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Hot Wife Feedback

Hilda Svensen, Ph. D

(Dr. Svensen counsels women in self-esteem and helps them in developing self-confidence. Over several decades she has counseled primarily urban married women along the east coast and west coast. The observations that she has presented below are the result of a cursory examination of various types of feedback that she has received from nearly a thousand women that all of which consider themselves to be Hot Wives. Therefore, what follows should be considered anecdotal and was in no way based a scientifically researched process. Rather, what follows is a non-clinical discussion of her rather extensive yet casual observations of the Hot Wife Lifestyle. If you wish to provide feedback regarding your experience as a Hot Wife she can be contacted at: [email protected]. )

A Hot Wife is defined as a married woman that has sexual relations with other men, with the husband’s approval; usually while the husband watches and or joins in for three way sexual activity. The key point here is that this activity is always done by mutual consent usually with both the husband and wife working as a team coordinating the sexual activity. Depending on the couple’s proclivities the activities generally fit into a couple of categories. Certainly my exposure to the subject indicates that almost all the activity is heterosexually based. The men will generally have a great deal of physical contact with the other man or men as they pleasure the wife, however, the focus and purpose of the contact is always the wife. The men are clearly not homophobic in any way but they generally have no interest in direct homosexual activity. That is not to say that bisexual activity does not have its niche. There are plenty of the bisexual arrangements where both the husband and wife actively participate with the male sex partner. Although this is common in marriages with bisexual men and works very nicely keeping the marriage strong and sexually rewarding for both the man and woman, this category is quite small in comparison. About twenty percent of the wives reported having bisexual husbands. I found that there are a larger number of women that expressed that after becoming more sexually relaxed and open about their sexuality with their husbands had either admitted to or had felt a newly found feeling of being bi-curious. About thirty percent of the couples had at least experimented with bringing in a female instead of a male. It should be noted that the female was brought in for the wife and not the husband. Depending on the wife’s wishes the husband may or may not have had intercourse at some point during the encounter with the other woman but it seems that this was permitted only while the wife was being pleasured at the same time. Regardless, although some wives enjoy the attention of a female every once in a while they prefer the male encounter on a more frequent basis. Therefore, based on the sample from which I gathered this insight, I am focusing on the hetero sexual Male-Female-Male (MFM) three-way. Within the purely heterosexual category there are a few types.

Humiliation- This is the scenario where the husbands need to be humiliated is the most important part of his sexual pleasure. He will often want to be cast aside and even tied up as his wife has sex with another man. During the wife’s sexual activities he will want her to verbally degrade and humiliate him. This is of course done for the husband’s sexual benefit and can be difficult for many wives to do at first. Although this is a very real and harmless scenario that is very popular on the internet however, it seems to be a smaller niche.

Wife Dating – In this scenario the husband is not actually present and does not participate while the wife has sex with the other man. Generally, the wife will always wear her wedding ring and the other man will be well aware of the fact that he is having sex with a Hot Wife and the husband is ok with it. The husband is often involved in meeting the man and arranging the date. This may even be done because the other man is not comfortable having sex with the husband there so the husband agrees. There are of course many derivatives of this scenario and is also a large group. Many men like to give their wives the freedom to go off to have sex without him actually being there but the wife will often send him text messages and photos of the sex. Some men find this very exciting and will reach orgasm from the correspondence. Once the wife returns to her husband they will immediately have sex as the wife recounts the sex she just had with the other man in great detail for her husband pleasure. Condoned wife dating is very popular because it overlaps with the most popular Hot Wife wife sharing scenario in which the husband is always involved. It takes time and a lot of effort to find a perfect man for a three way sexual encounter but it is very easy for Hot Wife to go to a bar and pick up a man for sex. Hot Wives are not looking to play games, they dress the part and are quick to flirt with the men that they are interested in and naturally the men a quick to respond. They make it clear that they are after no strings attached (NSA) sex. They will dress in provocative cloth usually without undergarments and they will overtly look around making eye contact and smiling at the men they find attractive. The Hot Wife makes it clear that she is a wife by always wearing her wedding ring, which actually helps her find men that are just looking for sex. Wearing appropriate Hot Wife jewelry helps make her message clear to those that know the meaning of the symbols. Sometimes the wife will not be able to convince the other man to have sex with her with the husband in the room so the husband may acquiesce because he knows that his wife is clearly attracted to the man. Not a favorite scenario for many but is often acceptable especially when too much time passes between their favorite three-way encounters.

Hot Wife Three-way- this scenario is by far the most popular in the Hot Wife lifestyle. This is three way, usually heterosexual sex where the husband is involved and present at all times. His actual involvement is determined by the couple and can vary from time to time. It is with this category in mind that I present the following discussion.

The Hot Wife / Cuckold scenario has been gaining popularity across adult web sites and this exposure has familiarized the concept to a large sexually curious and internet savvy population of which women are a large part. More and more women are quite aware of the fact that a lot of men like the idea of watching their wives or girlfriends enjoy sex with another man in a three way arrangement. This is a welcomed concept because although, not many straight wives liked the idea of a three way with another female, they do in fact like and fantasize about adding an additional man to their marriage bed along with their husbands and there are certainly many that they are attracted to. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Polls show that more and more women, especially those in their late thirties and older, who are passed or passing their child bearing years, say that they do find the idea of having sex with an additional man along with their husbands to be extremely exciting and is often a wife’s secret fantasy. This kind of threesome is called the MFM or Male-Female-Male threesome and the eager wives that participate are called “Hot Wives”. These women are hitting their sexual prime during their late thirties and early forties and we are now finding that women are even more sexually active during their senior years than we once thought and the majority of women like or would like getting sexual attention from two males at once and of course younger males. These women don’t want to cheat on the men they love, but they fantasize about their boyfriends or husbands letting them have sex with other men. This fantasy is more common while masturbating after the child rearing years. Historically, women were thought to peak in sexuality in their twenties making them more likely to mate and rear children. Since then Masters and Johnson research indicates that this is simply not true. While many males may be suffering from a drop in their testosterone levels in their forties and feel as though their sexual peak is a distant memory, the women in their lives are just getting warmed up and more sexually relaxed and much less inhibited than they were in their childbearing years. As a woman matures her feeling about her sexual activity changes from being an obligation or something that is expected from a woman in a marriage and therefore, must be fit into a busy schedule, to a source of pleasure and something that is looked forward to and enjoyed. It is generally during this awakening that a wife becomes aware of her true sexual capacity. A husband who is a cuckold is aware of his spouse’s sexual capacity and is her source of encouragement. The cuckold sincerely derives sexual pleasure from his wife having sex with other men as long as he is present or has agreed to it. Biologist Robin Baker speculates in his book “Sperm Wars” that the excitement and stimulation of cuckolding emerges from the biology of sexuality and the effects of sexual arousal on the brain. Baker believes that when a man thinks that his female mate may have been sexual with another man, the man is prompted by biological urges to copulate with the female in an effort to “compete” with the other man’s sperm. While this is just a theory it may help explain the desire by many men to have their wives have sex with other men. Many men feel that for whatever the reason their wives sexual enjoyment can be enhanced by adding an additional man to their bed. This is rooted in his love for her and a strong desire to see her satisfied. He can only feel this way if he is certain that they have a solid relationship and that his wife would never cheat on him. However, it may take some time for him to convince her that she truly has his permission to have sex with other men. His enthusiastic involvement as even just an observer eliminates any reason for the wife to consider herself a cheater or having an affair just for sex. The wife must come to grips with the fact that as a Hot Wife she does not fall in to the typical category of the cheating wife. Cheating wives that have sex outside the marriage usually require an ongoing emotional relationship with all of the deceit and secrecy that normally accompany affairs. Marriages are destroyed by the deceit not the sex. Once the wife is confident in her husband’s unquestionable support and that he is not just looking for an excuse to have sex with other women after she has sex with another man, it doesn’t take long for her to begin to think about the idea more and more often. She will fantasize about it while having sex with her husband and will often begin to fantasize about having sex with men she finds attractive more often. She will begin to enjoy her own sexuality more and more as she will now take notice of potential males for her sexual pleasure in a more exciting way because she is realizing that it can become a reality if she wants. It takes a little bit of time for a woman to really grasp and enjoy the concept of truly being able to think of a man as a sex object with no emotional attachment. Now she will frequently point out men to her husband and share her thoughts. A wife’s freedom to share her most intimate thoughts with her husband along with the fact that he is honestly is aroused by her desire to have sex with another man just for sex creates a marital bond between them that is unparalleled in the typical marriage. The sexual thoughts that are shared between husband and wife in the Hot Wife / Cuckold lifestyle create an addictive bond that seems to lead to an extremely strong relationship between the couple. The feedback from the wives indicates that where the husband and wife share mutual control of each and every sexual encounter as well as the agreed level of involvement by the husband the Hot Wife will remain happily married and enjoy a very active sex life and they will actually have sex with each other four or five times a week which, more than those outside the lifestyle that are past their mid-thirties.

This Hot Wife/cuckold lifestyle been boosted by part time swingers. Many of the wives I was in contact with began as swingers. As the wives relaxed into the swinging scene and their husband were suddenly seeing their wives aggressively having sex with other men they found it exciting. Again, once the mature wife is confident in her husband’s permission to enjoy sex with other men, she will relax and embrace her full sexuality. Many husbands enjoy having sex with other women in swinging scenarios but they find that they are now enjoying watching their wives have sex with other men even more and begin to have a strong desire to have sex with their wives right after she has had sex with another husband. This can be a problem because he should be focusing on the other wife he is having sex with. This growing desire in the husband to watch his wife have sex generally leads to a gradual move from swinging to the Hot Wife /Cuckold lifestyle. All the wives that began as swingers were simply delighted in becoming a Hot Wife. As a Hot Wife she is able to enjoy both the added partner and her husband at the same time. Biologically, this makes perfect sense because a sexual wife, which a swinging wife most certainly is, can easily have orgasms quit a few times. A Hot Wife can have sex and easily reach orgasms with two or three men and truly enjoy the experience while a man simply cannot do the same. This is why the MFM scenario is sexually superior to the FMF scenario. A common complaint the wives had about swinging was the social aspect of it and the fact that it required both the husbands and wives being attracted to their counterpart which, simply is not always the case. One wife told me, “After countless emails, phone conversations and a lot of exchanged photographs, we met one couple for lunch. I could see that the other husband and I were going to hit it off by the way we were smiling at each other. So I kept looking at my husband to see how he felt about the other wife. I was pretty sure he would agree for my sake. Well the talk seemed to go on forever the other wife was just going on about her family, her dress her nails and by this time I was just thinking to myself, Lady I just want to have sex with your husband! I don’t care about your nails!” It seems the swinging lifestyle tends to involve a lot more social interaction around the sex because it’s natural and polite for couples that are friendly with each other to enjoy a dinner together. So it stands to reason that many swinging couples would extend social invitations to couples that they are having sex with. For many and especially the Hot Wife that kind of socializing was more often than not just awkward and unnecessary when all you really want to do is have sex with them. Even when meeting with a couple to have sex the first time you need to know their preferences, some couples want to have sex in the same room or same bed and others want to go off to separate bedrooms. Some like to jump right in and other like to take their time and have a drink first. As a Hot Wife she has more control of the whole scenario.

Also, by the time a sexually active wife is in her late thirties she is not only able to enjoy her sexuality but she is also naturally able to accommodate a much larger penis; especially, after having a couple of kids. Therefore, it is normal and quit common for the wife to fantasize about the idea of introducing a male with a large if not huge penis to a three-way experience. One wife said she and her husband had been at the stage where they were talking about and fantasizing about a three-way but what really motivated her to take the next step came after talking to an old high school friend that told her that for the past couple of years she had been having sex with her old high school boy friend and her husband at the same time about once a month. She explained that they had all been friends for years and one weekend afternoon she had come home to see her husband and her old boyfriend sitting around watching football as usual and she asked them if there wasn’t anything else that they would ever like to do instead of watching football and her old boyfriend turned to her and said sure how about a three-way. They all laughed but then she said OK fine but we turn off the game. Her husband turned around quickly and said with a smile, don’t be a tease now girl be careful of what you ask for; so she took off her top and said follow me boys and they of course did. As the wife recalled the story, she said that what her friend said next is what she couldn’t get out of her mind. Her friend went on to say, “I had forgotten how huge my old boyfriend’s penis was. Then again they did call him ‘Mule’, listen, my husband’s penis is nothing to sneeze at but the Mule, well, that thing is just ridicules. I remember in high school I hated having sex with him because I just couldn’t handle it, but now I love it! I told him to take Viagra so it stays nice and hard!” After hearing that the wife took her husband shopping for a Hot Wife wardrobe and within a week they were enjoying the lifestyle and by the third encounter she found a guy with the equipment she was hoping for. A husband that pays attention to his wife’s sexuality will intuitively know what his wife would like in an added partner and finds sexual gratification in helping her find the right guy to bring her to maximum sexual ecstasy. From the male perspective, the cuckold husband wants his wife’s sexual encounters with men to be for sex only, with no marriage-threatening emotional connection and the wife clearly understands that she has the unquestionable permission of her husband to have sex with other men which, is validated by his enthusiastic participation. This validation allows her to completely relax without the thought of any possible guilt and this completely guiltless sex that she has permission to have with other men results in her achieving extreme orgasmic pleasure as a cuckolding Hot Wife.

Nowadays many women find a certain excitement in being viewed as sexually liberated. Women of all ages find gratification in being viewed as being sexually desirable and they fanaticize about being discretely promiscuous while holding on to the security of her primary relationship. It stands to reason that the Hot Wife would delight in experiencing the sexual freedom their husbands are happy to provide in the MFM arrangement. The cuckold husbands usually want their wives to appear ladylike yet noticeably hot around friends in their everyday life. However, when they are living their alternative lifestyle in a place where they won’t be recognized, often on vacation or a long weekend they love their wives to dress to a provocative extreme which, wives naturally love to do. Once they arrive at their favorite location the cuckold husband will be aroused and very happy when their wives transform into sexually aggressive Hot Wives and become very verbal about potential partners and often talking dirty about the sex they look forward to. It is important that a Hot Wife understands how important it is to her cuckold husband that she communicate everything and usually, the dirtier the better. These are the thoughts that she would ordinarily keep to herself but the Hot Wife and her husband are ‘one’ during these events, especially every time she reaches orgasm. The wives being naturally verbal females find that sharing their sexual thoughts and talking about how they are feeling sexually with their husbands to be very gratifying and enjoy all the sex talk that is a large part of the Hot Wife Cuckold dynamic. Without the communication by the wife the lifestyle will fail for that couple.

Although this type of wife was once considered a threat to husbands — and it still is to most — the cuckold husband loves the fact that he has a Hot Wife that enjoys the idea of sex with other men just for the sex. This is because the desire to have sex just for the enjoyment of the act is actually in line with the male mentality. Men can easily have sex with other women just for the sex without ever imagining leaving his wife. It’s routine for many men. The cuckold husband understands that women have this desire as well and he gives his wife permission to act on her desires. Once a wife becomes comfortable being a Hot Wife she will become an expert in appropriate flirting. While with her husband in places where they are unknown, she will flirt with men that she likes making it clear that she’s available for sex. As a couple they will always be looking for potential sex partners. This results in a torrid sex life for the Hot Wife and her husband in their everyday life. When a couple shifts into the lifestyle and they travel to an agreed location outside their everyday environment. They are there with a purpose so prefer a crowded place that has potential. The wife will generally immediately begin to look around for a potential partner. Once she makes eye contact with a candidate and if he does not approach the wife, the husband may approach him to break the ice by introducing himself and telling him that his Hot Wife would like to meet him. Implicit in the comment is that he is the husband and he has no problem with his wife having sex with him if it comes to that. The Hot Wife and her husband are not there to get drunk so if the wife wants the man she will be very obvious in her flirting because they really want to get back to the room so they have more time on a bed than in a bar. In this scene many wives will wear an ankle bracelet on the left ankle along, which telegraphs her Hot Wife status to the men that she smiles at. A man knows that his odds of having sex with a Hot Wife are very high if she likes him and her smile is step number one. Although, it is easier for the Hot Wife to pick up a guy without her husband being present his presence eliminates any confusion about the husband’s participation if he is involved from the beginning. I should point out that there are some cuckold arrangements where the husband always stays away while the wife has sex with another man. In this scenario the sexual gratification for the husband comes from the wife’s detailed account of the encounter so he waits to have sex with her when she gets home.

Whatever the scenario, in most cases sex within a Hot Wife marriage is just that; hot. Women in the Hot Wife lifestyle report having higher than average self-esteem; they report rare incidences of infidelity, above average libido’s, and overall feelings of being attractive, especially to younger males. There are many wives that regularly enjoy “good sex,” but many wives have grown complacent about sex within their marriages and are reluctant to try new things but as Hot Wives their sexuality takes over with the expectations of new sexual partners. With new men there appears to be unspoken desire to “not disappoint, to be memorable or even a great sex partner.” Before entering the lifestyle she may have started to have doubts about her sexual desirability, but as a Hot Wife she becomes delighted to find out how many men find her desirable. For most women this constitutes a kind of new “sexual awakening.” Contrary to the most commonly held belief that all cuckold husbands are by default the submissive type with a small penis inferiority complex, most of these men are actually extremely confident in their masculinity and their “manhood”. The cuckold’s penis size seems to be about the same as the normal population with most of the wives considering their husband to be average in size. Although almost all the wives insisted that they would never marry a man based on penis size over ninety percent of the wives reported that they liked it when they found a man to have sex with that had a very large penis and about sixty percent of the wives preferred to use the internet so they could see photos before they arranged to meet a man for sex because they wanted to be sure he had a large penis. It would definitely be accurate to say that almost all the wives wanted to find a man to have sex with that had a large penis and about the same number said that they had always fanaticized about it even before joining the Hot Wife lifestyle. One wife said, “I love having sex with attractive men but I really, really, love it when they have a big penis!” Another wife said, “I just love to look at it and play with it, for me that’s a big part of what gets me going”. This preference by the wives for a large penis is supported by the fact that when the Hot Wife and her husband find and agree that she will have sex with another man on a regular basis the man that they choose will almost always have a large penis. The fact that many a cuckold husband actually has a large penis, what the wife needs is another man with a large penis. One wife’s comment probably represented almost all the other wives when she said, “This lifestyle is just about sex which, is really just a minuscule part of a marriage but the Hot Wife lifestyle is all about my sexual needs and desires and what I want is to have great mind blowing sex with hot attractive men that are very well endowed then I want to have sex with my husband and go home with him to enjoy every other aspect of our lives”

Regardless of the size of the husband’s penis, the cuckold is turned on by what his wife likes. If it’s a large penis, an athletic body or in most cases just an attractive man that finds his Hot Wife desirable, then that will be what the cuckold husband likes. The Hot Wife is the sole focus of all their sexual fantasy and activity. A reality that the wives made clear was that most of the men that they picked up in clubs and bars were just ordinary guys that couldn’t believe that they were about to have sex with a married women with no strings attached. As Hot Wives, they took pleasure in the fact that they had literally handpicked these men and that they wanted to have sex with her. One wife reported, “You never know what to expect, the more aggressive guys usually are confident because they are proud of their penis size, but you never know. Some guys are so excited by the scenario that they just can’t hold back. Personally, I just love it when they can’t take their hands off me and can’t take my hand off them no matter how long they last. I would say about twenty-five percent of the time you hit the jackpot and you may still be having great sex into the next day”. Another wife said, “I like it when I find a guy with a large penis, so I look for black men because I have a much better chance of getting one and believe me not all black men have what I am looking for”. To reiterate, it doesn’t matter what the Hot Wife wants because the cuckold husband will help her find it. He can only find maximum sexual pleasure when she does. It’s impossible for a Hot Wife to insult her husband by wanting someone with a larger penis than his.

The Hot Wife lifestyle is typically initiated by the husband who needs to convince his wife that he is not only aroused by his wife’s sexuality, but is even sexually excited by visualizing her having sex with another man. According to one wife, “When he began to notice how happy I would be when other men flirted with me he began to encourage me to wear more and more provocative clothes. In the early stages we would go to a bar clearly as husband and wife but I would aggressive flirt with guys, touch them and sometimes make out with them as he watched. I loved it and so did he. We would then go home and have great sex. I actually surprised myself by how aroused I became by making out with another man and rubbing my hands all over him as he groped even though I was married to the man that was right there next to us. I only went this far a couple of times before we took it all the way. A few weeks later we had picked up a very attractive man at the same place. We had been all over each other and grinding against each other as we danced. I was clearly hot for this guy so when he went off to the rest room my husband smiled at me and suggested we bring him to a nearby motel. I smiled put my hand on his crotch and said let’s do this. We stopped to pick up a box of condoms on the way and that night we had the hottest sex we had ever had in our lives. After that, we knew we were hooked on the Hot Wife lifestyle. We love it”.

Hot Wives are treated very well by their husbands. Most husbands with Hot Wives have a sort of “wife worship” fetish you might call it. They tend to buy their wives pretty clothes, take them out often and tell them how attractive they think they are and make them feel that they are attractive to other men. These husbands are so proud of their wives sexuality that they truly enjoy watching other guys appreciate their wives sexuality. According to one woman, “I’ve got a sense of freedom in enjoying the company of men and not being paranoid about a jealous husband, or even being worried about what people will think. If I want to have sex with a guy I find attractive, all I have to do is tell my husband and I have the freedom to do it. For me, having my husband there is a huge part of the turn on. Knowing it excites him makes it possible for me to become as excited as I do. Of course I’m excited that another good looking guy wants me and thinks I’m hot, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. But I really need my husband right there with me for me to relax enough to have a really great orgasm. A couple of times we had found men that were uncomfortable with my husband being in the room so he agreed for me to have sex a few times in his absence but I didn’t enjoy it as much as when he’s there. Having sex with another guy without my husband feels more like cheating than a turn on. I know that some women like to go on dates without their husbands and a lot of husbands are OK with it but for me, I want my husband with me. I want him to see me being taken by another man and actually being shared. I have plenty of orgasms with both men. It’s really hot, for both of us.” It is extremely important to the Hot Wife that she does not cause any jealousy or resentment for her husband; so he is always included if he wants to be. The Hot Wife scenario is perfect from a sexually aware women’s perspective because most women can only dream about it so the last thing in the world they want to do is ruin it. Once a woman enjoys, a freedom she knows that very few husbands would be willing to grant, she becomes more attentive to her husband sexual thoughts and fantasies. Therefore, she needs to be careful to be totally open and honest to her husband about her sexual desires and especially whom she desires. This means that there will be no secret conversations or secret meetings with men. The Hot Wife and her husband become ‘one’ from a sexual perspective and must share all their fantasies and sexual desires with each other to enjoy all the benefits of the lifestyle. The women that reach this level of comfort have the best relationships.

Women love the fact that the cuckold husband usually wants his wife to announce her sexuality by wearing revealing clothes. This means they get to shop with their husbands and he will actually help her select the clothes she will wear. Therefore, when she dresses for a night out she already knows her husband loves what she is wearing. Women just don’t get this attention unless they are a Hot Wife. For example, he may accompany her to a night spot in a distant city and have her dress in ultra-revealing clothes or tell her to go out without wearing any panties, which women actually love to do. Pretending to accidently spread her legs wide while shifting her body or leaning to one side is something women do from the time they reach puberty. Women know full well that they are spreading their legs and exposing their crotch to selected people. Leaning into angles that are sure to expose her breasts to her potential partners is a technique that women love to do to tease men. This can serve to get them both used to the resulting male attention. Once the wife can truly accept the fact that her husband will not become jealous when she flirts with other men and that he really does love it, she relaxes and begins to flirt as she has never done before and find more and more opportunities to have sex. This is because she does not need to concern herself with anything about the other man other than using him for sex. It’s all about sex; period; and women generally have no problem finding a partner for sex.

The observations presented here are not based on exhaustive scientific research; rather, they are largely anecdotal and based on feedback and interview that I have conducted over the past few years. I became curious when I was counseling middle-aged women for depression. She had lost her husband a couple of years earlier in an automobile accident, which was the primary cause of her depression, but she was also depressed about losing their lifestyle, which they had both enjoyed so much. She had been a Hot Wife for the last ten years of their marriage and now two years after her loss she was beginning to feel that she would never find a man like her husband again. She couldn’t be a Hot Wife without a husband. Dressing the part and looking for sex partners with your husband involved is one thing but to do it alone is something else completely and can be quit dangerous. She was of course reluctant to bring it up with any of the men that she had just begun to date because it isn’t something that is done successfully in the early years of any relationship. Their kids were nearly out of high school when she had first become involved in the lifestyle with her first husband. At that time I was intrigued because I had always thought that the wife was simply going along with the husband for his sexual satisfaction. This was the first time that I had ever really thought about the subject and I found that I needed to understand the lifestyle much better. Generally, hot wives don’t come to me for counseling so I began to reach out to them through the internet. As a result I was able get a lot of feedback from nearly a thousand women over a two year period. I must say I was surprised to learn how much control the wife had in the whole lifestyle. It became clear to me that at least the Hot Wives that I reached out to sincerely loved their lifestyle. All the women loved being the center of attention and that their pleasure and happiness was the whole point of every sexual event. The women reported that for the most part they were not enthusiastic about the idea at first. The most common concern was that the women were suspicious that their husband were letting them have sex with another man as a ploy just so they would feel guilty and therefore agree to let them sleep with other women. (This is in line with what my personal feelings had been.) Once the woman were confident that their husbands had no ulterior motive and were honestly sexually aroused by watching them not only have sex with other men but true orgasmic sex with only men that they (the wife) really wanted to have sex with, the women began to fantasize about and share these thoughts with their husbands, which led to great sex for the couple. This seems to be an important step for women because women do not usually look around aggressively at other men and fantasize about having sex with them simply because they know they can’t or at least shouldn’t. That doesn’t mean that they don’t do it occasionally, of course they do. However, they are quick to look away because they don’t want to make eye contact and send an improper message. Once they accept the fact that their husbands are not only ok with it but are sexually turned on by it they will believe them when they encourage to point out the guys that they would love to have sex with. The wife is now enjoying her freedom as a Hot Wife by openly looking at guys that she finds attractive and thinking “Holy smokes I could have sex with him and my husband would love it!”, which lead to her fantasizing about it more and more. Most of the wives said that they did this for weeks or even months before taking the next step. At this point the wife needs to be absolutely certain that her husband will like the reality as much as the fantasy of watching his wife with another man because by now the wife knows that she is willing to become a Hot Wife. Now it is really all about the man because usually the main reason why the wife would not want to have sex with another attractive man is because of her concern about how it will really affect her husband. She needs to be certain that the desire is true and constant and not a fleeting fantasy. Consequently, many couples agree to limited sexual contact the first time. Many of the wives that I refer to had their first encounter in a club or bar with their husbands involved. The activity ranged from kissing to heavy petting and almost always ended in at least oral sex. The activity took place either within the building or in the parking lot. In almost all of the cases the husband was right there providing looks of encouragement and delight which validated the wife’s actions. There were more than a few instances that ended in intercourse. About twenty-five percent went back to a hotel room their first time and jumped right into the lifestyle and an quit a few ended up having sex in the back seat of their cars because they hadn’t planned on going all the way. One wife reported, “I was so excited laying in the back seat like I did in high school. First taking this attractive young man I had just met and then immediately followed by my husband. It was mind blowing”. In essence, whenever, the wife feels confident that her husband won’t change his mind when faced with reality, she will be able to relaxed and enjoy the sexual attention that only a hot wife can appreciate. If a wife is fortunate enough to have a husband that is a true cuckold she will very likely enjoy a strong bond with her husband while enjoying far more sex than the average couple.

Actually there is an obstacle that the vast majority of the wives needed to get past and that is that although the women found that they loved the fantasy they were fearful that they would not be able to attract other men. They were not used to needing to work at it to have sex and were loath to go through the effort of trolling for men. Most of the wives went through some process of preparation before thay felt physically attractive enough for the life style. This included exercise and losing weight as well as quit a few wives scored cosmetic plastic surgery before they were willing to try to attract other men. Although, they claim to fear being embarrassed by rejection most of my feedback indicated that generally the blooming Hot Wife was happy just to lose a little weight before hitting the bars and looking for sex. Women tend to be unrealistic regarding their attractiveness. Most women admitted that the hardest part of beginning their Hot Wife lifestyle was gaining the confidence to put themselves out their dressed for sex and obviously making themselves available to be approached by other men. It was the fear of failing that caused the most anxiety in the beginning but most wives told me that once the dressed and played the part at a club or bar they were surprised by how many men hit on them and that is what gave them the confidence to jump into the lifestyle. One wife told me how much attention she got the first time she and her husband hit a bar in Chicago. She said, “I’m glad I dressed as provocatively as I did; I even wore an ankle bracelet. Most of the men that I made obvious eye contact with and smiled at approached me at some point and hit on me. I think that men that are just after sex feel that a Hot Wife is a sure thing so why not give it a shot. Thank god for horny men!”

Safety is always a concern and wives like to be in safe places with their husband. Be careful of the bars and clubs that you go to. Some problems that were reported by a number of wives are worth pointing out. As you can imagine don’t go to a bar too late. You don’t want to pick up an attractive man that’s too drunk to perform. And limit your own drinking. Most of the wives liked a drink or two to relax but the last thing they wanted was an upset stomach or feeling bloated when they were about to have sex with a hot stranger. Quit a few wives just took low dose valium to eliminate anxiety when they first started out. This is not a drug or alcohol based lifestyle. There is no reason to dull the scenes. One wife reported an episode that always makes me smile. She had been enjoying the lifestyle for a few years when she and her husband met a young man at local bar while they were spending a weekend in Key West. She had been playing her role as the Hot Wife and this very hot young man in his mid-twenties began to hit on her. Of course she and her husband were delighted so it didn’t take long before they went back to their room. Everything moved along very well but then the wife told me, “I was ecstatic, I could not believe he was having sex with me. He was magnificent and he was unusually well endowed but after about ten minutes he suddenly sat back and said excuse me and went off to the bathroom where he proceeds to pass out while hugging the toilet.” They had under estimated how drunk he was! This case was not a disaster because when the young man woke up the next day he took man shower and continued right where he left off. There were however, many cases reported to me where as a rookie couple new to the lifestyle had picked up a drunk that led to an unpleasant experience. The other safety issue is of course disease control. I’m happy to say that almost all of the couple reported that they always use condoms when having anonymous sex. It is best to use condoms whenever having extramarital sex including singles that date many different people. Condoms should always be used. That being said the majority of couple that had been living the lifestyle for a number of years had settled in on one to three regulars of which at least one of them they felt comfortable having unprotected sex with. This makes a lot of sense because according to the wives, the Hot Wife lifestyle is a lot of work and you don’t always hit a home run. You’ll have sex with a lot of average guys and using Craig’s list and the various hookup websites will definitely result in partners, it is still a process that takes a lot of time. So having a regular makes it easier to have more sex. I was a bit surprised to find that the over whelming number of wives actually preferred unprotected sex as long as felt they weren’t at risk. As a matter of fact, they enjoyed the feeling of their husband entering them immediately after their guest had finished. All the wives reported that their husband either had no problem with it or actually liked the feeling of what they call sloppy seconds. This kind of activity is far too risky when done with complete strangers that you just met so well vetted regulars can add a lot to the sexual pleasure of the lifestyle. One wife explained that although she loved the excitement of the random sex she was only able to have her best orgasm by having prolonged specific stimulation that one man cannot provide because he can’t last long enough. She likes having a regular because when having sex with her husband and their regular they know exactly what she needs so they very quickly switch off before they release taking turns while maintaining the thrusting that she needs. They are usually able to last long enough between the two of them but she’s thinking of adding a third. The point here is that as a hot wife she was able to ask for and receive what she needed which allowed her to experience maximum fulfillment without using a toy.

It should be clear to the reader that the group of wives that I base this paper on are biased simply because they have become active participants and since the people that I reached out to are active in the lifestyle, it did not take long for them to be sure that the reality was as good as the fantasy. They all did emphasize the fact that the wife needs to be sure that her husband enjoys it as much as he thinks he will and that once the wife is sure and confident that she is not jeopardizing her marriage she will be on board. Therefore, there are most likely a lot of men that did indeed change their minds in the early stages of wife actually having physical contact with another man. It is my feeling though, that what stopped a couple from adopting the lifestyle was the fact that the wife either feared the embarrassment of rejection when trying to attract other men or they just did not want to go through the effort of dressing the part and looking for men that is inherent in the lifestyle. Regardless, all that I can report is the feedback of those that have remained in and like the lifestyle.

In closing I should mention that that wife that first piqued my curiosity about the lifestyle recently contacted me to tell me that she was back in the lifestyle with a man that she had met. She explained to me that it really isn’t as difficult to get a man into the lifestyle as she thought it would be. One night when her boyfriend asked her what she wanted to do, she said, “Why don’t just stay home and watch dirty movies”. Of course he happily obliged. After, doing this a few times one time they were watching an MFM scene and she said, “OMG I’d love to try that”. Her boyfriend looked at her with a smile and said “Really; me too!” Before he knew what happened he was happily in a Hot Wife relationship. Most men just love sex so they can easily identify with a wife’s sexual desires when they are honest with them. However, they need to be secure in the wife’s emotional attachment to them. Marriages are broken up because of deception, long term affairs and violations of trust. A Hot Wife does not lie and her sex life always includes her husband.

There are some common denominators that are of interest. First-The men in these relationships were true to their role and did not attempt to introduce a female into the scenario unless it was for the bi or bi-curious wife and therefore for her benefit. Second- Although, just about all the women reported delight when finding partners that had an above average penis what most women enjoyed most was having the prolonged sex that one man cannot provide. Even women that had no problem having an orgasm with just their husband reported new level of orgasmic activity from two or more men. Because the men are generally making every effort to last as long as they can the sex will last much longer than the woman is used to. Once a woman experiences this higher level of enjoyment the idea of adding a third man begins to be enticing to many wives. This in essence is the reason why this lifestyle is so logical from a female perspective; because she as a woman is not only completely capable of satisfying more than one man at a time but can actually achieve a higher orgasmic plateau by doing so. Whereas, most men have their work cut for them just to satisfy one woman. Third- after many years of marriage a wife has had sex with the same man hundreds if not thousands of times. Therefore, it is basically impossible for a wife to become as sexually aroused by her husband as she is by even the thought of having sex with another man. The anticipation of touching and being touched in a sexual way by another man that she is sexually attracted to is in itself sexually exhilarating for the Hot Wife. This has nothing to do with love. Hot wives report that enjoying this feeling of lust and anticipation is a very enjoyable part of the lifestyle. Fourth, the wives reported knowing that they would be naked with other men provided all the motivation that they needed to diet and exercise. Over ninety percent of the wives reported that they took better care of themselves and felt better about their bodies. Fourth, it should not go without being mentioned that getting over the common references to the Hot Wife, such as a Slut / Dirty Bitch etc. for many wives was more difficult to get past than anything else. That being said, for many they became used to it and began to find it arousing. Lastly-Just to reiterate - this lifestyle only works well when both the husband and the wife are absolutely positive that it will not hurt their marriage and at least based on the feedback from the active Hot Wives that I was in contact with they report to having a much greater quality of intimacy with their husbands since joining the lifestyle and have far more sex with each other.

Therefore, it is apparent that for mature sexually active couples where the husband does truly enjoy watching his wife with another man and the couple can enjoy sex just for the sex of it; this may be a perfect lifestyle for them. However, the only way to be sure is to try it out. Take it slowly. Dress the part and hit a club or a bar or search the internet for hookup sites that provide casual encounters type advertisements, see how the husband is with it when he actually sees his wife the center of other men’s attention. One thing is for sure, based on my observations, these Hot Wives consider themselves to be among the few women that are literally living the dream.

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