Baldur and Ida Tummelt

#dashboard commentary #she can only apologize #she does not know where she went wrong with raising him

"Don't you dare say anything against my son, you illoyal dirty waste of oxygen. I will pull your lungs out of your body through your ribcage."

#exiled-turk

Ida had always known that her daughter-in-law @littlexsisterxulric was a smart young lady with wisdom beyond her years and a sensible, good nature.

Sadly her son @proxnotxaxfool is failing on all these fronts.

the empire had a lot to answer for. it had robbed him of his childhood, robbed him of his adolescence, robbed him of his father. it had now taken a second home from him, separated him from his girlfriend and his son, put a map between him and his siblings and mother, and shored him on a haven with an old colleague and a little brother who was too young to know what was truly going on.

most of the roads had blockades on them now, making a drive that should have taken hours take days. they'd made it from pullmoor haven to coernix and managed to fill the truck's tank. from there to wiz's, news of a blockade near longwythe and galdin had them venturing south-west, hopping from haven to haven until they'd finally passed through taelpar and had skirted the coast until a lighthouse had come into view.

the plan had been for them all to regroup at caem - there was enough space in the house and the lighthouse to operate a substitute headquarters from here until they knew what was going with meldacio, but reno had been disappointed to only see one other truck in the outpost's parking area - it wasn't dave's nor kaleb's.

but he hadn't expected it to belong to veld neither. nor had he expected to find himself face-to-face with several of his old comrades; balto, legend, knife, ruluf, emma ... how fucking fitting that their old mentor had situated himself behind them; five of them and freya behind him and reno would have taken those odds to bury a bullet or knife in the exiled turk for his game of smoke and mirrors with loqi - but will was in his arms.

the glare on his face and the growl in his tone had been enough of a message though reno had felt his resolve shake when veld had mentioned a name - a curt sentence that had reno's ears ringing and unable to react or stop the other ex turks from leaving until only freya remained standing next to him, softly offering to take the sleeping little boy from his arms and settle him in another room, nodding her head towards the room on the other side of the house, the one veld had given him the key for.

was this a joke? another cruel game that he was walking straight into? staring down at the key he'd pushed into the lock, reno tried to swallow, his throat as dry as sandpaper and heart hammering in his chest when he finally turned the key and opened the door.

He could hear voices. Distant. And steps. Those drew closer. Slowly. As if someone was hesitating. But they came to him.

Baldur could feel his body tensing up, though he tried to force his muscles to relax once more. Lie still. Lie on this cot and play asleep, as he was supposed to be. No twitch. No too fast breathing.

He knew how to do that. He had been trained in it a long time ago. And the past decade had only proven that ability to be more vital, too. Ten years. Ten years and a betrayal so deep that it etched itself in every crevice of his brain with searing hatred.

He would kill Veld.

There was no doubt about that.

Question was just what would happen next.

Baldur heard a key click in a lock and a door opened. Faint light came through his closed eyelids. He remained still. Still even as he heard the person drawing closer. Careful steps. But heavier. Not a small person.

They came closer and closer… and stopped just beside his cot. Baldur waited. A heartbeat. Another.

Then he lunged up and forward, the flimsy bedsheet was wrapped around the approaching person’s head with a swift movement, catching one hand in the process and Baldur pulled it taut as he threw his whole body weight against the other and then used it to pin the man down.

A man. Young. Foolish. Not Veld. Surely one of his lackeys. Baldur had the bedsheet pulled fast in one hand, his other twisted the other arm on the man’s back and slowly he increased the pressure of his knee laying on the guy’s throat.

“What the hell do you want from me? You get about ten seconds. Then I will kill you and everyone else who gets in my way on killing this bastard.”

anger was a dangerous emotion - it made people do stupid things. but betrayal was worse, it shook the foundations of trust and made sensible folks turn a deaf ear to what they'd usually counsel others on. and that's what was happening right now - she didn't trust him.

she didn't trust him, she didn't trust dave ... she sure as shit didn't trust veld. but she hadn't answered his question either. this wasn't about trusting veld - there was too much betrayal there and reno knew better than to try and fix a torched bridge. but this wasn't about forgetting what the man had done in the past - it was just ... well, parking it for a while. parking it long enough to find his father, that was it.

stifling a groan, reno turned when she side-stepped him, ' what would you have done if you'd heard a rumour about leanne being alive? would you have told dave straight away or would you have wanted to be sure first? '

' if you had heard about papa first, would you have told me? or would you have wanted to guard loqi and i from it until you were sure? '

Ida’s head whipped around fast enough for her wavy hair to fly over her shoulder.

“If I had heard a rumour about Leanne being alive? Dave’s former wife that he still misses terribly? Whose death left scars on his heart that will never heal? Of course I would have told him right away! I gave him a promise, when we married! I gave him my vows to always be loyal to him and share my whole life with him! I would never go behind his back with an information like this! And I would have helped him every step of the way to find out whether it was true or not! Even if I did not know for sure! If it was true, I would help him to get through that! And if it wasn’t, I would have been his shoulder to cry on!”

But apparently the same treatment would never be imparted on her.

To tell Reno. That was a different story. Ida looked at her son, then shook her head subtly.

“I would have not told you right away. But that is because you are my child. It is different.”

there it was, the pot boiling over and it was a release that was needed right now because he wasn't in the wrong. yes, he could have handled it better, but he wasn't the fucking enemy in this story, nor was he a little kid that was in over his depth - he had been back then with selena, yes, he saw that now and he acknowledged and understood that he hadn't through about the possible ramifications of his confession to her.

but this was different.

he hadn't sought veld out. it had been the other way around, and by the time reno had come face to face with his old boss, the man had known about ida, loqi and will. but what would explaining that do to assuage her fears right now? yeah, sorry ma, i didn't go looking for him, he'd already been actively surveilling us.

yeah, that would work a treat.

sucking in a breath, reno let it out again but it was half a groan and half a sigh, raking his hands through his hair, reno did a full three-sixty on the spot, a half-assed attempt to try and vent without thoroughly digging a hole for himself.

' you're blinded by anger and betrayal, ma ... be angry with me if you want, i started this shit, but put yourself in dave's place and what would you have done? run to him with a rumour you'd heard on the wind, or wait until you knew for sure? '

' and people can't change? ' reno blinked, pulling a face, before he lifted his hand an waved at the outpost outside this small backyard, ' i killed people for a living, i changed. loqi was a kid soldier, he changed. you were a lead scientist in a place that fucking cloned and grew kids - you changed. '

closing the space between them, reno reached out touch her elbow, bowing his head to try and get his mother to meet his gaze, 'i ain't sayin' i trust veld, he's of use to me right now, but don't lecture me like i'm a kid in this - i know what i'm doing. and i know that that kills you because you're the parent and this is about dad, but you got us here - so let me get him here. '

What even was his goal here? What did Reno want? For her to sit down again and play sweet little housewife, apparently that was all she was good for anymore in their eyes.

Ida retreated her arm quickly, sidestepping reno, so he would not get the chance to touch her. She was angry. More than that. The disappointment sat deep and Ida refused to give in now. Reno did not make it any better.

“I will do it myself. And I surely do not need Veld for that.”, she hissed, spitting the former friend’s name out as if it was poison.

“You were too young back then. But he was our friend… he was your godfather, Reno! And yet he simply tried to hand you and your brother over to the Empire! The Astrals know what they would have done to you! He is the one who is to blame for your father to have been prisoner for an entire decade, Reno! Without him all of this would not even have happened!”

this could have and should have been handled better. maybe if he hadn't had a personal stake in the whole mess, it would have been able to be more objective? but reno still saw logic in his decisions; what if it was all just some torrid rumour? ignorance could have been bliss because now if his father wasn't that prisoner or war, then it left their family in fucking ruins.

barely suppressing the urge to roll his eyes, reno held his mother's stare - find him herself? because that would work out so perfectly? because caligo and the other generals wouldn't recognise her? if she set eyes on veld, she'd try to kill him, not use him for information. blowing out a breath, reno stook his head, still feeling like history was repeating itself again with him standing across from his mother, on the opposite side of a proverbial fence, like when he'd told selena about their pasts.

' i don't doubt your skills, but you lack any contacts within the empire, and they'll recognise you straight away ... then you're either dead or in chains too. '

' you're not a hunter. loqi and kim aren't little kids who're gonna swallow any lie i tell them ... i kept it a secret to protect you - if he's dead, then you're mourning twice. '

#proxnotxaxfool #AU | Stranded

Ida’s eyes narrowed at Reno. It was a warning. The boy thought he had it all figured out. But he knew nothing.

“Oh, do I now need the permission of my son to do what I think is best? Go back and sit down again, Reno. And think about who gave birth to you. Who taught you to walk, to talk and to hold a spoon the right way around. You do not get to make rules for me. And you do not get to keep my life from me. You and Dave treat me like less than.”

It was a frustration long boiled. Ida had shed her past life to work here. In a field she did not know, neither particularly like. Hunting was not her fortitude. But she never had gotten the chance to shine here in what was her true interest. Mathematics. Science. Engineering. There would have been too many questions. She had given up everything to enable a life for her children and now her son treated her like she was an idiot.

“That you even entertained to talk to Veld speaks volumes about your lack of critical thinking, Reno.”, she scolded him. He had not accepted the gracious route, so now he would catch some heat of her anger.

“You put yourself and your younger siblings in danger. Do you understand that? Veld would drag you and Loqi back to the Empire immediately, if he saw an opportunity for himself or even just because he is used to being the good and loyal lapdog. Do you really think he does this out of remorse and a good heart? He was the one selling us out. He did not even flinch before selling his best friend and his teenage and child son to the Empire. He’d rather have us dead than seeking a better life.”

"Reno was there when I was told, if anythin' I reckon the information about Baldur was for him, not me." But Veld hadn't banked on Reno's temper winnin' out an' him stormin' out of that short meetin' in Caem.

"Course yain't less, Ida I'd never think that of ya ... it was a misguided attempt t'protect ya. I can see that now." He had had good intentions, but well ... there was a sayin' about good intentions and the road they'd create. "I know, he told me about that night." The night the former spy said he regretted since then. But all he had was Veld's word on that. "He sought Reno out."

"He swears he's left the empire," his eyes slid closed as he heard jus' how naive his words sounded. Was it really wrong t'believe the best in folks? When he had the lives o' the hunters in the balance, then yes it was. But Dave wasn't truly believin' of Veld either; he'd made that known to the other feller. "- if he so much as breathes wrong, he's a dead man, Ida."

And he meant those words, lookin' her in the eye for the first time in what felt an age, hopin' she knew he didn't use them words lightly. Reachin' out slowly, he placed a hand on her arm, waitin' for her to slap him away an' she'd be right to. "- but he can get into bases Ida an' go where I can't. He can check what prisoners they have inside those walls."

#meldaciomartyr #AU | Stranded

She wanted to be angry at Dave. She wanted to point out to him that he exactly treated her like she was less than him. As if she was too stupid to understand or too emotional to deal with it. As if he was the one who decided what information about her own life she deserved. It shattered some of the trust she had in him.

Partners should not treat each other like this. And yet he had done it.

But there was a more pressing thing at hand. Veld.

Ida did not slap his hand away, instead she twisted her own arms so she could grab his wrist. Firmly. Pulling him a little closer, so he had no choice but to look at her.

“Do you even hear yourself talking? You say he swears he left the Empire and yet he has access to all bases and knows what prisoners they have? Dave! Wake up! Veld is a snake! He is playing you and he is playing Reno – how could you even allow that he talks to him?! And to you? He is wrapping you in his web already. What did you tell him? Does he know about us? About Loqi? Will? He will have already painted a target on each one of them in his mind! I swear to the heavens, if the Turks hurt our children, I will lose myself…”

He wanted nothin' more than t'wrap his arms around Ida an' try keep away the hurt, but that was a fool's thought. How could he do that when he was the one who'd done caused all this pain?

Helpin' folks, aidin' them and protectin' them against this world that was constantly full o' dangers. How many folks had he helped over the years? That was a number Dave had never wanted t'count, nor ever felt the need to. But it was all for nothin' if the ones he loved were hurt by his own actions.

He'd acted in good faith, thinkin' he was doin' the right thing. But it was easy t'look back now an' see this was a choice that should'a never been kept from Ida. Which was why he had t'tell her the truth, eyes on the faded old floorboards o' this home they shared. He wouldn't lie to Ida again. "Reno knows ... an' a feller named Veld."

"He's left the empire. Been checkin' bases for any sign the rumour could be true." Dave didn't have the resolve to look at Ida t'gauge her reaction. Reno would hurt her enough ... let alone the name of the very feller who'd been close friends with Baldur back in Gralea.

#meldaciomartyr #AU | Stranded

“Reno knows?!”, the question was immediate and barely over a hiss. Ida could not believe what she had just heard. She immediately whipped around at this revelation, staring at Dave in utter disbelief and shock.

“You though it fine for me to know nothing but my son does know?! What were you thinking, Dave?! I thought we were a team here, not you and Reno! He is my child, Dave! Baldur’s son, too, yes, but why did I not get the right to know anything Am I really so much less than that in your eyes?”

The ire from this realization though made way for the other emotion bubbling up at knowing the third person, who was in on this all.

Veld. A name she had not heard in a long time.

And of that she only felt… dread.

Shaking her head slowly, all the loudness vanished from her tone again.

“Veld… no. Do not tell me you are in contact with him. Dave… I beg you. He can not talk to you. He can not come closer to the hunters...”

Ida swallowed thickly, but it was as if her throat was completely dried out.

“Veld is a monster, Dave. He has no conscience. No emotions. No loyalty. Once… long ago I thought he was our friend. Dave… Veld is the reason our escape back then failed so horribly. Veld betrayed us. He knew we were fleeing. And he sold us out. He will do it again…”

Runnin' a hand over his face, Dave let out a shaky sigh when he saw the turmoil roilin' in Ida. This was his fault. But he hadn't known what was best ... even now, after all this, he still wasn't sure if tellin' her sooner was the right call. What if it all came t'nothin' and Baldur wasn't alive. If this mysterious prisoner was some other poor feller the empire kept trapped.

But there was shame too.

If this'd been the other way 'round an' there was a chance Leanne was alive after all these years, would he have been happier to know sooner than later. Happier wasn't the right word. Broken? Ruined? Torn apart with a terrifyin' mix of emotions. An' he'd caused that for the only other woman he'd ever loved.

Reachin' a hand out towards Ida's shakin' shoulder, Dave clenched the muscle in his jaw an' pulled his hand back. He wanted t'pull her into his arms and hug her close, t'make some of the anguish an' pain he'd caused go away, but Dave knew she would push him away. An' she'd be right too; he had caused this.

"Ida ..." The name was hoarse in his tight throat, but still audible in the ringin' quiet. "Tell me what t'do." Please.

#meldaciomartyr #au | stranded

Ida did not know how long she sat there, drowning in that grief and pain she had thought had healed long ago. But now it was all ripped open again by this unreal message. The world turned upside down. It was as if she hoped, if she closed her eyes tight enough, she could escape this nightmare.

If Baldur was alive… he had been alive for a decade. Alone. Separated from them.

But he had breathed. He had lived. What did he know…? Was he aware they were alive, too?

All this life she had built here…

How did that align with any of her old life?

Baldur… and Dave.

Dave, whom she could hear. And yet he had not even tried to embrace her. Ida did not know of his struggle. Though the touch and hold she would have needed so much right now had not come either.

She forced a few shuddering breaths. Her hand lowering, instead digging deep into her arms. Wrapping around herself, as she dared to throw a glance half over her shoulder. She could not look at him. Not yet. Because there was this terrible sinking feeling setting in her stomach.

“… who else knows?”

@housetummelt continued from (x)

he had done a lot of stupid things in his life. he had caused scenes and tried to shuck the yoke of expectation back in gralea. he had done some pretty stupid shit when he'd first joined the turks, but he'd been a teenager, testing boundaries in a world no teenager should have been in.

settling in meldacio hadn't exactly cured his penchant for digging holes ... he'd treated dave like shit, despite the man opening his doors to them. he'd treated both his mother and dave like shit when he'd figured out that their relationship had developed into something more than cohabitation.

and then there he'd told selena the truth - not a stupid thing in the long run, but in hindsight he could have picked a better way to break the news or broach the subject.

but this? this sucked big time because it wasn't anger or exasperation painted across his mother's face - it was disappointment and reno couldn't see how he could have been handled it any better - it was shit all around and there as no easy way to have handled it because either way, it would have ended up here at this proverbial crossroads.

closing his eyes when she kissed his cheek, reno tried to ignore the twist his stomach gave. reaching out when she stepped around him and tried to pass, reno closed his fingers around his mother's wrist.

' where are you going? what am i supposed to tell loqi, kim and will? '

She did not want to linger any longer. There was pain mixed in all of this. But she was tired of explaining it, because it seemed to fall on deaf ears either way. Twisting her hand out of her son’s hold, Ida gave him a sterner look.

“I will find him myself.”, she simply stated. If there was any chance of Baldur still being alive, she had to find him. They had, after all, once promised each other’s lives and loyalty to the other. Death had done them apart… at least that had been what Ida had believed. And yet…

“Tell them I won’t be gone for long. A hunt taking a few days, like you like to vanish on every so often, it is that simple.”

yumyumpod

Watching The Expanse for the first time: It Reaches Out

#the mother | Ida

@housetummelt continued from (x)

and then there he'd told selena the truth - not a stupid thing in the long run, but in hindsight he could have picked a better way to break the news or broach the subject.

' where are you going? what am i supposed to tell loqi, kim and will? '

this had been coming for weeks. he'd known that this would have to happen and he'd still put it off again and again and again, because who the fuck knew how to approach something like this? swallowing thickly, reno felt like a small kid getting ready for a reprimand as he walked through to the small kitchen, stopping in the doorway, eyes watching where she sat at the table, looking just like she had when she'd first arrived years ago, '... i didn't want to tell you until i knew for sure. '

Ida felt hollow.

It was as if she had had only a certain amount that could be used for her emotions and all that had been used up ever since Dave had admitted to what he knew. What they all had known. They had kept it from her. A truth that she should have known first.

There had been a lot to discuss, but Ida was silent. There had been a lot to think about, but Ida had followed her own, one single line of thoughts, ignoring the chaos around it all.

If the world burned around them, she needed to focus. Just like back then, when she had taken her two sons, Reno and Loqi and put them on a ship to flee a fate worse than death.

Now it was similar. But Reno was an adult now, she could not make him follow her lead anymore. And seemingly he did not care for any of her either.

Looking at Reno, there was a scary lack of emotion. Except for one: disappointment.

Getting up, Ida shouldered her own bag and stepped towards Reno. She cupped her oldest son’s face. He had grown over her head a few years ago already. But he would always be her baby. That little bundle she had held after the birth. So helpless and sweet. She had loved nothing more than this newborn. And she had promised him back there, even though he could not understand, that she would always love him.

And she would. Even if he betrayed her and hurt her.

The smile that hinted around her lips was frail, barely there, before she pressed a gentle kiss to Reno’s cheek.

He would not leave Meldacio. He had Selena here, their little son. He was happy here. She would not demand anything from him. But Loqi was still a minor. And Will barely out of his toddler stage. She could request that one thing.

“Take care of your brothers until I am back.”

Until she had found Baldur herself.

@proxnotxaxfool

There was no right or wrong thing to do in order to help Ida right now, except wait and try t'not make this any worse for her. He'd always been good at readin' folk. What he'd lacked in schoolin' an' traditional learning, Dave made up for in dealin' with people an' knowing how to talk an' help 'em.

He didn't know how to help Ida, 'cause he couldn't imagine what he'd be feelin' in her shoes. If she sat across from him an' told him Leanne had been alive all this time, that Kimi might'a had her mama all these years ... the guilt, hope, fear an' shock all mixed into one ball of utter horror. It didn't bear thinkin' about.

But he'd done jus' that to Ida, seen it all move across her face in her eyes an' her reactions, and all Dave could do was stand as she stumbled towards the back door that led t'the porch at the back o' their small house. "- get some air."

The finished end t'her sentence was mumbled in a guilty tone. Dave didn't know if he was relieved or felt worse, but he was sure she deserved t'know this too. He'd want t'know if it was the other way round, even if his first reaction would'a been denial and shock. "I can leave ya be Ida, give ya some space."

Because that's what he reckoned she'd want; him out of her sight after keepin' this quiet until now.

#meldaciomartyr #au | stranded

How could it be this hard to breathe?

Ida had always prided herself in being in complete control of her emotions. It had been needed for their reputation and survival back in Gralea. It had proven to be an advantage here in Lucis. She had become softer living in Meldacio, with Dave. She knew that. She had let her guard down a little and worn her emotions more on her sleeve.

But never like this.

Shaking hands, fingers that gripped into emptiness and a stumbling walk that lead her out to the back porch, where she could only stare at a small patch of grass, crates, a bit of strewn toys from Will, boxes with Kimia and Loqi’s things. And the grey stone wall of Meldacio.

She had always found this place comforting. She had put her trust in it. And in Dave.

But now… with all of this… it was shattering. Breaking apart and fraying at the edges.

He had kept this secret from her. A secret so horrifying and shocking, that it turned her world upside down.

And he had kept it away from her. He had no right to that. And yet he had done it. Treated her like a child instead of an equal adult. And Baldur… if Baldur, her older sons’ father was alive all these years… what had they done to him…

Ida could feel the scream that wanted to burst from her chest climbing up her throat. It was a guttural sound, wailing, crying out – but she hit her own hand over her mouth, choking that scream, dulling it against her own skin, as she sank to her knees.

Nothing in this world was right anymore.

exiled-turk

he had pieced the picture together since leaving gralea - backtracked through the foggy memories of the past; the airship that had been downed near alstor slough all those years ago, the losses the empire had wrote those soldiers off as, just numbers on a page, no mention or acknowledgement that the airship had been carrying child-soldiers.

baldur had gone against the grain and disregarded orders, but he'd found his son, hadn't he? it had to have been back then that he'd crossed paths with dave auburnbrie. and it must have been that which had made his old friend realise that his boys were nothing more than battle fodder to an old man.

little had baldur known that his and the hunters lives would end up so entwined.

' play along, and we all might just get out of here. ' veld spoke beneath his breath, finally reaching the door. raising his flesh and blood hand, the turk thumped the metal door, waiting a beat for it to open and he stood to the side, holding out the links of baldur's shackles for legend and knife to take the lead - each took hold of one of baldur's arms, tailored black suits stark against the metal armour of the soldiers who stood guard in the corridor - they still believed this to be above their paygrade and didn't question whom they believed to be the leader of the turks.

they'd both have hell to pay for when ulldor realised his prized pony was missing, but they would have to become two more to a long list of collateral damage veld seemed to leave in his wake. but for once, this was for altruistic ends, not for himself or for the turks or the empire as a whole.

' at ease, we won't be long. ' veld curtly informed the guards, keeping his breath even and his voice level as his two turks began leading baldur down the corridor. he followed a few metres behind - far enough back to ensure his own safety and close enough to keep his charges within his sights, but far enough back to ensure there were no whispers of suspicions coming from any guards. the heels of his shoes made a dull click that echoed off of the poured-concrete walls of the base, ringing hollow as they rounded a corner and traversed the network of hallways and corridors that led throughout the base. each corridor a clone-copy of the one before, each step measured and fought against the urge to hurry, veld thought they'd never make it to the door of the vehicle hangar.

but they did, after what felt like forever. a polished black jeep was parked nearest the exit, ready and waiting for them, but there was another betrayal to come yet ... baldur was a variable. legend and knife knew their roles and knew how to play them to a tee, baldur was a seasoned general, but a prisoner of war whose whole world had just been turned on its head and a man who had all the skills and the necessary reasons to kill him the moment they got through the garrison gates.

' forgive me old friend, but you'll have to trust me one last time - i will get you out of here and back to your son. ' veld offered no other explanation when baldur's head whipped around, merely nodded his head at knife, who took her opportunity to plunge a needle into the general's exposed neck - a sedative. one that would ensure their safety for the five hours it would take them to get to caem.