A/N: On Christmas Eve night, I stayed awake the entire time. When I fell asleep around 6am, I dreamed of this happening. It broke my heart because of things that were said to Namjoon about his visuals. All of the members deserves the world, your love and so much more. Please don’t add to their suffering and hate. Love yourself a little more.
Tags: mention of polyamory, self doubt, self hate, soulmates, fluff, slight smut?, kissing, making out because I love Namjoon, tongue shoving down each other’s throat, what else? Sarcasm here and there, humor
Summary: NamJoon’s wallowing in self doubt about a solo video shoot of his. The story of how he’s healed by the love of his life, his soulmate. The reassurance he needed to get back onto his feet as Namjoon of BTS again. Just a short drabbles from my dream. Should I develop it into a serie?
“You know I don’t look that handsome so I’ll probably have the least views out of all of us. Maybe I could ask for a retake” he says dejectedly as everyone glanced at him. Their eyebrows cocked at their leader’s words. The VCR videos were playing, members by members. They were all cast of each member in their outfit, singing a solo song of theirs as they watched it for preview, ready for release into the media.
Why does he look so sad? Was it those words circling around the net that antis called him such as u*ly or that he can’t rap? That he doesn’t belong in the group? Did he discover them through his feed? He’s always been the most active on their social media to talk to fans. He loves ARMY so much. His whole heart belongs to them. They were the ones who wholeheartedly trusted him and the group despite coming from a small company who was on the verge of a bankruptcy. It’s the reason why they all never gave up and continue to perform their best despite their raging fatigue from their world tour or the pressure and stress to make fire beats.
A look into his eyes as your gaze met gave you the answers. He did see them. It’s difficult to ignore the pressing hate as their fame and popularity grows each day. Their shadow continues to engulf them menacingly as they rose higher and higher to the top with the wings their fan bestowed on them. People say actions speak louder than words but verbal abuse is a different case in its entirety.
His words have never riled you up as fast and hard hitting as it did today. He was always soft spoken, accepting, understanding, and encouraging others with his words but today, his anxiety outsmarted him. You know so because today, he’s wearing his heart on his sleeves. He let hate consume him and clouded his judgement. His face and tight jaw stricken with worries as he chewed his lips waiting for his video. The action goes unnoticed by everyone except for you. You’ve always been their anchor, dragging them down to Earth as their mind floats into a different headspace. The little habitual acts they do when they’re worried or angry. You’ve seen it all. You’ve studied and memorized it all in hopes that someday you’ll be their penicillin. The love all seven of you shared has always been destined. Written in the stars as the universe moves for you. Because you love them and they love you. To love them unconditionally is as simple as breathing to you.
You walked over to stand in front of him as you intently gaze into each other’s eyes. No words were spoken and he could tell how disappointed you were at him. The disappointment waves roll off your body like an enraged storm ready to hit the shore. He knows. His eyes bore into yours as they slowly soften to show his defeat. The waving of a white flag in signs of surrender.
You grabbed him forward into a heated kiss as your fingers wrapped itself around the back of his neck. Through your kiss, you hope that you conveyed your message to him. He will always be loved, always be cherished. He lets you pull him in and angles his head for you in return as you circle both hands lovingly around his neck. His own resting around your waist loosely as he lets you guide him. Your kisses turned into a full blown make out session in front of his members. He didn’t care one single bit as he kissed back just as vigorously. Your tongue darts around his lips, licking them as you wait patiently for entrance. He relents as he gasps when you bite down on his bottom lips, allowing you to slip in. Both of your tongues engage in a heated dance as they wrap around one another and sucked, a battle for dominance that neither of you wanted to lose. The kiss was sloppy, tongue darting out everywhere. The sound was messier and nastier as wetness coated both of your caverns.
You slowly shift apart as your eyes drift open slightly having to adjust to the glaring light in the room. He looked just as dazed and fucked out but still managed to give you a small dimpled smile. The one you’d love to death and often pushing your fingers at.
“Maybe you should change your perspective. The beauty in life comes in different aspects. Everyone’s charm comes from their uniqueness. And you’re not any different. You are you, a person who loves crabs, loves nature, his family, his fan and most of all his music. Your dimple smiles can brighten the entire world if we ever have a blackout. You are so special, so unique in your own beautiful ways, Namjoon. I love you so much and so do your best friends. They’re right here for you to lean on Namjoon, they never left”, you say as your eyes shine with unshed tears. The need to comfort him, to shower him with your unadulterated love was shooting through the roof.
You pant against him as he held you tight against his chest. The oxygen you were deprived of when the two stuck your tongue down each other's throat came rushing back into you as you heave. While looking down at you, he huffs for air as he tries his best to maintain a cool composure when in reality, he’s on the verge of crying. You have that much effect on him and he’s so everly grateful. You have his heart, his life, what more do you want from him? Yet you’re simple really. You’ve never been greedy, needy or demanding. Always the obedient wife in the poly relationship. You’ve understood their intention and love for music from the start. You weren’t a fan when you started dating but you can see why they became a phenomenon. The message they wish to convey, the sincerity and hope in their music to people around the globe. You can only thank the stars to be this lucky. To have the seven beautiful men in your life, to love and to hold.
“Thank you. You mean more to me than you’ll ever know. Your words, they mean the world to me and more. You ground me when I’m flying above the clouds and pull me free of the abyssal darkness when I’m beyond incapable of saving myself. You are the light in my darkness, always have been and always will be. I love you” as he cups your face in both his palm. The eyes that once held unshed tears have changed into adoration as he looks into the window of your soul. The kiss came in slow but sensual, the way he treasures you, the appreciation and gratitude in his gesture radiating from him.
The way he shows his love is unique, his love language isn’t all about physical touches. He shows you his heart in the form he knows best: music. He tells your love story to fans in the form of beautifully woven lyrics. They say, a picture is memory frozen at one point in time yet the songs and lyrics dedicated to you are his undying love and warm promises to you stalling the time as they stretched infinitely into the future.
“How long are you going to kiss each other there? Did you forget we existed or we are invisible?” Yoongi muses as he looks at the both of you amused. His eyebrows raised in question and arms crossed over his chest, his teasing tone laced with playful without venom of a bite.
“You’re lucky to be unique and different from Yoongi, Joonie. I wouldn’t survive with two of him” you say as you part from his sensual kisses and roll your eyes before turning to look over your shoulders. They both chuckle as the tension in the air becomes light again.
“Ya-“ you say before Yoongi cuts you off.
“Did you know a place name Truth or Consequences, a town or maybe a city existed in New Mexico, USA?” he ponders before the group erupts in laughter at the oddity of the question.
“I’m none the wiser than you hyung” Namjoon jest as he plays along with his elder. The eyebrows that were once scrunched in worries were now freed and relaxed. He was happy. He was himself again. He was your Namjoon again.
To the world, he was an idol, an artist, a performer, a rapper, and more. To his family, he was their stupid bear that they loved to baby. To his members, he was their leader, the one who they can come to, the one who they take care of off stage because he’s always so damn clumsy but they love him so much for it. But to you, he was your Joonie. The simple man who just wants to love you and have you love him in return. The sensual dance of life that you played together. The feeling of fullness when he’s with you, the way both of your hearts flutter in happiness when you’re together.
Soulmates, they called it. You didn’t believe in destiny, serendipity, fate and all that bullshit but now you do. The universe must have rolled its eyes at your stubbornness to not see the signs it threw at you, the strings it pulled and the way it probably facepalm because of you.
In this lifetime and the next, you’d be his and he would be yours along with both of your six other beautiful and unique soulmates.
