the world's biggest turnip

important disclaimer: despite what the url would have you believe, this blog is not dedicated to the discussion or visual enjoyment of sexy old men.

[galaxywarp]

[depsidase]

[yaoist]

this is how it feels when someone draws something for you

[natalieironside]

"'I don't know' isn't an answer" alright man then I'll just. Fuckin. Enter my philosophical mind-palace and check the fuckin akashic records. Real quick lemme just catch and cook and eat the Salmon of All Knowledge. Tell me ur question again so I can real quick climb to the highest branches of the Yggdrasil and lay it at the feet of Freda the all-wise Queen of Heaven. Dickhead.

[lakemojave]

"Please don't hit on anyone when we go out later you keep swearing chivalric oaths of fealty"

Me after one beer talking to a woman two inches taller than me: I could be yuor sword

[machine-unlearning]

god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides it’s inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage

[motherfucker-unlimited]

Those two Pagliacci tweets always fucking send me

[motherfucker-unlimited]

[puppygirldick]

With a glory hole you're having a threesome with the house

[duskmourn-survival-guide]

Survival tip #188:

[piranes11]

Friend: dude could I have some of your fries

Me: ( assenting hand gesture, managmaniously): until you are satisfied

[52stations]

i've got the kind of eyebags that make people in movies say 'you look like hell, detective. go home.'

[orcboxer]

tumblr won't let me post this for some reason. must be a glitch or something

[sexyoldmen2]

its bc youre trying to post it while in the core of a nuclear reactor

[bgm05]

i think the angriest ive ever made someone on reddit was when they used an emoji while arguing and i said "What is this tiny yellow picture"

[iphigeniacomplex]

[girl in a low cut top voice] i just dont know what it is but everyone is being sooo nice to me today….[grows grave and guarded] they’re conspiring against my reign and they think me a fool

[t-s-n-deactivated20250205]

me getting silly in the pussy if im being honest ?

[pococurantina]

could you lie

[akashicrecord]

the lesbian computer from portal was right. given the circumstances ive been shockingly nice

[ivy-connivy]

insane like/reblog parity on this post btw

[baskinginthenoondaysun]

“Whenever this appears on your dash, we at Aperture request that you like AND reblog to preserve the insane like/reblog parity. For science.”

[sofuton]

[flanbolt]