh.

"It is important" reminds me of why I am doing it. So my cats have a clean potty. So my kitchen isn't stinky. So I get a good grade in Teeth.

I thought of this today and came to look and update this post. Now I see a couple people have mentioned something like this in comments. And a lot of folks are talking about the "shoulds" and their therapists and their personal growth or resolutions and it is so validating for me to see that.

I don't check notes ever, I had no idea this got so many of them. I'm very glad it did and I hope it continues to do so.

For everyone making the change, I'm proud of you.

For everyone who tried and kind of lapsed, here's your reminder: you can always dust yourself off and go back to applying this as best you can.

[raylangivins]

[risairisa]

[ID: Screenshot of a post by carolines: congrats on the failure babe, most people don't even try]

[ohcaptains]

[enyter]

[tevallen]

im going to barf

[dailycatsblog]

[roomwithavoid]

[64mpg]

those days where your entire train of thought is just “I CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS I CAN’T DO THIS I’M NOT GONNA MAKE IT PLEASE HELP ME” and whole time ur just like. sitting at your desk completely fine

[absolutegibberishandnumbers]

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

[sprinkledsalt]

I know this might make people mad, but absolutely refusing to even attempt to treat your mental illness, and instead just endlessly inflicting your unmitigated episodes on the people around you, is abusive. Your loved ones are not stress toys that you can just squeeze every time you feel bad. It is bad if someone says your repeated behavior is hurting them, and you take no steps to change. I know damn well that you can’t always help how your brain acts, but I’ve also spent a lot of years trying to stop my spiraling brain in its tracks, work on strategies to calm down, and consider the impact I’m having on others, because I grew up in a household with people who have the attitude of, “I have the right to consume all the attention in the house and drain your energy every single day because I feel miserable, and you’re the bad guy if you say that I’m making you feel bad and that I need to get help. I can treat you however I want because of my anxiety.”

[bitchesgetriches]

Your mental health is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.

[kayvsworld]

my body, tearfully: when sleep???

me: my dude we just woke up!! It’s time for wakefulness and doing things and Productivity

my body, weeping: but???? when sleep?????

[rizaoftheowls]

me: okay, finally now is sleep

my body: no. wrong.

[anxietyproblem]

[thelatestkate]

[rarestsparkle]

Shout-out to everyone who is trying right now…Trying to do the right thing. Trying to stay strong. Trying to hold on. Trying to let go. Trying to love themselves. Trying to find happiness. I see you. I'm there too. We're in this together.