OH MAN I have so many thoughts about this episode bc it's soooooooooooooo. the DEAN STUDIES of it all.
OKAY. so. Dean's gonna say yes to Michael, right? and all the people he loves are like fuck no man what are you talking about it's gonna kill you. so what does he do?
he exaggerates everything he hates about himself and assumes other people hate too. because Dean's the kind of guy who is emotionally intelligent enough and empathetic enough to know exactly what to do to comfort someone or to say what he knows they need to hear, he can do the opposite too. he knows exactly what buttons to push that would be most painful.
so he tells Bobby that he's not his father.
he keeps bringing up that Sam drank demon blood. his great betrayal that if the tables were turned, Dean would let him rot in Bobby's panic room. that he had let him rot.
he's trying to get them angry.
and Cas? well. last time he thought it was the end of the world, he brought Cas to a brothel. he wanted him to have pleasure before he died. he didn't consider himself an option for that. here? he's propositioning Cas bc he thinks Cas would be repulsed by it. it's not that he doesn't want it, it's because he does want it, that he thinks Castiel, angel of the Lord, guardian of faith and everything good and righteous, would see the thing he buries deep inside with the rest of the rot and let him sacrifice himself in peace.
he's doing it on purpose.
with Bobby and Sam, he's digging up old wounds to get them to hate him. to remind them he's a bad person, bc they clearly forgot. but Cas is the only one he's speaking the truth to. Bobby is his father. he forgave Sam long ago. he's digging these up to get them to hate him enough to let him go.
but with Cas, the thing he does to try to get Cas to hate him is to show him this thunderous rot deep in his core. this desperation for love and touch and comfort, all from an angel in the vessel of a man. disgusting, right? who could love something like this when he lays it out bare like that. who could love someone who uses the weakness of your care and form against you like this. sending him back to heaven when he fears Dean is hurt.
he's saying, this is who I am. look at it right in the face. this is the truth of it, Cas. I want you. isn't that awful?
