Back in Xianle, Mu Qing had always seemed unshakable, but in truth he was far more fragile. The pressure of rising above his origins, the constant comparisons to Feng Xin, and the weight of serving someone as radiant as the Crown Prince gnawed at him. He'd learned to bury the panic attacks well, retreating when the tremors started, clutching at the edges of his robes, trembling and gasping for breath and waiting until the storm passed. He couldn't allow anyone to see how weak he was.
It worked for a while—until one night, Feng Xin found him.
It was late, the palace gardens quiet under the moonlight, when Feng Xin stumbled upon Mu Qing. At first, he didn't recognize the figure hunched behind the stone pillar, shoulders rigid, breaths quick and uneven. Until he stepped closer.
"Mu Qing?" His voice wasn't loud, but it cut through the stillness like an arrow, startling Mu Qing.
Mu Qing flinched, quickly trying to straighten up, to fix his face, but it was too late. "Go away," he hissed, his voice trembling despite himself.
But Feng Xin didn't leave. He crouched in front of him, his brows furrowed with uncharacteristic concern. "Hey... what are you—are you okay?"
"I said go away!" Mu Qing snapped, though his voice broke halfway.
For a moment, Feng Xin didn't move. Then, he awkwardly sat down beside Mu Qing, not too close to touch him but close enough to anchor him "Just breathe," he muttered lowly, voice gruff as though he was embarrassed, Mu Qing didn't follow and Feng Xin sighed before repeating "Breathe Mu Qing, just follow me." Mu Qing wanted to tell him off, to shove him away, but the steady rhythm of Feng Xin's own breathing was oddly grounding.
There was no mockery in Feng Xin's voice, his voice was uncharacteristically gentle and soothing that Mu Qing found himself following it against his will, the tightness in his chest slowly eased.
After he eventually calmed down, embarrassment and shame dawned on Mu Qing at being caught like this, especially by Feng Xin. He said nothing, his face straightened into his usual mask as he stiffly raised to his feet with as much dignity as he could muster. Feng Xin followed, standing up as well without asking any questions.
They parted without another word, and by the time they saw each other the next morning, it was as if nothing had happened.
Mu Qing expected Feng Xin to tease him about this, use it as blackmail material to humiliate him each time they fought but he never did.
Even after they both ascended, Mu Qing still had those moments—the ones where the fear of being looked down on or failing crushed him. Feng Xin always noticed the way Mu Qing's hands would twitch, his breaths growing just a little too shallow as panic threatened to spill over. He never said anything, never made a scene. He'd just appear standing close enough to steady Mu Qing with his presence, his breathing calm and measured, as if to remind him how to breathe and calm his racing heart, he'd wait until Mu Qing found his way back before parting ways without a word, soon returning to their usual bickering as if nothing happened.
Even as centuries passed, Feng Xin never stopped, never let anyone else see.
And for all his pride and bitterness, Mu Qing never stopped letting him help. He was the only person he could trust with this.