It's funny, cause I'm such a type A personality nowadays. People see me as a greedy, forceful, ambitious person. And they're right! I'm assertive and honest and always true to myself. But I really wasn't always that way.
Ten years ago, I was an empty husk of a person. A young man with no direction whatsoever. A young man who didn't want anything, because everything he could desire was ruined by the fact he had to do it as a man... The young man I was then had resolved to just take things as they came, never making a fuss. He'd find a good job, marry a nice wife, maybe even have some children. What else could he do?
His parents had worked hard to raise him, despite being so poor, and he had to honour that effort, so all he'd ever known was playing it safe. He didn't have desires of his own, so he was just gonna work himself to death, always living for others. First for his parents, then for his hypothetical wife, and eventually for his hypothetical children. And maybe in the next life, if he was dealt better cards, he'd get a better shot at happiness.
And then, one day, when he was feeling particularly miserable about his future, the young man miraculously grew a backbone.
Instead of that miserable young man, the one who woke up in that body was me. And I didn't like it all one bit.
I wasn't gonna waste my life like that, never wanting for anything. What about me? What about what *I* wanted? I was just supposed to accept things as they were? To grow old, never enjoying my life? "If only I was dealt better cards"? What kind of pussy shit is that?! If you're dealt crap cards, you just have to bluff for all you're worth. Screw being a man. Screw taking the safe options! I wanted beauty, adoration, and recognition. I wanted to look in the mirror and feel proud! I wanted everything!
Nirvana sounds nice, sure, but I'm not going there any time soon. As long as we're stuck here, I want a life that's worth living. And I've got PLENTY of desires left. NOTHING'S gonna stand between me and the things I want.
So yeah, I can be a lot nowadays, I guess. But I'm proud of the way I am. Because I know what being the opposite is like, and I gotta tell ya: I didn't care for it. A little greed is good for you.
