something about driver’s identity, down to his very name, being entirely dependent on his use to other people. to everyone in his life, he’s just that guy who drives. but around Irene and Benecio he has this idea that he could be more than that. he could be the guy who protects. the guy who cares. the guy who provides. and then in the end, to Irene, he’s none of those things. he’s the guy who smashed someone’s head in, never mind why. he’s reduced just to the violence that lives inside him that he can’t seem to escape from.
Hihihi. I wanna say firstly, I really enjoy your works!! they're all very sweet and enjoyable :33
So I was wondering if you'd be willing to maybe write a drabble where the reader has something of a meltdown and yk Ryland comforts them, pls and ty.. :pp
ty so much!! it truly means a lot to me <3
(cw: slight blood? just a cut that gets taken care of)
think with me here. you've been working yourself to bone with repairing the hail mary and things regarding the mission. while grace handled the science, you handled everything else.
some of the lights in the lab went out? you're on your tip toes, reaching towards the ceiling to fix them. the ship's coordinates need to be recalibrated? your hunched over in the pilots seat fixing it.
at first you were fine, nothing was too much. but as you were busied with all these different tasks, the weight of everything began to catch up.
you were in space. you weren't going home--and you still had go on spacewalks to fix the hull of the hail mary.
you broke while you were helping grace move some boxes back into the storage room. they were filled with some tools that neither of you had needed to use at the moment.
you bumped into a couple walls here and there, and you were mostly okay--until you tripped on your own feet, causing a loose x-acto knife to jump out.
it would've been okay, if the blade had been sheathed all the way in. on it's way to the floor, it sliced a clean cut down the length of your forearm.
you gasped, and dropped the box on the shelf closest to you.
Grace turned to check on you immediately at the sound, temporarily stunned in place at the sight of you--completely ignoring the large laceration on your forearm as your lip quivered with the effort of holding back a sob.
He rushes up to you, careful to cradle your injured arm (luckily he has gloves on from a previous experiment, so no worry on his end for your blood on his hands), and he tries to lean his head down to get a look at your face--but you just turn your head further away from him as a tear slips down your cheek.
"Hey hey hey, what's going on?" he prods, while simultaneously guiding you to Armando. his free hand comes to squeeze the shoulder of your uninjured arm.
You sniffle and try to take in a deep breath, but a whimper escapes you and you just start to sob. grace's heart breaks, and he oh so gently sets you down on the bed near Armando. he doesn't turn him on, you don't need this monotonous robot tugging on your arm.
Instead, he grabs a roll of bandages and carefully takes your arm in his grasp, gently shushing you as sob after sob tumbles out of you.
"Shh, shh. You're okay, okay?" He unravels a small bit of the bandage, and his mind can't help but think back to the hundreds of times he's had to comfort his students--and while he doesn't think you have the mental capacity of a middle schooler, he's just grateful for the skill of being able to take care of you.
He starts to wind the bandages around your arm when your forehead crashes down onto his shoulder. He tries his hardest not to react--to just let you cry it out without him interrupting, but he can't help the way his heart speeds up at the simple connection of your weight against him--even if its minimal.
Your little hiccups and sniffles wind down as he finishes up with your bandage. Your free hand roughly wipes away at your tears, but Grace quickly shuts that down.
"Oh, hon," The nickname slips out, and he it barely even registers to him that he said it. "There's no need for that, yeah?" Warmth envelops the backs of your hand, and you glance over to see both of his hands holding your hand.
You turn away from him, even as your fingers curl to hold his tighter. "This is embarrassing."
Grace shakes his head quickly--so quickly that he almost sent his glasses flying across the room. "Needing to be taken care of isn't embarrassing."
His thumb drags along the back of your hand for a long moment, his head canting slightly upwards. "Wanna tell me what's going on?"
You debate whether to spill the beans to him, but your dignity has been thrown away since you started crying.
You admit that everything just felt like too much. Being in space, handling the ship, being one of the saviors of the universe. The weight was too much--
"And I guess a cut is what finally got me to..."
"Breakdown?"
You scoff harshly and Grace immediately starts to back pedal. "It's not-! I didn't mean it to be so blunt. M' sorry." He takes a deep breath to collect his thoughts.
"Okay, so you did technically break down--let me finish, let me finish," he interrupts off his own sentence when you stiffen defensively. "It's not a bad thing. I don't know why you're taking this like you're...weak because you're showing emotion." A certain softness that you haven't heard from him coats his words like thick honey.
He watches your face closely, and his own lip starts to quiver when he watches your face scrunch up to prevent more tears from falling.
"You can cry, you're allowed." A large hand is suddenly close to your face, brushing back some hair that had fallen in front of your eyes. He swipes the tears away when they do fall, and spends the rest of the day keeping you close and spends the rest of his time in space with you reassuring you it's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes.
imagine adopting a pebble on Erid with Grace. (Pretend humans and Eridians can exist in the same atmosphere :) ) (also. in movie canon. so i can make it whatever the hell i want)
It’s a smaller baby, a rich purple color with a much smoother surface than Rocky or Adrian—due to it just being born. It stumbles around a lot, like a baby giraffe just learning to walk.
While Grace teaches, you watch over the little pebble. You watch her over—you use her because that’s the pronoun Adrian had chosen to use when you first adopted her—and make sure that the little baby is well cared for.
Your little pebble is extremely curious about anything and everything. Constantly making noise to echolocate through your house ten times over. Little chirps and hums filled the silence that you were used to when Grace was gone teaching.
When Grace comes back, he immediately picks up the baby Eridian and gently spins her around. You note that he picks her up quite often, and when you question him about it, he tells it's because she'll be too big and heavy for him to pick up soon enough. He wants to hold her for as long as he can until then.
You tried to swaddle the pebble one time, but she wasn't very happy about being completely immobile. She fought you with the blanket (which was just a piece of fabric that you had lying around from the Hail Mary) and Grace watched in mirth.
You let her sleep with you on your bed, and she takes great pride in being able to watch you sleep. Most days you'll wake up with a baby rock spider climbing on your head and tangling itself in your hair. While you find it kinda annoying, and slightly endearing, Grace thinks it's the cutest thing ever in the entire world. The pebble and you.
Every couple of days when the baby pebble has to sleep, she's only asleep for a few hours before she's up and at it again for the next 72. She'll usually sleepily stumble into your lap at around noon, and conks out until dinner time.
Grace absolutely loves to watch you dote on your kid. Yeah, that's your kid, he doesn't even have to think about it. He doesn't care if it's not a human baby, that's his child. And he loves seeing you take care of her.
OH and Rocky Adrian Eridian uncles/aunts?? Definitely take your kid out on the town on Erid.
summary: You were aware that you and Ryland's bodies might eventually become affected by the extreme UV rays coming from Erid's sun, but you refuse to think about what those effects might be…until Ryland's eyesight begins to worsen.
wordcount: 5330
warning(s): ANGST, slight bit of smut in the middle.
authors note: hey guys sorry if the medical information isn't accurate. I had such a fun time writing this that I forgot I'm not a doctor. Anyway this is inspired by a tiktok that I'll be linking in the comments.
When you and Ryland first arrived on Erid many years ago, you were told by Adrian and Eridian scientists that the UV rays coming from 40 Eridani A may cause some problems to you and Ryland’s bodies because of its proximity to Erid.
They didn’t exactly know what problems they would cause. But you were a doctor during your time on Earth, and worked on the coma research team on the project. So when the Eridian scientists asked how the human body would react to double gravity and extreme UV rays, you knew the answer. The Eridians told you you’d have to take the role of a doctor on again if that's what it came down to…you just didn’t want to think about those things.
But soon enough, you had to think about those things, because you started to notice them, slowly, one by one.
You first notice something one morning at the dinner table.
Ryland sitting with his coffee cup — a black cup of coffee you made for him while the Eridian doctor was examining him 30 minutes ago — his body hunched over the laptop, his face closer than you’d ever seen it before.
You noticed the way he kept pushing his glasses up his nose, letting out a frustrated sigh, the way he squinted his eyes underneath the gold frames. Your heart felt like it was bursting with anxiety, and you immediately got up from the other side of the table and sat next to him.
“You’re squinting.” You said, taking Ryland’s hand in yours, lifting it from the laptop and squeezing it.
“I am not squinting.” Ryland huffed, placing the coffee in his other hand down. “Just–this text is too small, and the glare is bothering me.”
“The glare?” You asked, tracking that as a symptom in your head.
“This is not a symptom!” He chuckled. “I’m fine.”
Ryland looked up from the computer at your question, and smiled down at your hands, then back at your face. He noticed the worry there, in your eyes, and in the wrinkle between your eyebrows. He squeezed your hand back and lifted it to press a kiss to your knuckles.
“Sorry. I’m just worried, you know we get hit by extreme UV rays everyday.” You explained.
Ryland smiled at you, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your forehead.
“I’m fine, I promise.”
“Okay, you need to tell me if that changes. Please. I don’t know what I’d do without–”
Ryland, cupped your face with his hand, separating your hands. He scanned your face, the tears welling in your eyes already at the thought of losing him.
“Hey, hey, let’s not plan my funeral just yet.” Ryland said. “You can’t get rid of me that quickly.”
You laughed, and leaned forward to press your lips to his, separating as you leaned your forehead against his. He rubbed your shoulder.
“Plus, I think it’s just my glasses, I think they might be dirty. Can you clean them like you always do? You do it so well.”
You smiled at the memory he was referencing, cleaning his glasses on the ship with your jean pants. The only thing that seemed to work as effectively as anything else. Also the one thing he teased you for relentlessly, but begged you to do anyway because his shirt wasn’t as effective.
Ryland took off his glasses and handed them to you.
“Sure, I’ll be back, I left my jeans in the bedroom.”
Ryland leaned back as you stood up and stepped into the bedroom, reaching for your jeans.
You tilted Ryland’s glasses up to the lightbulb, and examined them for dirt or for smudges, and noticed that they were surprisingly clean. The most clean they had been in days. You felt that same anxiety tug at your heart, and you let out a defeated sigh as you looked up toward the ceiling for a moment.
You dropped your jeans, and took your glance away from the ceiling. You looked out the window, thinking about the things you never wanted to think about, but you knew you couldn’t leave alone.
The alarm system in your brain was starting to go off again, when you and Ryland decided to go to the beach one day.
You were standing beside the front door, you were in just his boxers and a shirt — the closest equivalent to swim wear you both had — waiting for your boyfriend. You watched him take his pants off, smirking at the sight, when he caught you staring he smirked back.
“You like what you see?” He asked, discarding his pants to the side, leaving him in just his boxers too.
“I always like what I see.” You flirted.
Ryland chuckled as he took off his tshirt, his glasses grazing against the fabric, he was showing off his incredibly toned chest and arms. You rolled your eyes, and blushed. He grabbed the towels that were on the kitchen table and walked toward you. He pulled you in for a kiss, grazing his tongue against yours, and you laughed, surprised.
“You are such an amazing kisser.” You whispered. “Let’s go kiss some more in the water this time though.”
You loved spending time in the water on Erid, of course the temperature was modified for you and Ryland to be comfortable. You spent so much time submerged in water, grabbing on to his body, kissing him like teenagers on the beach back home.
“Sounds like a good idea.” He said.
He took off his glasses and placed them on the kitchen table. You frowned only for a minute, missing how they framed his face. But you had begun to notice that Ryland wasn’t wearing his glasses for long periods of time anymore. You chalked it up to a sensory thing.
“You sure you don’t want to bring your glasses?”
Ryland shrugged.
“I think I’ll be okay.”
You were halfway through your ramble about the plan for the day, when you opened the door. The sunlight flew in and you heard Ryland wince, a groan leaving his body. You turned around and Ryland was covering his eyes with his hands.
“Woah, woah hey, what’s wrong.” You asked.
You grabbed Ryland’s hands and removed them from his eyes. When he looked at you his eyes shone with panic, and you looked at him then back out the front door into the sun, and you realized what had happened.
“Light sensitivity, that’s what this is.”
Not a question. An assessment. An assessment you were now going to take care of.
“What’s happening?” Ryland asked, his bottom lip trembled. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing, nothing, it’s going to be okay. Let’s just…stay inside today.”
You closed the door quickly, leading him into the house by the hand, ready to call Rocky and Adrian.
You finally tell Adrian and Rocky your concerns one quiet evening while they are examining Ryland.
A couple days before, Ryland started seeing double vision in his left eye. He had trouble getting out of the shower one day. You were standing at the bathroom sink brushing your teeth, when he turned off the water, you heard a crash before he fell out of the shower and towards you. You caught him, and he panicked, blinking rapidly to try and clear his vision. When the double vision appeared in both eyes, that’s when you decided to call Rocky and Adrian.
You cringed as you watched Rocky lift his crystal doohickey toward Rylands face. He’s sitting at the kitchen table again, an orange lamp illuminating him through the darkness of the house and outside. You and Adrian are standing in front of them watching closely.
He had been wearing his glasses on and off for weeks, but he had suddenly stopped wearing them 6 days ago, and you had been taking note of that too. It wasn’t like Ryland, he never did anything without them. He didn’t even kiss you without them, he liked seeing you clearly.
Ryland insisted you let Rocky take a look first, he didn’t want you to turn into his personal doctor or caretaker. But you knew the way Rocky was examining Ryland was wrong. You even brought down your own medical equipment that was sitting on the table in a red bag, knowing you’d inevitably have to use it.
You finally huffed out a sigh of frustration and stepped toward Rocky and Ryland.
“Rocky, let me take a look.”
Ryland looked away from Rocky’s crystal instrument and at you, and Rocky stopped his motions.
“I told you I didn’t want to burden you with this.”
“Ry, I’m a doctor, who knows about human biology. No offense to Rocky, but I’d have a better idea of what’s going on.”
“Whatever this is, I don’t want you to feel burdened by taking care of me.” Ryland sighed, you could see his anxiety rushing through his pulse.
Your heart squeezed in pain at the idea of Ryland feeling like a burden. He was the love of your life. You weren’t married, but you both had once promised that you’d be together through sickness and health. And you were going to take that seriously.
“Baby, I have been taking care of you for as long as I can remember. I’m not going to stop now. Let me check you over okay?”
“Yes, friend check Grace. Grace no die! Is good!” Rocky chimed.
Rocky scurried down from the table, and ran toward Adrian, and Ryland nodded hesitantly.
“Everything is going to be okay. I promise.” You whispered.
Ryland smiled, tears welling in his eyes. You pouted at this. The fear on his face mimicked the fear you were feeling inside, but you needed to maintain professionalism in order to get a valid assessment. This is a sentence you didn’t think you were going to say about your boyfriend.
“Just answer my questions honestly, okay?” You murmured.
“M’kay, I’ll try.” Ryland responded.
You stepped closer to him, he placed his hands on your hips. You could feel how much his hands were shaking. You lifted his chin with your hands, and before assessing his eyes, you placed a kiss on his mouth, a quick peck, then to the bridge of his nose. He let out a deep breath, and you stroked his hair through your fingers.
Finally, you turned toward your bag of equipment pulling out a small flashlight and a retinoscope. You would have loved to have a slit lamp too, your rotation in optometry when you were a med student taught you exactly how to use one. If you were right — which you hoped you weren’t — you’d be able to see the exact diagnosis evidently through a slit lamp.
Nonetheless you raised the flashlight to his eyes first.
“Has your vision been foggy? Like you’re maybe looking through dirty glasses?” You asked.
You shined the flashlight in his left eye now , and lowered it. You wished you had a mydriatic to dilate Ryland’s pupils further, to assess what you thought was happening.
“Yea, I haven’t been using my glasses because I thought they were defective. That I needed a new prescription.” He explained.
You nodded, and tried to calm your intuition. You turned on the retinoscope, and lifted it toward his right eye first, you looked through it, and at the light shining at his eye. The light reflected, but was scattering. You squinted your eyes, looking closer and you tried to compose your face as you saw what you had most feared — dark spots. You cleared your throat, and you lifted the retinoscope to his left eye, hoping for at least one working eye. You saw the back of the eye through the retinoscope. When you saw those same black spots, as well as scattering light, you lowered the retinoscope.
You backed away from Ryland, escaping his grasp. You turned around suddenly, looking out the front door window at the porch light that shone through the darkness. Panic shooting through you. You felt like an asshole. This wasn’t about you, but it sure felt like it was…the universe had a sick sense of humor.
“Sweetheart, what is it?” He asked, you heard the sound of him getting out of his chair.
You looked at Adrian and Rocky, your mouth trembling, your heart breaking. You tried to compose yourself, the way you would if you were diagnosing one of your patients…those patients who were strangers. But you couldn’t because Ryland wasn’t a stranger. He was the love of your life.
You turned around and you felt a tear fall from your eye before you even registered you were crying. Ryland’s face dropped, and Rocky started squealing painfully.
“From my assessment…I can see quite a bit of trauma…probably from the accident on the ship, and I can see the effects of heavy UV rays–”
Ryland grabbed your arms, and his eyes began tearing up too.
“Sweetheart, there’s no need to be clinical now. Just. Please tell me. I can handle it. I promise.”
You nodded and swallowed.
“You have cataracts, caused by trauma and UV radiation and I suspect you will lose your vision in only a couple of months.”
The house felt suddenly the most quiet it had been in years.
Ryland collapsed into your arms, his sobs echoing through the house and you grabbed him, wrapped your arms around his shoulders. You lowered his head into your chest, and you both collapsed to the ground. Rocky and Adrian both whimpered musically, surrounding you both, pressing their carapaces against you and Ryland.
Your desire to whisper a simple, ‘don’t panic’, slips out of grasp. Because you can feel the panic surrounding you in a pungent way.
You notice his progression getting worse the month after.
You walked into the kitchen one morning — during the Earth month of October — and Ryland was up making breakfast.
He was standing in front of the stove cooking a meburger, and some tomatoes from the ship you both managed to keep planting from old seeds. The pan was sizzling and you were enthusiastic about the smell of food. Ryland wasn’t usually the best cook.
He wasn’t handling his diagnosis well. He was refusing to let you examine him further with the Eridian scientists. Instead, telling you he was going to help around the house before he fully lost his vision, knowing how much his vision loss will affect you. You told him he didn’t need to do anything at all, but there he was cooking you breakfast.
You snuck up on him and wrapped your arms around his torso from behind, pressing a kiss to his back through his shirt. He jumped suddenly, chuckling.
“Morning sweetheart, I was going to surprise you.”
You walked around him, standing by his right side watching him season the me burger with the only seasoning you had — salt. God you missed thyme, and pepper, and garlic powder.
“What do you have planned for today?” He asked.
You shrugged.
“I think Adrian and I were going to do something. I mean only if you’re okay working today by yourself at home.”
Ryland turned his head to look at you. You both paused at your words. You both had barely discussed the diagnosis since the month before. His smile was tinged with melancholy you could feel through his teeth.
“I’ll be fine. I promise. Okay?”
“And nothing has changed yet?”
“About what?”
You looked into his eyes, sending him a pathetic look. Like he was a dying patient during one of your clinical rotations. He sighed and rubbed your back with his free hand.
“Nothing has changed yet. I’ll tell you if it does. I can still see you, which is a good thing. I mean you’re so beautiful.” He chuckled.
He leaned forward and rubbed his stubble against your cheek, teasing you. You giggled and yelped at the feeling.
“Okay, okay!” You gasped.
“Okay, now let me finish this breakfast.”
“Okay I’ll make you a coffee.” You said.
You started brewing him a cup of coffee, when it was finished you stepped around his right side again. He flipped the burger and you placed the coffee mug on the counter on his right beside him.
You began walking toward the kitchen table, when he asked,
“Sweetheart, where did you put the coffee?”
You turned back around, you looked at the coffee cup on the counter just on the far right but still in front of his view. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion and alarm.
“I put it in front of you.”
“I don’t see it.” He murmured.
And as the words fell from his lips, you rushed into the kitchen. You grabbed his right arm, standing beside him.
“Can you see this?” You asked.
You moved your hand beside his head forward toward the wall, until your hand was slightly in front of his eyes still on the right side of his head.
“See what sweetheart?” He asked.
And with those words, you realized he had just lost his peripheral vision.
You sighed, and your heart broke yet again. You leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek, grabbing the coffee mug and placing it directly in his eye sight.
“Nothing, baby, nothing. Just the coffee.” You whispered.
Ryland’s peripheral vision is gone, when he tells you his vision is foggier than before.
It had felt like years since Ryland lost his peripheral vision, in reality it had only been a couple of months. You had been helping him where it was needed, but surprisingly, without peripheral vision Ryland was still managing. He was still working with Rocky on engineering and sciencey stuff, and everything seemed calm…unless you accounted for the impending doom lingering over you both.
You came home from a day with Adrian, when you left Ryland seemed calm and focused. So you didn’t worry too much, of course you were always worrying.
You stepped into the living room from the darkness outside, you hadn’t planned to stay with Adrian for so long. When you stepped inside the door, closing it behind you, you heard Ryland move on the couch.
The lights were all off, except for one lamp in the living room where he was sitting reading a book. You smiled goofily at him, and you stepped toward him, to tower above him. He tilted his head up to you in a way that always worked — always turned you on.
You and Ryland hadn’t been intimate since his diagnosis. Sure you would make out like teenagers, but as soon as it was escalating, he’d say he was tired. Which was a totally reasonable answer. But you knew this was also underscored with a huge fraction of pity and fear. So you had no expectations, you just liked having him there anyway.
“Hey.” You whispered. “You’re still up.”
He smirked.
“Missed you.”
He grabbed your waist suddenly, and pulled you down to straddle his lap. You yelped and obliged, throwing your hands onto his shoulders. He leaned forward trailing his lips against the left side of your neck, sucking and kissing, his mouth feeling heavenly.
“I was just gone for a few hours.” You managed to gasp, a moan already embarrassingly escaping.
“I know, just–missed you.” He groaned against your skin. “And you’re already so needy.”
“Baby, I’ve been needy.”
You leaned your head down to pull his mouth against yours. His mouth grazing yours, before he started kissing your bottom lip. You grinned into it, feeling his grin just as wide, the feeling sent a shock up your spine…the shock of him smiling into you for the first time in months.
You deepened the kiss, tilting your head to allow him to graze his tongue against your bottom lip, and inevitably against your own tongue between kisses that grew in intensity and firmness. You moaned against his mouth as you felt him getting hard beneath you. You didn’t have to test if any of this was okay, because Ryland’s hands suddenly pulled your hips down and forward so you were grinding against his clothed length. Only then, did you both pull away from the kiss to moan. Ryland threw his head back in a whimper, the sight of it brand new, without glasses, was something you hadn’t expected to need.
When Ryland began unzipping your jeans, you snapped out of it, grabbing his hands and looking into his eyes.
“Woah, hey, what’s gotten into you?” You asked.
“What do you mean? I just–I need you.”
The sentence sent shivers all over your body.
“We haven’t been intimate in months, why now?” You asked, not interrogating, just questioning.
He smiled, sending you an apology through his eyes that you caught.
“I want to see you, all of you, before I–before I can’t see you any more.”
Your head dropped at the thought of it. Of Ryland no longer being able to see your body. Ryland not being able to see the way your body reacts to the way he touches you, the way he gives you pleasure. The thought of Ryland not being able to see all the things he memorized: the way you shivered when he grazed your thigh with his hand, the way your eyes rolled back when he hit that one perfect spot inside of you, the way you writhe when he’s holding back and teasing you before you beg for it, the pure bliss in your face when you finally finish.
You suddenly realized what a privilege it was to be able to see your lover have an orgasm clearly with two healthy eyes.
You grinned sheepishly, and ran your fingers through his hair on the back of his neck, laughing at the way he shivered in response.
“Alright then, I want you to see just how good at making me cum you are.”
He groaned, and pulled you toward him again, landing his lips on yours with a newfound sense of passion.
His hands unbuttoned your jeans, and he smiled at the way you tilted your head back, the way your eyes rolled when he slipped his hand into the pair of boxers — his boxers — you were wearing, and moved his fingers against your most sensitive part. You were going to give him the show he so desperately wanted, and needed.
It finally happens two days after.
You were in the kitchen, wearing nothing but boxers and Ryland’s “I wear this shirt periodically” tshirt. This time, you were the one making breakfast as he slept naked in the bed in the other room.
You placed the meburgers on a huge plate, then turned off the oven, when you heard him scream. The thought entered your brain immediately, the realization hitting you. The plate escaped your grasp and fell to the floor in pieces as you ran into the other room.
“Ryland!” You managed to shout.
Ryland was sitting up, his eyes open, his gaze toward you, but landing on the left of you. He had his hands in front of him desperately feeling for you. You rushed toward him crawling on the bed, grabbing his hands and lifting them to cup your face.
“I can’t–” Ryland gasped, tears falling now in full storm. “I can’t–sweetheart I–”
“I know, I know, it’s going to be okay. I’m here, feel me.”
“I can’t see.” He whimpered.
You took in his eyes, foggy as ever just then. You looked at the way his pupils stayed nonreactive, his gaze shifting to the left and never landing on you.
You took in the idea that his gaze, his eyes, would never land on yours again, not in a way that rang through with recognition.
You placed your hand on his heart that was beating rapidly, taking in deep breaths to guide him.
“Don’t panic. I got you.” You whispered.
You relaxed as his hands cupped your face firmer now, the way his thumb grazed over your bottom lip, then his fingers grazed your eyebrows, then traveled to the bridge of your nose. He chuckled through the sobs.
“What are you thinking?” You asked.
“I can’t see you. But I can see you like this. It’s new.” He explained. “I never knew how perfect your face was–I mean I did—but especially now.”
You grinned, blushing, trying to think of something to say in that strange sad and brand new moment.
“Say something, you know I can’t read your face now. Please?” He whispered.
“I’m thinking you should try and kiss me.”
You watched him blush more than you’d seen him blush before, his other senses fighting in overdrive at the loss of one. You lifted your hand to wipe away the tears from his eyes.
“What if I miss?” He asked.
“Then you’ll try again.”
He nodded, and his thumb came back to brush your bottom lip, as if guiding him to where your mouth was. A new navigation system.
He leaned forward, his eyes instinctively closing, as he closed the gap between you both, removing his thumb at just the right second. He gave you a firm kiss, and he laughed pulling away suddenly. The loss not feeling so bad.
“You did it.” You chuckled.
“I did it.” He whispered.
You grabbed his hands again, his gaze still slightly to the left of your head. He smiled, and reached out to cup your face, when he missed, you guided it back to your cheek.
“I’m so sorry.” He said.
You frowned.
“What are you apologizing for?”
“This isn’t what you signed up for when we got together.” He explained.
“Hey, this is exactly what I signed up for when I agreed to love you forever. This is going to be hard to get used to, but I’m here every step of the way. I’ll be right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Now you understood that your heart wouldn’t stop even though it felt like it would explode, it would continue beating on and on for Ryland.
“I love you.” He whispered.
“I love you too. Now let’s try and get you into the shower, if you’re feeling it.”
It had been three months since Ryland lost his vision.
You had been helping him navigate his new world, and your new relationship together. Things had been going relatively well, with a few set backs — Ryland’s tendency to isolate. He had trouble really doing anything outside the house when he couldn’t see, he was falling into a pit of depression.
One morning you woke him up early, and he managed to shower by himself. You handed him his fox cardigan as were rushing him out the door. He stood by the door reluctantly. His gaze still slightly to the left of your head. You were still getting used to that fact.
“Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“This doesn’t sound good.” He groaned.
You chuckled at his stubbornness.
Ryland grabbed onto your arm nonetheless, and allowed you to lead him outside. You walked down the path of the hill, along the gravel of the beach.
“How does it feel?” You asked.
“How does what feel, sweetheart?”
“The air on your skin.”
He thought for a moment as you continued your walk and he sighed contently.
“Surprisingly good. Cold too, I just wish I could see the fog.”
“Well, you’re feeling the fog.”
You always managed to remind him of his newfound senses, and when you did he grew surprisingly joyful about it. His vision loss still affected him greatly, he couldn’t do the things he loved the most — research and teaching — but that was about to change.
As you guided him finally at the end of the beach, toward the wall of the biodome, stepping a few feet in front of it, you stopped and moved your hands to Ryland’s.
“Okay we are here.”
“Where is here?” Ryland asked.
You bit your lip nervously, not sure how Ryland would react, instead going to explain first.
You looked toward the biodome wall, behind it there were steps that you planned for Pebbles to sit on. The smaller younger Eridians. They were about to arrive, but first you needed to convince Ryland of your plan.
“So, we’re standing in front of a makeshift lecture hall.”
“No–not right now okay–”
He tried to pull you away, but you stood firm and held his hands.
“Ryland, wait. Just listen okay?”
Ryland nodded hesitantly.
“I was worried you were isolating yourself–”
“Isolating myself?”
“Yes. And I know how much you miss working, even though you don’t tell me. So Rocky and I started revisiting your idea of teaching.”
“Oh god.” Ryland groaned.
You ignored him.
“We thought you might be ready finally to start teaching some of the Pebbles about Earth and science and everything and–”
“Okay stop. You should have told me about this!”
You went silent, realizing your mistake. Your gazed shifted down to the sand beneath your feet and you frowned.
“Okay, I’m sorry. Maybe you’re right, you’re not ready. I shouldn’t have rushed you. We can go.”
Ryland shook his head, grasping your hands firmer now.
“No I’m sorry, you’re right I should be–I should be getting out more. I’m just nervous, okay? I can’t exactly do the same things I could do before. I mean how am I even going to teach if I can’t see the demonstrations and–”
“Ry, you know damn well you have those lesson plans you made two months ago memorized. And I love you enough to be your full time teaching assistant."
“Teaching assistant?”
“Yea you know, I’ll help you with the demonstrations, and I’ll point out the pebbles that are raising their hands, and I’ll–”
“Yea I know what that would entail…but you’d do that for me?” He asked.
Your heart melted. The hope coming back to you at the idea of Ryland teaching again, the idea of hearing his passionate tangents again, the idea that he was finally reconnecting with the one thing he cared most about — teaching.
“Of course I’d do that for you. And I’m prepared to start now.” You explained. “There’s a group of Pebbles waiting.”
Ryland smiled so big his teeth were showing, the biggest smile you’ve seen from him in months. He rocked on his feet in excitement and nodded.
“Okay, let’s do it.”
You knocked on the window of the biodome at Ryland’s response, and you watched as Rocky directed the group of Pebbles into their seats. The sound of their excited musical notes made Ryland laugh. You guided his hand to place it on the glass, feeling the vibrations of the chatter and hearing them too. He turned his head to kiss your cheek, and you ruffled his hair.
You led Ryland away from the biodome, and led him toward a whiteboard, placing his hand on it to feel it as well. Then when you turned him around toward his class, you let go of his hand, reaching for a cane that was resting against a rock just out of view.
You stepped toward him again, handing him the cane.
“Rocky made this for you. A new navigation system.” You said.
You guided him to move it side to side, feeling the terrain below his feet. He smiled in your general direction, and the noise of the Pebbles was subsiding as they waited for Ryland to begin.
You leaned your head slightly upward to whisper in Ryland’s ear.
“I’ll be here sitting on this rock behind you if you need me, this is your time to shine.”
You kissed his cheek, and took a seat on a rock face right behind his whiteboard, and he grinned proudly for the first time in a while. You watched as he stepped forward, moving his cane side to side, until he was close enough to hear the Pebbles giggling.
“Alright,” Ryland thought for a moment. Trying to remember his lesson plans he had drafted months ago, before this project was scrapped due to his sudden blindness.
He clapped his hands together, remembering suddenly.
“Who can tell me the speed of light?”
You giggled as a bunch of little Eridians raised their hands, and Ryland turned around to direct his gaze in your direction, ready for your assistance.
driver who is so obsessed with you but can't figure out how to voice it to you.
literally every thought surrounds you. every action has you in mind. half of it is his infatuation with you, the other half is him genuinely trying to keep you safe. he doesn't want to get you wrapped up in his dirty work, afterall.
he feels a little guilty that he can't tell you how he feels sometimes. words feel too heavy on his tongue, and most of the time they aren't even the right ones--he just hopes that his actions make up for it.
driver whose love language is acts of service?? any one?? he's helping you with your groceries, helping you tidy up your apartment, of course helping you with any car troubles. anything you need help with? he's your man.
he'll eat it up too. he won't exactly let it be known that he loves you asking for his help, but his actions speak for itself. the little smirk he gives you when you ask him for help? yeah. that's him relishing in the fact that you're going to him for help.
wow. look at my little boy lars, so full of whimsy and love. look at him go. oh! and look at sebastian! and driver! my sorrowful little critters. and march, having the time of his life. boy i sure hope grace is having fun