What did I do to deserve this

They/It

[orcboxer]

tumblr won't let me post this for some reason. must be a glitch or something

[sexyoldmen2]

its bc youre trying to post it while in the core of a nuclear reactor

[the-muppet-joker]

Im the most evilest pervert in the world, or at least in ohio

[podunktransfem]

I will move to ohio to take your crown old man

[ink-the-artist]

i WILL fuck a boeing

i believe in you

[shallowsenjoyer]

[shallowsenjoyer]

@alphagodith @ink-the-artist

[dogpuppy]

[nineteenyearoldmeblog]

im fucking crying

[renisnotonfire]

That interview is so funny to me, that man was not prepared for Dan and Phil lol The way he had to hold back laughter after their Pinof clip

The way they politely tried to steer around years and years of trauma and internalized homophobia with "we want to be seen as entertainers", only for the interviewer to force them to double down and shit on influencer couples

And then he went ahead and straight up asked them about money. Honey, they spent 16 years deflecting, they're pros, they're not gonna answer your question. But bless you for trying again when Dan started answering another question instead and talked himself into a rant about marrying Phil... again.

[unfinishedficideas]

we all love bird philza perched ontop of piglin technoblade, however

I think it would be funny to have an alien au where technoblade is the op heavy weight human, and philza is used to being one of the few other aliens considered a heavy hitter

like most aliens are either small (tubbo the bug alien, tommy the raccoon like alien) or lankly but super light weight for reasons (wilbur the shifting phantom, and ranboo the skinny ass enderian)

(both of which are way light so that theyre abilities have an easier time shifting their matter through walls or for there to be less matter to teleport around)

philza is not a lightweight by alien standards, quite the opposite, and infact he's a bit larger then technoblade, so it looks a bit goofy when philza perches on his shoulders.

baisically

philza from on technoblades shoulders: "do i even weigh anything to you?"

technoblade, average human size, thinking about how birds have hollow bones: "no. its like holding a couple of grapes"

just

the image of technoblade running around with philza perched on his shoulders is hilarious to me. especially in an alien au where it would be considered scary asf to other aliens instead of goofy.

also the rest of sbi instantly require piggy backing after the first time it happens. so theres an even funnier idea of tommy and tubbo hanging onto technoblades arms with ranboo sitting on technoblades shoulders, and technoblade still just walking casually.

[smute]

i think the most upsetting thing about american-flavor puritanism is how fucking patronizing it is. it's 2026 but the whole world still has to deal with a cultural hegemony grown from the gnarled vestiges of victorian-era paternalism. tax-paying adults with passports and the right to vote are treated like wayward children because of the antiquated idea that authorities must protect the weak minds of the unwashed masses from depravity and corruption. the average american can send a fellow citizen to the chair, but they can't piss in a ditch without being declared an outlaw. american entertainment media is saturated with sex, but you can't talk about it online without getting your account suspended. it's such blatant censorship at a universal scale, but because sexual content is framed as inherently dangerous, this restriction on basic adult autonomy, this blanket denial of moral and intellectual adulthood, can be reframed as protection, an expression of care, a moral duty. "won't someone think of the children!" I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN! I AM A GROWN MAN!

[smute]

thank god that the video game that features slow motion animations of graphic gunshot wounds and is rated 18+ has a profanity filter in single player offline mode. thank you for protecting this 33 year old mind from the corrupting influence that is a horse named apple slut

[pondwitch]

cool new tumblr trend : “goodposting”

its when you share fun interesting things in a calm and friendly way

[powerburial]

goodposting example: hey guys, just fucked a bug

[pondwitch]

no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[spiderfuckersworld]

What kind of bug 👀

[ozempicofficial]

[butch-king-frankenstein]

I think those fancomics where Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes is transgender are cute and fun but I also think it's a deep misunderstanding of Calvin's character to think he would transition into a heterosexual normie who goes to her high school reunion. That girl would have neopronouns and fang implants

[butch-king-frankenstein]

Adult Calvin is a tattoo artist named Panthera who is the bassist in a terrible metal band called Captain Napalm and Hobbes helps do faer E injections

[butch-king-frankenstein]

I know it's like 2 weeks too late to change it but I'm so mad I didn't realize that the band would obviously be called "Get Rid Of Slimy GirlS". I walk the road of shame

[parawyrm]

[piranes11]

[housesizedbeetle]

You know you're disabled when your sexual fantasies start with them stabilizing your joints first

[catfancyceo]

Let's kill this guy with mama.

[dogpuppy]

[geniusoflove]

good god when the mr clean magic eraser hits the stove......

[proheromidoriyashouto]

the panties hit the floor

[geniusoflove]

you know it brother

[an-american-whore]

Cant tell you how many times I rawd*gged my husband after I caught him using a magic eraser to clean the pasta sauce I burned onto the burner like some kind of primordial insect

[geniusoflove]

you know what i wish you would tell me

[memorycycle]

money beyond ypur wildist dreams

[chirasul]

one hundred and seventy dollars

[memorycycle]

[spiderfuckersworld]

IT HAPPENED

[shymagnolia]

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

[shymagnolia]

okay so i just got my dream job??? a week after applying to it?? and now i’m thinking….maybe this is the good luck post

[flagellant]

…..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment

likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post

[coffee-or-hot-cocoa]

i need all the help i can get for finals

[finnglas]

Hey so

the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like. 

So you know. 

This might be the real one, y’all.

[avhira]

I could use some luck

[poupon]

Wow thanks for the ingot man let me just inspect the quality real quick

Dude come on