But as an adult I can recognize that even they did things, often normal things, while raising me that were fundamentally unconscionable to do to another human being.
Yes! Often when I talk about childrenâs rights, I bring up the HSLDA, homeschooling, and high-control groups, because they are examples of the worst kind of behavior which is politically advocated for. Itâs important to recognize that many common practices of parenting are also unacceptable. For example:
- The practice of spanking remains controversial in the US, despite the clear evidence against using it.
- Withdrawing the ability to access basic needs such as privacy, social interaction, and leaving the house is treated as losing a privilege, and an appropriate alternative punishment to spanking.
- I have trouble describing this precisely, but thereâs a way that children are talked to as if their interests are fundamentally secondary to their parentsâ. One manifestation is that childrenâs opinions are treated as unserious; Iâm thinking of that post thatâs like, âall opinions of 14 year olds are wrong/misguided because theyâre 14.â I was incredibly self-serious as a kid, to my because I desperately wanted to be treated as rational
- Another manifestation of this is that the desires of children are treated as unreasonable. Teenagers especially are coerced into participating in things which they donât want to do, and their discomfort is generally treated as a joke. Iâm thinking specifically of that post about seeing a teen in goth gear trailing behind their family on a hike, and how that was a rite of passage. That sucks! Being forced to do something is harmful even if the activity itself is harmless!
A lot of this comes down to parentsâ ability to withhold something on Maslowâs hierarchy of needs. Itâs widely recognized as abusive when a parent withholds food or shelter. Itâs not widely recognized as fucked up when a parent withholds something a few rungs higher. My parents wouldnât let me read for enjoyment in order to punish me. I know other people whose parents wouldnât let them hang out with their friends, or restricted access to their car or their phone in order to punish them. Thatâs a fucked up experience to be normalized as âbeing grounded.â
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