Hii! I'm Vik, a chilean artist. I speak spanish and english. I'm agender, a lesbian femme, and a minor(2009). I mostly post my art and writing, wich it's usually about my ocs, IWTV, or creepypastas. I'm a goth punk and a witchcraft practicioner ♥︎
Fandoms
VTSOM, ATSV, Nana, Evangelion, Cabaret(musical), Dead Plate, c09, creepypastas, IWTV, Sinners, etc!!! If you're part of any of these fandoms, moot me upp
DNI
C0mshippers, pr0shippers, anti-acab, conservative and/or closed minded people, people too passionate about ship wars (mostly in the creepypasta fandom), homoph0bic ppl, basic criteria, etc. I don't mind if adults follow me, but I would prefer to make friends with other teenagers.
A/N: I don't really understand tumblr, so bear with me. Not posted fanfic before. This is something I originally wrote with the intention of there being a second part, but never got around to that and I kind of like it as it is, so... yeah.
Waking up early has never been something Jeff’s good at. Probably something to do with not maturing much past about thirteen years old. (Though if you told him that he’d most likely stab you in the eye.) But to be fair, being a serial killer doesn’t actually entail many early mornings, as it happens. So Jeff usually sleeps until the afternoon without issue.
Not this morning, however. No, this morning Jeff has to leave with some of the others for a fucking long and fucking boring ass assignment out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. Probably because god hates him. Or, more likely, because Tim hates him.
Or, more more likely, because it’s literally his job.
But right now, Jeff is pissed off about having to wake up early. So, it’s unfair and only happening because life has it out for him and always has.
As he clumsily reaches to silence his phone alarm on the bedside table, Jeff mentally goes over all the grotesquely violent things he wants to do to Tim, not only for sending him on this job, but for insisting that they leave at six o-fucking-clock in the god damn morning.
Groggy and barely conscious, the psycho hauls himself out of bed and goes about pulling on whatever clothing happens to be closest to him on the ground. He’s just shoving the too-long ends of his poorly tied shoelaces into the sides of his trainers, when he stops, blinking tiredly at his bed for a moment.
Oh. Jack hasn’t left yet.
Jeff stares at the demon in his bed for a moment, who is facing the other way and presumably pretending to still be asleep. Usually, Jack sneaks out before Jeff’s awake. That’s been part of the whole routine ever since the first night they got drunk and ended up in bed together.
After consideration, Jeff decides to play along and sneak out of his own room with a serial killer’s stealth, as if he hadn't just made all the noise in the world with his alarm and angry muttering.
But then, right as his hand is on the door handle,
“... Jeff?” Jack’s voice is quiet, but in no way sounds like he's just woken up.
Jeff freezes like a deer in headlights. There’s a long silence before he responds. “Yeah?” He attempts to sound normal; casual, like Jack trying to speak to him right now isn't sending jolts of what is definitely not fear down his spine. But even if his voice hadn’t cracked just then, he’s all too aware that Jack can hear his heartbeat.
Jack sits up in the bed, almost reaching for his mask on the bedside table beside him before stopping himself, though still opting to hang his head slightly instead of properly facing Jeff. “It’s… four months, right?”
Jeff, still not having turned back from the door, doesn’t respond for a while. It takes him a few brain-scattered moments to realise what Jack’s even talking about.
“Uh- Um, yeah, somethin’ like that I think?” The killer confirms, slowly turning back to face Jack. The question about work briefly relieves some of the uncomfortableness. “Why..?”
There’s a pause. Jack turns his head slightly, instinctively attempting to hide his face. “... I’ll miss you.”
The words hang in the air for a good long while. Jeff blinks slowly, staring at Jack as best he can through the dark. Then he laughs. It’s kind of a forced laugh, but then, that’s kind of on Jack for making such a lame joke, isn’t it.
“You’ve got a hand, don’t ya?” Jeff chuckles, crudely miming a jerk off motion with one hand before turning back to the door and going to leave.
“Jeff.” Jack sighs deeply, cutting through Jeff’s immature giggling with a seriousness that the serial killer really doesn’t like the sound of. “Not what I meant.”
Jeff, once again turning back to face Jack, opens his mouth to speak, before the cannibal suddenly continues.
“I mean.. I’m going to miss your company. I like being around you. I really like being around you, Jeff.” Jack takes a deep breath, almost reconsidering before resolving to just say it. “Do you think, when you get back… we could spend some more time together..? More than drinking and fucking, I mean…”
Silence.
Jeff just stares for what feels like an eternity. He flashes through emotions. Confusion, mostly. But then just anger. He finally goes to say something, only to stop himself. No, he shouldn’t yell. He takes a breath, and does his best to channel everything into spite.
“Seriously?” The killer jeers, voice cold and dripping with venom. “Fuck you.”
And with that, he’s gone. The door slams shut so loudly behind him that it makes Jack jump.
“Yeah…” The demon mumbles to himself, now alone in the dark of Jeff’s bedroom. “I figured as much…”
~
The assignment ends up taking closer to six months. The members of a small cult who had been causing issues for the operator turned out not to be quite as stupid as originally assumed and scattered damn near across the whole country. Only prolonged the inevitable though, since Jeff, Toby, and Tim tracked them all down eventually. They won’t be causing issues anymore.
“Are we almost home?”
Tim sighs in frustration as he throws a large camping backpack onto the ground. “Yes. As I’ve already said, If we stop here for the night, It should only take us another day’s walk tomorrow.”
Toby, just as excited by this answer as he was the last three times he asked, bounces on the spot energetically as he watches Tim go about unpacking camping supplies. “I can’t w- wait to sleep in a real bed!”
“I just want a fucking shower.” Tim grumbles, unable to recall exactly how long it’s been since they managed to stop somewhere with running water. It was at least a week ago. He then gives Toby a stern look, who gets the message and starts helping him set up the tent.
Jeff, ignoring his colleagues, walks past and off into the woods. Tim shoots him a somewhat annoyed glance, though is too exhausted to yell at the petulant teenaged serial killer about being a team player. He’s been doing that for six months. So, he lets Jeff wander off. It’s honestly just easier that way.
It’s definitely going to be a long time before Tim takes Jeff and Toby on another long trip. He’s felt like a babysitter the whole time.
Jeff walks off into the trees far enough to hear himself think over Toby’s voice, laughing slightly to himself at the knowledge that Tim probably wishes he could do the same. Toby knows better than to pester Jeff, as most people do, so Tim’s taken the brunt of that over the course of this trip. Serves him right for dragging Jeff on such a miserable job.
Jeff doesn’t mind sleeping rough. And he’s sure slept rougher than the tents and cars they’ve been staying in the past few months. He was a homeless fugitive before the operator found him, after all. Toby and Tim are a bit privileged in his opinion.
Still, Jeff does allow himself to look forwards to no longer being stuck in close proximity to his coworkers. He’s not a social creature, and if this trip were to drag out any longer, he’s sure he’d end up disemboweling Toby.
Once far enough into the forest to feel a bit of privacy, Jeff sighs and slumps down to sit with his back against a tree. He leans his head back against the tree, eyes cast upwards at the night sky, taking a moment to enjoy the quiet and focus on the sound of wind rustling through leaves.
And the moment of quiet is nice. But, sometimes being able to hear yourself think isn’t a good thing. In the back of Jeff’s mind, where he likes to shove things he doesn’t want to think about, words echo just loud enough to bleed into conscious thought. The same words he’s been desperately trying to forget about this whole trip.
“I’ll miss you.”
Jeff growls to himself, as if he can intimidate his own brain into shutting up. And when that doesn’t work, he’s pulling at his hair and muttering to himself. “Shut up, shut up, shut up!”
The closer back to the house they get, the harder it is for Jeff to stop thinking about the morning he left. Had Jack timed it this way on purpose? Some kind of power move? Well, Jeff sure can’t think of any other reason for him to have said that.
No, it was a clear and intentional attempt to mock him. Fucking bastard.
Memories of the nights he’s spent with Jack surface in Jeff’s mind. Flashes of alcohol fueled, animalistic lust. Empty eye sockets and bared teeth, all snarls and grunts and moans. Claws digging into his skin possessively. Being thrown around, bitten, used in the way that makes the rest of Jeff’s miserable life melt away for a little while.
That’s what he and Jack do. They use each other to forget. That’s all it is. Distraction. It’s physical. Sexual.
Then more memories. This time of being sat with Jack, drinking cheap vodka and chainsmoking cigarettes. Jack pouring Jeff drinks instead of letting him sip from the bottle, always insisting on being so weirdly dignified all the time. The way Jeff tries so hard to come up with witty remarks, only for Jack to counter them so effortlessly, despite being drunk. That stupid fucking smirk on the demon’s face whenever Jeff doesn’t have a comeback.
God, that stupid, stupid face. Jeff hates it. He hates how those sharp teeth poke out slightly when Jack laughs. And how those empty black sockets still manage to be so expressive. How he blushes such a pretty shade of blue in response to the killer’s more obscene jokes. And Jeff hates, hates, hates how whenever Jack takes off that mask, his heart skips a beat. He wants to flay all of the skin from that infuriatingly perfect face, so it stops being so captivating. So it stops making his chest feel hot.
But what Jeff hates most of all, as usual, is himself. For being unable to stop thinking about it. About him. He despises himself for the painful, aching, burning pull he feels somewhere inside him any time he’s left with his own thoughts for a moment and they all return to that fucking man.
The sheer shame of the feeling is enough to make Jeff sick to his stomach. But Jack being able to tell, and then using it to mock him like that? It makes the killer want to shove his knife into his own chest and tear out whatever’s twisting around in there. Tear it out and throw it on the ground to die forgotten in the filth where it belongs. Where it can’t humiliate him.
do not forget the patron saint of these weeks that we celebrate ourselves proudly and openly in the streets
her name was Marsha P Johnson, and we have her to thank for so much.
remember, the first Pride was a riot, and she was one of the brave souls who endured it to help carve the path which so many of us walk today. she helped found several activist groups regarding LGBT safety and wellbeing. and she was absolutely radiant, too.
taking a moment to point out a large part of WHY we remember marsha p johnson in ways we dont remember silvia rivera
i think a lot of people think it was simply because she was an icon
she was
because she fought for a huge chunk of the rights we have today
she didduring a time at whoch she risked very serious risk of imprisonment and death even more than we face now
she did
and she did it all as a trans woman of color
she did
BUT notably silvia rivera did all of these things too!!! and they co founded a queer rights together the two of them called street transvestite action revolutionaries AKA STARs and yet marsha p is remembered and silvia died homeless and poor
so why remember marsha p specifically???
well we have someone specific to thank for our yearly reminder to remember marsha p
this dedicated to paye written by none other
than leslie feinberg
now zie wasnt solely responsible for it a lot of movement happened before and after to ensure we memorialize her right but its notable why feinberg asked we remembered her why the book was dedicated to her
"Dedicated to two trans warriors who fell in battle"
feinberg talked about this later in an interview
this is the section in question specifically
"KELLY: Can you tell us about the people who you dedicated the book to - Brandon Teená and Marsha P. Johnson?
FEINBERG: I dedicated the book to Brandon Teena, a young white male who was arrested by the pólice who later exposed to the town that he was born female and he was kidnapped and gang-raped and beaten by two men after this discovery and later stabbed to death along with two other people by these same two men. No one has yet carried out a community investigation into the role of the police in instigating this violence against Brandon Teena. But his death has served as a rallying cry not just for the trans communities but I think also for the lesbiangay bi communities and the women's movement to put a stop to this violence. Marsha P. Johnson, who I also dedicated the book to, was an African-American drag queen who was a combatant at the Stonewall Rebellion against pólice brutality and bigotry. She was found floating in the Hudson River a little more than four years ago. The police conducted an investigation that consisted of two phone calis and ruled her death a suicide. But when a people's postering campaign began in Manhattan and the Village we discovered reports that a group of young bashers had been surrounding her on the same piers near where she was found. So, I think that both of these people's lives are an indication that orí the one hand we don't even know how many people were killed or died under similar circumstances in the past and whose lives and deaths were rendered invisible. But Brandon Teena's and Marsha P. Johnson's deaths are a demand now for us that this cease; that we're going to put our energy into stopping this kind of violence . . . and the cover-up."*
these two trans people were not just memorable but were also killed in incredible acts of violence had their deaths barely investigated and even covered up
i hate when people make everything about trans discourse as often it just puts a wedge between us and i do not want to taint the memory of remembering the death of a most influential black trans woman by petty oppression olympics still i think its worth pointing out that as people keep trying to act as if trans men arent oppressed trans men arent in the same kinds of danger as trans women that trans men dont get killed in hate crime acts like trans women even despite the death of lucas redbeard knapp this year that we remember not only WHY we remember johnson but also i want us to remember the man whose death was first uttered in the same sentence as marsha p johnson most well known remembrance rallying cry
brandon teena a trans man whose death was incredibly violent and the end result of sexual assault that got actively covered up by police
this year i plead i beg of you all let us remember both
*notable here feinberg calls marsha p johnson a drag queen because during the era of ballroom culture when marsha was alive and the trans community was quite literally segregated drag queen/king were the terms poc used to describe themselves many went on later to identify as transgender (such as rivera did later in life) as definitions changed and grew and connotations changed and marsha p was again a co founder of street TRANSVESTITES action revolutionaries so she fully was trans
reblogging to add the image descriptions for ops image and for the clip from the interview with feinberg (text exceeded the alt id character limit)
id under the cut
[ID:
first image is of marsha p johnson a black woman in a beautiful blue dress holding a box adorned with a crown and jewels and wearing a stash that reads "stonewall"
second image is part 2 of an interview between leslie feinberg and lynden kelly a writer for a magazine called agenda
"6—agenda—november 1996
FROM PREVIOUS PAGE
like a circle than a line with two polar opposites. Could you tell us more about that?
FEINBERG: Yes, because I'm considered masculine - I really think my gender expression is far more complex than that - but because people look at me and say "She's trying to be like a man," the assumption is that men are masculine and women are feminine so the woman who tends towards masculinity is looking like a man and a man who is feminine is trying to look like a woman. And I think that really enforces the idea that there are only two ways to be. I pointed out in Transgender Warriors that when I ride the subway in Manhattan - even in such a repressive society that regulates what people can wear and how they can express themselves by law and through violence against people who transgress it - I still see women who range from masculine to androgynous to feminine, and men who range from feminine to androgynous to masculine. And if we think of a circle and defend people's right to move on it or to incorpórate ambiguity and contradiction then we really get a wider concept of what kind of gender freedom we are fighting for.
KELLY: I understand what you're saying that your physical reality of sex and gender expression are independent characteristics, and even your sexual orientation is a third independent characteristic, and each of those varíes along a continuum and probably for each person also varíes over time. Is it your sense that in a "perfect world" people wouldn't feel compelled to re-sculpt their bodies physically to conform with an internal sense - that if society accepted all ranges on the continuum, would people still feel an internal discontinuity?
FEINBERG: I don't profess to have any advance knowledge of the future ... However, one of the things I looked at in Transgender Warriors is that we have been kind of given an assumption culturally through the media that transsexualism is a high-tech phenomenon. And it's true that the development of an aesthetic - which led to great advances in surgery - and the commercial synthesis of hormones made it possible for people to have greater freedom in choosing to live in the sex in which they are most identified, not the sex they were labeled by some doctor who glanced at their genitals at birth. However when I went and looked back in history I found that sex change was a very ancient and once-sacred path, and that surgical and possibly even hormonal knowledge was very much part of ancient communal cultures and that people chose sex change and went into very esteemed areas of communal life like being priestesses, spiritual leaders, as well as other roles. And so I think that when we look at those societies in which people were allowed to walk many paths and the compulsion to fit the narrow Ozzie-and-Harriet norms that we have today didn't exist, that people still did shape their bodies, surgically and I believe, probably also hormonally through knowledge of herbs and plants. And so I think that there is no reason to think that transsexuals will not always exert their right to explore their life in the body and the identity that they've chosen and that they feel deep inside but that hasn't been respected in this society. Hopefully what will change is the respect for people's transsexual paths.
KELLY: In Transgender Warriors you talk a lot about these other cultures, especially communal cultures in different places in the world in different times when transgender people were respected and revered. Can you give us a couple of examples of that?
FEINBERG: Chapter Three of Transgender Warriors doesn't even have to go back 25,000 years to the Paleolithic period to find the acceptance of trans expressions in communal cultures. Chapter Three deals with native nations on the North American continent and how the many different nations had varying and diverse responses to - and paths available to - people that are far different than what we think of as what is natural for men and women. For example, gay American-Indians documented 135 of what they call alternative gender roles in that many nations on this continent. And they've even reclaimed the language that existed for those people so that it's not just man and woman but other language that existed in those societies for other sex-gender paths. The very brilliant Menominee Two-Spirit person poet, Christos, served as a kind-of editor for Chapter Three of Transgender Warriors. "Two-Spirit" may incorporate the kind of "LGBT" that we use now for this whole coalition of all these communities. Many Two-Spirit people from native nations talk to me in the book about how their own legacies from their own nations treated people who were Two-Spirit. I think it's an amazing contrast to 200 years later what colonial U.S. history says is the way it has always been, when in fact just a couple-hundred years ago it wasn't. And the Two-Spirit tradition continues today for native nations and is part of the resistance to cultural genocide as well as physical genocide.
KELLY: It's really inspiring to read those accounts, too ...
FEINBERG: It is, isn't it? It shows that the kind of history I read in school had no heart. And it didn't have me in it either!
KELLY: It really was a big click for me too when I read about how Christianity came in and squashed the existing cultures. It has never really made sense to me what was the big problem that the culture had towards people who were in that gray area. It just didn't really seem like something that people should get so uptight about but when I read about the Christians coming in and trying to especially squash the pagan rights that made it make sense for me. It made me understand the motivation behind that kind of powerful squashing.
FEINBERG: And for me I wanted to look at also: Where did those religions arise from? Why did Christianity, for example, which had begun as a religion of the urban poor who wanted to resist tyranny - why did this suddenly become tyranny, or the flag of tyranny? And one thing that was interesting for me in the research for Transgender Warriors was to see how differently - when a group of people have to work together in order to survive - what a different relationship those individuals have to each other in terms of respecting the contributions of each member of the group. And how when societies began to divide into "I own it and you work for me" how much of a threat anything that represented the old free association of working together was to that new elite. I began to see how that was reflected in the religious beliefs that were imposed on people, the new laws that were imposed that said from now on you can't have same-sex love, women are not going to enjoy the status they did before, and I found that amongst the laboring classes that were being enslaved, there was a great reverence for transexpression, particularly as religious leaders. But that these religions and this reverence harkened back to an old system that threatened the new economie system. And so I thought this is like when I used to work in the factory and the strike was coming and suddenly they would come in and try to split us all up and make us fight each other. They were just doing that on a larger scale . . .
KELLY: Just divide and conquer. It's an old technique, and it works . . .
FEINBERG: Well, it works up to the point that one becomes conscious of it. And the moment you become conscious of the way you've been manipulated or pitted against other people it becomes like a bone that won't break twice in the same place.
KELLY: Which is why we as gay and lesbian people need to align ourselves with the transgender liberation movement, and the women's movement, and the African-American movement. FEINBERG: Well put, yes!
KELLY: Can you tell us about the people who you dedicated the book to - Brandon Teená and Marsha P. Johnson?
FEINBERG: I dedicated the book to Brandon Teena, a young white male who was arrested by the pólice who later exposed to the town that he was born female and he was kidnapped and gang-raped and beaten by two men after this discovery and later stabbed to death along with two other people by these same two men. No one has yet carried out a community investigation into the role of the police in instigating this violence against Brandon Teena. But his death has served as a rallying cry not just for the trans communities but I think also for the lesbiangay bi communities and the women's movement to put a stop to this violence. Marsha P. Johnson, who I also dedicated the book to, was an African-American drag queen who was a combatant at the Stonewall Rebellion against pólice brutality and bigotry. She was found floating in the Hudson River a little more than four years ago. The police conducted an investigation that consisted of two phone calis and ruled her death a suicide. But when a people's postering campaign began in Manhattan and the Village we discovered reports that a group of young bashers had been surrounding her on the same piers near where she was found. So, I think that both of these people's lives are an indication that orí the one hand we don't even know how many people were killed or died under similar circumstances in the past and whose lives and deaths were rendered invisible. But Brandon Teena's and Marsha P. Johnson's deaths are a demand now for us that this cease; that we're going to put our energy into stopping this kind of violence . . . and the cover-up.
KELLY: That kind of tells us something about some of the current legal issues. Are there other things, legal issues or in general, you can tell us about that are important to the trans movement?
FEINBERG : In the broadest sense, trans people have no federal protection and almost no state or local protection against discrimination on any level. So every case that is being fought out, every transsexual man or woman who is fighting for their right to transition on a job, is breaking new ground. For those of us who are gender ambiguous or transgendered or drag kings or queens or cross dressers coming up against doors that have a necessary toilet and sink inside but have a door with stick figures that have skirts or straight legs on them - that we're never going to fit into - is an issue. We can be arrested or harassed based on which we use. Not being able to check off the "m" or "f" on a passport or driver's license is another issue. If I check off female I don't feel free to travel without being in danger, but if I check off male I'm a felon. These are documents that have photos on them, why do we still have to have an "m" or an "f on them? From job discrimination to accessibility to health care that's affordable and sympathetic, the right to housing, and even the right to just walk down the street or be served in a restaurant, we're plowing up fresh ground here.
KELLY: On a quick personal note, I wanted to thank you for signing the Feminist Bookstore Pledge which pledges that feminist writers will support feminist and independent bookstores in a time when the corporate bookstores are taking over the market. The unfortunate side-effect of this is going to be that writers with progressive and groundbreaking ideas are not going to be put into print.
FEINBERG: That's right. And one of the reasons I went with Beacon Press was I went to New Words Bookstore in Boston and asked the women who run it there: "What's Beacon's commitment like to independent bookstores?" And they said, "Great!" So it was one of my considerations when publishing
LYNDEN KELLY is a co-owner of Common Language Bookstore.*
