if jean-luc was known for anything, it was his complaints, and they were always numerous. one arena, though, where there had been– probably to many people’s surprise (anyone who cared to notice anyway) – remarkably few complaints was when it came to kaz. had things changed in their time together? yes, of course they had, and in some incredibly unexpected ways …. but through it all jean-luc had never been made to feel insecure enough to act out, or up, or cause any more problems than what had already been laid on the table. and the reason for that, though there was no one there to see it because of the way the self-admittedly guarded man tended to push people out, and definitely had tried to push jl out, though, here he stubbornly remained, aiming what should have been an inappropriately large smile back at man before him, was how sincere he was with every word he said. the truth in everything kaz said was in his eyes, and his touch, always, and jean-luc never had reason to doubt him, whatever the other might have feared. and though he wants to tease the workaholic man he loves, and playfully call him a liar, and remind him that his mind is, in fact, frequently on work and not on him where it rightfully belongs, he chooses not to, because instead, he’s chosen to focus on the rest of what kaz is saying, and the way he’s pulling the words straight from jean-luc’s own heart, practically. it always felt wonderful to feel so understood, so the frenchman remained silent, basking in the affection and the sweetness. he moved, of course, ready and anticipating the man’s reaction to such public teasing, but still, jean-luc had no complaints, even when kaz pulled away, sliding his hands right back down into his boyfriend’s where they belonged, and just in time to squeeze them with reassurance. “I do a lot of things i’m not supposed to, cherí, and don’t do a lot of things i’m meant to. you know me, mon amour, chores are one of my least favorite things, and nothing about you is a chore, not a single thing. patience is not my strongest suit, but I do my best, because i love you for who you are. and those stories are important yes, but they are in the past, and while perspective might change, the stories themselves will not. you’ll tell them to me when you tell them to me, kaz, i’m not pushing, i’m not asking – i want to know, one day, to understand, but i’m not asking… and they won’t change anything. you know me, cherí, you have to know they’ll change nothing. because those stories are a part of what made you who you are today, and again, I love this man that you are very much. it matters, but it doesn’t matter. and for the record, I already know why you were adopted. you were adopted because your parents love you, and knew when they met you that they wanted to love you forever. just like i did.” but of course only kaz, truly, only kaz, could have topped a long winded ramble like that – and took jean-luc’s breath away as he accused the man of doing similar (and he hoped it was still true after his babble, because already, there were tears in his eyes, just from the look he was receiving alone, sensing, but not fully comprehending yet the emotional precipice they were really standing on, bless all of our hearts I hope you’re enjoying this read I know i am). but the first words he manages to form – “forever, yes.” – in answer to the most easily answered question – would he like to be young and stupid with kaz?? but the next question .. jean-luc didn’t have words. he didn’t have thoughts, even, not really. things had changed over the last several months, and in a lot of ways, that had really been like a roller coaster, or a blur, or somewhere in between, and some days, it seemed he barely remembered what all had happened along the way. what jean-luc did have, though, and in overwhelming abundance, was a surge of emotions; relief, love, reassurance, unadulterated joy, to name a few. and, what seemed a million years later, but was really less than a full minute, the crying man did finally find words, and more of them than expected .. though, still, none was anywhere even remotely near a complaint. “I would be crying a lot uglier if you asked me anywhere else, kazimir mac cionaoith. I don’t need rings, i have rings, I have everything I have ever wanted, and I always have. i don’t need more things, I don’t need any of that. I just need you, and it’s been like that since the moment i met you, kaz. you’re all I was missing. of course i want marry you, as if i’d ever say anything other than yes. I told you you were stuck with me, et maintenant tu es coincé avec moi pour toujours.” he paused with a grin, a chance to steal (happily) more kisses, then continued, “and the next time bertito decides to get smart, and ask if I don’t have a boyfriend I could be bothering, i’ll be extra annoying when I tell him that I don’t. I have a fiancé”
kaz had always been one of those people that prided himself on being a steady type , careful , cautious , not one to break the rules he’d set up for himself or let someone in without careful consideration . when he’d met jean - luc , he hadn’t expected their relationship to become what it currently was , he hadn’t expected much of anything at all . but there was no denying that their relationship was something special , that it had been for a long time and as much as he tried to talk himself out of loving jean - luc , he couldn’t and wouldn’t deny that the frenchman brought him stability that he severely lacked . he had tried to convince himself that jean - luc was better off without him , better off falling for someone new , someone emotionally available in a way kaz couldn’t be right now — but he didn’t like thinking that way , he didn’t want to give this up . kaz , with every inch of his soul , wanted jean - luc and he didn’t care if it was selfish or not . the smile on the other’s face , wide and alluring , melted any ice he had left in his heart . he adores this man more than he can admit to anyone , because words always fail him when he tries to articulate how much jean - luc means to him and the way his heart beats like it’s going to fly out of his chest whenever they’re together , even after all this time they’ve been together . the man standing there in front of him fit perfectly with his life . they’re both good for each other because they both understand each other — and kaz has never had that before , not even max understood him . his brother had always complained about how much kaz couldn’t let go and how it wasn’t healthy that he acted the way he acted .
it had taken kaz a long time to realize that the way his birth father treated him was not a reflection on who kaz was as a person . there was something wrong with his father , not kaz , that made him an angry and vicious man . it had always made him feel like there was something wrong with him , for so long . no amount of convincing him otherwise did the trick , but eventually he realized that he was not a reflection of his birth father , he wasn’t cut from the same cloth . he was like his mother , her soft words and gentle laughter and love drove his heart . nothing like the vile anger in his birth father’s black heart . kaz had always thought the past was important because so much of the past drove kaz to be the person he currently was . he knew that it was important in every faction of his life to remember why he was afraid of anger , why blood on his hands terrified him , why he fought so hard to protect the people he cared about , and why when he felt like he failed he shut people out . it he told jean - luc about his past , this reaction to max’s death would make more sense — and it wasn’t that he didn’t think jean - luc wouldn’t love him anymore , kaz just didn’t want to have to deal with the sadness in the way yet another person looked at him . it always felt like it was a reminder that he was a broken person , reminded him that he was the person who had always seen thestrals and didn’t know other’s couldn’t see them . there was too much blood in his past . more than he wanted to admit , and more than he liked to think about . “ it might not change how you feel about me . or i know it won’t change that . but it will change the way you look at me . ” and he knew that was just as terrifying . really what person wanted to hear their significant other had witnessed a murder at the age of six ? be it through not fault of kaz’s own , he was touched by death . and as much as he’d sought to protect max , the other was gone as well . so maybe kaz was just cursed to love those who would eventually die . too soon , too young , taken before kaz had the chance to love them properly . “ no , they met max and loved him . i was just part of the deal . ” even saying that out loud , kaz knew it wasn’t true . his parents loved him the way they loved max .
this hadn’t been the plan . words were just tumbling out of his mouth without actually thinking about him . it was uncharacteristic of him , felt more like something jean - luc would do or say . but they felt right to say , to think . what was the point of all of this if that’s not the future they’d been working towards for the last year . and the more kaz learned about his boyfriend , the more awestruck he was by the man , the more he wanted a future with him . they weren’t just compatible physically , they were perfect on an intellectual level . kaz’s lips curled upwards in a loose smile , happy knowing that he wasn’t the only one that felt this way . the two of them happy with each other , regardless of how difficult things were these days . kaz reached up to start wiping the tears away , but realized it was useless , they were going to keep coming anyways . he waited for the tears to start forming in his own eyes , but they weren’t there yet . he held the frenchman’s gaze , holding his breath . some people didn’t need the promise of forever , but he had always been the type to want it eventually . it had felt like an unspoken thing between them , but now kaz needed to know . “ you absolutely need a ring . don’t be like that . we can go get one , i promise . it’s just as much for me as it is for you . ” still he couldn’t help the smile on his face and how finally the tears were sliding down his own face at the confession . how perfect was all of this ? even if it hadn’t been what he’d planned for today . he kissed back softly , not caring that both their faces were wet with their tears . kaz was too happy to care about that . he was too happy to feel guilty that he was happy . “ oh , no , i should have asked your family first . ” kaz blinked and hid his face in his fiancé’s face . “ so much for a nice museum outing , but i think you need to take me home and fuck me senseless. ”
