Derek-Is-Alive-AU but after dawtde he becomes Wifies Eldritch Google, but because he had been sitting near the computer for literal months, he developed a phobia for technology, so Wifies has to call Avery and ask him to ask Derek about whatever entity Wifies is chasing now
A: Oh, hey Wifies, what's up
W: Hey, I'm good, uhh can Derek come to the phone?
A: he is doing his phys therapy now, but I can ask him?
W: That would work, ask him if he knows anything about when mobs start using sounds that are not in the game?
A: *a pause, snuffling in the background, then voices* Der says that the world is sentient and tries to communicate something. Not hostile, but be careful. Found something new already?
W: yeah, seeing if it pans out. Alright, thank you. Good luck with therapy!
A: Good luck with your sentient world!
A: Hi, how can we help you?
W: Hi! What does Derek know about wraths? The internet is very divided on them
A: Let me ask *faint talking* uhhh, he says that they are husks of former people, so basically ghosts. Says that you can either destroy them by destroying the object they are connected to or try to find out their true name and give them something important to them that keeps them tethered. The object they are connected to is literally their connection to the physical world, but the tethered object is what connects their memories from when they were alive to the husks. Damn, that's difficult to do in Minecraft...
W: Uh...No, it's fine; it's a unique situation here. What else does Derek say?
A: Uhh...*faint talking and some noises* It's better to release them than to kill them, cuz they sometimes can grant you favours! Well, that's nice!
W: Oh! Thank you, that's so much more than I was expecting.
A: Derek says "you're welcome," oh, and *some faint talking* and to be careful, cuz wraths are pretty aggressive. Hey, did you try the boat trick on them? If Minecraft sees them as an entity, they could become trapped in the boat
W: ...you know what, I never did try it. I will have to see. Thanks, you two!
A: Sure! Now, I...*faint talking and then* WHERE DID YOU GET ANOTHER PLUS FOUR?????? I HAVE LIKE 20 CARDS IN MY HANDS, CHILL!
W: Hi, Avery. Can you quickly ask Derek if he has heard anything about Dark Young?
A: Yeah, let me just *loud thud, as if something heavy was placed on the floor* yeah, okay I am going to go find him. I swear to god if he tries to lift something heavy again-
W: Oh, he is moving in with you today? How's that going?
A: That man is 2 weeks out of the coma and 1 week out of the hospital, and he still thinks he is invincible! Do you know how many times I had to fight a box out of his hands, cuz he thinks that moving heavy stuff from the first floor to the second is, and I quote, "the same as phys therapy"
W: Yeah, I don't think that's how it works
A: That's what I told him! He is insufferable; tell him this, tell him *some voices arguing and then Avery's dramatic gasp* No, he will not take your side just because you are helping him with that eldritch stuff!
W: ....On the other hand, the second floor is not too far, could be a good practice.
*loud, offended gasp and a short laugh is coming from the other side*
A: eh, a little, but we can talk. What's up?
W: Ask Derek if he knows about dream-like words? I...don't know how else to explain it
A: Uh, *faint talking* yeah, he says that its freaky but generally harmless. Some kind of energy stuck in the machine. If it is sentient, it doesn't really go far. Operates on strong desires.
A: Yeah, sure. Hey, should I risk it or what?
A: Derek has been teaching me chess, and I can either do a risky move or a non-risky move.
W: Well, I don't see your board, but maybe see what's best for you in the moment? Is Derek a good player?
A: Yeah, I think I lost like a thousand times already *faint talking* ah, no, Der says only 23 times. But it feeeeeels more *some more talking* no-no, I want to learn. Okay, if I lose this round - I am blaming this on Wifies
W: What did I do??? Go for a non-risky move!!
A: Too late!!! *a single beat. pause. Some noises. Silence for 10 seconds. Then there is a cacophony of groans and laughs* WIFIESSS
W: I TOLD YOU TO DO THE OTHER ONE!
W: hey, is Derek near you? I have a code, and I have been trying to decipher it for hours now, but nothing works and it's driving me crazy.
A: Uhhh, we are getting groceries now, going to be home probably in like....20 minutes?
W: Yeah, its okay, I can wait. I will send you a photo
A: Cool, I would need time to write it down on paper. Our printer broke, and the replacement parts will only arrive next week
W: Derek is still weird with technology?
A: yeah...he is getting better, but...you know
W: He is doing great, and I am glad that he is getting better. Recovery is a process and all that.
A: Yeah.... You're right. Oh, gotta go, or Derek is going to sneak an extra bottle of Soylent.
W: ...How can he still drink it after what happened??
A: Hey, Wifies! How's it going? aha aha...Yeah, no, everything that you are saying to me right now makes no sense. I am putting you on loudspeaker; go entertain Der while I am making dinner
* You can hear in the background Derek's pouting about Avery, who just wants him out of the kitchen*
A: Yes, I do, because I don't trust you near the stove! Go play with your codes!
W: Yo, can you ask Derek about seeing gametags in your singleplayer world? I got a couple of posts about it, but can't find anything concrete.
A: Oh, I can help you with that! That's just Minecraft being weird; it happened to me once. A lightning bug or something
W: You sure? To confuse a glitch with a whole game tag?
A: Yup! Oh, and...*some noises* Oh, and Derek agrees. Sorry, we've just been hiking and Der didn't lie when he said he never went hiking before.
W: ...Avery, please don't put Derek back in a hospital.
A: I wasn't going to! This is one of the easiest ones, and we are taking breaks constantly. Plus, he wanted to go himself. *some faint talking* Oh, yeah, we should invite Wifies, he probably sits by his computer all day too
W: oops, sorry, can't hear you, the phone reception is awful out there, thanks byeeee
A: Hi, this is DerDerGo. How can I help you?
A: Yeah, thats me, I thought I would try something new.
W: How did Derek react to that?
A: he says the name is horrible *raises voice, obviously talking to someone else in that room* while not providing anything better himself!! I mean FireLord, really???
W:... I kind of like this one better
A: ...I am not going to feel sad when you get eaten by an eldritch pig monster or something.
A: *faint noises of people talking, music, and skating* Hi, Wifies, what are you hunting today?
W: Hi, I need... Wait, what are those noises?
A: Oh, I am teaching Derek how to skate! His record is 10 seconds on the skateboard; we are aiming for 12 by the end of the day.
W: Why did he suddenly decide to teach himself how to skate??
A: I think he feels a little bit guilty over the fact that I have been indulging him in his hobbies, but he hasn't been doing the same with mine. Even though we keep going on hikes and everything. Plus, now that I am back to teaching little ones how to skate, he misses me when I am at work.
W: ....You are both so disgusting, you know that.
A: You helped us meet, so that's your fault only. Now, what can we help you with?
W: Found a weird hole-cave-something. Not super deep, but full of weird noises, which I am pretty sure are not in the Minecraft database. Some glitches and whatnot. But the most interesting bit is that the hole is not the seed. Like I copied the seed of the world, and on the same coordinates there is nothing.
A: Let me ask *Avery's voice grows distant; you can hear him calling for Derek. some faint talking* Uhhhh, he says that we are busy now, but he says that you should contact a guy named Big Kevin?? Der says that he is something like you, only on the ground level. Actually deals with this stuff rather than covers. Wait, are there more people like Wifies??
W: We gotta make a group chat. The more the merrier. Okay, thanks, bye!!
A: Wait, Wifies, you know others??? Wifies???
A: ....Wifies, its almost 3 am, why are you calling so late?
W: Leviathan. It's...fuck, I am sorry, I know it's late, I just...
A: Hey, hey, no, it's okay. I am going to wake Der up; meanwhile, try to do breathing exercises, you sound horrible.
W: Yeah...yeah, okay, sorry...* Wifies gets up and tries to even out his breathing, listening to the faint noises in the background, including some faint sleepy murmurs and then faint talking* Wait, is Derek in the same room as you??? Are you sleeping together??
A: Oops, don't hear you anymore, giving phone to Derek, BYE-
A: We have a minute. Whats up?
W: I’m…trying to find other…accidents when whatever god or god like entity was stuck in the game. And why it was stuck there. Derek knows something about it?
A: Let me ask *faint noises and voices for some minutes* Okay, so he says that games and specifically Minecraft are…its own form of reality? Like a copy of our physical world: imperfect but not that different from what we have here. Entities and others like them don’t really have a good grasp on how exactly our reality looks and operates…*more faint voices* Der says that’s why you see things that look wrong when interacting with entities. So they want to go to our reality but get confused and get themselves stuck in games….Okay, that's crazy. Literally all that’s keeping our world safe is the fact that entities don't have a reliable GPS??
W: thats…*faint laugh* a good way of putting it.
A: Wait, Der, but what about Minecraft? *more faint talking* Riiiight…Minecraft more closely resembles what we have…at least some things.
W:Yeah…Anything else he can add?
A: Uhhh…. *more faint talking* only that its actually for the best that Minecraft is usually the game where those entities got stuck. There is someone… THE END POEM IS REAL???
A: I…*more noises, more voices* okay, okay, there is...just someone who…who is like standing in between the threshold of the game and our reality, but its okay because…She just cares for Her players...Huh
W: ….I kind of regret asking now
A: In other news, are you Team Jacob or Edward?
A: ow, but we have been reading books!! Apparently it’s not as clear cut as in the movies!!
W: Byeeee, thank you for your help
W:Hey, Avery, I need you to ask Derek about-
A: No, can't do, we have a date night.
W: Oh, sorry, I can...Wait, when did you start dating???
A: Between that one entity that was shit at scaring and the cursed mansion.
W; Oh, uh... congratulations?
A: Thank you. Now, if you are not in immediate danger and/or dying, I am going to go back to cuddling with my boyfriend
W:....took you long enough
Bonus!! (add your own little scenarios!!)
A: I feel like I am your secretary.
D: you are not my secretary.
A: I am tho. I take calls, I set up meetings, I even lie for you when you are not "in the office" *dramatic gasp* oh my god, you are sleeping with the secretary
A: you are the boss of the company and I am your secretary. I am sleeping my way to the top. There is an unhealthy power dynamic here, Der, how could you??
D: *trying not to laugh* What are you talking about? I am not your boss, and you are not my secretary??
A: I am still sleeping with you, Der!! That's horrible; we need to report this to HR!!
D: In that case, the secretary is going to sleep on the couch tonight
A: ....I take it back, screw HR, I love having workplace affairs
